Does he know?

After the phone call with Harry I felt ten times more relieved. I would have never imagined that it would be that easy to break up with a person, especially not when it is your first love. I guess that was the part of me moving on for once and finally saying goodbye to the love, which I thought would never leave my heart, body or soul. But that is so typical girls, isn’t it? We find a guy that gives us a special feeling and we are one hundred percent sure that we will never find a guy who can give us that feeling again. We are so sure that we aren’t able to love again if we lose the person but that is so wrong. Sometimes we have to look above the imagined love and just take some chances and risks. I wonder if I ever would have loved Zayn as much as I do if we didn’t kiss for the first time. I guess that first kiss changed everything and spin my head a hundred degrees. If I regret? Not at all. I can for once say that I’m happy. I am truly happy.


I was dying to tell Zayn about the breakup. He was finally home from Turkey and we immediately arranged a kind of ‘date’ if you can call it that.

For some strange reason I was nervous as hell. I hadn’t seen him for weeks. What if he didn’t fancy me anymore? Nah. I needed to stop overthinking. I was happy and we could finally be together without thinking about Harry and the clique.

It was a cold, snowy December night. The lights lighted up the streets and every store was beautifully decorated with different Christmas stuff. People were covered in scarfs, caps and gloves. I just love walking by a store that smells of Christmas and chestnuts. I have always pictured myself walking around with my boyfriend on a snowy night, hand in hand through the cold, fresh air. The last perfect thing needed was a mistletoe.


I waited only a few minutes and then I could spot him walking towards me. The closer he got, the bigger his smile got, which caused me to smile as well. As mentioned, it was cold but his smile warmed me - Who wouldn’t be affected by a smile like his? Waiting for him gave me that weird feeling you get when you are about to meet someone for the first time. It’s a nerve-racking, weird feeling yet it brings a fire inside my body where I like literally feel my body craving his presence. I think this is one of the longest time I’ve been without Zayn except when he dropped out of college. He was always nicely dressed and I could not believe that this handsome looking person was mine. We didn’t even have to make it official since we somehow always have been together in some weird, indescribable way. Looking at him made my head spin and now when I was officially done with Harry, I could only picture Zayn next to me. No other boy have made me as happy as him. Someone will probably say that I’m talking too much and that I’m “too young” to understand what love is.

But I refuse that.

I reject that.

Love has to be felt. When you can feel that special feeling only one person can give you, that sort of feeling where protection and comfortableness with a mix of romance and dominance is conspicuous and where you at the same time feel connected to the person and can literally feel that your two hearts are bounded together, that is when you have found love.


Even though I haven’t been with many boys, I’ve still been able to feel different feelings with different boys, even though it only was a flirt or “a thing” that didn’t last long.

My heart choose Zayn for a reason and now when I see him standing in front of me with his baby eyes and Colgate smile, I could not be any happier to have a guy like him. I’m so happy that my heart and brain agree and feel that he’s the one I should be with. Because in that moment when I got lost in his eyes, I felt complet and comfortable like never before.

He didn’t say anything. He looked at me as if he knew. I smiled at him. He smiled back. Even bigger.

It was just like he read my mind. I just needed like a nodding or something to conclude it.

And then.

It finally happened.

The thing I had waited for in so long time. For so many days.

Finally, our lips could connect without feeling guilt, doubt, anger, hate. Anything.

It was only me and him and I didn’t care about who was looking, what people was thinking. It was that cold December night I had been waited for in years – and it was worth the waiting. It was the perfect moment, where everything seemed bright light, perfect and like nothing could come between us.

We were finally each other’s and nothing else mattered at that moment, besides him, our connection and me.

“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered while giving me the cutest smile ever. His thumb caressed my cheek and the look he was giving me was indescribably. How can you suddenly feel such an attachment to a person?

I reached in for a hug and told him that I have great news. His eyes shined like Christmas candles. “Tell me!”

I’ve never thought it would be that easy to me to say out loud that I had broken up with Harry. If this was a month ago I would probably have been heartbroken but at that time I felt nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
“I’ve broken up with Harry” I said, smiling.

“You what?!”

His eyes got bigger, darker.

I just nodded.

“Why, when, how.. I mean, tell me!”

“Let’s take it over a cup of coffee okay?” I smiled as if it was nothing. I knew it was a huge thing because now everything would be completely different. I was sure that this was the official ending of me and Harry. There were no longer a turning back to him, considering whether my decision was right or wrong, or if I should have fought a little longer. All my thoughts were packed behind, I had burned the pieces mentally and there was no turning back. What has happened is in the past.

Harry was my past.

And Zayn, my present and future.


We ordered coffee to go at Starbucks and walked in the streets of London- hand in hand.

“I hope you don’t mind it” he smiled goofily when he took my hand in his.
Of course, I didn’t and he knew it.

“Now tell me what I’ve obviously missed the past couple of weeks. I actually can’t believe you’re serious about this”. Zayn was in shock that Harry had handled the breakup so good and he kept asking why he couldn’t react like this in the first place. I guess everything comes when the moment is perfect, or when you at least expect it. You can’r rush things and you can’t make them come or go if it isn’t meant to be. If the moment just isn’t there. Maybe it was just faith that we had to go through all this. Because in the end I only became wiser from all of these experiences and I don’t doubt that we all have got a little stronger due to our breakups, makeups and fights.
It was weird that my emotions suddenly just were washed away, like waves at the beach. People usually say that feelings just don’t go away. Maybe my feelings were still there but Zayn’s presence washed them away and buried them. I honestly don’t know why my heart suddenly was cold as the December air or why Zayn made me as happy as when you hear your favorite song in the radio but one thing was for sure – I loved it.


There were only three days to New Year’s Eve and we started reflecting over what we were going to do on that big night. It was our first New Years together - hopefully not the last.
I personally wanted the clique to be with us since this year had been very..trouble filled but still crazy and I wanted to end the year with the persons I had close to my heart. Zayn agreed but he wanted us to invite other people as well, which only was a good thing because then we would be able to avoid the awkwardness that possibly would come along the night. Zayn called Liam. Liam called Niall. Niall called Louis and El called Soph and told about the party that we wanted to hold. Louis was totally game and had a place we could stay at. His father owned a flat in London we could throw a party in.

The only problem was- who was going to invite Harry?

Notes

Hiii guys x
Omg i'm so terribly mean I know i'm the slowest person ever to update a chapter. I've just been stuck in the ending to be honest and i'm really trying to make up a good one so I won't let you down, which I really fear is going to happen. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me and like this chapter :)
The next one will be uploaded in a couple of days - So sad that it has to end soon! x