Save Your Heart
The conversation I had with Molly yesterday had kept me up most of the night. I tried for hours to fall asleep, but it was impossible. I just kept thinking of him, and the fact that he had actually picked up the phone and called Molly. I hated to admit to myself how much I still loved him. And the fact that he had literally just taken the time to pick up his phone, call her number, and ask her these things… It made me remember who he used to be.
“ANNA! YOU’RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR DR. NEWTON!” My mother yelledto me the next morning, while I still lay in bed, trying to gain the ability to get up and face yet another day.I didn’t dress to impress my therapist, so it only took about 20 minutes for me to find a pair of clean denim shorts, a white v neck, and a black and red plaid flannel. With my birdsnest excuse for hair not even being worth dealing with at the moment, I threw it up into a ponytail and quickly went downstairs where a cab was already waiting for me. I felt like a mental patient or an elderly person, not able or allowed to do anything for myself.
“- I just honestly don’t know why he would call her. I mean, does that REALLY seem like the logical thing to do. We haven’t talked in WEEKS, and even when we were talking its not like we were actually talking, and he called my best friend to try and get information out of her?! And it’s not like he doesn’t know Molly, he’s completely aware that she would never tell him anything. I just don’t get it, what does he want?! He ruined my life and now he’s gonna try and squeeze his way back in and try to make amends?!”
Dr. Newton seemed shocked that I had actually spoken to him today. I was just so worked up about the whole situation that I felt like I HAD to talk to someone. And it was sort of his job, so it seemed like a good idea.
“Would you rather him have called you?” He asked calmly.
“NO! Oh my god, no. I don’t want to talk to him and have to tell him that i’ve been complete shit for months. I can’t give him the satisfaction. I’m sure he doesn’t even care…”
“Well, isn’t the fact that he called your friend proof that he does care?” I stopped, looking at Dr. Newton in shock. Could he actually be right?
“Do you think it is?!”
“It’s not about what I think, this is about you.” That was his answer for me every time I tried to ask his opinion.
“But you’re the one who said it, so you must think it’s true!”
“I never said it, I just suggested it. That doesn’t make it true.”
“Now you’re just trying to confuse me…” I mumbled, annoyed again.
“Never.” Dr. Newton said, a quiet smile on his face, like he was pleased with himself or something.
“… He’s gonna be here next week…” I mumbled, hating the thought that we would be so close.
“Really? Well, that’s…”
“Terrible? I know. All this time, you’d think I would’ve moved on with my life. But i’m still that pathetic girl who can’t get over a stupid breakup.”
“Not at all what I was going to say. I think it could test your willpower. If you can be in the same city, and not have to see him, it means something’s working.”
“You mean it means you’re doing a job?” I laughed. He would never compliment himself like that, but I knew it was what he had been thinking. “Well I hope you’re right. Because if I did see him, you and I would basically have to start over completely. All your hard work would’ve gone to waste.”
“That’s not exactly how it works, Anna.” He chuckled and it felt good to finally have him act normal around me. I hated when people were closed off, and that was Dr. Newton’s specialty.
“So, guys, I gotta ask… Which of you are on the market? Everyone’s dying to have the rumors put to rest.” This interview wasn’t much different from the rest. Actually, it was pretty much identical.
“Yeah, The Tommo and Zayn and I are all taken…” Liam said, slapping them on the back. I felt all eyes on me.
“Well, I’m single and ready to mingle!” Niall joked.
“And, Harry?” The interviewer was a young girl, fairly cute. I didn’t want to put her in an awkward position, which I knew I would if I refused to answer the question or something…
“Um, yeah… I’m- single.” I finally admitted not only to myself, but to the entire world.
It felt like taking a bullet.
“Good to know two of you boys are still up for grabs!” She giggled, quickly moving onto another question about the tour.
“- We’re super excited. And playing Radio City Music Hall for three nights, all Sold Out, and then another night at The Beacon… It’s incredible. We seriously can’t believe it. And it really just all is down to the fans, they’ve been incredible ever since coming over to America. We had no idea what to expect, so yeah, it’s great…” Liam, always the talker, had taken the question about New York. Thank god.
