Ryan slowly strummed over the guitar, letting the music sooth the turmoil of his thoughts.
He was confused again.
First off, Kelly was acting strangely. She wasn't telling him something, and it was bothering him. Her smiles didn't reach her eyes, and she was preoccupied.
Maybe she was having troubles with Niall. Well, he doubted that. Niall would do anything for the bird, and she looked as though she'd do anything for him too.
Well, that was her nature, anyway. Ryan would do anything for the girl too, if she asked. He loved her.
Secondly, he was ticked off at his Uncle. Simon had told Ryan's mother that he would look after him, and he did a good job of it really, the basics of it anyway. Like handing him a credit card and telling him that he had work to do and to go buy something nice.
Well, that was what Ryan had expected when he went to live with his uncle. The money and that look of awe when he had to use his mother's maiden name, Cowell. He'd just expected his uncle to be a little more forthcoming in the bonding department.
Heck, he hadn't even known he'd had an uncle until he was eighteen. His mother had never really talked about her family much, and he'd never been curious. It was after his fathers heart attack that eventually led to his death that Ryan met his uncle. And funerals aren't the best place to start a fun filled relationship.
The harsh sequel of the guitar strings jerked him from his thoughts, and he winced. He'd nearly popped a string.
He hadn't called his mother in weeks. She'd left him voice mails, but they were all about the house and their neighbors. He really didn't care for any of that. He had other things to worry about.
He'd been trying to remember something for over a week. He knew he'd been drunk, on the double date with Darren and Kelly. It'd been something about a phone call on the way back to the studios. He and Natalie had been singing or something, he couldn't remember. But Kelly hadn't been acting the same way since then.
She'd been quiet, and wasn't as hyper. Not that she was really all that hyper in the first place, he knew she was the type to stay in and watch a movie than go out, but still. She'd been quiet around him. Too quiet.
If something was bothering her, he had to know. He'd told her everything about Natalie, (Well, a heavily edited version anyways,) and he wanted her to tell him everything as well. He owed her that much, at least. She'd helped him with Natalie.
A smile tugged at the corners of Ryan's mouth as he fiddled with his guitar pick. Just the thought of Natalie made him want to write a song, kiss her, and dance. Not really in that order, but still.
They were working together better than he ever could have hoped for. Sure, they fought, but that was how they worked. They loved and lost, fought and made up. It was how they were. He knew the others didn't think they were good together, and somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind he knew that too. They simply had too much power over the other. Her moods affected him, and his actions bothered her. If one of them burned, the other would crash.
Those would actually be good song lyrics.
Ryan grabbed a pencil and began scribbling words down as they came to him. He and Nat might not work by conventional means, but maybe it was better this way.
She had his heart, and he had hers.
~ ~ ~
One day until Country night. The Top 6 all had to preform three songs, one per night. It was stressful, but thank the higher powers they had Kelly. Her knowledge of country music had helped everyone a lot.
Rehearsals were going great, and when Ryan stepped off the stage to let Boxing Beats go on he grinned. He was confident about this week. He had a chance to stay, and he knew it. He wasn't betting on getting to the Top 3. His Uncle's promise a few months ago didn't mean anything to him, Simon had promised him things before and they'd never happened. If he got to the Top 3 he'd make sure it was from his own hard work.
He hadn't been sleeping well due to his schedule. The schedule he had on paper was all right, he got up at eight in the morning and was supposed to go to sleep at nine at night.
But once everyone was asleep, he went to the recording studio.
The others in the Top 6 had long since recorded a song, he just hadn't found one yet. Kelly was the only other contestant not to record a song yet. He hadn't really talked to her about it, but he knew she was waiting for the right song. Maybe a love song. But she seemed like the type to sing something inspiring, about friendship or something. A sappy love song really wasn't the best way to start off a career.
Ryan briefly considered the song he was writing at the moment. It was different, it wasn't necessarily sappy, and it had a certain appeal. But singing something he'd written seemed so... Open. Bare.
