The Story Critic
Warm Hearted
Rating: 8
My thoughts: It is very interesting. Better than most vampire fanfictions I've read! Good job!
The Story Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- The story is well described and well thought out.
- Your story is nice to read. I don't know why. Don't ask me why. It just stands out. Unlike some stories in which you have to drag yourself through the chapters just to see what happens in the end, your's is like a mini adventure. :) Many are too, but your's sorta sticks out among the group. This is like one of those factors you can't exactly describe, but it's just there. Like One Direction's song, One Thing! Yeah! 'I don't, I don't, don't know what it is, but you've got that one thing!" :) Lol.
- The story is nicely paced out. A good amount of events take place in every chapter. Not too draggy and not too fast, either.
Negative Points:
- The story seems a bit cliche. I mean, Harry is the main character and he is a vegetarian vampire. He doesn't want to kill Noelle, but he still drinks her blood and it does no harm to her. It just gives him strength. He also promises to take care of her. I understand that you haven't introduced the plot just yet and the boys aren't the evil characters, but the whole vampire description and all their actions and behavior sorta seems like Twilight. Just like Edward and his family. 'Vegetarian', super speed, vampire families (groups), evil group of vampires... all that. Try to keep it unique.
- Keep it professional. I say this a lot, but it's true! All these fan fictions are all written at a basic level of story writing. Try to add more 'UMPH' to your story. Make it seem like you're actually writing a novel, rather than a fanfiction. Add some higher level of vocabulary that gets your readers to go search up the definitions of the words :) that makes you seem superior to them!
Overall Thoughts:
That's all, really. Just do these and you have yourself a near perfect story! By the way, I'm really looking forward to the next update!
Hey and you told me to check out your story, but you had three... so I chose a random one. But if you wanted a specific one to be criticised, or had a certain one in mind, just let me know!
Guys, you HAVE to check out Warm Hearted, by AliceRose: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/17056/Warm-Hearted/
My thoughts: It is very interesting. Better than most vampire fanfictions I've read! Good job!
The Story Critic Says:
Positive Points:
- The story is well described and well thought out.
- Your story is nice to read. I don't know why. Don't ask me why. It just stands out. Unlike some stories in which you have to drag yourself through the chapters just to see what happens in the end, your's is like a mini adventure. :) Many are too, but your's sorta sticks out among the group. This is like one of those factors you can't exactly describe, but it's just there. Like One Direction's song, One Thing! Yeah! 'I don't, I don't, don't know what it is, but you've got that one thing!" :) Lol.
- The story is nicely paced out. A good amount of events take place in every chapter. Not too draggy and not too fast, either.
Negative Points:
- The story seems a bit cliche. I mean, Harry is the main character and he is a vegetarian vampire. He doesn't want to kill Noelle, but he still drinks her blood and it does no harm to her. It just gives him strength. He also promises to take care of her. I understand that you haven't introduced the plot just yet and the boys aren't the evil characters, but the whole vampire description and all their actions and behavior sorta seems like Twilight. Just like Edward and his family. 'Vegetarian', super speed, vampire families (groups), evil group of vampires... all that. Try to keep it unique.
- Keep it professional. I say this a lot, but it's true! All these fan fictions are all written at a basic level of story writing. Try to add more 'UMPH' to your story. Make it seem like you're actually writing a novel, rather than a fanfiction. Add some higher level of vocabulary that gets your readers to go search up the definitions of the words :) that makes you seem superior to them!
Overall Thoughts:
That's all, really. Just do these and you have yourself a near perfect story! By the way, I'm really looking forward to the next update!
Hey and you told me to check out your story, but you had three... so I chose a random one. But if you wanted a specific one to be criticised, or had a certain one in mind, just let me know!
Guys, you HAVE to check out Warm Hearted, by AliceRose: http://www.onedirectionfanfiction.org/Story/17056/Warm-Hearted/
plz check out my story it's called "inspirational messages" and take your time I don't care when you review it as long as you do thanks so much
3/10/15