Struggle - H.S.

"Why?" Harry asked me still holding that gun. "I need to tell you something but can you uhm first put down the gun?" I asked him carefully. I walked slowly towards him but he didn't budge as if he already had forgotten I was even here. "Harry, please put down the gun." I was now right in front of him. I touched his arm but when I tried to take away the gun, he let it go off, it was the scariest thing in my life.

I didn't blink and just stood there watching Harry's every move just in case he did shoot me, when I heard shouting from upstairs. "Anna? Are you okay?" I heard one of the guys ask me but as I only saw black spots in front of me and my ears didn't really cooperate I couldn't tell who it was. I just nodded because I was okay, as Harry didn't shoot me but he just shot the wall but the thought that it was aimed to where I was standing just a few seconds ago, did freak me out a bit. "Just see if Harry is okay." I heard myself say.

"Harry, dude put down the gun, you almost killed Anna" I got up and just left the room. I needed some air before I got a panic attack and I was definitely on the verge of one. "Anna, what happened?" I shrugged and kept walking to the safety of my own room. I closed the door and went into the bathroom, on these kind of moments I really needed a big bath to relax my muscles but I didn't have one so I just turned on the shower and sat down, whilst the water was running down my tense body.

Never in a million year had I expected to almost get shot. I really was wondering what was wrong with Harry. There had to be a reason why he was like this right? Why did he start a gang in the first place? I mean he doesn't even act like a gang member, he doesn't torture me and I have never seen him kill someone even though he almost killed me today. How the hell did I end up in a situation like this? Why did I have to love an asshole like Harry, why couldn't I just love a normal man? I turned the shower off after 45 minutes, I was surprised that nobody had bothered me, normally they would've beaten down the fucking door when I took a shower longer then 15 minutes but no one was knocking on my door right now, which was really odd. I quickly dried off and put on some sweatpants and a tank top.

I really wanted to go downstairs but something in me decided that it probably wasn't a good idea, so I just sat down on my bed and watched a movie. This relaxed me a bit and I must have fallen asleep because I woke up when someone pulled away my laptop. "What the?" I sounded sleepy, I sat up whilst rubbing my eyes and was a bit startled to find Harry sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me. "Harry?" I sounded a bit scared because I didn't know if he was feeling okay but that all changed when I saw the regret flash in his eyes when he saw that I was afraid of him.

"Anna, I'm so sorry, I just don't know what happened but please know I would never hurt you, at least not intentionally." I believed him for some reason. "I know" I whispered, I could feel the tears in my eyes but I didn't want to cry in front of him. I just had to focus on something else. Harry came closer and it took everything in me to not back away from him and it hurt me that I was feeling afraid of the person I love. "Liam told me that you came to talk to me about something important, what was it?" He asked curious but I wasn't sure if this was the right timing. I mean he was messed up and maybe it was just for the best that he didn't know. "It was nothing, just forget about it, okay?" He suddenly grabbed my chin and made me look at him. He really looked sincerely sorry. "Please tell me Anna." His voice sounded even lower then it normally did and it brought goose bumps all over my body.

Damn body for betraying me. "Maybe it's better if I just let it go, it really wasn't important Harry." He knew I was lying but I was to embarrassed to admit it now. "Or you tell me what you wanted to tell me, or I will tell you what Liam told me, it's up to you." Fucking Liam, with his big mouth, this just showed that you can never trust anyone these days. This sucked because now I had to tell him.

I was going to kill Liam if I saw him. "Anna, come on just tell me what's wrong." I know I was blushing and the fact that it was almost dark now, didn't help me a single bit, it only made it more intimate. "I love you alright." I blurted out but as soon as I did that I bit my tongue and was already cursing at myself for admitting this to him. Harry had known this entire time about my feelings but he still didn't say a thing, which made me feel even more stupid then I did before. "You know I was just jok.." I didn't get to finish my sentence, as Harry kissed me. I felt the heat spread from my toes to my head. One of his hands went into my hair and the other went to my waist. He was holding me tightly and moved me back into my pillow. He hovered above me, making sure he didn't put too much pressure on me as he deepened the kiss by biting me softly on my lower lip, at this point my brains were turned into yel-lo. My hand went into his hair and to my surprise his hair was feeling really soft.

This kiss didn't feel from this world, it felt like those kisses they showed you in romantic movies. It felt like firework or like you are high on drugs but the right kind of drugs. At a certain point I couldn't breath correctly anymore. I pushed him away slightly, regretting it the moment his lips didn't touched mine anymore. "We have to stop." I said completely out of breath. "I missed kissing you." He said whilst pressing his forehead against mine "Does this mean, you feel the same about me?" I was nervous for that answer because somewhere in my heart I feared that he didn't and only the thought made me feel sick.

"Oh Anna, haven't you figured that out by now?" he smiled gently at me. This made me tongue-tied because I didn't see that answer coming. "What do you mean?" I really was at a lost for words and he was enjoying every moment of it. "Anna, I have loved you from the moment I saw you, the problem was that I tried to be though, instead of being nice to you." he explained to me with a hint of a smile and it surprised means made me wonder why he treated me like that in the first place, he must've said it earlier but I probably wasn't paying attention.

"If you loved me from the moment we met, why did you hit me and beat me up. That is not love." He agreed with me by nodding his head. In the meantime he had switched on the light next to my bed. He looked really tired and I was almost feeling sorry for him. "I know and I'm so sorry for hurting you like that. I thought that if I hit you, you would be to scared to leave me but you never broke and eventually you even fought back, which I didn't expect and when we got closer I began to feel guilty for the way I had been treating you. That's why I left you after that night but the moment you were taken away, I knew I couldn't leave you alone anymore. The thought of you getting hurt, is just killing me." I know my mouth had to be wide open by now, as this was just too much but on the other hand this was what I wanted right?

"Why did you almost shot me if you love me?" I asked because I really needed to know, why he did that. "The reason I did that, was because I was under influence of some medication and it sometimes makes me hallucinate." it probably was drugs if you ask me but I wasn't going to ask him about it, as long as he didn't try to shoot me again it was fine by me.

"So what happens now?"

Notes