Not one to hold a grudge, Niall and I made up a few days later. He apologized for being an ass, and I happily accepted it. I figured it was just a fluke; that he was just so excited to be in a new place that he acted out of character. Unfortunately, the drama had caused quite a stir in the media. Apparently someone had videotaped the entire instance and handed it over to the highest bidder. All across E! News, Entertainment Tonight, and TMZ was my boyfriend cursing out an, as they referred to him, “innocent victim.” The backlash was horrific, and it hurt to see my boyfriend so depressed. The constant hate and verbal assault on Twitter caused him to deactivate his account. Twitter was his favorite way to connect with his fans, and I knew him cutting that off meant things were very bad. I tried to make him as happy as possible – cooking him his favorite foods, buying him video games, and even surprise sexual favors. Yet, none of it seemed to matter because the only time I saw the old Niall reappear was when he was drunk. I couldn’t even count how many times Niall and I had plans to go out, but it blew up in my face because he was too wasted to function. I felt so helpless around him, and to make matters worse, I was constantly feeling sick every time I woke up.

“How are you feeling, babe?” I asked Niall as I set the groceries on the countertop. Niall hadn’t left his hotel room all week, and this was yet another attempt of mine to make him happy. He grunted at me while he watched soccer on the television, a glass of whiskey in his hand. I hid my frown as I unpacked the bags and put all the food away, leaving out the orange juice so I could pour myself a glass. As I sipped on the juice and sadly watched my boyfriend, Harry came out of his room.

“Still on the fucking couch, mate? Come on, let’s go to a club or something tonight! I’m sick of seeing your sorry ass lying around all day,” he mocked my boyfriend as he came into the kitchen and ruffled my hair.

I swatted at his hand and snapped at him. “Why because you wanking off to porn on your computer is better? Leave him the fuck alone.” Fucking dick-head. He ignored my remark and opened the fridge to survey the newly bought food.

“Apples, Charlie? Really? What the fuck do you think this is? I asked you to buy me hot wings and pizza rolls, not go to the fucking fairy garden.” He slammed the fridge shut and stomped back to his room. I looked to my boyfriend for some sort of defense, but instead he took another drink of whiskey and ignored the situation completely. Sighing heavily, I sat on the couch next to him and mindlessly watched TV for about an hour. After the game was over, Harry emerged from his room freshly showered and primped.

“Come on, Niall. Get your ass off the couch and let’s go out for a pint. I hate seeing you like this, mate.” Wow, the Cocky Little Shit actually looked concerned. Niall stared at him for a moment, and then made his decision.

“Fine, but you’re buying.” He moved me off of him so he could stand up and then went to his room. Harry cracked a grin as he got an apple out of the fridge.

“I thought you didn’t want my fairy food?” I spat at him as I rose from my seat.

“Boy’s gotta eat, yeah?” He took another bite as I walked into my boyfriend’s room.

Even though I had just cleaned his room the night before, the place was a pig sty again. There were dirty clothes and empty beer bottle all over the place, just like when I first met him. I started to clean up while I heard the shower running. After I folded the last of his clothes, Niall came out of the bathroom and walked over to me. Surprisingly, he grabbed my waist and started to kiss down my neck. This was the first affection we’d had in days, and I wasn’t just going to let it go to waste. I grabbed his face and kissed him harder.

“I missed you, baby,” he murmured into my mouth as his hands moved up and down my back. He missed me? I’d only been by his side everyday while he avoided my presence. I know I probably should have been angry, but this sudden affection made me happy. Just as his hands found the elastic to my leggings, Harry burst into the room with a wine bottle in hand.

“Oops…was I interrupting something?” he sneered as he popped the cork off the bottle. He took a swig and handed the bottle over to Niall, who drank nearly half the bottle. He held it up to my face but I shook my head. I saw no point in adding on to my boyfriend’s apparent alcoholism. Harry snatched the bottle out of his hands and finished it off.

