My heart felt like it was going to implode. Louis was crying in my arms and it was all because what he had seen, and the fact that it had broken him into millions of little pieces. I couldn’t even think about myself because I knew that no matter what pain I felt, Louis wasn’t as used to this as I was. His heart wasn’t made of stone even though he tried to convey that image sometimes. Knowing him for almost a year had taught me that he had a difficult time with showing feelings. He wanted to be so strong, but for anyone who stayed strong all the time it was just a matter of time before it all broke down. This particular time for Louis was now. He had tried so hard to be the hero in this story, and he still is, but even a hero has weaknesses.

When he had said that sad word, no, I pulled him into the room and closed the door. His face broke into so many emotions, all of them negative, and I couldn’t do anything but hold him. I didn’t want the other to hear or to see, because even though they wanted to help they were only going to make things worse by asking questions. I knew what had happened exactly because I was there, but they didn’t. They would ask about it and that would only hurt him more, at the moment.

Of course I knew they would come after him and ask where we went off to. And about 15 minutes later, Niall knocked on the door. He asked us gently if we were coming out soon and I responded with a low ‘yeah, just give us a minute’ before I heard him walk away. I then turned to the man in my arms and leaned back to look at his tearstained face. As I tried to wipe some of them away he tried to send me a small smile. I returned the smile softly before pecking his lips and speaking to him in a calm and soft voice.

“I know you don’t want to go out there.” He shook his head and tilted it slightly forward as he waited for me to continue. “But we have to. It’s hard, and I know that.” He nodded and looked up at me with the biggest puppy eyes I had ever seen on him. “Your friends aren’t leaving until we go out there.” I tried speaking in a lighter tone as I chuckled to my own words. “And Niall is probably getting hungry so let’s get this over with!” He smiled and allowed me to pull him off the bed where we had been sitting. I walked ahead of him to the door and he stopped me by grabbing my arm.

“Johanna.” I turned around and looked at him with curious eyes.

“Yeah.” I smiled a small smile as I tried to send comforting vibes to him.

“Funny you’re the broken one but now I’m the one who needs saving.” I laughed lightly at lame attempt on using song lyrics to lighten the mood. I then realized that even though the words weren’t all his, he meant them more than he wanted to. I grabbed both of his hands and looked into his fading blue eyes.

“It’s about time I get to save you.” I kissed him hard on the lips and then turned around and walked out to the kitchen with him. The rest of the people were all sitting around, with the food on the counter, and waiting for us. I simply laughed at them, mostly at Niall, and told them to dig in. I then proceeded to tell the girls that Louis had done ‘something’ to lighten my mood and that it had really worked.

About 90 minutes after we started eating all of the boys and girls had left our flat. Harry was staying at Nialls tonight again, even though I kept on telling him he could stay here if he wanted to. As always he kept on insisting it was too hard and that we should live our own lives from now on. Louis actually looked kind of sad about it but I decided not to question him about at the moment. And when they all had left we were left at present time, Louis and I were sitting on the kitchen with a cup of tea each. I was staring at him as he was staring at the table. He hadn’t really talked all night and I understood that he still felt insecure about telling me he wasn’t alright. I sighed lightly before reaching over to grab his hand. He instantly relaxed a little bit and intertwined our fingers.

“Louis.” He looked up at me with sad eyes and tried but failed to smile. “Do you want to talk about it?” He started to shake his head but when I squeezed his hand he stopped. He opened his mouth several times but stopped himself and closed it before a word came out. I stayed quiet and waited for him to be ready to talk to me. After sitting there for about five minutes he finally looked at the table and spoke with a shaky voice.

“I just…” He paused and looked up at me. “I just don’t understand how to deal with…” He paused again and I stood up from my seat as I saw tears come to his eyes once again. I went to stand next to him and placed my hand on the side of his face. “I’m not… He raped you, Jo. And I just…” He broke down completely and I pressed his head to my stomach. I tried to hold my own tears in but didn’t succeed.

“Louis, it’s alright.” He interrupted me.

“No it’s not.” He didn’t look up at me. He hugged me tighter and shook his head against my stomach. “It will never be alright.” His voice was so low I almost couldn’t hear it.

“Louis stop.” I heard him sniffle and my heart broke as he started to cry more. “I know you want to be this invincible superman all the time, but no human is like that Lou. You are my hero. Without you, I wouldn’t be here.” I felt the words stick in my throat as I began to cry more. I felt him lift his head up to look at me but I wouldn’t meet his gaze. I was looking up at the ceiling. He let me go for just a second as he stood up and I shook my head as he tried to make me look at him.

“Jo-..”

“No Louis.” I took a deep breath and looked at him as tears down our cheeks. “I love you so much Louis. I can’t even tell you how much I-..” I choked on my words and as he began to speak I put my hand up to stop him. “I just want to say this one thing Lou.” He nodded and I took another deep breath before speaking. “I’ve been so selfish. So so selfish Lou. And I hope you’ll forgive someday.”

“Johanna.” His tone was almost warningly and I shook my head and kept on going.

“I just want you to know that from now on I am going to do whatever I can so that you can be happy. I’m not going to think about the backtrack and stuff like that.”

“Johanna.” This time his voice was more cautious and I smiled at him.

“As you said Lou. We are both broken and I think it is time we focus on healing ourselves, together.” I placed my hands on the sides of his face and he sighed. He placed his hands on top of mine and leaned forward to peck me gently on the lips.

“And I know we can do it, together.” He smiled a tired smile and kissed the palm of my right hand. “I love you.” I smiled and he leaned his forehead against mine.

“I love you too.”