This stopped me and as I looked up to see Niall looking at me with a scared expression on his face, I knew I went to far and as I looked around me I saw the once beautiful bathroom was now trashed and it was my fault for losing it. “I don’t know what is happening.” I mumbled as I stared to the ground and again Niall stepped into my space and lifted up my face by placing his hand under my chin.

“I think you should get some sleep.” He helped me out of the bathroom and led me towards the king-size bed and that ticked me off again but only because I didn’t want Niall to sleep in this bed with me. I was getting exhausted. My body told me I wanted him with me but my head told me it wasn’t fair towards Harry and even if he was dead, it didn’t really felt like he was. I was so confused about this. “I won’t sleep with you, don’t worry. He tried to reassure me when he saw me looking at the bed “I’m sleeping on the couch.” He gently brushed my cheek before leaving me standing in front of the bed.

I did what he told me and crawled under the blanket and closed my eyes and tried to relax. I must’ve been more exhausted then I thought because I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

---

“What are you doing Anna?” I heard a familiar voice and when I looked up I saw Harry standing in the door opening. “Harry?” I whispered not quite getting what I was looking at. There was blood on his face and when I looked down, his clothes where also blood stained. “Snap out of it Anna, you have to run!” he grabbed me by my arm and as we run away into the darkness I heard someone laugh loudly.

“Yeah run, make it even more fun for me.” That was definitely Bradley. I was beyond confused because there was no way Harry was still alive right and why was I back in this dreadful house.

“Harry, what’s going on?” I whispered as we continued running. “What are you talking about, we are here to get revenge for Zayn, what’s wring with you.” We burst through a door and he pushed me into a closet and closed the door behind him. With his hand over my mouth, I could feel the rushing in my ear and as I put my hand on his arm, I saw that my hand was covered in blood and dirt.

We were completely silent as we waited for Bradley to get us. Harry was staring me in the eyes and I saw tears forming. “Anna, I’m sorry for everything.” I know what he was doing, he was saying goodbye but there was no way I could let him go again. “Ssst, it will be okay. We just have to keep quiet.” I whispered.

He moved closer and kissed me but something was off. The kiss didn’t feel real and when I opened my eyes, I looked into the brown eyes of Bradley. I immediately jerked back and behind Bradley was Harry standing, at least I thought it was Harry but he looked weird “Harry?” I whispered completely panicked and that’s when I knew why it was so weird, there was absolutely no life in his eyes.

Harry was being held up by one of Bradley gang members, while he was already dead. “NO HARRY!” I screamed, pushing Bradley aside but he grabbed my arms and jerked me back. “This is your fault princess.” He said whilst brushing my cheek roughly. “Harry, please.” I whispered. I felt the tears falling when Bradley suddenly began to shake me.

---

“WAKE UP ANNA” that’s when I gasped for air and realised it was nightmare because I was staring in the bluest eyes ever. “Shit Anna, you scared the crap out of me.” Niall gently whispered, when he noticed that I had woken up again. His soothing voice made me cry even harder and he immediately sat down on the bed and held me, till I calmed down. “Do you want to tell me about it.” He asked softly.

“It was Harry he was still alive, but then when he kissed me, it wasn’t harry at all but Bradley.” A shiver ran through my body when I saw that again and Niall held me even tighter “Then when I looked past him I saw harry but they had killed him.” I sobbed into Niall’s chest as he kept stroking my back. “It’s okay love, you are safe here.” I heard him say softly into my ear.

I know I should’ve pushed him away but I didn’t want him to leave so we stayed like this until I fell back asleep. The next morning we had moved so now my back was pressed into his front and he was still holding me tightly. I stayed still, not wanting to wake him up because then we would have to talk about the boundaries that were necessary to get through this mess in my head and if I was completely honest I liked the way Niall made me feel safe and didn’t leave me by myself, like Harry always did.

“Anna, are you awake love?” I heard a soft whisper and I almost moaned because his morning voice was really heavy and that was one of my weaknesses. “Yeah I’m awake.” I said back and he pulled his arm back but turned me around so I was facing him. We lay there just staring at each other and he sometimes brushed my cheek gently.

I should stop him but there was something that just made stay completely still. It was like I was captured by him but not in a bad way. “How are you feeling?” Niall asked worried and I shrugged. “I’m not sure to be honest.” He nodded and got out of bed.

“I wish I could help you but I’m not sure what I can do for you, then just to be here for you when you are ready to talk.” He said whilst walking into the bathroom. I sighed and sat up, I felt famished and I really needed to eat something. I was surprised that it was already past 11 in the morning, which meant that they weren’t serving breakfast anymore. I got up and walked to the doors that lead to the balcony. I opened them and inhaled the fresh air that was blowing in my face.

