When Our Lips Met

Mikey's POV
I guess you can say Luke and I had a pretty good next few days. I stayed at his house after that little scene we had in the kitchen and I haven’t really thought of leaving. Because honestly I don’t want to. But unfortunately Luke has some things he has to do so I decided I’d go back to my house for some time to give him some space. So here we are in Luke’s car, him in the driver’s side me in the passenger’s side on our way to my place. I asked Luke earlier where he had to go but he snapped at me and told me I didn't have to worry about it. It left me both confused and upset because I just thought we told each other everything no matter what, unless he was keeping something from me.
The car came to a sudden halt and I glanced up and saw that we were now in front of my house. I turned to Luke and gave him a peck on the cheek and a light smile before grabbing the handle and opening the door.
“Mikey.” Luke stopped me. He grasped my arm and pulled me back lightly. “You okay?” He asked once I gave him my full attention.
“Yeah.” I muttered. Then I stepped out of the car and shut the door without another word. But not before I heard Luke sigh loudly. I wanted so badly to be in his arms right now and just kiss him. But I also just want to lay in my bed and drown all my worries away. I don’t know what it is but it’s just something about being alone. It always makes me sad and I know that sounds stupid but I feel like that’s when I get the most triggered. When I’m with Luke everything just seems to go away and all I can ever think about is him. My thought were cut short when I slammed my front door shut and was greeted with nothing but silence. My house reeked. Smells like it hasn't been clean for days. I ignored the stench though and went straight to my room and closed my door so the decent smell couldn't get out. I crawled lazily to the top of my bed and leaned against the headboard and began to stare off into space. The only thing I could really think of was Luke. What could he possibly be doing that he couldn't tell me?
He’s seeing someone else you idiot.
That’s impossible. Luke loves me. He even said it himself. He does truly love me right?
Your delusional Luke doesn't love you. Stop telling yourself lies.
What if there right. What if Luke doesn't actually love me?
How could anyone possibly love you? Look at yourself.
The voices are right though. No one could ever truly love me. Especially not Luke
Luke is going to drop you like everyone else in your life did. Your worthless and don’t deserve anybody
“Shut up.” I snapped.
Why should I shut up? You and I both know it’s true. You don’t deserve anything but death
“Shut up.” I snapped again. I probably looked like an idiot but it didn't really matter no one could see me.
Cut yourself
“Please stop” I begged
Nobody will ever love you. You’re nothing but a worthless piece of shit
“Stop.” I sobbed.
Kill yourself.
“You know what I can’t take this anymore.” I stuttered. Breathing heavily I stumbled out of my bed and went straight over to my bathroom shutting the door and locking it behind me. I opened my cabinet above my sink and pulled out my blades and a bottle… full of pills.
I set down the bottle and opened the case with my blades and pulled out my sharpest one. I stared at the blade through my blurry vision and choked on a sob
“I promised Luke.” I whispered.
Luke doesn't care. He’s going to be happy when he finds out your gone.
I brought the blade down to my scarred arm and set it on with a trembling hand. Not putting anymore thoughts into it I began to slide the blade across my arm hissing at the burning sensation. But I ignored it, because I deserve this, I deserve it so much. I made cut after cut on each arm. Not stopping until my arm was covered in cuts from the elbow down. Sniffling I set the blade down and watched my arms bleed. If you think about it, it’s actually quite beautiful to watch the blood drain from you, to watch the life drain slowly from you each time the red liquid leaves your body.
Most of the cuts stopped on their own while others were still dripping down my arm leaving stains. But I ignored it grabbing the bottle of pills below me. I looked at the mirror in front of me and almost gagged at the sight. How can Luke think someone like me is beautiful? That’s impossible… I unscrewed the cap off the bottle and pulled a pill out and slid in in my mouth and swallowed it. If I can do one or two pills then I can definitely do the whole bottle. It can’t be that hard. I just have to put them in my mouth and swallow them all. Then I just have to wait for the pills to take me slowly. I took a deep breath and poured the whole bottle of pills in my palm and threw the empty bottle onto the ground. I was about to bring the pills into my mouth when my mind drifted back to Luke. What will he think when he finds out I did this and just left him? How could I do such a thing to him?
I don’t know how many times you need to be told, Luke doesn't really care about you. He isn't going to care. He’s just going to be happy he finally has an opportunity to find someone better than you.
They’re right. He really doesn't care.
It’s time Mikey. No one is going to miss you. It's time to come and be with us.
I breathed heavily and brought the pills to my mouth tilting my head back and began dropping them in one by one. I’m going to do this slowly. No matter what it will get done…
I had about 6 pill in my mouth and swallowed them. But all of the sudden I heard my phone go off loudly in my bedroom making me jump and drop the pills all over the place.
“Fuck.”

Notes