“There’s a car outside for us when we’re ready, Nialler.” Niall gave me one last kiss on the cheek and followed his friend out the door.

------

I was awoken by a loud bang. I glanced at the clock – it was 3:48 AM. I heard laughter and the sound of “Pour Some Sugar on Me” erupted from the stereo speakers. Great, now I had to deal with a drunk Niall and Harry while I was still half-asleep. Stumbling out of bed, I walked out the bedroom and into the living room/kitchen area. The scene that I saw was not at all what I was expecting. Niall was shoving whatever food he could into his mouth, and Harry was surrounded by four sluts. They were all over him, kissing down his body and tugging on his clothes. What the fuck?

”HARRY FUCKING STYLES! I AM DONE!” I shouted at him. That was it; I couldn’t take this any longer. I grabbed one of the girls by her ponytail and dragged her towards the door.

“What the fuck?” she tried to fight back but I threw her out the door like the trash she was.

“Charlie, what the fuck are you doing?” Harry was so twisted that I knew he wouldn’t really do anything. Without responding to him, I marched the three other girls out the door, locking it behind them.

“Char, babe, why are you doing this?” Niall asked me with his mouth full of Doritos.

“Don’t you fucking dare, Niall, OK? I am so sick of babysitting you two because you can’t keep your shit together. Harry, go to bed. We’ll talk about this in the morning because it’s obvious you cannot hold a proper conversation right now.” Harry scoffed but followed orders and stumbled back to his room. I trailed behind him and made sure he was tucked away in bed before I closed his bedroom door.

“What’s wrong, Charlie? Why are you mad?” I looked at Niall. His eyes were bright red and the smell of rum, cigarettes, and nacho cheese was on his breath. I shook my head in disappointment and walked back to his bedroom. I wrapped myself in the covers and hid my face as the tears began to fall. What was happening to our relationship? I felt so weak. I heard Niall come into the room and close the door. He tucked himself into bed next to me, placing a hand on my lower back.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m a fuck-up and I don’t deserve you…I don’t deserve anyone,” he sniffled. I rolled over to look him in the eyes. The poor thing was so depressed, and for all he knew this was the only way to stop the pain. I shushed him and pecked him on the lips.

“Go to sleep, Ni. It’s all okay now.” I watched him zonk out before I closed my eyes and did the same.

-------

In the morning, I was woken up by the worst feeling in my stomach. Barely making it to the toilet in time, I threw up whatever was left in my stomach from the night before. Fuck everything. I was making myself sick about this Niall situation. I wiped my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt and flushed the toilet. As I washed my hands in the sink, I took a good hard look at myself. My hair was messy, my eyes puffy, my cheeks flushed…I wanted, no needed, things to be better. I couldn’t live through this torture any longer.

I made pancakes for breakfast while the boys slowly emerged from their bedrooms. I explained to Harry why I kicked out his whores and he apologized for bringing them over in the first place. I tried to talk to Niall, but he went into the same routine of soccer and whiskey. I thought things would be different, but I guess they were going to stay exactly the same. Needing a break, I went back to my apartment to have a relaxing day with Naomi.

“Honey! I’m home!” I joked as I stepped into my apartment for what felt like the first time in ages. As soon as I put my keys on the table, I got a text. Checking my phone, I saw it was from Niall. Hey honey, whattya say to dinner tonight? I feel so bad for last night. At first I felt skeptical…I mean, we had made plans before and none of them actually wound up happening. But, for whatever reason, I thought Niall’s text sounded sincere and I sent a message back that I’d be over at 7.

Naomi came out of her room and gave me a big hug. “How was your trip to Mars? Did you recover the Rover?” We laughed and decided on a girl’s day out. I rang Kim to see if she could make it, but she told me she made plans with Zayn instead. Wow, I was beginning to feel jealous with how happy she was and how miserable I was. I quickly brushed my teeth and then Naomi and I went out on our adventure.

