The Story Critic
Teenage Dirtbag
Rating: 8
My Thoughts: I think this is a very interesting story that really gets the readers hooked! You've got more votes and subscribers than some stories with 10,000 views or 20,000 views! That's a really great accomplishment! So congratulations on that! But you may be able to attract more audience with just a few fixes (although you really don't need much advice :P)
The Story Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- The way you describe the feeling of the characters is really amazing. You get it out in a way that it feels as if the reader is actually the character :)
- The plot is really well expressed. I mean, there are many stories out there that are like this. Harry's the bad boy at school who miserably bullies the main character, who is desperately in love with him... But I think you've done an incredible job of writing your story in such a way that it seems different than other stories, when in reality it has a very similar plot. That is really hard for authors to do, but it is a very important part of writing. Otherwise, readers won't really want to read the same old same old stuff again and again. Good job there!
Negative Points:
- Your chapters are long, length wise, but I realized you just tend to press enter after every couple sentences, or sometimes after every sentence. Try to write in longer paragraphs, like you see in books. At least a good, long 5 sentences per paragraph, and then press enter to move on to the next paragraph of dialogue.
- There are some grammatical mistakes in your story, so just be sure to skim through your chapter once you type it up and make sure it's perfect before you submit it. It can get a bit confusing to read, otherwise.
- The (I wanted to say something... I just forgot... :P)
OH YEA! (lol sorry about that ;))
Ok so when I was reading your story, I got a bit confused on who's point of view you were using at certain points. I know you specified it above the changed POV area, but I think, just to make it a little less complicated, try not to change the point of views too much within a chapter. Make a certain chapter in one person's point of view or change only once. That way you'll be able to explain that character's side of the story for a little longer. If you really want to show something happening in someone else's side of the story, you can wait until the next chapter. Like drag this character's point of view a little longer and then change to the other character's in the next chapter. This is just a suggestion, but I think it might help a bit.
Overall Thoughts:
- Your story is well written, interesting throughout, and a very recommendable story. Good job! Maybe with a few changes to the style of writing, you might have one of the most popular story on the site! :)
Guys go check out Teenage Dirtbag, by This-one-is-for-the-curls: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/17863/Teenage-Dirtbag/
My Thoughts: I think this is a very interesting story that really gets the readers hooked! You've got more votes and subscribers than some stories with 10,000 views or 20,000 views! That's a really great accomplishment! So congratulations on that! But you may be able to attract more audience with just a few fixes (although you really don't need much advice :P)
The Story Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- The way you describe the feeling of the characters is really amazing. You get it out in a way that it feels as if the reader is actually the character :)
- The plot is really well expressed. I mean, there are many stories out there that are like this. Harry's the bad boy at school who miserably bullies the main character, who is desperately in love with him... But I think you've done an incredible job of writing your story in such a way that it seems different than other stories, when in reality it has a very similar plot. That is really hard for authors to do, but it is a very important part of writing. Otherwise, readers won't really want to read the same old same old stuff again and again. Good job there!
Negative Points:
- Your chapters are long, length wise, but I realized you just tend to press enter after every couple sentences, or sometimes after every sentence. Try to write in longer paragraphs, like you see in books. At least a good, long 5 sentences per paragraph, and then press enter to move on to the next paragraph of dialogue.
- There are some grammatical mistakes in your story, so just be sure to skim through your chapter once you type it up and make sure it's perfect before you submit it. It can get a bit confusing to read, otherwise.
- The (I wanted to say something... I just forgot... :P)
OH YEA! (lol sorry about that ;))
Ok so when I was reading your story, I got a bit confused on who's point of view you were using at certain points. I know you specified it above the changed POV area, but I think, just to make it a little less complicated, try not to change the point of views too much within a chapter. Make a certain chapter in one person's point of view or change only once. That way you'll be able to explain that character's side of the story for a little longer. If you really want to show something happening in someone else's side of the story, you can wait until the next chapter. Like drag this character's point of view a little longer and then change to the other character's in the next chapter. This is just a suggestion, but I think it might help a bit.
Overall Thoughts:
- Your story is well written, interesting throughout, and a very recommendable story. Good job! Maybe with a few changes to the style of writing, you might have one of the most popular story on the site! :)
Guys go check out Teenage Dirtbag, by This-one-is-for-the-curls: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/17863/Teenage-Dirtbag/
Notes
Here's one more!Please make sure you get back to me. Let me know if it was helpful, not helpful, really stupid, or whatever it is that you are thinking! Thanks!
And RATE and COMMENT! Thanks, fellow authors!
~ Lily <3
plz check out my story it's called "inspirational messages" and take your time I don't care when you review it as long as you do thanks so much
3/10/15