Save Your Heart
“Harry’s already called you twice when you were in the shower.” Perrie grinned, waving my phone in front of her face, which I had left on the kitchen table. He had been nice enough to give me some time to think about his offer, approximately 36 hours. But I could tell he was antsy, wanting to know my answer. I wish I could say I had it, but I didn’t. Not yet. I slept terribly last night, constantly thinking about the pro’s and con’s; Would it be awkward? Or would it just make us closer? Would girls be over there, because i’m not sure I could handle that? Would he get pissed about my shit being everywhere, or my coffee addiction, or the fact that I like to listen to music really loud when I shower. There were so many facotrs to take into consideration!
“Anna- Snap out of it!” Perrie literally snapped in my face to get me out of my internal battle.
“I can see what you’re doing! You’re trying to think of all the reasons that this won’t work, you can’t do that!! This isn’t some random guy you would be living with, it’s HARRY! Like I said, the last thing I want to do is push you out of here. But just, think about this logically for a second; It’s Harry, I know for a fact you were pretty much living together last year. He’s crazy in love with you, and even if not being with you is killing him and he knows you need time, he’s still willing to do this for you. Honestly, you’d be making him the happiest guy in the wold if you say yes. Just, consider it, alright?” i nodded slowly, taking in her words.
Yeah, I was most definitely considering it.
* * *
I was turning into a really insanely annoying person. I could feel it happening. I called her twice already today. Plus the fact that our conversation was the only thing I could think about. I needed to distract myself, so I decided to do something productive;
The treadmill moved underneath me at a speed that my feet could just barely keep up with. Sweat beaded at my forehead, which I wiped away with the back of my hand. The blasting bass of the music in my ears kept me going, but my breathing was getting heavy and laboured. It’s been a while, almost an hour, and I was feeling the effects.
Finally, I changed the speed to a steady 4.0, giving my body a break from the intense 10.5 I had been attempting to run. I took a big swig from my water bottle, eventually downing the entire thing. Running was usually something I tried to do when I was stressed, it helped clear my head. I liked running outside more, but that had become more and more difficult due to that paps and fans and stuff. Thankfully, our building had a gym. But now, when my stress and anxiety was at an all-time high, not evnen this could help.
Suddenly, as if on cue, my phone buzzed. I grabbed it, Anna’s number on the screen making me feel more adrenaline then I had for my entire workout.
can we meet at the park ?
i’ll be there in 10
I wasn’t even going to bother with changing, I didn’t have the patience. I wanted to know what she had to say, I also wanted to see her. I had to. So, I splashed some cold water on my face, pulled my hair back in a beanie to attempt to look at least half-decent, and booked it out of there. It wasn’t a far walk, one i’ve done several times, some with Anna, some on my own. I found myself at this park whenever there was something major going on in my life, or if there was something I needed to think about. So, I think today was a similar situation.
Walking down the cobblestone path, I tried to enjoy the beautiful scenery. It was only mid-September, and everyone was trying to enjoy the last bits of warm weather before autumn took over with cold winds and constantly cloudy days. But I couldn’t focus, and the second I saw her sitting on that bench, all thoughts of weather, and everything else really, wiped from my mind. Anna was sitting there, eyes cast downwards at the small flower she was toying with, twirling it between her fingers, her legs crossed and one foot bouncing nervously.
“Hi.” When she heard me, her head whipped up and she gave me a bright smile.
“Hey! You wanna sit?” I sat down next to her, clasping my hands together, nervous about what came next.
“How’ve you been? Sorry I called, like, a ton.” I chuckled awkwardly, slightly embarrassed by my obsessive calls.
“No, it’s fine! Yeah, i’ve just been, thinking… And um….-” She paused, taking a deep breath. She was gonna say no. Damn it, she was gonna say no and I had hyped myself up so much, thinking she would say yes, so sure that she felt the same way I did, and now she was going to shut me down, killing any chance I might’ve had with her. “- If you really think you’re okay with it, and it’s what you want, and all of that- I’d love to move in with you.”
I’m pretty sure my sock was evident by the look on her face. She laughed. “You okay? Reconsidering your offer yet?”
“What?! No, No! Definitely not. I just thought- you were gonna say no. I’m really glad you didn’t. I just- yeah, I’m really glad. So I guess this a good time to tell you my news; I got the place.” She smiled excitedly, making me feel proud, like I had done something right, something adult and mature and something that she needed.