Hundreds of dollars spent later, we relaxed at the roof-top café at Barney’s. I ordered a small salad and Diet Pepsi because my stomach still felt queasy, and I figured a little carbonation wouldn’t hurt.

“So, tell me what’s happening,” Naomi demanded as she sipped her drink. I told her about Niall and I’s rough patch, the incident from last night, and how I was constantly feeling like shit. The last part is what concerned her the most. “Why do you feel that way, Charlie? Are you coming down with something?”

“I don’t know,” I played with a piece of chicken on my plate, “I just feel nauseous a lot and my boobs are so sore. I think it’s because I got off birth control.” I saw no point in visiting my doctor after she was back from vacation because my boyfriend and I definitely were not having sex anytime soon.

“When did you start feeling this way?”

“I don’t know…recently. I think it’s just the stress with Niall. I haven’t even gotten my period yet and the month’s almost over.” Naomi’s look of concern pierced my soul as I ate a piece of lettuce covered in ranch dressing.

“You should see a doctor, Charlie. It sounds like you could be –“ My phone ringtone cut her off. It was my sister, Kennedy. I excused myself and answered. As Kennedy told me all about the lovely date she just had with a brain surgeon from Seattle, I thought about what Naomi was saying. I knew exactly how she was going to finish her sentence, and the thought unsettled my stomach even more. Once I wished my sister luck on her second date, I rejoined my roommate for lunch.

“Want to just get these boxed up? I think I need to stop at the drugstore.” Naomi nodded and we called our waitress over.

A trip to the Walgreens down the street and I was ready to face my reality. I peed on the weird little stick and waited for the recommended five minutes. Naomi held my hand as I picked up the test, and squeezed it hard as I read the results.

-----

When seven o’clock rolled around I was more than ready to see Niall. My stomach churned as I drove to his hotel, and I took one last deep breath before I opened the hotel room door. Expecting to see my boyfriend dressed and ready to go, I was heartbroken as I saw him asleep on a bar stool at the kitchen counter – still in his pajamas.

“Seriously, Niall?” I knocked his shoulder and woke him, “what the actual fuck?”

“What?” he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles like a child. I noticed the empty bottle of Hennessey by his arm and put my hands into fists. Enough was enough.

“Don’t you start, Niall. I am so fucking sick of this. Every god damn time we have plans you ruin them by getting drunk. Do you think I don’t get it? That I don’t feel your pain? Well I do, because seeing you this way causes me pain. You used to be so happy, but look at you. You’re pathetic. I thought you were a better man than this but I guess I was mistaken. A real man would own up to his feelings and admit he was wrong. A real man would stick to the plans he made with his girlfriend who has done nothing but stay by his side this entire time. I love you, Niall…but…but I can’t do this anymore. It’s time I move on and be happy and maybe you should, too.” I turned on my heel and began to walk towards the door, but Niall grabbed my arm and turned me back around to face him.

“Don’t, Charlie. Just don’t, OK? I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m a fucking prick who can’t get his shit together. It’s not even that I’m upset about all the negativity in the press…I’m upset about you. I’m upset about what I’ve done to you. I feel like I let you down more than I’ve let down anyone in my entire life. You think I fucking like this, Charlie? I am completely consumed by you. Every waking minute I’m around you my whole world freezes. Never in my life have I felt like this, and I’m terrified. I’m fucking terrified. Feeling like I disappointed you is the biggest punch in the stomach to me. I don’t want to lose you…I can’t lose you. I feel like I’ve known you my entire life, even though it’s been three fucking months. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe without wanting to be next to you. Do you understand what you’ve done to me? I know I haven’t be the same this past month, but I need you with me. Can’t you see that? You can’t just walk away when things get rough. I don’t know how to fucking live without you. Please, just…just don’t leave me, baby.” A saw a single tear fall down his cheek before I was engulfed in his chest.