18o Days Of Life & Death

January 16th- Day 31
I set on the couch I was texting mum I covered with blanket, actually Danielle was home with Liam and Me Danielle add this bright female touch to the flat Rihanna was playing Diamonds in the kitchen I can hear her laughs with Liam in there as we missing up with some stupid jokes… I loved to hear there stupid laughs anyway it makes me feel Happy.
Danielle had forced me to stay home, after noticing my cough and practically forcing a thermometer down my throat to find I had a fever. I hated canceling appointments, but maybe she was right. I’d been fighting this sickness for weeks, and maybe a day off was what I needed.
I finished the messages with mum as I told her that it's all fine and its just fever, my fingers moved to Harry's number. Well, since our meet up over interrupted by his horrible headache I was wonder if we could meet again this week before our weekly appointment.
It's not because I want to see him and I can't wait to our appointment or that what I tried to fool myself 'cause I know that was lying this is such stupid.
I opened up a new message, holding my phone about two inches from my face and beginning to type:
Would you like to meet up this week before our appointment?
I deleted all with a sigh, this is sound as manager and creepy with touch of forced
Hmm!
Hey, would you like to have another meeting…
That's sound better a bit friendly, I rested my head on the pillow Danielle put as We found Love Played in kitchen, Danielle and Liam were singing now, God they make my life eventful they don't even realize that.
I was thinking about the next few words, when I heard voice behind me saying:' who you are texting?' I hugged my phone in horror as I said:' no body'.
'Really, is he the cute guy we met before?She asked, her eyes widening in excitement as I silently cursed commercial breaks.
'I think we done about this story before, Danielle' I replied as she raised an eyebrow as she smiled scary smile saying:' Just tell me is he your boyfriend you brought to the bakeshop?'
Liam came up as he said:' what boyfriend?' he put a bowel of spaghetti toward me, Danielle said:' the one I told you about, who's trying to hide from us!'
I grabbed a pillow and pressed my face into it groaning:' he's a patient Danielle I'm not dating anybody tries to clear the Idea from your mind for me'.
'Danielle he's not dating and so I'm' she said:' Listen Tomlinson! It's coming want it or not someday you gonna fell in love marry and have kids so better make your husband as cute as this one!'
I raised an eyebrow when I said:' first I won't tell him about my secret and other he would freaked out and maybe disgusted and who wants to date someone like me I'm no normal and it's interesting in dating you know' I said as I turned to look to the TV when Danielle said:' don't kill me with your stupidly ideas… listen this guy loves you' I said:' I'm no gay Danielle! God How many times do I have to tell you this' she yelled:' stop thinking about mattress Tomlinson, he loves you it's not about beauty and so it's about souls… you the one who read books tell me how to say that'.
'Pure love' I said lost in thoughts, thoughts about him all over again, everything in my life seemed to be about him lately.
'Sometimes you need to take free fall to be in heaven Louis' I smiled as she said:' don't starts talking about believe!' I nodded with chuckle.
She was right somehow but I wasn't sure that what I want yet, I just looked to the message
Are you interesting about meeting again this week?
I examined it for a moment, and then tacked a smiley face onto the end, sending it before I could think myself out of it.
He texted back nearly a minute later, which I suppose wasn’t all that surprising considering he spent most of him time with his computer in his Harry cocoon.
12:13 Harry
I would love to see you whenever, just drop by I'll be there you know where: P-xxH
I smiled; I can imagine him saying the words in funny tone as he tried to joke with me but I also can remember his tired slowly words.
12:16 Louis
Tomorrow at 7?
12:16 Harry
I'm waiting you since now with baited breath.
I was quickly finding texting him to be a little bit impossible, as the urge to reply to all of his text messages with ‘God! You’re adorable,’ made it hard to formulate actual responses.
12:17 Louis
Stay blessing and see you tomorrow J
12:17 Harry
TFiOS?
12:18 Louis
TFiOS
12:18 Harry
Okay
I looked to the ceiling wondering how things would go tomorrow, when breathing normally had become difficult.
I was trying to catch my breath after the whole stairs journey to Harry's corridor when I heard nice voice coming out of Harry's room, a singing actually:
'Will you still love me when I'm longer young and Beautiful, Will you still love me when I got nothing but my eking soul well, you still love me when I'm longer beautiful, I know that you will, I know you will I know you will love me when I'm longer beautiful…Dear lord when I get to heaven please let me bring my man, when he comes tell me that you let him in father tell me if you can …All that grave, all that body, all that face makes wanna party he's my sun he makes me shine like diamonds'

I couldn't believe my ears at first but then I walked by the doorway when I saw a girl with black haired hair playing that song on her guitar, I smiled to the seen when Harry looked at me with his tired smile.