His songs were something private, he'd never shown them to Natalie. He'd shown one to Simon once, but it wasn't a love song. It was about getting noticed and making a change. Simon had taken one look and binned it. And that was mainly why he was nervous to show this song to Tyler, the man who might just be his manager if he got signed. Tyler was an amazing bloke, and he could tell they were on the way to friendship. It was just that Tyler was brutally honest, and he didn't know if he could take his opinion. It wasn't that Tyler was rude, exactly, he just didn't sugar coat anything.
Kelly might be able to tell him, he mused. She would be nice about it, but she'd be honest. And Kelly wouldn't laugh at him, not over a song. Music was something they both connected on, it brought them together like nothing else.
Ryan scribbled those words down quickly before he could forget them. He really needed to write a song for Kelly. He knew she'd like it. Well, as long as she didn't think it was some odd proclamation of love or anything.
The girl would probably run screaming, because there was no way she would ever, ever think of liking him like-
The pencil fell out of his hand and rolled across the hardwood floor. The guitar strings screeched as he unceremoniously swung the guitar off of his back and onto the bed.
Ryan couldn't believe it. That was why Kelly was acting weird.
She was in love with him. It all made sense now. The odd looks, the silences, her avoiding him...
He forgot a moment about Natalie. He forgot everything except Kelly. What it could be like.
Being with her would be easy, natural as breathing. She wouldn't judge him over everything he did, or critique his appearance. She'd take him as he was.
Waking up to her every morning would be wonderful. There wouldn't be any annoying make up on the pillow as she didn't wear any, unlike Natalie. Or the rush to the bathroom before he could see her face, her claiming that she didn't like him to see her without make up. No, it'd be simple. She'd roll over and yawn, and smile when she saw his face and ruffled hair. No rude comments about how his breath smelled or his hair looked bad.
She didn't judge, unlike Natalie. She loved him for who he was, unlike Natalie.
Natalie was constantly trying to change him. And Ryan being the stubborn man he was refused to change. And then they'd get into a argument over feminism and how she should be equal in all of their decisions to which he would to reply that she already lorded over it anyways, she didn't need his input.
Unlike Kelly.
They worked together as equals, respecting each others boundaries. He didn't have to worry about crossing some invisible line while she was around. She made everything clear, and didn't expect him to know things before he was told, unlike Natalie. Natalie automatically assumed that he would know what she was thinking all the time. And the truth was that he simply didn't have the will power to be selflessly devoted to her.

Ryan snapped out of it, feeling guilty. No, he loved Natalie, for all her good and bad. He'd always loved her, ever back in their school days when she was the popular bird and he was the slightly geeky band dude that got detention too much. The guy who's only shining moment in school was when he stood up to a bully for a younger class man and got punched for it. Not really a shining moment to the onlookers, who simply laughed and walked away, but to him it was the start to something amazing.
Because the only person to help him as he sat on the cold linoleum floor, nursing his jaw was the girl he'd sworn to marry.
Natalie had crouched beside him as he posse of annoying friend laughed and dabbed at his lip with her sleeve.
“That was really brave, what you did.” She said quietly. Ryan kept his eyes to her forehead, avoiding eye contact. He couldn't really look anywhere else, because he didn't want to seem like he was staring at her boobs.
“It was nothing.” He muttered. She pressed a little too hard on his lip and he yelped.
“Look out!” He cried. He met her eyes, his smarting with pain.
And that was the first time he'd ever looked into her eyes. Those big brown eyes, framed with heavy dark lashes and dark red eyebrows flecked with blonde with a scar about her right eyebrow from barbed wire and-
Ryan shook his head roughly. No. Natalie's big brown eyes, tapered with long mascara laden lashes and her small, almost regal nose. The light scattering of freckles on the tip of it, long with the tiny mole that she tried to cover up on the cleft of her chin. It all made up her, and he loved her for it.
