Struggle - H.S.

I woke up because a sunbeam was shining on my face. I was confused for a second, as my room wasn't facing the sun in the morning. I opened my eyes and looked around the room. I didn't recognise anything. The room was nice and cosy and not too big. The bed was big and fluffy. It's a kind of bed that you don't want to leave ever. I had my own tv and my laptop was stalled on a small table next to the window. I had a pile of books and I had my own bathroom from what I could see. I quietly got up to explore my room a little bit, just to see where Harry had put everything. I was happy to see he had brought my favourite books and the chair that was in front of the table looked really comfy.

I walked over to the closet and was happy to see he brought comfortable stuff and my favourite pair of shoes. The bathroom was really clean but there was no bath sadly enough.
I walked out of the room on my tiptoes, as I didn't want to wake anyone up. I was still really calm which surprised me. I should be so angry but my theory was that I was still this calm because I hadn't see Harry yet, which was good for him. I walked downstairs and felt tears in my eyes when there wasn't a piano waiting for me. Normally I would play every day, how could he think I wouldn't feel the need to play.

I went into the kitchen and after searching for some tea and mugs, I took a seat to think everything through and I must confess that this really sucked and that I just really don't get what was going on. I had looked on my arm yet but as I was stretching I saw the bandage. I gulped and pulled it away. I was startled for a bit when I saw that tattoo. I didn't recall that I approved of this even if it was a beautiful tattoo. It was a arrow, which was much too big to my likings but the end of the arrow was beautifully made and it covered the mark Bradley had left behind on my arm.

I know I wasn't allowed to go outside as that was written on the big chalkboard. He expected me to wake before everyone else because he actually had left a message for me that said.

'Anna, Love you CAN NOT leave the house! Love, H.'

Smug bastard. Suddenly I felt the rage I was waiting for and within a split seconds I had ripped of that Chalkboard and threw it through the room against a wall. It broke, never knew I had that much strength but if you think that, I left it with that, than please think again. Next thing I know I'm throwing my own tea mug against the wall and my breakfast follows.

'DAMN YOU HARRY!' I screamed and within seconds I could hear footsteps coming from upstairs. In that time I had already demolished one of the chairs. 'ANNA, STOP IT!' I heard Harry vaguely say but that only made it worse. 'YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE HOW DARE YOU DRUG ME?!' Somewhere deep inside me, I know why he did it but to be honest I couldn't see straight right now. I was sick of being treated like I was nothing. 'It was for your own good Anna.' He was coming towards me but this time I held my ground. I refused to move back one inch. 'You could've asked me to come with you but noooooooo you had to drug me and take me with you against my will.' I said as he stood just a few inches away from me, which was distracting me quite a bit.

'Would you have come with me, if I had asked you?' I didn't need to answer that question, as he already knew the answer because I would have refused to go. 'That's what I thought.' He said with a smirk on his face. I was still really angry with him but he didn't seem to care. 'What about school? And my work?' I fired these questions at him and this threw him of for a second.
'You can do your homework via the internet and you will have to quit your job' so the only few hours I had away from him were taken away from me. I know I was being dramatic but I let myself fall on my knees with my head in my hands. He couldn't take away my freedom like that. Harry kneelt before me and pulled my hands from my head. "Anna, I'm really sorry for doing this to you but this is the only way I can keep you safe and I promise I will make it up to you someday' I pulled my hands away from him and pushed him away from him.

"you know, I'm sick of your excuses. At one point I thought you really cared about me but now I see I'm just an obsession for you and I sick of it. I will stay here because that will keep me safe but I don't want you near me, so if you want something from me, send one of the lads.' I got up and tried to walk away but Harry got hold of my arm and pulled me back.
'Anna, You are not an obsession to me and I do actually care about you, don't ask me why but I do and I'm sorry for not showing it to you the way you want but this is me and I can't change that.' I know I should stay pissed at him but he was looking at me with big worried eyes. It would break every girl.

"Just leave me alone and maybe I will forgive you for what you've done to me.' I waited for him to let go of me, which he eventually did. I walked to my room and I was stunned when I walked into my room, because there stood the thing I couldn't live without. A piano, it was an old piano but it looked beautiful. I walked towards the piano and let my fingers go over the keys, they felt cold and smooth under my fingers. "I thought you would like it' I heard Harry mumble behind me, I turned and saw him walk out of my room. I felt guilty to say the least.

I know I should go after him but my ride kept me from following him downstairs. I returned to my piano and took a seat behind it. I needed to play. This was something I always did when I felt down and it was also the way to express my feelings and god knows I have a lot of feelings at this moment. I cracked my fingers before putting them on the keys. I decided to play a bit of "misty mountains - The hobbit" I loved the movie so why not play the song and it really fits my current mood. I often get totally lost in my music and this time it was the same. I didn't see the guys standing in my doorway, listening to the way I was playing. I felt their presence but that was about it. This song said everything I couldn't say and I felt at peace whilst playing it. I could picture myself in the meadows of New Zealand, wind blowing through my hair whilst running through the mountains or playing in the water. This was a world where I wanted to stay forever instead of the real world, with their real problems.

The song ended much to quick and when I opened my eyes I felt the wetness on my cheeks. The song made me cry, which was weird as I normally wouldn't cry how heavy the piece is. I must really feel messed up. "Anna, that was beautiful' I heard Niall said but I didn't have time to talk to him right now, as I actually only wanted to speak to Harry. 'Thank you Niall, do you mind?' I asked as in let me through please. They all stepped aside and watched me walk down the stairs. I know Harry had been listening as well even though he would never admit it to himself but that was okay.

I walked towards the living room where he was staring out of the window. He looked actually really sad for some reason and that made me feel even quilter. I walked until I was just a few steps away from him and took a deep breath because what I was going to say wasn't easy but I had to be done.

'Harry, I'm so sorry.'

Notes