'Hey' he said when I said nearly like breath:' hey' She was Lana the one who was in the frame next to Harry's bed… she looked beautiful than the picture many times, she had this classic beauty the type they draw on the famous artiest draw on their paints, not usual beauty but there's touch of sadness on her face… just like her voice.
'Is that why you tried to avoid me since an hour ago?' she said with unhidden smirk on her face, Harry went all redder as she said:' You got nice boyfriend though' Harry said with smile:' he's my therapist'.
'I can't believe you didn't try to flirt him before and god Harry he look cute and beautiful to a boy to be, with those silky hair wiped a side that do that these days anyway ' I didn't know my hair style was old one he said:' Lana!!!' I was smiling as Harry said:' sorry, I can't control her miss behave' I said:' its okay I already knew I look nice' I put my hair a side and Harry smiled wider.
She said:' okay I'll go now Harry I'll try to come visit you again as soon as I can' he nodded when she holds his hand saying:' take care of yourself you know you can call me for whatever' he nodded, she kissed his cheek he smiled… he's so shy that's irresistible.
She walked toward me she holds my hand I surprised for her action as she said:' take care of him, he deserves to be loved good and softly' I looked at her still in surprise:' I'll'.
He laid back on his bed he looked tired and he tried to hold on as long as she was here, he tried to look stronger as he could but really that was exhausted himself 'I'll Lana' he replied.
'She won't stop coming, even when I screamed and yelled in her face she won't listen… she knows how to pretend there's nothing going on'
He'd sighed wiping tiredness away of his face as he said:' I don't want her to get hurt' he said with tone of breaking soul, I said:' and what she thinks?' I asked as I looked at him covering into his blankets.
He wasn't looking at me he was looking at the rain window on the left of him as he said:' she thinks she's fine… she's understand that someday she would come hospital but she wouldn't find me and I'll then gone… she think she's dealing with all of this good way'.
'then you can't stop her from being next to you' I said when he gazed me for a moment as he said:' she don't have to do this she don't have to get herself hurt… she wouldn't handle the pain when I'll gone'.
He started to tear he tried not to show me this when I sat next to him saying:' why you so sure?' he said:' I don't want to talk about it right now' he breathed sadly.
I hold his hand and rubbed into mine when he looked at me with smile relieving smile the type of them as if he back to life again.
'Do you wanna me read the book?' I said softly when he said:' do you have another ideas' I looked at my converse for a while…' what we can do?' When I asked:' Do you wanna go out with me?' his eyes went bigger as he said:' can we? Like now?'
'Yes, if you are not tired we can go out if you want to' I said asking a bit when he said ' where we are going?' I said:' what about my old school?'
He looked at me surprised when he asked why you want to take me to your old school anyway?' he asked with a bit smile.
'I feel like I want to show you the place, we gonna have fun and it's not so far from my home where I raised up, are you interesting about coming? Or we can read TFiOS'
'I want to come, how much time takes to be there?' I said:' hour we're talking the train to there'.
'Okay, I'll dress then we go' he gave me a grin as I wasn't really sure he did that, I mean did he really just gave me a grin?!
He get up I can see he's a bit tired as he grabbed his clothes from the same suitcase underneath his bed.
'Just find another thing to look at but not me' I realized I was staring at him, I smiled fleshing turn my face to the window he was standing behind me, and I sit on the chair there.
I looked to my phone screen as he shot the door closed, I turn to him as he said:' come on Tomlinson I'm changing don't look back!'
I smiled saying:' okay I won't' I was checking my messages phone vertical when I saw Harry's reflection on the window glass; he was trying to choose one of two pairs of jeans.
He put the pairs on his bed, he put his hand on his forehead I get up from my seat, he was about to fall when I hold him closer to my chest not let him fall down, I said:' it's fine'.
'Sorry, I think I can't go anywhere today' I said:' its okay, we can have it later' he said:' someday' I wonder if had this thought in his head about maybe this day wouldn't come… he looked tired of all this thoughts anyway, maybe he choose to ignore it for a while.
I helped him lay on his bed; he smiled as I put the blanket on him he said:' can you just read to me?' I said:' same book?' he nodded.