“That’s great! Okay, I know you’re not gonna want to talk about this, but i’m going to have ot pay some sort of rent. I’m serious.”
“Anna, no way-”
“Seriously, I don’t care what you say. I’ll feel terrible if-”
“Alright, you know that I never pull this card, but i’m about to. Anna, in case you don’t know, I’m in One Direction. We’re a band, you might of heard of us. I’m not gonna take your money. Not a chance.” She giggled, my response apparently getting through to her.
“Well, fine. But I promise I’m gonna pay you back somehow.” I tried my best not to let my imagination wander to what that promise could entail. “You really are sure about this?” She looked at me more seriously now, like I was about to change my mind at any second.
“Of course, it’s gonna be great.”
Yeah…’great’, as long as I figure out a way to keep my hands to myself and stop thinking about her in ways that ‘friends’ or whatever the hell we are isn’t supposed to think about another ‘friend’.
* * *
So, that’s it. I’m moving in with Harry. This is gonna be… weird. Mostly because i’m not sure where we stand, what we are, what he wants us to be…. what I want us to be. There definitely are a lot of unanswered questions. but i’m hoping all of these things will work themselves out. For now, I just need to pack up my things and get it all over to my new house.
And although I am nervous, i’m also excited. I’m looking forward ot finally have a place that’s stable, and normal. And really, I can’t think of another person in the world that I would rather be doing this with.
“Hey Dani, it’s me again. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me- again, and I swear this will be my last message. But I just wanted to let you know that i’m moving into a house with Harry down in Soho. It’s not too far from their place now, but he offered to let me move in with him, as friends, I guess, er, I don’t eally know. But, um, sorry, not the point. I just wanted you to know where to find me. I’m not sure of the address yet, we’re about to leave Perrie’s with all my stuff to take it over there so I can text it to you, or like, e mail… I guess. But um, yeah, that’s it. I’m sorry. For everything. I hope you’re doing alright. Bye.”
Hanging up my phone, I made a promise to myself to stop attacking her with apologies, voicemails, texts… It obviously wasn’t working. I was going to give her space, as much as she needed. And if I was lucky, when she was ready, we’ll be able to be friends again. But I can’t keep trying to force it.
“Is this the last box?” Harry asked, walking in the now-empty room, looking beyond incredibly in a pair of dark jeans and a simple grey t shirt, his hair pulled back in his favorite olive green beanie. Even now, after all this time, he made me feel all tingly and giddy with just a look. Which is pretty much the main reason as to why I wasn’t sure how this living together thing was going to work. But I was willing to give it a shot.
“Yup, that’s it. is it just me or are you having some major deja vu?” He laughed, picking up the heavy box with ease, showing off his new, more built physique. I would be lying if I said I haven’t noticed it; his shoulders were a bit more broad, more muscle in his arms and chest, the ability to pick up heavy things and making it look like the easiest thing in the world. Apparently it was all thanks to the trainer they had on tour who made all the boys work out 4 or 5 times a week.
“No, it’s not just you.” Harry said. It was true, he had helped me like this way too many times. I needed to start figuring things out for myself. Because one day, he would get tired of saving me, and I would’ve have anyone to fall back on.
“Thanks for doing this for me, Harry. I know you didn’t have to, and I’m just- glad that you did.” He smiled, looking at me from across the room in a way that made me blush for some reason. And then, he dropped the box, took a few long steps towards me, enveloping me into a hug.
“Stop thinking that. Please.”
“What?” I felt my heart slamming against my chest with how close his husky voice was to my ear, his hands on the bare skin of my back that wasn’t covered my my tank top.
“That you’re not worth it. Because you are, you’ve got no idea how happy I am that you agreed to this.” I smiled, pressing my cheek to his chest, listening to his heartbeat. This wasn’t exactly a friendly hug, but I didn’t care. Because it was Harry, and it felt good, and it was what I wanted. And that’s what I was going to do from now on;
Whatever it was that I want.
* * *
I'm seriously so so sorry that this chapter took so long. I spent the entrei weekend doing college visits and didn't get home unitl really late last night, meaning i had NO time to write. Also, this chapter is pretty short. I wanted it to be longer but I though it would be better to just post this and have something up instead of trying to make it longer and force you to wait even more than you have. So yeah, I promise ot make the next chapter longer and better :)
Thanks so much for all your nice comments and just for reading, it means so much. I really hope you like this chapte,r please let me know your thougths :)