Seriously, just thinking about it made me nervous. We would be there for nearly a week. 7 days. I’m not sure I could go that long without at least trying to talk to her. Thankfully, I would work to distract me during the day…. but that would only last so long.
It wasn’t until way later, when the boys and I were hanging out in Niall’s hotel room when someone finally brought up the situation.
“So, New York? How do you think that’s gonna go?” Liam asked. Niall, Louis, and Zayn were all playing video games, too distracted and loud to notice our conversation.
“Um, I don’t really know.” So I guess we were talking now, me and Liam?
“You sure she’s there?”
“Yeah, yeah she’s there.” That was the one thing I had gotten out of Molly hen I called a few weeks ago. I should’ve known better, she was on Anna’s side and she had every right to be. There was no chance in hell I was getting any information out of her. But still, I tried.
“Look, I get why you were pissed last week. It’s tough, mate. I get that completely.”
“Yeah, sorry for like, snapping at you.”
“It’s fine.” I nodded, thankful that Liam knew me well enough to get that when I was like that, it wasn’t really me. I couldn’t control it; Especially when it comes to this.
“Can I give you my opinion?”
“Sure.” I secretly always liked knowing what Liam thought, being Mr. Dependable and all.
“No one else is gonna agree with me, but I think you should talk to her. I haven’t got all the details. But from what I can tell, the last time you two talked didn’t go so well. So why not try and find her? Get some closure if that’s what you need…” I hesitated to say the next thing that came out of my mouth, but it did.
“I don’t want closure.”
“Well then you’re gonna have to ry pretty damn hard to fix whatever you screwed up. We’re only there a week.”
“Why the hell do you want us together so bad? Everyone else thinks i’m being insane by still dwelling on this.”
“Because, you were better when you were with Anna. You seemed happier, and, I dunno… more like yourself. Not that crazy party man whore guy you tried to pretend to be.” We both laughed as I hit him on the back of the head.
“Thanks, mate.” It was good to know that I could be a complete dick and the boys knew I still appreciated them. I guess that’s kinda what real friends do.
“Oh, And by the way? I heard you talking to her friend Molly a few weeks ago. Don’t think that that went unnoticed.” He said with a smirk, getting up and walking off into the other room of the suite before I could punch him in the arm.
“So when are we gonna talk about the elephant in the bus!” Louis burst out the next day. We were the only two on the bus, everyone else was getting breakfast.
“What are you talking about Lou?” I asked absentmindedly, staring down at my phone.
“I mean in less than 5 days we’re flying to New York City! Home of a certain unnamed hot blonde who you basically dumped over the phone for no good reason and have been pining over ever since… any of this ring a bell for ya?” He was in a particularly cheery and sarcastic mood, more so than usual at least, which was really clashing with my pissed-off-at-everyone-for-doing-nothing-at-all mood that was always sort of there, but only came out at certain moments.
“You sure that was the best way to phrase it?”
“I’m not sure how else to get through to you these day’s besides brutal honesty.”He snapped. I looked up, he was looking at me with a strange look.
“Fine, what do you want to hear?! I’m freaking the fuck out! What do you expect from me?!”
“I expect you to talk to me, instead of Liam. I thought you trusted me with these things.” I stopped, completely unaware that this was an issue. I guess I had been going to Liam more than usual lately… I didn’t think it would be a big deal.
“I- I’m sorry, Louis. I just- I dunno. It’s not like I did it on purpose. He sort of just, forced it out of me. I want to talk to you too, it’s just… strange, you know? I mean, this whole thing went completely to shit and I have no idea how I managed to do that. It’s kind of embarrassing.”
“Harry, i’ve seen you do much more embarrassing things than ‘accidently’ break up with the love of your life-”
“Wait! You think she’s the love of my life?!” This was something i’d never heard anyone say before.
“Why, don’t you?” He asked like I was an idiot, and this was the simplest thing in the world.
I thought for a moment, remembering everything that had happened in the past year; how much I’d changed…
“Yeah. I think she is.” I finally stated honestly. It felt good to say out loud.
“Than what are you gonna do?”
“I’m gonna figure out a way to get her back.”