The Story Critic
Falling
Rating: 6
My thoughts: It is a really well described story! I can tell you are really trying on the English part :) You are German, so I can't exactly hold the grammar against you, but it is really great! I went throught the whole story and loved it! Good job!
The Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- It's well thought out. The storyline is neat and clear. Everything makes sense. This is something a lot of authors have trouble doing, but you've done a great job!
- You've put a lot of effort into it. Most authors don't care about the quality of their work, just as long as they get it done. You seem to care whether it is terrific or horrific. :)
- The descriptions of the scenes are amazing! For example, the part when Clary first meets Harry stood out. The fall, the conversation, the feelings, its written in a way that the readers will remember it forever! So good job on that!
Negative Points:
- I want to say the grammar could use improvement, but as you have mentioned, you're trying your level best on it, so I can't say much on that. Just the ordering of some words in your sentences need fixing. But its much better than most people who actually aren't German :) So good!
- I realized you are changing the tenses. Sometimes you are narrating it in present tense: "She is sipping her coffee," or "My phone is ringing," and other times you are using past tense: "She sipped her coffee," or "My phone rang," It would be better if it was all conveyed in one tense. So pick past, present, future, whatever you're comfortable with, and stick with it throughout the story.
- You are also speaking to your readers. I know some teachers teach you to write so that your story is like a spoken conversations, but I don't think that what they mean by that is say "So I walked to school and saw Harry there," (I know that's not part of your story, just using examples :P) Try to say something more like: "As I walked into the school building, I spotted Harry standing by the brick wall..." etc. Do you get what I mean? Not the description part, the way you frame the sentence.
Suggestions:
Overall Review: Amazing story! Great plot, well described, nicely thought out. Any reader with a good sense in books will love it! :)
Check out Falling, by Ailyn: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/18733/Falling/4/
My thoughts: It is a really well described story! I can tell you are really trying on the English part :) You are German, so I can't exactly hold the grammar against you, but it is really great! I went throught the whole story and loved it! Good job!
The Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- It's well thought out. The storyline is neat and clear. Everything makes sense. This is something a lot of authors have trouble doing, but you've done a great job!
- You've put a lot of effort into it. Most authors don't care about the quality of their work, just as long as they get it done. You seem to care whether it is terrific or horrific. :)
- The descriptions of the scenes are amazing! For example, the part when Clary first meets Harry stood out. The fall, the conversation, the feelings, its written in a way that the readers will remember it forever! So good job on that!
Negative Points:
- I want to say the grammar could use improvement, but as you have mentioned, you're trying your level best on it, so I can't say much on that. Just the ordering of some words in your sentences need fixing. But its much better than most people who actually aren't German :) So good!
- I realized you are changing the tenses. Sometimes you are narrating it in present tense: "She is sipping her coffee," or "My phone is ringing," and other times you are using past tense: "She sipped her coffee," or "My phone rang," It would be better if it was all conveyed in one tense. So pick past, present, future, whatever you're comfortable with, and stick with it throughout the story.
- You are also speaking to your readers. I know some teachers teach you to write so that your story is like a spoken conversations, but I don't think that what they mean by that is say "So I walked to school and saw Harry there," (I know that's not part of your story, just using examples :P) Try to say something more like: "As I walked into the school building, I spotted Harry standing by the brick wall..." etc. Do you get what I mean? Not the description part, the way you frame the sentence.
Suggestions:
- Add a few cliffhangers to the chapters. That way you can keep the interests of your readers and they'll keep wanting to come back for more!
- Double check your chapter before you publish it. You may just find a few grammatical errors here and there.
Overall Review: Amazing story! Great plot, well described, nicely thought out. Any reader with a good sense in books will love it! :)
Check out Falling, by Ailyn: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/18733/Falling/4/
Notes
Trying to be a bit more descriptive here... :)Don't get mad if I gave you a bad rating or if there are more negative points than positive points! I beg you not to! As I've previously said, I'm giving you some constructive criticism. Take it strongly, and work on it! You'll all do great! Trust me!
Besides, there will more likely be more negative points than positive points, even if it is almost perfect, 'cuz I'm giving you comments to help you in your story, not just to say 'Oh your story is great! Update!'
If you can handle it... comment below! I'm making my way through them one by one!
plz check out my story it's called "inspirational messages" and take your time I don't care when you review it as long as you do thanks so much
3/10/15