Even if Kelly did like him, they could never be together. She was with Niall. Niall was one of his best mates, he'd never to that to him.
He needed to get his head on straight, and soon. Natalie loved him, and there was no way he was going to betray her love. He loved her too, he was sure of it.
He wasn't going to throw away something that good for someone else, not his best friend who deserved better then him.
~ ~ ~
~Kelly.~
I was mad. And not a someone-ate-my-chips kind of mad. The kind of mad where I end up punching something.
Simon freaking Cowell had gotten someone to hack my phone's contacts and invited Tina and Vanessa to stay. And trust me, I was thrilled to see them again, but at the moment I wanted to wring their necks.
Apparently Vanessa had gotten the bright idea to see how many kinds of energy drinks Tina and her could drink. I'm talking like Monsters, Red Bulls, Rock Star Energy, the works. As a result they were wide awake and hyper on about three hours of sleep, and I'd had about two hours of sleep. I was also in the mood to punch someone, and they were being loud.
I took a deep breath and released it slowly when Vanessa jumped onto the couch. Tina started chasing her, and the entire time she tried to get away she kept up a constant strain of high pitched squeals. I tripped her as she ran across the white couch in the rec room and she landed in a laughing heap on the carpeted floor.
It was six AM now. It had taken me a while to get to the airport, find Tina and Nessi, and get back. Not to mention the many stops we had to make for food. We all are like cave men, and regretted nothing. I could seriously go for a piece of pie at the moment.
I had put their bags in my room and grabbed a roll of blankets from a closet, choosing to stay in the rec room for the night instead of mine. My bed wasn't big enough, and I didn't want my neighbors to call security. And since my neighbors were the Heartbreakers, I knew they would use any excuse to get me into trouble.
Tina jumped on top of Nessi while laughing wildly and tickling her. Nessi threw her off and dumped a glass of water over Tina's white tee-shirt which resulted in Tina throwing my orange juice at Nessi.
I sighed. Oh well. I'd get more juice later.
I knew Ryan would be there any minute, as soon as he woke up, checked his phone, and saw my texts. I knew he would want to meet my friends, and that was a good thing. He was nice like that. And then I wanted to introduce Tina and Nessi to the boys.
I still had to prepare a song for Country week. And with Tina and Nessi here that would be kind of difficult, as I would get distracted easily. But the show was tonight and I needed a song badly.
“Hey, y'all?” I called. Tina ignored me, trying to smother Nessi with a pillow. “Y'ALL!” I yelled. Tina jumped and stood, while Vanessa dramatically gasped for air.
“I can breathe!” She cried, and fake choked.
I snorted and tried not to laugh. “Um, Ryan is just down the hall and I have to go talk to my trainer if you'd like to hang out with him for a while?” I asked. They looked at each other, then shook their heads.
“Na, we'll stay here.” Tina said.
“And eat food!” Vanessa added.
I quickly agreed and headed off to meet with my trainer for my morning schedule. I assumed she knew that Tina and Vanessa were here, as it seemed every staff person did. Simon must have told them.
I was still fuming about that. I had a right to be a bit mad, didn't I? Simon had invaded my privacy by calling them. I'd told him no friends or family on the show and he'd ignored that.
I had my usual session with my trainer, which took about two hours. He'd wanted me to work out, and I had done so reluctantly. And then Ty (My trainer) had told me that I needed to let Tina and Vanessa be interviewed.
I was stewing over that after I'd taken my shower and was walking to the rec room. I didn't want them to be interviewed! I didn't care if the other contestants had a segment about their friends and families, I didn't want mine in the show.
When I opened the rec room door I was hit with a roll of toilet paper.
“The heck?” I said. I leaned down and picked up the roll of TP and looked up.
Ryan, Tina, Vanessa, Nathan, Charles, and Jamie were jumping around the room like idiots, blaring pop music at top volume. Vanessa was yelling out the lyrics as loudly as she could and Tina was jumping up and down on the coach while spraying everything and everyone with silly string.
