Hooch [a n.j.h. fanfiction]

The sun blinds Ryan when she opens her eyes. This instantly causes her head to throb, and she clutches it, wincing. She looks to her left at the naked male lying there still sleeping. She looks at the alarm clock next to the bed and realizes she only has an hour before she has to be in class. Ryan quickly dresses herself and heads into the attached bathroom. She looks in the mirror and the girl staring back at her is a stranger. This is not the smart, caring girl she remembers. This girl is selfish, and destructive. She has no love life, no friends, and no self-respect. No one loves her, so she seeks love through alcohol and one night stands. It relieves her feeling of abandonment temporarily. But when she takes the walk of shame the next morning, that feeling of being loved vanishes. She subconsciously knows that this is not real love, but she ignores it, and continues to drink away her sorrows.

She leaves the bathroom after rinsing her face with cold water, gets in her car, and drives back toward campus. When Ryan gets back to her apartment, she changes into some sweatpants and a tee-shirt. She then walks to class, taking a drag of the cigarette that she lit as she was leaving her dorm. Her headache had gone away, thankfully, after she took some painkillers, and she was ready to start her day. She walked from class to class speaking to no one. She didn't have anyone to talk to. No one wanted to have anything to do with her, and she had no one idea why. It made her angry thinking about. What had she done to not deserve their friendship? Did they not think of her as worthy? She tried to fit in. She tried doing what they did, and wearing what they did, but it never worked. They never noticed her! She stopped thinking about that so it wouldn't work her up anymore than it already had.

After school, she had to go to work. The money her sister sent her every month didn't cover all of her expenses, so she took a job at this local DVD rental store. Her boss, Cecil, was pretty cool and allowed her to get away with a lot more than he should. Cecil was a tall man, towering over Ryan, and had bright green eyes and shoulder length hair. Ryan thought his eyes were much more interesting than her boring grey eyes. He was quite a bit older than her, and Ryan saw him as a father figure. He gave her advice, answered all the questions she had about life, scolded her for doing something stupid, and praised her when she got a good grade on a test. She cared for him deeply, and he cared for her as well. He also knew about the constant drinking, and partying. However, she never told him about the sleeping around. He believes she is still a virgin, and Ryan doesn't plan on him thinking anything different. She puts sunglasses over her eyes to block out the light. The medicine had worn off, and the throbbing sensation in her head had returned. She laid her head on the counter and fell asleep. Today was slow, just like all the other days. She couldn't have been sleeping for more than ten minutes when Cecil came and woke her up.

"You're getting smudges on the glass, Ryan, I just cleaned it!" he exclaimed, hitting her on the head lightly with his newspaper.

"I'm sorry. I didn't get much sleep last night. And keep your voice down. My head is killing me," Ryan responded.

"I'm telling you, Ryan, you have a problem. You need help! Please stop this," Cecil pleaded with her for the hundredth time.

"For the millionth time. I don't have a problem. I'd go to shut you up, but I don't have the money. I'm struggling to make ends meet already."

"Maybe if you stopped buying so much liquor," Cecil suggested.

Ryan just glared at him. He didn't understand that she couldn't just… stop. It's so complicated that no one understands. She doesn't drink just because she wants to drink, she needs to. Instead of self-harm, Ryan drinks. When she can't stand the quiet, the loneliness, the feeling of abandonment, she drinks. She'll drink until she passes out so her thoughts won't swallow her whole. No one cares for her besides Cecil. But Cecil doesn't even talk to her outside of work. Ryan just doesn't understand it, and she can't help but dwell on why. Why no one likes her, why no one talks to her, why everyone thinks she's invisible. She's obsessed with the thought of not being good enough. She has more makeup in her room, more clothes in her room then anyone could imagine. She switches her style so much to match the current trends, that she's even stolen clothes. Cecil noticed that she blanked out, and feels so sorry for the girl. Then he thinks of a solution that could save her. Cecil grins at the idea, happy that he can save the poor girl from drinking herself to death.

"Ryan I've got an idea!" Cecil exclaims, breaking the girl from her thoughts. "What if I payed for the AA?"

"What? No Cecil you can't do it. I won't allow you to." Ryan refuses.

"You can't tell me what to do I'm like a hundred years older than you. But that doesn't mean I won't drag you to that meeting."

Ryan ponders the idea, and figures if she goes to one meeting he'll get off her back.

"Fine, but you promise you'll leave me alone about it, right?"

"Yes, I will I promise! I'm so proud of you Ryan, so proud," he says hugging her.

"What did I just get myself into," Ryan thought.

Notes