Save Your Heart
“- Dani, I don’t even know how to begin to explain it. It was nothing like what I assume you’re thinking. I mean like, there was no feelings at all. I was a mess, and Liam was trying to help, and it was a stupid way of going about doing that. But, I just- I”
“Why haven’t either of you told me until now?” She asked, not looking me in the eyes, her voice soft.
“Um, I don’t really know. I just, didn’t think-”
“You’ve got that right.” She scoffed.
“Danielle, come on, I’m trying to be honest with you.”
She stood up, walking away from where she had been sitting in the living room. “You should have been honest when it happened, not now.” She crossed her arms over her chest, sounding more hurt than angry. That might be even worse that her yelling at me and hating us both
“I am so, so sorry. I swear, it was nothing, less than nothing.”
“I don’t doubt that. And that’s not what I care about. It’s the fact that neither of you felt like I deserved to know.” I opened my mouth, ready to respond, but she cut me off. “Can you maybe just, go? I need some time alone.” I simply nodded, and then she walked away, just like that. I heard her bedroom door shut, and now I was alone, with nowhere to go.
Well, that actually wasn’t true. Harry had said I could stay there if Danielle didn’t want me around. But, I’m not so sure I was ready for that. I still haven’t been able to process what just happened with Harry not even an hour ago. And I know that the second I let myself think about, I wouldn’t be able to think of anything else, or to stop myself from going over there and seeing him again.
So, instead, I went to Perrie’s.
She was more than welcoming, letting me stay there in her extra room (why do all these people have extra rooms, is it just in case I continue to screw up and need somewhere to stay?) until I could figure everything else out. I had told her the outline of the dramatic soap opera that had been my day, but wasn’t really in the mood to relive everything.
Except the Harry part. But I kinda wanted to keep that to myself. Because every single time I thought about his hands on me, or the way his soothing voice in my ear made my stomach flip, or that moment right before Louis came in when I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me and hold me and let me touch him…. I went a little crazy. Like now, for example.
It was around 3 AM, I really should be asleep. But I wasn’t, of course I wasn’t. Because the only thing I could think about was his stupid face, stupid dimples, stupid perfect lips and perfect eyes and big hands and smooth skin and his stupid perfect EVERYTHING. I swear, one person should not be allowed to have that many perfect body parts.
I eventually do fall asleep, a restless sleep, with dreams of that same boy who has managed to figure out his way back into my life.
“It’s not that I don’t love you here, I just want the two of you to make up already! I mean, what you did was bad, but Dani doesn’t usually hold a grudge like this.” Perrie was going on and on about the fact that it’s been three days, and still nothing from Danielle. I’ve called, texted, tried to ask Liam what’s going on, but still nothing. Not a word.
“Yes, i’m aware. But i’m doing what she wants, i’m giving her space. I just have no clue how long to wait before I try talking to her again.”
“My advice? Don’t think about it too much. Let her have her time alone, let her talk to Liam, let her do whatever she has to do. And when she’s done, i’m sure she’ll forgive you.” She smiled, and I wanted to smile too. But I was scared about what would happen now, if things would change between us, all of us. If Liam would resent me, same with Danielle. If Harry wasn’t actually as okay with it as he seemed the other night….
Speaking of, I got a fairly friendly text from Harry this morning.
you up for that house hunting we talked about? also, how did things go the other night? haven’t seen you since so hopefully that’s a good thing. I’m glad we were able to talk, I needed it.
It had taken me approximately 30 minutes, but i finally came up with a sufficent response. One that didn’t sound desperate or needy or like I was trying too hard.
well, it could’ve gone better. I’m giving her space and i’m willing to wait until she’s ready to talk. I’m staying at Perrie’s, didn’t want to bother you even more. But yeah, I’d love to help you find a new place! When were you thinking?
Those are things that people say to friends, right? Right? But before I could overanalyze it, he had already texted back.
You could never bother me, I would’ve been more than happy to let you stay here. Do you have anything going on Friday? I have a few places I wanted to look at.
I have classes until noon, but after is perfect.
I’ll pick you up.
It as okay to be nervous at the thought of being alone in Harry’s tiny car with him, right? Yeah, that was totally fine. Completely.
Looking forward to it :)
And I was too. But, should I say that? Does he need to know that the thought of seeing him and being near him and talking to him and looking him in the eye makes me excited and giddy? No, I don’t think he needs ot know all of that.
