My Light

Cross Atlantic flights always kill me, they're so daunting and exhausting. And no matter what, no matter how many times I've crossed the pond it never gets any easier. The time change, the uncomfortable leg room, I always dread them. Of course, it's easier when you have a private plane and you can get up and stretch around but you're still trapped in a tube thousands of feet in the air. Thankfully, I'm a pretty good plane sleeper.

I couldn't wait to go home and just see my family. I went with my mum to surprise Safaa up from school, she knew I was coming home, she just didn't know when. I love my sisters, they've always been here for me, always stuck up for me, always listened to me when I needed them, and always answered a call or a text even if it was three am and they were sleeping. I'm so thankful for them.

Nora and I have tried as best we could to keep in contact, we chat as much as possible, a nice perk to owning her own business is that she can talk on the phone if she needs to. But things have been a little busy with her, we haven't been able to communicate as much as we would like other then just texting. It's difficult but we're making it through.

I've seen all my old friends, slept in my old bedroom, attended a United game with my dad, eaten at all my favorite places and the only thing I want to do is just go back to see Nora. It's selfish but the distance always proves to be difficult. The time away has actually gone quickly so I only have to wait another month or so until after Christmas and New Years to see her.

This weekend I'm taking my sisters to London to start and finish Christmas shopping. I love to spoil my family and so a shopping spree for all of them, and then picking out presents for our parents, grandparents, and friends. I love this time of year, I've always missed Christmas in London, it's always so magical and the atmosphere is so jovial.

I headed down early for the weekend on the Thursday before, taking Waliya with me as she's out of school, Doniya and Safaa will come on Friday when Safaa is finished with her courses for the week. I always wanted to take my sisters with me when we toured the world, it would have been such a neat experience for them but between school and work, it just couldn't happen. I booked a spa day for Waliyha and have decided to stop by and see Louis in the studio. He's been writing with people, not for himself but for others, and dabbles into producing here and there. He's really taken to songwriting, he's rather good at it, being sought out from artists all over the world to help them create hits and albums.

It's always fun to see him in the zone and having fun doing what he loves. He's been struggling for the last few years, after his break up with Eleanor he kind of went wild. Doing whatever he wanted and not having a care in the world, it was nice to see him relax because when he was with Eleanor he was always concerned for her, always missing her. It's like he was free finally yet when he was single he still longed to be with someone. He's just like everyone else, he's just looking for love. Usually not in the right places but he's working on himself finally before he invest into someone else. Whenever it happens, I already know he'll be obsessed and completely in love with her.

I pull up to the studio, the paps outside always looking for pictures of whoever was coming in. This is something I didn't ever enjoy, I didn't care to answer their questions when they would shout at me, I hated them with a passion when I was going through the divorce, and I still don't like them. I don't understand why I'm still so interesting to people. I take a deep breath and make my way past them, ignoring all their snapping pictures and just smile, pretending my life is perfect. No one's live is perfect.

Louis has given me his code to unlock the front door so I wouldn't have to call him or wait to be buzzed in, quite convenient. I follow the directions that he's given me and find the studio room. I remember coming here a few times to record years ago. It's always such an atmosphere to come to a studio. New artists are hyped up to finally record things, people that have been around for a while are chilled out and relaxed and just spend time writing and hanging out with their “people”.

I don't bother knocking when I arrive at his area, just walking in. If anything bad is happening inside, lets just say it's nothing I haven't seen before. Tour life is really eye opening when it comes to your fellow band mates. I shake my head and laugh trying to get some of those images out of my head.

“Louissssss” I shout when I arrive, seeing him bent over on the couch, scribbling something in his yellow notepad.

“Hey man.” He tosses his note pad to the side and stands, giving me a hug quickly. “How have you been?” He asks.

“I've been good. Just you today?” I notice that no one else seems to be around, or if they were then they've gone missing for the time being.

“Um yeah, Jamie and I were here this morning, Stan's in town too so he might join us tonight if that's all right.” He explains.

“Yeah, haven't seen him in forever. How is he?” I take a seat in one of the chairs and kick my shoes off. They're new, rather uncomfortable even with socks on. Plus if we'll be here for a while then I need to be comfortable.