“You can use the bathroom now.” Niall walked past me and took a seat in one of the lounge chairs and I nodded. I quickly walked into the bathroom and was surprised to see the bathroom was in it’s original state. I felt a shame wash over me, realizing it had to be Niall who cleaned everything up and not only that he replaced the mirror. I quickly grabbed the bag that was holding my clothes and was surprised to find a maxi dress in it. Normally I wouldn’t wear something like that but why not please him, as he clearly wanted to see me in a dress.

I brushed my teeth and put on some make-up to hide the bags under my eyes and my tired skin. I put my hair in a high ponytail and that was about it. I walked out of the bathroom to find Niall leaning against the bedpost, waiting for me. “I’m ready, what now?” I asked him as he didn’t want me to walk around alone.

His expression turned from casual to prime-evil when he looked over my posture. He was clearly checking me out and to the redness of his cheeks, he did like what he saw and for some reason that really made me feel mushy from the inside, I had to remind myself that I needed some boundaries before everything went to crazy Ville . “Niall we have to talk.” I broke his stare and as he focused on my eyes, he nodded as if he had known this was coming.

“I had a feeling you would want that.” He walked over to where I was standing and offered his hand, which I grabbed a bit confused. “Let’s talk while we’re having brunch.” He pulled me with him and I couldn’t contain the smile that was now plastered on my face as I followed him to one of the lunch rooms on the boulevard.

We sat down, me looking out over the ocean and he was looking at me. We ordered pancakes and tea, because there was no way I could handle wine or something like that right now.

We stared at each other before I decided it was time to tell him what I needed to say. I took a deep breath “Look the kissing has to stop, I can’t handle it and it’s definitely not fair to you. I also feel way to guilty towards Harry. I mean he’s gone for a week now and I’m already kissing you.” I took another deep breath, whilst Niall was keeping his mouth shut, so I could finish.

“I’m so confused because part of me wants to kiss you back and want you to touch me but the other part of me, tells me it’s wrong because even if we think Harry is dead, it doesn’t say he really is dead, as we never seen his body and what if he is alive and comes back. I mean how would you feel if you find out that your girl moved on like it was nothing.” Niall was looking at me with sympathy, he reached out to grab my hand.

“I get where you’re coming from Anna but what if he is dead? What if you keep waiting all your life for someone who is indeed dead?” I should know the answer to those questions but I just stared at him, which made him precede his speech. “You would never be happy again and I’m not saying you have to move on this quickly, I get it, it’s way too soon but I’m not going anywhere and just so you know I’m not backing down as well.”

My mouth must have been wide open because he put his hand under my chin to close it. I felt a rage and something else that I couldn’t quite put my finger on “How dare you, say something like that?” I was actually really angry “ Harry was your best friend and you betray him like this, going after his girl the moment he is gone?” That made him narrow his eyes at me.

“Harry knew that if he would die or turn his back on you, I would try to win you over, why do you think he was always around or have one of the lads hanging around?” He took a deep breath. “Because he knew I would be waiting till he was out of the picture.” Normally this would flatter me but I had my fill from guys who thought they’d own me and Niall was apparently one of those guys. “Are you saying that you own me?” I said through clenched teeth but that only made him chuckle.

“No that’s not what I’m saying, I am saying that I want you to fall for me and be my girlfriend eventually.” This shut me up because I didn’t expect them. I thought they found girls and just made them stay with them.

“I can see you are shocked by that but I’m not Harry and I do understand that you can’t own people, as they are not things so I actually want you as a normal girlfriend.” He explained and that made my feelings for him change a bit, it also made me curious.

“If you want me as your girlfriend for god knows how long, why didn’t you fight Harry because in the beginning I didn’t have any feelings towards him, well not nice ones anyway.” I asked him genuinely curious because it would’ve been so much easier. “I was scared I guess. Harr isn’t known for his patience or forgiveness and I didn’t had a dead wish and that would have happened if I went after you.” He shrugged and to be fair, he had a point.

It also made me think back to that day, Niall hit Harry after he had beaten me up again. Harry told everyone in the room that Niall loved me and he had admitted to it. I even kissed him after that confession but I had closure after that or so I thought because now those feelings came rushing back, which wasn’t good because it was way too soon and again what if Harry is still alive.

“Anna, please don’t worry I will not ever push you to move on, just know that I’m waiting and I will make my move as soon as you are ready but I will never force you into anything you don’t want.” That made me relax just a bit and I figured that if Harry was truly gone, I had to be thankful that I had someone like Niall in my life.

“I can live with that I guess.” I said doubtfully, knowing that I could never tell Niall about my feelings that were already under this façade because he would make his move without blinking.

Notes

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