Struggle - H.S.

Harry looked at me with a thoughtful expression and to be honest I was t sure if I was talking about us or the Bradley situation but Harry choose the Bradley situation, which was fine by me. "You are not going to do anything Anna" Harry was quite determined when he said that but there was no way I was going to look from the sidelines. Bradley was going to pay for what he did to Zayn and me. Zayn was still not out of danger and speaking of Zayn I really had to check on him.

I got up but Harry stopped me. "Where are you going?" I faced him and smiled. "I need to check on Zayn, I will be back in 5." He shook his head. "Louis Is with him, he can take care of him, you should go to sleep because Zayn is not the only one who needs rest." He had a point but I was feeling way to nervous to sleep because even if we told each other that we love one another that doesn't mean I'm suddenly comfortable around him. I mean his mood swings are something to look out for because yes now he was being nice but I know that it could change in a split second and I wasn't sure if I was up for that. I really needed to know what kind of medication he was taking because even if he tells me not to worry I will worry eventually. "I don't think I can sleep." I said apologetic. I wasn't looking at him but I know he got in front of me.

I held my breath but was a bit startled when he gently stroked my cheek. If he noticed this he choose to ignore it. "You know, I can make you sleepy, if you want to." He was not really offering me sex was he? My body was still aching from the beating I got from Bradley and the fact that he almost raped me, wasn't helping me. I shook my head "No I will manage." I walked to my bed and switched off the light. I heard him sigh whilst walking to my door. "Good night Anna." He said before shutting the door behind him.

There was no way I could sleep, so I waited for at least 2 more hours. I got out of bed and went straight to Harry's room, knowing him, he wouldn't be asleep for a while. He probably was downstairs working out or having a meeting with the other lads, this would be my only chance to see what kind of medication he was taking. I sneaked into his room and walked straight to his bathroom, I didn't switched on the light but just used my IPhone for light. Just to be sure no one would catch me. I went to the medicine cabinet and started to look around but there was nothing there. This was really frustrating. I sat down on his toilet seat, which looked really clean to my surprise and thought about where he could've hidden those pills when I saw a box under the sink. How I didn't spot that, is beyond me but there it was.

I grabbed the box and opened it. I was a bit shocked to see so many pills but then again they could belong to anyone here in the house because Harry is the leader of this gang. I examined some of the bottles and I was correct none of those were on Harry's name and I was about to give up when I saw a white bottle. I grabbed it and was happy to see it belonged to Harry, I wasn't happy when I saw what kind of pills it were but then again it would explain a lot.

The mood swings, his violence, the way he sometimes disappears for no reason. I only read about it and I couldn't remember if I knew someone with this disorder but if I did know someone, it still wouldn't have mattered. I sighed and looked at the bottle again, which said "Lithium" he had to take them at least twice a day and they were actually prescript. Harry had Bipolar disorder, at least that's what the pills are for, If I am correct. I felt so bad for him. I don't know exactly how long I was sitting there when Harry's voice made me jump, making me drop all the pills. Thank god for caps on those bottles.

"What are you doing here Anna and in the..." He saw what I was picking up in a hurry. I stopped when I felt his eyes in my back. "This is not what you think Harry." But of course it was what he was thinking, The thing that was scary, he didn't say anything, He just turned around and walked away. I could here the front door closing. He actually smashed it against the doorframe. "Harry, where are you going mate?" I heard Niall shout behind him but Harry didn't say anything back. After picking up the last bottle. I returned the box back to it's place and I went straight to bed. I know I should go look for him, but he said I couldn't leave the house for my own safety and I wasn't going to defy him anymore. Some day he will probably kill me and I wasn't ready for it to be today. Due to all the commotion I was finally to tired to stay awake and listen if Harry would return.

I woke up the next morning because people where screaming at each other, right in front of my door. "I need to wake her up Niall!" That was Louis, which could only mean one thing, there was something wrong with Zayn. I tried to turn around but an arm was holding me down. My heart rate was already picking up but then I recognised the tattoos I took a deep breath and lifted his arm and put it back carefully. I threw a quick glance at Harry and was surprised that I hadn't noticed him getting into my bed but I couldn't get it over my heart to wake him up, as it was really cute how his cheeks were rosy from sleeping so deep. What I didn't like was the black eye. That had to wait though, first I needed to go see what was wrong.