* * *
Was it weird to text her? Was I being too forward? Did she really want to go with me, or was she just being nice? Could we really do that as ‘friends’? God, this shouldn’t be so complicated. This is Anna. I know her. I love her. She knows me. She- I mean, I think she might still love me. It sure as hell seemed like it the other day. But with her, with us, who the hell knows what she’s thinking. Anna’s always been like that, a mystery to me in at least some sense. She was always surprising me, no matter how well I knew her.
“You’re texting her, aren’t you?” Niall chuckled from his spot on the couch. He was giving me this look, like I had two heads.
“Jesus, you SO are!” He laughed. “You have that look, that Anna look.”
“There is no ‘Anna Look’.” I grumbled, setting my phone in front of me.
“He’s right, mate.” Louis walked back in from the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in hand. “It’s when your eyes go all big and starry and you smirk and do that hair-ruffle thing, you know?” He flopped down next to Niall, both of them chuckling at my expense. Even if they were right, I wasn’t going to give them the satisfaction of admitting it.
“So what if I am?” I asked.
“Nothing. I just pray to god we’re not gonna have to pick your ass up off the floor again, just in case thing’s don’t go as well as you want.”
* * *
Orientation came and went, as uneventful as I had hoped it would be. I tried to go around, unnoticed by others. Bryce and Keenan and Molly and Oliver and I all sat together, like always. And I tried to be present in the conversation, but it was difficult. I was detatched, and paranoid. I was nervous that people were watching me, judging me, waiting for me to screw up. So I just went to my classes, ate lunch, and left. Most people would be ecstatic, only having to go to school a few hours a day rather than basically being there 24/7. But I sort of missed the whole dorm enviroment, eating every meal together, feeling in the loop. But, I couldn’t mope and feel sorry for myself anymore. I’d spent way too much time doing that. So, I was going to move on. It was the second day of real classes, Friday morning. And I had a sort-of-quasi-maybe-date to look at potential houses with Harry at 1:30, which is something I really did need to mentally prepare myself for. So I had other things on my mind other than who’s rooming with who and where people sit in the dining hall.
“Anna-” Bryce whispered from the desk next to me. He had caught me completely spacing out in French class.
“Just wanted to make sure you were still awake.” He chuckled. If there was one thing I could count on, it was Bryce being able to make me laugh. He might be the most stable, level headed person I know right now, if you can believe that. Which i’m not even sure I can.
“Also- Anna?” Bryce whispered again, poking me on the arm with his pencil.
“We’ve got your back this year. No more repeats of the past. I promise.” I seriously could’ve hugging him right there, in the middle of a verb conjugation review. I smiled, nodding and mouthing a silent ‘thank you’.
After French, American Politics (Ironic, right? Not sure why they’re teaching us about the country that beat THIS country in a war, maybe they’re trying to be culturally diverse?), and a painfully long Statistics class, I was free. And while yes, I had just been complaining about how I missed the whole 8-hour school day thing, being able to leave this early was pretty nice. I felt like I was breaking out of prison.
I had a little over an hour until Harry was picking me up from Perrie’s, and I did want to look fairly decent. not just for him, but for the paperazzi that seemed ot be anywhere that any member of One Direction was. So, after a shower, putting on my makeup, and deciding on an outift, I was right on time to for Harry to be here. Which he was, 3 minutes early.
“Hey.” He said, there was a nervousness to his voice that I wasn’t used to.
“Hi, sorry, one second. Let me just get my bag.” I rushed back into my temporary room, throwing things into my bag and rushing back out to find Harry still standing by the door. He was definitey hesitant to come in for some reason.
“Well, let’s go then.” He smiled, leading me out the door.
* * *
WAHHHH FINALLY !! After a week of vacation and therefor no time to write, and a few horrible days of my blog being down, i’m back with a new chapter yayyyyy !!!! do have to warn you though, this sort of a filler chapter. I PROMISE that the next chapter will be better, I just wanted ot get something up today. I also am planing on posting the new chapter of my Zayn fic Show Me The Way today, and at least one or two of my oneshot request. So, if you care, look out for that :)
Please let me kno what you think of this chapter, what you think of the story, and suggestions, predictions, etc… i love talking to you and i’m actually kind of glad to be home bc i missed talking to you guys and writing and stuff :)
thanks so much for reading <3 xx.