I started laughing. I couldn't help it. They all looked like they were high or something, and it was hilarious.
The music changed to 'I Love It' and I whooped, running into the room and jumping on the coach with Tina.
“HEY BABE!” Vanessa screamed from across the room. She was dancing on a table with Nathan.
“Hey girl hey!” I shouted back. “I DON'T CARE! I LOVE IT!” Tina yelled. We started the chorus together, and Tina started doing air guitar for no apparent reason at all.
We were rocking out to 'Can't Hold Us' when the door busted open and we all stopped and looked at the doorway. Niall, Louis, Harry, Zayn, and Liam were staring at us and we were staring back at them.
I glanced over at Vanessa, who was still standing on the table looking dumbstruck. Nathan, who was holding a balloon full of air let it go, and it flew around the room loudly as the air was released.
I looked around as everyone seemed to be frozen. “The heck?” I said for the second time that day. “Y'all wanna party?” I asked the boys.
Niall was the first to break the silence with a loud whoop, and then Zayn. Louis was holding an air horn for some reason I didn't know, and he pressed the button. The loud obnoxious noise broke everyone else out of their trances, and then...
“OH MY FREAKING WORD!” Vanessa screamed. “IT'S ONE DIRECTION!”
~ ~ ~
Needless to say, it took a while to calm down Vanessa and Tina. I'm talking at least two hours. And then they interviewed the boys on every single figment of their lives, right down to their underwear brands. (Calvin Klein, if you didn't know.)
That last one had been slightly embarrassing.
Anyways, after that we had to sit through a very tense and awkward interview that I hated. I wanted to kill the interview lady, I really did. She kept trying to pry into my private life, but thankfully Tina and Vanessa distracted her with talk of London's shopping centers or something. I was forever in their debt, smiling gratefully at them when they distracted the lady from the subject my parents and Gran.
Afterwards I had to go practice for the show, as it was already four in the afternoon and I didn't have a song prepared for the first show. I needed one for tonight, Wednesday night, and Friday night. The group song was I Knew You Were Trouble. And the 'Goodbye' song was Begin Again.
Tina and Nessi went back to the rec room with Ryan while I went to think of a song. Ryan knew better than to bother me while I was song searching, and I was thankful for that.
I grabbed my guitar, a notebook, and my iPhone and went to the baloney. The London traffic wasn't bad yet, rush hour would be soon. But for now the noise level was perfect.
I knew I didn't want to do a Taylor Swift song. Carrie Underwood was a must, I knew that I would do one of her songs. I loved her so much it was unreal, she was just the best country singer that I could think of.
But I needed a song I could play on the guitar, not one of her face paced songs. Temporary Home it was then.
I printed out the lyrics and chords to the song in an office, waving at the secretary as I did so. I knew the song almost by heart, but the guitar parts were a little shaky.
Thirty minutes until show time I stopped practicing and went to get ready. The dress and heels I was wearing was lying on the bed, and I slipped the dress over my head softly. The heels were next, and then my hair.
I gathered the ends of my hair together in a loose braid, then slowly twisted it until it was a bun at the base of my scull. I secured it with booby pins, leaving a few strands of hair loose around my face. I grabbed a curling iron, and while it was heating up I applied mascara and the lightest coat of cover up that I could. I'd noticed the first time the camera had done a close up of me that my face had looked fake when the stylists had made it up. So I'd started doing my own make up, refusing to let them touch my face. The gunk they'd layered on had made my face break out horribly.
I curled the hair around my face, and unplugged the iron and turned out all the lights in the room. I grabbed my guitar and headed to Ryan's room.
He wasn't there, and I assumed he'd be backstage. Tina and Vanessa would probably be with him.
I was up third. Heartbreakers were up first, then Boxing Beats, then me, Conan, and then Ryan.