"You can't go in there mate, Harry is in with her and you know he would kill you if you disturb them." Niall did have a point but then again Harry was vast asleep and wouldn't wake up if we were quiet. "So I need to let Zayn die because they are fucking, That's just fucking BULLSHIT!" Louis was screaming by now. Before I opened the door I took another glance at Harry praying he wasn't awake by now but he wasn't. I opened the door, which made them look at me immediately. "What's wrong, why are you two yelling in front of my door?" I whispered. Louis looked like hell and Niall was all red in the face. "It's Zayn, he has trouble breathing." Okay that was worrying and the fact that they thought I could fix everything was beyond me. "I will take a look but a small reminder, I'm not a doctor." They nodded and got out of my way. I walked into the room and you know when a person is already with one foot in the grave, you have a certain smell hanging in a room, well this was the exact same smell.

I felt my heart sink into my shoes because I really didn't want him to die but was there really something I could do to save him, except for bringing him to a real hospital."Guy's, he needs to go to the hospital, like now." I noticed that my hands were shaking. There was no way I wanted to have his death on my conscience. They were still looking at me as if I had a magic wand that I could pull out of my clothes and fix him but there wasn't anything I could do, that's why I took the decision.

"Alright, if you guys wont take him, I will and there is no stopping me. I WILL NOT LET HIM DIE BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE A BUNCH OF DAMN PUSSY'S!" I yelled at them not caring if I would wake up Liam and Harry. "Yeah just keep standing there like a bunch of tossers. Help me get him into a damn car, like now!!!" I demanded and they finally got what I was talking about. "You can't leave the house Anna! Harry will kill you if you do." I shrugged because in all honesty, we all know he wouldn't kill me.

"Do you want me to save Zayn or just let him die. It's up to you?" Niall had already walked to the bed and was watching Louis and eventually Louis caved and helped Niall lift Zayn. I had put on my shoes quickly and put my hair into a ponytail. "I will be quick, just knock Harry out or something." I said half meaning this. They nodded and that's when I put my foot on the gas. I had never driven this fast but I was within 15 minutes at the hospital.

I ran into the ER "I NEED HELP!" I yelled this in panic mode because Zayn's breathing had become shallower. Two nurses ran with me to the car and when they saw what was up they gave each other the look but they didn't say anything as they began to put Zayn on a stretcher. I ran with them back into the building but was stopped by the doctor.

I didn't fight it because let's be honest, it's not like I could anything about the situation. I could fill in his forms and that's exactly what I was doing when I heard commotion at the desk. I looked up to find Harry, Liam, Niall and Louis all yelling at the nurse at once. That poor nurse didn't know where to look or what she could say. I had to help her out "YO guys!' I yelled and they all turned around, I saw the relief on their faces except for Harry's, who was looking downright pissed. "Where is Zayn? Is he okay? Why are you sitting here? What are they doing with him?" All these questions where being fired at me and I could only stare at them. I even had to take a deep breath before I answered. Harry hadn't said anything yet but I was dreading him the most, as I went straight against his rules.

"They took Zayn to the operation table, I think but if I were you I would prepare myself of the worst." I mumbled as I finished the paperwork. I walked to the nurse when the doctor came walking back. "Miss Lewis?" I turned around and saw the look on his face, which wasn't a relieved face. "Yes, doctor, how is Zayn?" I quickly asked and he only shook his head. I saw Louis sit down in one of the chairs and Niall was squeezing his shoulder. "He probably wont make it through the day but he is awake, so you can say your goodbyes if you want to." He waited to see who would go first and Louis was the first one. "I will go first." He told us and we just nodded. We waited and one by one they went and said their goodbyes. At some point Harry came walking back and stopped in front of me. "Zayn, asked for you." He grabbed my arm and lifted me from my chair rather harsh but it wasn't the time for me to complain.

I walked into the room and my heart broke when I saw Zayn lying there. He didn't look good and the thought that it could be my fault because I did something wrong, made me feel guilty. I walked up to the side of his bed and took a seat. I grabbed his hand gently into mine and stroked it carefully "Anna, thank you." Zayn said softly, this made me look up because I was probably the reason why he was dying in the first place.

"I know you feel guilty but you did everything you could. Please take care of those boys and especially Harry. I know we have treated you badly and that's my only regret. Please forgive me?" he tried to squeeze my hand but he didn't have any power left, which made it clear that I had to hurry with my answer. "Of course I forgive you Zayn, don't you worry about that and I promise to take care of them. Sorry that I couldn't save you." By now I was crying. I stroked his hair out of his face, he closed his eyes and mumbled something, which we couldn't understand but we knew the time had come. I had never seen so much love in one single room but here they were saying goodbye to one of their family members, because that is what he was to them, Family.

"Goodbye Zayn." I mumbled this softly when suddenly the heart monitor stopped.

Notes