Struggle - H.S.

He didn't turn around when I said sorry, he completely ignored me and for an unknown reason I couldn't blame him because I had been a real bitch towards him but he had to understand that the way he came into my life completely messed me up. I feel like I'm in a cage and I can't get out and it suffocates me so much. I want to do my own things, just like I did when I still lived in America but thanks to him I couldn't and there was nothing more I wanted to get away from him but on the other side I didn't want to leave him because how could I live without him, as he was so deeply engraved into my heart.

I couldn't tell him this though because even though he maybe loved me I couldn't take the risk of him hurting me and bossing me around. It was better that I just pretended that I hated him and I know it makes me a scared little girl but if that was the only way to protect myself of getting hurt then so be it. It didn't mean I couldn't be a bit nicer towards him right? And I actually really did feel guilty about yelling at him, especially after I found that piano in my room. I sighed deeply before walking closer to him. I hesitated before putting my hand on his arm. The thing was ever since that after sun thing there were electric shocks when I touched him but I had to ignore them.

"Harry, I'm really sorry for yelling at you and thank you so much for that beautiful piano" when he finally turned towards me, his eyes weren't even green anymore but just black. I took a few steps back as this wasn't a good sign. "Whatever Anna" he walked passed me and I know it shouldn't hurt me but I felt the hurt in my heart. I really needed to shake this of, if I really wanted to keep some space between us because everything in me said to go after him and beg him for forgiveness but where would that get me. I didn't want to be weak and if I went after him I would be the weak one. I took a seat on the couch and tried to think of anything but Harry, that was easier said than done. "Screw this" I mumbled to myself and went after him.

I looked everywhere but he was nowhere, not in one of the rooms. I did find out where the others were sleeping and it wasn't a surprise to find Harry's room as it was really manly, just like his room back at his own house. I looked around for a bit not actually knowing what I was looking for. I was happy to see he had let his laptop on. I took a seat behind it and was surprised when I was looking at my instagram page, why would he be looking at my instagram page and it made me even more curious. He had a YouTube tab open and when I clicked on it I was shocked to see myself behind the piano at college.

He had filmed me through my performance and I didn't even know it. I put the headphone on which was next to the laptop and started the video and there was Harry Styles talking. "Hi my name is Harry Styles and this is the first time I'm making a video and it will probably be the last time but I have met the most amazing girl ever and she is so talented, that I just had to share this with you. I shot this video at one of my classes and I was mesmerized by the way she was playing, so please just listen and enjoy" I was stunned to say the least because there I was playing colours in the wind on the piano and as I have never seen myself play, this was completely new to me.

"Anna, what are you doing?" I jumped at the sound of Liam's voice. I quickly turned of the video and got up. "I was looking for Harry but I, uhm couldn't find him." I felt like a kid caught with his hands in the cookie jar. "He is working out in the basement." He waited for me to move, so I quickly walked passed him mumbling a quick thank you.

"Anna, wait before you go down there, I really want to talk to you." I spun around and walked back. He walked into his room and took a seat on his bed. I stopped in front of him. "What's up Liam?" He patted on the space next to him so I sat down and turned my body so I could face him. "It's about you and Harry. I'm worried because I can see the way you two look at each other when you think no one is looking and to be honest it's getting a bit out of hand." Was it really that obvious? He smiled and nodded slightly as if he exactly knew what I was thinking.

"Look I know you guys are really stubborn and I do know why you aren't letting him in." I had to interrupt him because I was curious why he thought I was keeping Harry at a distance. "Why do you think I'm doing that Liam, as you have it all figured out?" I asked sounding a bit annoyed but it didn't even hit a nerve with him, damn Liam and his stupid calmness.

"You are scared and the fact that he treated you so badly by beating you and well kidnapping you, doesn't help his case much does it. You don't want to let him close because you are afraid he is going to hurt you again but we all see that you two can't live without each other, so that's why I'm telling you this for your own good. You have to take a risk sometimes in life and to be really honest I really do think that you and Harry could work out really well, as you keep each other on each others toes and well let's put it this way, you two make each other better and I'm not even talking about the sexual tension between the two of you." I put my hands over his mouth to stop him from talking because this just became really uncomfortable for me, as he was completely right about everything.

"Damn it Liam, why do you have to be right." I looked down "Anna I know it's none of my business but I think this all could be much more civil if you two just admit your feelings." I nodded because what else could I do, as he was completely right. 'I just don't want to be the one who makes the first step, I don't want to be the weak one, you know." My voice was nothing but a whisper now. Liam grabbed my hands to make me look up at him. "Anna you are a lot of things but weak isn't one of them. I mean I have never seen a girl stand up to Harry or for that matters Bradley the way you have done. Have you ever looked at it differently? I mean maybe you are the strong one for admitting how you feel about him."

What the hell was he talking about, how on earth could that make me strong. I would just be giving in and that didn't make me strong. "Liam I'm not sure I'm following you, why would you say it makes me the strong one because I really think it will just make me look weak." He was already shaking his head. "No it doesn't make you weak because you will be owning up to the thing you are most scared of and it will put Harry in a position where he can't lie." Liam explained it really well but what if Harry didn't feel the same.

"I really don't want to make a fool out of myself. I mean what if he doesn't think of me in that way, what if he actually has been using me for his on means?" Liam wasn't even fazed by what I just said and he kept that calm smile on his face. "Harry loves you Anna, this is something I'm 100% sure about, he just doesn't want to admit it to himself and maybe you have to be the one who will make him admit it." What he said sounded so reasonable and I couldn't deny it any longer, I really did need to step up my game and just do it. I had to forget about my worries about keeping him at a distance because even to me it now sounded stupid.

"Just so you know I think this won't work but maybe I really have to give it a try." He got up and kissed me on the cheek. "Go get your man." I got up and ran downstairs but I stopped when I got in front of the basement door. I just needed a minute to pick up some courage. "get your shit together Anna" I mumbled to myself before opening the door. I walked down slowly and quietly just in case he wasn't alone but when he finally came into my view I was stunned and forgot everything around me, as he was punching that punching back without a shirt.

I completely forgot what I wanted to say for a second. "Snap out of it, damn girl!" I said under my breath so that no one could hear me, because that would be really embarrassing. I took a deep breath and took a few steps forward and I actually jumped when the floor under me cracked a bit. Harry stopped immediately as he turned around aiming a fucking gun at my head.

"Damn it Anna, I could've killed you!" He was really pissed, which only fuelled my temper. I had to remind myself why I was here and that I just had to keep in check with myself before yelling back. "I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to startle you." This was the nicest thing I could say and he knew something was wrong when I responded like that. "Why are you being nice to me?" I had to take a deep breath again before opening my mouth.

"Harry we need to talk."

Notes