I took the book "The Fault In Our Stars" outta of my bag as I opened the bag where we did stopped last time, he made space to me to lay next to him I didn't say a word I just response for his action laying next to him as I put my glasses on his legs touched mine and I didn't mind we tickled each other legs softly his legs was warmer than mine, I start reading and he slept on his side eyeing me:
I considered lying. No one likes a corpse, after all. But in the end I told the truth. “No, my parents withdrew me three years ago.”
“Three years?” he asked, astonished.
I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the
Diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.) It was, we were told, incurable.
I had a surgery called radical neck dissection, which is about as pleasant as it sounds. Then radiation, Then they tried some chemo for my lung tumors. The tumors shrank, and then grew. By then, I was fourteen. My lungs started to fill up with water. I was looking pretty dead—my hands and feet ballooned; my skin cracked; my lips were perpetually blue. They’ve got this drug that makes you not feel so completely terrified about the fact that you can’t breathe, and I had a lot of it flowing into me through a PICC line, and more than a dozen other drugs besides. But even so, there’s a certain unpleasantness to drowning, particularly when it occurs over the course of several months. I finally ended up in the ICU with pneumonia, and my mom knelt by the side of my bed and said, “Are you ready, sweetie?” and I told her I was ready, and my dad just kept telling me he loved me in this voice that was not breaking so much as already broken, and I kept telling him that I loved him, too, and everyone was holding hands, and I couldn’t catch my breath, and my lungs were acting desperate, gasping, pulling me out of the bed trying to find a position that could get them air, and I was embarrassed by their desperation, disgusted that they wouldn’t just let go, and I remember my mom telling me it was okay, that I was okay, that I would be okay, and my father was trying so hard not to sob That when he did, which was regularly, it was an earthquake. And I remember wanting not to be awake."
…or it could be cancer. I stopped for a little while, trying to fight down the panic that was working its hardest to constrict my airways and make my heart beat out of my ribcage. I’d been cancer free for years, worrying about this was going to do nothing but cause unnecessary stress to my already emotionally harried existence.
I kept reading, letting myself get lost in the story and Harry’s side pressed against me. It was a good ten pages before I’d thought myself back to calm state, and another five before I noticed that Harry was trying very very hard not to cry.
'Harry?' I asked when he said:' I'm so stupid' I put the book a side when I looked at him on my side he said:' I love them, I do but I don't want them to hurt, I don't want them see me when I'm losing everything I have' I don't want them to remember me as the sick poor Harry, I don't want them to forget me either I don't want be Oblivion… I'm tired of all of these thoughts I just wanna die, Louis I just wanna die so I won't think like this again' all these came fast and shakily as if they stayed inside for long enough.
He yelled:' I'm so tired' I put my arms around him let him pulled into me, rubbing his back in circles softly I could feel his breathing on my neck, I said nearly whispering:' you going to hurt them no matter what, they love you, you can't control their feeling, they can't control their feeling either, they can't hate you they can't ignore your exist even if they tried to they wouldn't ever make it… so instead of staying away of you they just wanna be close to you 'cause that the best thing they can do'.
'Life is so difficult and Death is so complicated both of them are seems to be scary for me' I looked at him when he said:' it's difficult to choose between these two life &death' I said:' well, you don't have to choose Harry, we choose to be in this world, so why do we have to choose leaving it, it doesn't make sense for me' he said:' if we just don't have the chose to be a life why we don't have the choice to be dead' I said:' 'cause there's something missing… the thing is the reason why you here… there's some reason for why we a life Harry, even if we don't realize it, it doesn't mean it's not exist'.
'I'm scared of dying, Louis' he said truly innocence way that melt my heart in deep, he's just an eighteen year old kid, why he has to die so young, why he supposed to have so short life? I said:' must be something bigger than us all, something why all of this happen because this is can't be just stupid accident of universe, things like outta of rules and the universe go in organized system of rules'.
'Do you believe in this?' he paused for a moment then said:' believe in heaven?' I said:' I donnu, Harry' he bitten his lower lip.
He smiled when he gave me the book again I took it as I asked:' do you wanna me read for you'
'if you would like too' I smiled saying:' okay'.
NOTE:
This chapter Finished at 1:45 AM, Well I Love to see your opinion about my Fanfction I would love to hear all of your thoughts.

Notes

NOTE:
This chapter Finished at 1:45 AM, Well I Love to see your opinion about my Fanfction I would love to hear all of your thoughts.
P.S. TFiOS is kind Of shorten for the wonderful book of John Green "The Fault In Our Stars".