Does he know?

I hadn’t talked with Zayn since I told him I didn’t want him. It had been the most awkward days in my life but I felt it was the right thing to do. I couldn’t keep sneaking around my boyfriends back like a 14 –year old girl who didn’t know the meaning of feelings and being loved and give love in return. Zayn had been stand-offish the whole week which was totally understandable. He had been hanging around with Liam constantly, writing songs (Niall told me). It is bad enough as it is but he actually refused to sleep in the same room as me. He had been sleeping at Liam’s room and what’s even worse is that Louis’ party is tomorrow. He’s looking forward to it, he hasn’t talked about anything else the last couple of days and he doesn’t even know that I’m not talking with Zayn, nor does Harry. I have been hanging out with him the whole week and I actually feel that I’ve made the right decision to leave Zayn alone and not have any physical contact with him. Harry makes me happy and I’ve finally realized what gentle and amazing boyfriend he really is. We’ve spent the last couple of days trying to find the right present for Louis’ birthday.

-

It was Friday night and even though I didn’t speak with my best friend and I could feel a missing spot, I did my best to have a great night. I felt amazing, I was well-dress, so was Harry. We agreed to match each other’s outfit. Niall, Liam and Zayn had a suit on which amazed me a lot. I had never seen the boys in that condition or imagined that they could look that good. Zayn was actually pretty charming and attractive - but I did my best to ignore the fact that he looked good in a suite.

When we arrived at the address I was given, I got impressed by Louis’ place. The apartment was filled with lovely looking people and maybe a dozen of males. When I entered the hall, I approached Louis, congratulated him, wished him all the best and handed him me and Harry’s present. Then we sat at the bar where Soph and Niall joined us. Zayn walked towards us, greeting the others with that burning look and sweet smile. He walked away again towards Lou who was busy talking with some guys.

Then Harry and I got talking about us, people started spreading trough the rooms. I could spot from the corner of my eye that Zayn was looking in my direction, I could feel his look burning me eyes. I would almost swear to God that it killed him seeing me and Harry together. I missed him I got to admit that so I decided to make him a little bit jealous just to see his reaction. I needed to know if he missed me because he had played his cards so god damn right. Not once had he showed love towards me or any kind of feeling.I had been invisible the last couple of days so I felt like spicing things up a little.

I don’t know if the alcohol had an effect, anyways I had a (what I thought would be) great idea.
I started to make myself very revealing to Harry. I grabbed his leg and started to feel up around his tight upper leg muscles. He bit his lip giving me a dirty look. He smiled a little as I could see him get a hard on. He enjoyed it. Even though I kept the eye contact with him I could still feel Zayn’s burning look.

Harry suggested going to Louis’ guestroom. He had been at Louis’ place a lot of times so he knew exactly where to go. I smiled and followed him as he we held hands with fingers lovingly intertwined.
We went to the guestroom which was amazingly big. It had a king size bed, a giant mirror and an even bigger commode. Very nice I thought to myself. Harry didn’t hesitate getting my attention back. He started kissing me softly, biting my lip then continuing his wet kisses down my neck. I started feeling my hands up and around Harry’s body until I put a hand on his crouch. He laid me in the bed, pulling of my crop top and his shirt as we kept kissing. With one motion I lowered his underwear down and then took it all the way in my mouth! I think Harry was speechless at the point, he had never seen me so desperate.
He started to moan and I caught myself smiling. I loved hearing that he loved what I did to him, I started kissing his stomach all the way up to his mouth again. I bit his lip when he turned us around so he was on top of me. He started kissing me gently, leaving marks on my neck. I giggled as he left a blue spot on my neck.
He then pulled my g-string down and caressed my lower part as I started to moan. Without any hesitation he started thrusting me. This sex was way more different than the one with Zayn. I can’t describe it with words, those two boys are so unlike yet both still amazing. I knew it was wrong thinking about another guy while having sex with my boyfriend but every time Harry trusted me I kept thinking of Zayn.

He was literally haunting me and my brain. I couldn’t even enjoy my sex with my boyfriend because of him. It made me realize that maybe it wasn’t meant to be with Harry. Maybe Zayn was better for me; maybe he was the perfect boyfriend. But again, maybe he was just an amazing guy in bed and nothing else?

