My Light

Zayn's POV

I feel like I can't catch my breath. I clutch my chest as I make my way down the hallway and back to the studio. I don't know what to do, my breath is labored, like an elephant is resting on my chest, slowly killing me. I know Perrie and I are over. We've been over for almost two years now. Shahid and I lost touch a while ago, I was hurt by him going after my ex-wife but it is what it is. I just wasn't ready for this. I wasn't ready to find out that Perrie is engaged let alone to someone I used to be friends with.

Coming to the door of the studio I rest my head against the door and slowly slide down it. I just can't seem to face Louis right now. He's my friend but I'm sure he'll be saying I told you so. He was never too fond of Perrie and Shahid. But I was blinded by love and friendship.

I step away from the door all the sudden as if it was covered in fire and lean against the opposite hallway. My hands are shaky as I pull out my phone. I just have to talk to her. I have to hear Nora's voice. Even if it's her voicemail message. I need her. This news hit me like a truck, out of nowhere and fast. I find her number and press send, I don't even care that I'll probably be waking her up as it's only eleven here.

“Zayn?” She asks, her voice filled with sleep.

“Hi.” I look around me to see if anyone has found that I'm here. I'm sure now everyone in that room knows I'm here.

“Zayn, whats the matter?” She asks. I can hear things moving around where she's at, I don't know what it is but at the moment I need to be selfish.

“It's Perrie.” I squeak out, literally my voice cracks at the mere mention of her name.

“Is everything okay?” I'm sure she's thinking the worst as I mention my ex-wife's name.

“She's-she's” I start and a noise startles me, causing me to not finish what I was about to say. God, it's like when I say it out loud then it's real. I can't explain this, I loved Perrie, and a part of me always will, I just didn't expect her to move on so quickly like this, to move on to one of my friends, to move on so seriously. Well, former friend. I take a deep breath and calm myself. “She's engaged to be married to Shahid. I just ran into them at the studio.” I lean my head against the wall. God I what I wouldn't do for a cigarette right now.

“She's engaged to Naughty Boy?” She asks for clarification.

“Yes.” I pinch the bridge of my nose and rub my temples. “I know it's crazy. I know I shouldn't care but this just hurts.” I slowly slide down the wall and rest my elbows on my knees.

“It's not crazy Zayn. You were blindsided. Who are you at the studio with?” She asks, thank God she understands.

“Louis.” I bite my thumbnail for no reason other then to calm my jittery nerves.

“Can you stay with him for a bit? Hide out or have him take you out? I don't think you need to stay there Zayn. My heart just breaks that I can't be there with you right now.” Her voice drops a little bit, true emotion coming across through the line. God I miss her.

“I miss you.” I admit. “I think this doesn't even bother me as much as I think it does. I just wish you were here. I just, I just need you.” Seeing Perrie with Shahid of course killed me but it makes me see that I need Nora. I don't care that people may not approve of us together, she's my person. I rub my mouth at the realization of everything. My nerves suddenly calm.

“I miss you too. We've made it a month, only a few more weeks.” I can tell she's smiling. “Why don't you and Louis just leave and go have fun.” She suggests.

“Yeah, think that's a good idea. Thank you. I'll call you later, yeah?” My body is aching to be close to her, to touch her and be next to her. Her voice awakens my body more then I've ever known anyone to do.

“Make good choices Zayn. I love you.”

“Love you too.” I hang up the phone and stand, my new found confidence. Nora is now one to calm the crazy out of me. I take a deep breath and walk into the studio.

“Did you know that Perrie and Shahid are here?” I ask Louis who is frantically scribbling down words and thoughts.

“Are you fucking with me?” He looks up at me.

“Nope, just ran into them down the hall.” I point behind me as if their studio room is right behind me.

“Shit, did you talk to them?” He asks.

“Well, yeah. That's why I asked if you knew they were here. They're engaged now.” I study his shocked face, this is obviously news to him.

