When Our Lips Met

"Fuck"
The pills were now all over the place, half of them ruined and dirtied. All because someone had to call me and I have to be one that get startled easily. Groaning I unlocked my bathroom door and went over to my phone that was sitting on my dresser. I picked it up and the name that showed up on my phone shocked me. Something is telling me this is supposed to happen. Like he was supposed to call me. If he never called me I'd be dead, or close to death. But because of Luke I didn't do it. It's like he saved me in a way.
I hit the green button that said accept and brought the phone up to my ear taking a deep breath.
"Hello." I said.
"Mikey." Luke sighed
"What's up?" I asked.
"I don't know. I just felt like calling you since everything I had to do today is over." He explained. Yeah everything he had to do. I still don't understand why it's that big of a secret.
"Oh. Well Hi." I said.
"It's really quiet and boring at my place without you. I like it a lot better when your here." He told me. I couldn't help but smile at that comment but then the smile faded immediately when I realized it wasn't really true
"He's lying Mikey, Don't believe him."
"Yeah." I whispered. There was a long pause at the other end of the phone before I heard Luke speak again
"Mikey are you okay?" He asked.
"He doesn't really care if you’re okay."
"Yeah. I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I questioned.
"You just kind of seem upset. Is it because I snapped at you this morning?" He asked. No it's definitely not that.
"No Luke. Everything is fine I promise." I told him. I faked a small laugh so he could stop worrying about me.
"He isn't worried about you Mikey. He doesn't really care. Get that through your head."
"Okay well. Do you want to hang out?" He asked. I would really like that. Seeing Luke to get my mind off of everything would be great. I was about to reply when I was rudely interrupted.
"You actually think he wants to see you. He just pities you."

Of course they're right. They’re always right.

"I'm actually just going to stay home Luke. I feel really tired and I just want to get some rest. Maybe another day though." I answered.

"Oh." He said. "Okay." He sighed. I could hear the disappointment in his voice. All I wanted to do was speak up and tell him I'd be right over but I can't. I just can't.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"It's okay Mikey. We can do it another time." He said.
"I love you." He told me.

"No he doesn't."

"Yeah." I sighed. I hung up quickly before he could say anything else to me. I felt a tear roll down my face and soon I had multiple tears streaming down my face. I hate this so much. I just want these voices to stop and I want to be happy with Luke without any distractions. But I don't think it will ever be like that.
Laying down I shut my eyes tight and tried my hardest to relax so I could sleep. I tried my hardest to clear my mind and eventually I had cried myself to sleep.
I woke up and looked at the clock and saw it was almost 8 P.M.
"Did I really sleep that long?" I muttered.
"Yeah. You did." I heard a voice say beside me. I jumped so high in shock I almost fell off my bed. With my hand on my heart I turned my head and saw Luke sitting Indian style on the edge of my bed.
“What are you doing here?” I asked
"When we were on the phone you seemed upset about something and I didn't want to leave you here alone. So I came anyway because I didn't want anything to happen." He explained. I begin to panic after he said this though. Did he see? What if he saw my arms? I glance down at my arms and sighed in relief when I realized I somehow put on a hoodie before I fell asleep.
"But when I got here you were asleep. So I decided to sit here and wait." Luke finished. I hadn't even realized he was still talking.
"Are you mad at me?" He questioned. "Did I do something wrong?" He whispered.
"Why would you think that?" I questioned
"It's just this morning. When we were driving you barely said a word to me, and then when you got out you barely said a goodbye to me, and you only kissed my cheek. Then earlier on the phone you weren't as open as you usually are and all you responses were so short. Then we were said our goodbyes, you didn't even tell me you loved me." He explained. His voice got quieter as he said them last few words. He was now looking down at his hands with a frown on his face. It pained my heart to see how sad he looked. It made me wonder if they were just lying to me.
"We would never lie to you Mikey. We just want what’s best for you."
Ignoring the voices I pulled the blanket back and patted the spot next to me. Luckily Luke saw so I didn't have to make any noise and he crawled up and sat down next to me. He didn't sit very close to me though, he made sure to position himself a few inches away.
"What are you doing?" I asked. He just shrugged and continued to look down at his hands.
“Come here.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to me so our shoulders were touching. I wrapped my arms around his center and laid my head in the crock of his neck. He didn’t wrap his arms around me, keeping them slumped to his side. I just wanted to feel his warmth.
"I'm not mad at you Luke." I whispered. Once I said this he finally wrapped his arms around me and pulled me as close as possible to his chest.
"Then what’s up Mikey." He asked. "You can trust me babe."
"Look at him. Trying to act like he cares."
"Stop." I whimpered. I tried my hardest to block out the voices but it just wasn't easy.
"Mikey?" Luke asked.
"I'm sorry. It's just... them." I whispered, Luke pulled his head back and looked at me confused.

"Who's them?" He asked.
"The voices in my head. They keep telling me these things and that's why I've been so distant today. Because how do I know if there true or not." I said
"What do they say?" He asked. His hand slid to my back and he began rubbing circles with the pad of his thumb to comfort me.
"Everything's about you." I whispered.
"What do they say?" he repeated.
"They tell me that you don't really love me. That you don't care about me, you just pity me. That you would be happy if I were dead because you'd be able to find someone better than me." I told him. I didn't want to tell him because I didn't want to have to see the look on his face now.
"You don't believe them do you?" He whispered.
"I don't know what to believe." I sighed. Luke tightened his arms around me and laid his chin on my forehead letting out a deep breath.
"If there's anything I wouldn't lie about it would be about being in love with you Mikey. I love you so much and I care, more than I've ever cared about anyone in my life. There's nothing to lie about Mikey. You mean the world to me. I hate seeing you hurt so why would I be the one to hurt you? I don't know what these voices say to you but Mikey they're nothing but bullies and liars. Because I'm so deeply in love with you." He rambled. He pulled his chin away from my head and turned so he could rest his forehead against mine "I'm crazy about you." He whispered. I stared at Luke speechless. I hate no words. I wanted to say something but I just couldn't find anything as good as Luke just said. Suddenly Luke reached his hand up and wiped the tears that I didn't even know fell.
“God damn it I’m so lame.” I chuckled. Luke smiles slightly and shook his head slowly.
“There isn’t anything wrong with crying.” He said. "But why are you?" He asked.
"I'm not crying because I'm sad. I'm crying because I'm happy Luke. I'm so happy that someone like you can actually like someone like me." I said. His thumb was now rubbing up and down my cheek and he was looking directly into my eyes.
"I should be the one talking about how lucky I am. I have someone like you to love me. You made me realize who I am really am. I can't really thank you enough for it." He smiled.
"I love you." I whispered. And I meant it, all three words.
"I love you." He whispered back. He smashed his lips onto mine and I responded immediately wrapping my arms tighter around his torso. The kiss was soft but heated at the same time. It was nice to finally feel Luke lips again mine. I could kiss them all day, which I have permission to do. We didn't go too far, yeah we could do so much more right now, but what's the point in ruining the moment. Eventually he pulled away and rested his forehead back against mine with his eyes close and he took a deep breath
"I would kill them if I could." He whispered.
"Me too." I sighed. But it's not that easy.

Notes