“He's good. You know he's married to Samantha now, they've got a son, David, he's fresh out the gate. Only a few weeks old.” He pulls his phone out and messes with it, “Here's a picture.” He shows it to me, the happy little family. I smile at the thought of Stan being a father, it's always fun to see people in the next stage of their life, especially our guy friends. Women always just seem to have that natural instinct to become mothers, men, it's always a little more work. “David after Beckham of course.” I chuckle, handing the phone back to him, of course it would be after a football player.

“So how have you been?” I lean back and see all the crumpled pieces of yellow paper littered around the room. Sometimes I miss song writing, just hanging out in the studio with everyone and the atmosphere it creates, you can really get lost creating lyrics. I remember when things would start flowing with a song you would only think you were there for an hour and it was more like a day.

“I've been good.” He nods along with his voice, leaning back. “Yeah I've been good, quit smoking finally, playing football more, not going out as much as I used to, I've just been focusing a lot more.” It's nice to see him like this, getting all the wild out of him.

“So any new women I need to research?” I tease.

“Naw.” He shakes his head. “I wouldn't mind it but I'm just letting things go and focusing on myself. It's better this way.” He shrugs and taps his pen against the notepad.

We chat for a while, catching up on things. He seems like a totally different man then he was the last time I saw him. It just always amazes me about how people can change and how sweet it is when it happens for the best.

“I'm going to grab some snacks.” I stand and adjust my trousers, stretching a little bit. “You want anything?” I ask.

“Ah, just some water.” He says. “You remember where the room is?” He moves his legs to hang over the arm of the couch.

“Of course.” I smile, this building has a snack room on each floor and I remember exactly where each one is on each floor. We would go through lots of snacks and drinks when we would all write together.

I round the hallway and I'm quite surprised it's quiet. It's usually always buzzing with loud music and people yelling or laughing. Writing can always bring out crazy sides to people. I freeze just feet away from the door.

“Shahid?” I ask, only seeing the back of him. He turns and there he is, I haven't seen Naughty Boy in years. When I got married, we drifted apart and things get complicated when you try to reconnect. We were just in different paths. “Hey!” I give him a hug, he seems a little off but it's been so long since we've seen each other that things are always awkward at first.

“Hey Zayn! What are you doing here?” He asks, he keeps looking behind him, fidgeting with his hands as if he's nervous.

“Just visiting Louis, Emeli here with you?” I ask. Things have always been tense with Louis and Shahid so we would always try to make sure they weren’t in the same room together, the older people get though the more relaxed and forgiving they become. At least now they can be in the same building together.

“Ah no. No, just me.” He smiles and leans against the hallway. I notice he's still tapping his feet and looking behind him. I don't take it personally but I also don't know what the hell is going on with him.

“Shahid?” My eyes grow wide at the sound of that voice. I blink rapidly, thinking maybe I'm just hearing things. Then I see her. It's Perrie. Of course she's here with Shahid. “Oh, Zayn. Hi.” She gives an awkward wave and looks to Shahid. “Um, the girls and I were just wondering if we could try that part again?” She looks to him and rubs his arm.

“Yeah, I'll be back in just a second.” She nods and looks at me with a tight smile, then kissing Shahid's cheek. God, seeing them together always kills me. My ex-wife and my former friend. Together. I watch as she squeezes his arm and then turns away before pulling her left arm up and rubbing his shoulder just slightly.

“Are you engaged?” I ask quickly, I notice right away that Shahid and Perrie become stiff and she slowly turns back to me. Face full of makeup, dark eyes.

“Um, yes. Just a few weeks ago actually, we can't wait to get married.” Perrie smiles at me and I can't help but feel like I'm drowning. I fake a smile and nod.

“Congratulations.” I smile and rub my neck. “I'd better get back, lovely to see you both.” I don't wait for them to respond as I quickly walk back to Louis's room. Holy shit.

Notes

Hey! So...there it is! I'm not lying when I say I've thought about this for MONTHS, like months before Zayn quit and started hanging out with Naughty Boy, you can ask @not_any_maryjane! :) Hope you enjoy it, when I thought if it I couldn't not write about it. And even if Zayn is divorced to Perrie it doesn't mean the feelings are automatically gone, and Naughty Boy being friends with him, this all caught him from left field. More to come in the next chapter! :)

Thank you all so much for being so kind and caring. And all the new votes, comments, and subscriptions, they are ALL greatly appreciated. Hope you all have a great day!

xoxox