I lost focus of my thoughts as Harry came and slowly cuddled me. I looked into his beautiful green eyes. Every time I look in his eyes I feel butterflies in my stomach, I feel that I get lost. But even though I feel so wonderful..

There’s still a weird feeling deep down in my heart, there’s still a voice inside of me what whispers “ Zayn, Zayn”. There’s still something ..

That attracts me to Zayn.


I and Harry cuddled for awhile and decided to get social with the others. Tonight was all about Louis and not my fucked up feelings. I went straight to the bar to get some shots. I needed to have fun, to loosen up a little. Harry gently agreed with me and we took like 5 shots in a row. I know I get drunk easily but I hoped that it wouldn’t happen tonight. I could mess up anything but I just wanted to have fun. Louis joined me and Harry and we forced him to take 10 shots. As he finished the 10th shot we could see his eyes changing color, his pupils got bigger and the way he spoke.. yep he was definitely drunk. “El watch out for this guy “ Harry yelled at her. She giggled and helped Louis to the couch where some of his friends were. Harry took my hand and we socialized with Louis’ friends.

El introduced us to his childhood friends who were very polite and really funny. They reminded so much of Louis and they all had the same sense of humor. We sat around a table, playing some drug games. Suddenly Niall and Zayn sat beside me, while El, Harry, Louis, Marcus, Simon and Amanda sat at the other side of the table. They joined our game and after like two hours Zayn and Niall got drunk as hell. They kept laughing about random and weird things. Zayn had taken off his blazer and he was only in a white shirt. He had spilt alcohol on, which just pointed out his six-pack. I was drunk too so I couldn’t stop looking at him or his six-pack. I think he noticed it because he smiled at me and giggled when he saw I bite my lip while looking at him. He licked his lip as he smirked at me which drove me crazy. I wanted him badly but I tried my best to ignore him and stay cool. The DJ was insane so I forced Niall to dance with me. He was simply the best dancer but all the alcohol made us both dizzy so our party ended faster than expected.

I felt dizzy and sick so I thanked Lou for a great party as I called a cab to drive me home. I looked for Harry who still kept drinking shots at the bar with Liam and Lou’s friends.

“Harry I’m going home I don’t feel well “I hiccupped.

“Oh that’s o..okaayyy ll..lovee” he couldn’t barely stand on his own feet. He was drunk as hell!

“Are you staying here for the night?”

“Yy..Yeah I am.. S..see you tomorrow okay love?” he said kissing my lips.

I kissed him back, grabbed my coat, said goodbye to the people I had been chilling with and waited for the cab outside.

It was freezing cold and the cab was late. I walked around a little as I heard someone behind me.

“Where are you going?”

I turned around and there he was.


Zayn ..

FINALLY YOU’RE NOTICING ME AND SPEAKING TO ME I thought to myself.

“I’m going back to college.”

“Mind if I join you?” he asked.

“No..But aren’t you supposed to stay here for the night? “ I asked looking on the ground. He came closer to me now I could smell his perfume.

“I’ll rather sleep in the same room as you than with those drunken idiots” he laughed.

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. The alcohol definitely showed its effect we wouldn’t be talking if it wasn’t for the stupid alcohol!

The cab interrupted us and we got into it. The ride was the longest in my life I just wanted to get out of the cab. Zayn didn’t say anything so I guessed he still was upset.

“Can I get you something?” he asked before we entered college.

“A bottle of water please?” I almost begged. I bet I sounded ridiculous.

“Be back in 5 “ he said.

I entered our room as I started changing into something more comfy like night shorts but then Zayn suddenly stood in front of me. He looked at me with an “admiring” look as he placed the bottles of water on the desk. He pulled me into himself; I could feel his heartbeat.

“I’ve missed you so much” he said.

I closed my eyes while squeezing him tightly into myself. I couldn't believe he actually said that!

“I’ve missed you too” I whispered when he out of nowhere let go of me.

“What?” I said looking at him with a worried look. I enjoyed it Zayn !!

“You said you didn’t want me.. And I saw how you behaved tonight with Harry, Annabelle”. he said as he gave me this serious look. His eyes were so dark and mysterious, I truly got lost in them. I was so happy that my idea went as planned now I could go to bed happy.


"But that doesn't stop me from wanting you " he admitted as he pulled me closer.

Notes