“Well fuck, that was a downgrade.” He snorts with laughter, and I find myself laughing along with him. “Wash your hands with them. Don't worry about them anymore.” He tells me. “You still with Nora?” He asks, I'm surprised that he's even remembered her name. He's always just joked around about her being my wife or me being whipped by her. He actually seems genuine in thought.

“I actually just called her.” I run my fingers through my hair. “She talked me off the cliff.” I prop my feet up on the table.

“I think she's good for you. You always get this shit eating grin on your face when you talk about her. Even if it's just on the phone I can tell that you're smiling. I literally couldn't wait to tease you about it when you got here.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lets get out of here.” I suggest, not even waiting for a response, just instantly standing and waiting at the door for him to follow.

---------------------------

“Doniya.” I extend the last few syllabus of her name. I haven't been drinking but I probably sound like I'm drunk.

“What's up brother.” She plops down on he couch next to me, letting her feet fall on my thighs.

“Ran into Perrie today.” I admit.

“So you know?” She asks, looking down as if she's nervous to admit it.

“You knew about it?” I push her feet off me. “You knew and you didn't say anything Don? Why?” I ask her, suddenly upset with her. She's my sister for Christ's sake and she didn't say anything to me.

“Zayn, I'm sorry. I just found out yesterday, I still talk to her occasionally and she admitted it to me before the paps get news of it. I didn't know how to tell you but I was going to say something this weekend.” She bites her lip, nervous to go any further.

“Well it would have been nice to know so I didn't look like an idiot when I saw her and him together at the studio.” I roll my eyes and fall back against the back of the couch.

“I'm sorry Zayn.” She wraps her arms around me and I'll admit, she's my older sister, I can't stay mad at her.

“It's all right. I just would have liked to know beforehand.” I admit.

“I know. But you seem to be okay with everything.” She admits, rubbing her belly just a little bit.

“Is she kicking?” I ask, I'm beyond thrilled to be an uncle finally. Donny is due in just three short months and I can't wait to meet my niece. She's such a happy pregnant woman too, literally glowing. Her and her husband will be fantastic parents.

“Yeah, I think she knows I'm nervous.” She lets out a giggle as I put my hand out to touch her belly as she guides me to the right spot. The mere movements of little kicks and I'm just in awe. It's amazing what women can do, she's creating life at this very moment. It's insane. “How's that woman from New York?” She asks as I still have my hand rested on her stomach.

“Nora?” I ask, still enchanted by my nieces movements. She nods and I don't think I can smile anymore. “I love her Donny. I mean, this time it's different. I know it was hard for you all when I was getting divorced, that wasn't my intention I swear it. We just weren’t happy anymore. Nora is different, like I know you all will love her, I know that things will different this time. It's for real I swear.” God I just miss sitting with my sister and talking to her.

“How do you know?” She asks, shifting in her seat a little but, she's told me time and time again that this baby is riding low, making simple tasks extremely uncomfortable.

“I don't know how to explain it. It's like the first time I saw her, time just froze. She didn't even know I existed and to me, nothing else in that moment even mattered. The Prime Minister could have sat next to me and I wouldn't have known a damn thing. All the sound was gone away, all the people were gone. It was just her and I.” God I sound like a girl.

“That sounds so magical.” She looks past me as if she's imagining my experience.

“It is. I just don't want to wake up looking into anyone elses eyes. Everyday I just want it to be her.”

“Oh God, my little brother is in love!” She shouts and throws her arms out, pulling me in for a bone crushing hug. “I'm so happy for you.” She pulls away and kisses my cheek. “Lets celebrate with ice cream!” She stands quickly and shuffles to the kitchen, leaving me to my thoughts on the couch. I feel like things are finally just falling into place.

Notes

Ah Louis. :) Could always use a bit of him. I haven't forgotten about Nora, she'll be appearing next chapter! But not in England, don't get that excited.

Hope all is well with everyone! I'd love to hear from each and every one of you. :) If you haven't caught it, I'm planning on a LOUIS story next. And it will be the Louis that's in this story. Everyone needs a bit of love, right?

xoxox