Does he know?

I felt my cheeks getting red, my heartbeat getting faster and worse of all.. I had difficulties at breathing properly. How could words kill a person like that? How could a question give a person so many mixed feelings all at once?

I’m not fine at all..

Was it now? Was it time for me to admit that I wasn’t fine? That I had thought of him every single minute in Sweden.. That I missed him laying with me and goofing around with me?

I noticed the way he breathed. He was clearly upset. Of course he was. It was understandable as well. Who wouldn’t be. I didn’t know it was that hard for him to let go of me. I had no idea of that i could mean so much to a person – to a GUY! Me? I’m not used to being loved. I prefer being a wallflower. It’s much easier than having billions of guy friends, two guys hunting you and fake friends all over the place.

Zayn took a deep breath. ”Everyone is telling me that you are doing fine. I just want to hear it from you Annabelle. From you and not your friends. So come on and tell me you’re fine”.

His look stabbed me directly into my heart. His eyes set fire to my body. My body was a whole fire burn. This was my best friend, fighting to get over me. We were not even in a relationship. Can you just imagine how we would act and be if we were together? Even though we are close to tears I want to kiss him so badly. I want to wrap my arms around him and confess that i’m not fine at all.

”Zayn I..” were the only words I could say before I cracked into pieces. My throat burned and one tear turned into ten. I felt his huge arms around me. His muscles were so damn tight around my body. I felt so safe. His lips touched my forehead; a soft kiss was planted on it.

”I’m not fine” I whispered as I closed my eyes and leaned my head on his chest. He caressed my back as the tears still slipped down my face.

What a relief to finally confess the truth.


But I felt I was back where I started. I truly was in a game I could not get out of. I walked around in the same circle every single day. It is so damn hard to love two persons with all of your heart but in different ways. Love can’t be described, nor can it be defined. You have to feel it to understand it; You have to be in the situation with the person to just have a clue about why we are acting like this.

”Why does it have to be so hard Zayn? It hurts so much” I snuffled.

”That is how it is with love. With love comes pain and pain demands to be felt”.

”It’s hard for me as well. Imagine being in my situation”.

” I know it’s hard. I’m so sorry for all the things i’ve put you through. No one deserves it. I’ve never been so indecisive before. Like ever. I’m not used to being in situations like these with you and Harry. It just scares me that i’m able to hurt people so badly. I hate myself for it especially because you mean so much to me”.. I paused for a second.

”And how come you want me after all this shit?”

”Because when you find your dream girl you are able to do anything for her. When you find that one person that gives you this special feeling, you don’t ever want to give up on that person. You will do anything you are capable of to get this person.”

”And that is how you both feel with me and now, I once again have to choose?”

”I’m not asking you to choose nor will I. I just wanted to know if you’re fine or not. You said you aren’t, then why are you with Harry?”

”Because I love him”

”But you’re not fine Annabelle!” his voice raised suddenly.

”I know, I see your point Malik!”

We sat on my bed for minutes without saying anything, and in some weird way, it felt good. It wasn’t awkward. I love Harry as everyone knows but man it’s hard being young and in love. Especially when you have to choose. I needed to sleep on this. My head was about to explode.
Then someone knocked on the door.

I opened it slowly and there he was. The tall curly haired guy with the most beautiful green eyes i’ve ever seen.

”Hello love, I just wanted to say goodnight”

”You’re home already?”

”Yeah I was really tired and I saw light from your room so i thought I would say goodnight to my beautiful girlfriend” he smiled so his dimples showed.

Idiot, he knew I couldn’t stand for it.

”Well goodnight mr. Handsome see you tomorrow” I leaned in for a hug, instead, Harry kissed me. Shit, not in front of Zayn idiot!

” "I promise nothing will ever come between us " he said softly. I closed my eyes because I knew it already was too late.
I sent him a smile and signaled that I wanted to close the door. He waved at me as he walked down the hallway. You could tell by miles away that he was drunk as f*ck. And why did he have to say that tonight. As if he knew something was up.

God damn.

I closed the door and Zayn’s eyes caught mine immediately. He wasn’t happy quite the reverse, he sent me his killer-look.

“Really? In front of me after this?”

“I know sorry, I really tried to avoid it. If I didn’t kiss back he would assume something’s wrong and since yesterday he’s been acting weird”

“Whatever”

I felt the awkward and cold air, situation and atmosphere that was in the room afterwards. Man I just wanted to crawl in my bed and never wake up again.

Notes

Man I really don't know where I'm going with this story. It is literally out of control! lol

But as my mancrush Augustus Walers says " You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices."

- And you guys will se that in the upcoming chapters! ;) Thanks for still subscribing even though (in my opinion) the story is too weird at the moment ! Hihi

Have a nice weekend xx