During most of my life I have been afraid of speaking my mind or going my own way. I have always felt like the smaller person no matter what but today wasn’t like that. Even though the decision I’ve made isn’t a happy decision its still my own, and it’s for the better. The ones that know aren’t exactly on board with this but they know there isn’t anything to do. I have to do this for Louis. What really sucks is that he won’t understand why I do it. He is going to think I am the most horrible person in the world and hate me forever.

But today was the day. I was going to take my life into my own hands and save the ones I love. Before I had always put them in danger but not any longer. Today, the day of Louis birthday party and New Years Eve, I was going to do something radical. Even though I’ve planned this for months I was still nervous about the reactions. Today I would change my life and the others that had come into it in the past few months. I loved the boys very dearly and they had all become like best friends to me.

Zayn had told me about the proposal to Perrie, before telling the boys. Harry treated me like a little sister even though he is younger than me. Liam helped me with stuff no one else but Liam could. He was truly Daddy Direction and I was going to miss him. Niall had grown close to me in the last month. He and Yvette had started dating and were now official. I was really happy for them and he was like a little brother to me. I could talk about everything with him, well almost everything. He was the one of the boys who knew the most. Even though he didn’t know the entire plan, like Yvette did.

And lastly Louis. He had changed me so much, all for the better, but still he wasn’t safe. He tore down my brick walls and made me love him. I really do love him. Before I thought I loved someone too, but it turned out to be fear of being alone more than anything. I was broken for a long time before Louis turned up. I had been broken long before I met Michael, he only broke me a little more. I have trust issues and I know that, Louis once more made me trust him and it hurts. It hurts to love and trust someone so much and still know that you are no good for them. That they aren’t safe with you and that you need to go away. It just simply hurts.

I was currently looking at myself in the mirror in the bathroom. I looked a little happier than I did six months ago but if you looked closely you could see sadness in my eyes. Today was the day. There was a knock on the door and I shook away any sad thought I had and called out ‘yeah’ to whoever stood there.

“Niall’s at the door. He wants to speak to you!” It was Harry standing outside the door. I quickly told him I would be out in a second and I heard him yell the exact thing to Niall. I let out a small laugh before splashing my face with cold water and then drying it off. When I walked out into the kitchen Niall and Harry sat at the table talking. Louis had gone over to his mothers’ house, orders from me and Harry so that we could arrange a few things for the party. I walked over to the fridge to grab a coke and then went to sit at the table with them.

“Hi Niall!” I hugged him close and held on for a few seconds. When I let him go he looked at me weirdly and then glanced at Harry. Harry shrugged and laughed.

“I do not know. She’s been all cuddly and stuff since yesterday when I got home. It’s weird.” I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed and waved it off.

“Well, I’m not going to complain if I get free hugs!” Nialls spoke happily and it made me laugh.

“Good because I feel like hugging people all the time now!” They both laughed at me and Niall turned to Harry.

“You think you could skedaddle and buy some lunch? I need to speak to Jo alone.” He smiled largely and Harry shrugged.

“Only if you pay and I get to decide what we eat!” He raised his chin and stuck his hand out, waiting for Niall to give him money. Niall shrugged and handed him his entire wallet.

“Food is food mate.” Harry laughed and showed the wallet in his pocket. “Just don’t pick something icky like sushi.” Harry flipped him off before grabbing a jacket and running out the door. I couldn’t help but laugh at his behavior and think how much I was going to miss it. Niall cleared his throat after a little while and I turned my head towards him.

“What did you want to talk about?” I drank a little from my coke and waited for his answer. I quickly looked at the clock and noted that it was four hours until I had to be ready to go to the venue.

“Well first I wanted to talk about the songs and make sure you felt okay with them.” I nodded and smiled.

“I do, thank you so much for helping me.” I reached my hand towards his and gave it a squeeze. He gave my hand a weird look so I quickly pulled it back. He took a deep breath before looking me straight in my eyes.

“I also wanted to tell you I know what you are planning on doing tonight.” My eyes widened and I started to panic. He raised his hands like he was protecting himself. “Easy! I’m not going to try to stop you. I talked to Yvette…” I cut him off when he spoke my best friends’ name.

“Yvette told you?!” I became angry and he patted my shoulder.

“No she didn’t! I figured it out and also understood that she already knew. And when I asked her about it, and told her I thought it was stupid, she explained it all.” He shrugged and I held my breath. “I understand but I don’t agree.” His face was serious and I sighed. I felt horrible.

“That means the world to me Niall, to hear you say that.” I looked down at my hands and continued to speak. “Please don’t tell the others.” I looked up at him with pleading eyes. “They are only going to try to stop me, and I can’t. It’s better for all of you if I do this.” He shook his head but still agreed.

“I won’t. And I will still help you but I want you to promise me to stay safe.” I nodded and smiled softly. “I suspect you don’t want us to have any contact with you…” he paused and looked down at his hands. “But I will speak to Yvette to know how you are. You are like family to us, Jo.” At the last part he looked up at me and I smiled.

“I feel like that too Niall.” I stood up and he did the same. I hugged him close to me and didn’t let go until I heard the door open.

“Well I guess your little talk didn’t make her any less cuddly?” Harry spoke with laughter in his voice. Both Niall and I laughed as we let each other go.

“Never, Styles!” I screamed and attacked him in a big hug. I held him so tight that he couldn’t move. “Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle!” I giggled. Niall leaned forward and snatched the bag from Harrys hand.

“What did you get?” He opened the bag and put the food on the table. “You got Chinese! Awesome!” I let go of Harry quickly and jumped around with a very happy Niall.

“Great choice, my leech!” I laughed as Harry slapped the back of my head.

“Go grab forks, peasant!” We all laughed as the two boys sat down. I skipped over to grab three forks and then went to sit down. Niall snatched my coke so I hit his arm and Harry began showing food into his mouth. I laughed at the sight and realized how lucky I was to have met these boys. I was one lucky cookie!