Before I knew it we'd preformed the group song,with the cameras watching our every move. I was beginning to hate the cameras. Well, not the cameras exactly but the people behind them. They were just so freaking pushy, and they wrote words on a dry erase board and held it up to us so we wouldn't say anything bad live. It wasn't exactly fun.
After my short pre-show interview I trotted off to find Vanessa and Tina. I finally spotted them after a few minutes, talking to a cute tech guy. As I got closer, I smiled at them. And then I got confused. They didn't look like they normally did when they flirted with a guy. On the contrary, they both looked mad. Vanessa was waving her arms around and Tina had that look on her face that meant she was plotting to kill.
I was only about ten feet away from them when another tech person tapped my shoulder and engaged me in a conversation, turning me away from reaching my goal.
He needed to know about the special effects needed for my preference, but I didn't want any tonight as I was just using my guitar. I frowned, that was odd as I'd told not a half hour ago how I wanted my performance to be.
When I turned back to talk to Tina and Vanessa, they and the tech guy were gone, leaving me alone in the middle of the concrete floor.
A moment later I had to go on stage. As I was waiting for my cue to go out, I tuned my guitar and when the lights went dark, I walked out to sit on the wooden stool in center stage.
My performance went by in a blur.
I knew I had messed up on at least two chords, but the backup guitarist had managed to cover them up somehow. I had a couple of tech guys to thank later, that was for sure.
I should have cleared my head before going on stage. Being distracted would get me nowhere. And the judges didn't give me quiet as many good comments, they were still raving over the Heartbreakers performance. The song I sang should have had more emotion put behind it. I almost regretted helping the others find a song. Maybe then I would have done better.
Darren was the last to preform, then the announcer for this week came out in her glitzy costume, smiling and waving. I didn't know her, she was an actress off of a TV show that went off air a few years ago, and I couldn't think of her name.
We all stood, waiting. Ryan had my hand, Conan holding my left hand. Ryan was sweating, and Conan looked like he was going to faint, sweat beading his brow. He didn't react well under this kind of pressure.
Boxing Beats had their arms wrapped around each other, their heads bowed..
Because of the way I was standing, I couldn't see the Heartbreakers or Darren.
“I just want to say that each and every one of you have done an amazing job here tonight, and you're all amazing singers,” The lady started. “Unfortunately, someone has to go home tonight. I'll begin by calling out the Bottom Three.”
Ryan's grip on my hand became painful, and I winced, trying to sooth him. “It'll be okay,” I whispered. He nodded slightly, aware of the cameras watching our every move. The crowd was nearly dead silent, with the occasional whoop from someone.
“The first to go into the Bottom Three is...” The lady drawled. This was the worst part of the show, when they drew out this moment, the moment that everyone stressed over.
“The Heartbreakers. I'm sorry girls.”
Ryan let out a small sigh of relief, and I squeezed his hand softly as the bedraggled Heartbreakers clomped across the stage in their high heels. They took seats on the opposite side of the stage.
“The second person to go in the Bottom Three...” The lady drawled, opening her card. “Is...”
My breath caught in my throat.
“Kelly Melendez.”
I let out a long breath and slowly let go of Ryan and Conan's hands. I made my way across the stage, avoiding Simon's eyes. I knew he'd be disappointed.
“The third and final person is Darren Camden.” The lady said. Darren made his way across the stage, his head bowed. He sat next to me, and I smiled at him weakly. He did a half grimace back.
This was my first time being in the Bottom Three. I hated this feeling. I hated it with all my heart. And yet I knew that I would have to do this all over again, Wednesday night.
And then Friday too.
And the next week was the Top Three competing against each other, seeing who could stack up the most votes from the public for the week after that, the finals.
Darren suddenly took my hand. I held on to him as the lady began her dramatic build up to the person who would go home.
The results came in.
Darren was out.

Notes

Comment please! <3 thank you all for reading! Comment motivate me to write more, if you don't mind dropping me a line I would really appriceate it!