"Whaa... What do you mean Zayn"? I asked slowly. I had not expected that sentence to come out of his mouth.

“"Nothing lasts,” he says, and there’s a little crack in his voice. “You think it’s going to. You think, ‘Here’s something I can hold on to,’ but it always slips away..” He paused for a second and then finished his sentence; “ That’s how it is with you and me. When I first met you, I fell for you instantly. I thought our bond was something special. For the first time in my life I felt that I had found real love. The real love you dream about your whole life, that kind of love you imagine about when you’re in the first period of the teenage years, that kind of love you want to tell your friends about, the love you relate to and think of when you hear your favorite song. That’s the kind of love I felt when I got to know you. Every night I thought to myself “here’s something I can hold on to”. I’m used to being dumped by people. As you know my father left me and my mum and siblings when I was 5. My ‘girlfriend’ dumped me because I was “too ugly” and when I finally got my confidence back, I found you and you gave me the light back in my life. You blew to the candlelight and started a fire inside of me, which I never thought I would get back again.. but as usual, it always slips away. My football career slipped away years ago when I got injured at age 12. My dream of becoming a gymnast faded when I fell down a wall bar – and now that I finally have a girl that cares for me and that I truly love, she’s about to slip away as well.

“NO Zayn! It’s not like that with me. It’s different this time, I promise!” I could barely get a word out of my mouth. The tears were pressing and a lump in my throat was blocking the air from my lungs.

“Exactly! It’s different with you. You’re a special girl, who has touched my heart like no one else has. But you’re with Harry again.” his eyes moved from the ground to the mirror. Anywhere else besides looking in mine.

“And you’re with Irene!” I tried to fake a smile to prove him everything was perfectly fine. Of course I sucked at it. I hate being fake. But what could I do? I was done being an idiot towards people I loved. ..“ It goes both ways. We’re both happy Zayn” I said as a tear slipped down my face.

“I’m far from happy. I thought I was when I was with her, and you were with Harry in Sweden. But every day I spent with her I ended thinking about the two of us. And when I saw you today all my feelings came back..


.. and you know what, it’s possible that she’s a model, but even with that mud-monster-face-thing you’re still ten times prettier than her” he answered as he came closer. I had almost forgotten that I had my beauty mask on my face. I can’t believe we actually had a serious conversation while I was mudded up with this thing..

“Zayn I .. I really don’t know what to say or do. This is just too much for me to handle. I need to be on my own, can you please give me five minutes of privacy?”

“I’ll stay at Liam’s place for the night. See you tomorrow” he answered coldly. He smacked the door behind him as if nothing had happened.
Woah, what did just happen? I asked myself as I looked in the mirror. I washed the mud of my face and jumped in bed. My thoughts were haunting me like never before. This was just a sick nightmare. I had been in Liverpool in less than 6 hours and I had already a new drama in front of me and new fights who were about to blow off. I was not sure about how much I possibly could handle. I feared I would screw everything up again and ruin my relationship once again.
I had fought like a crazy bastard and know that I finally had Harry back – Zayn absolutely had to ruin everything. It’s just so weird with him. One day I love him more than anything else, the next day he’s nothing to me..


“Sometimes people want to be happy even if it’s not real” … Come on, what was that supposed to mean!? I wanted to scream out loud. I needed to get the frustration out. So he wasn’t happy with Irene? Was he just using her? ..

“Here’s something I can hold on to “..

Wow I could not get the words out of my head. I really felt sorry for Zayn.

It’s so weird with boys. One day they act like you mean everything to them and the next day they barely remember your name. That was exactly how I felt with the whole Zayn-thing. I on one hand wanted to brush it off, but again – what if it would break him mentally? I didn’t want to “slip away” like other meaningful things in his life.

“Meet me in 5 at our room” I texted him with the shakiest hands I’ve ever had.

He came 5 minutes later.

In our room.


Only me and him.


Just me and him.


And our heartbeats.




He was so good looking, like he had planned to seduce me with his charm, bad boy attitude and dark mysterious eyes.. oh, shit the fuck up Annabellle. You’re with Harry! I mentally said to myself as I greeted Zayn with a smile.


“You wanted me to come over?”

“Yeah we have some things to talk about”.

“You don’t say” he smiled. Why was he so happy suddenly?

“Are you okay.. I mean.. our conversation was pretty hectic”

“Ann. I was just being honest and open, just like you prefer guys to be. You know how I feel. I’m trying to get over you but it’s pretty hard when we live together”

“So you think we should get separate rooms?

“You said it, I didn’t”

Woah. Wait! How could the tables turn so fast?


“Are you kidding me Zayn?”

“No, chill ! I haven’t said anything why are you attacking me?” He held his hands high as if he was defending himself from a bodybuilder, haha!

“Because.. I don’t want to change roommates or rooms”

“Even if it means you have to break my heart everyday?”

“What if I promise not to?” I looked shyly at him.

“And what could you possible do to “not break” my heart?” he smiled delightfully.

“What about giving you a kiss?”

omg I just did not say that.
He smiled as he came closer, just as I thought he would kiss me – he held his head back
“You know what happened last time, I really don’t want another fight drama or whatsoever. I don’t want to ruin your relationship..

“Zayn honestly, are you happy with Irene?”

“Happy? Not at all. I’m only using her to get over you. Bad as it sounds, but it’s better than being lonely and thinking of you and Harry… “

“You know Harry was my first love” I sighted..

“Stop please, I know too much anyway”


“I’m not trying to fill you up with my feelings for Harry I just need you to understand something”

“Okay wait, let me just ask you something first.” He said as he held his finger on my lip.. “ If the feelings you had towards me were real then how can you be fine? Because im not fine at all”

Notes

*crying *...