Punk Direction (Niall Horan love story)

I read the message three times to be sure what I had read! He wanted to tell me the truth about him… What truth? More lies, more mind games? I swear, this is only going to hurt me more than it does already! I sighed, putting the phone back in the bedside table and pushing my legs out of Danny’s bed. My best-friend was resting for school tomorrow, I should be doing the same, but no, here I am, wake up because of my stupid boyfriend.
I opened Danny’s wardrobe and took my leather jacket from there. I put it on, making myself as comfy as possibly. I let my hair down so my neck was protected from the wind, unfortunately, my legs were uncovered and I couldn’t do anything about it. Danny gave my clothes to her maid so she could clean them, so now I had to leave the house only wearing a long white shirt.
I sighed and got inside my slippers that were actually Danny’s, and grabbed my phone. I shook her shoulder lightly and she groaned, telling me she was awake.
“I’m going downstairs for a second okay?” She groaned again
“Why?” She opened only one eye to look at me
“Niall’s coming over!” I snorted to my now lose bangs.
“Oh!” She said, opening the other eye too “Do you want me to go with you or…?” I cut her off
“No, rest!” I demanded “I’ll be right back! I just wanted to warn you!” She nodded
“Okay then!” She said, turning around and closing her eyes again, pulling the covers more to her.
I walked silently around her bedroom, till I got to the door. I opened, hoping it wouldn’t make noise so I wouldn’t wake up anybody. When it didn’t, I quickly walked out of the room and closed the door behind me, making the least noise possible. I walked downstairs and opened the door, feeling the wind brushing my hairs form my shoulders to my back. My legs immediately got goosebumps and I hugged myself, pulling the jacket more to me.
I saw a light turning on and looked over to see Niall standing there, leaning towards a black Harley-Davidson. I closed the door behind me and walked towards him. He was wearing black, and his piercings got back. The lip one’s vanished when I first kissed him, the eyebrow one disappeared days after. Honestly, I didn’t miss them. He extended a hand to me and I frowned, pushing it towards him. I don’t want any type of contact with him right now. I turned my head to the other side, literally showing him my cheek.
“You can’t be serious!” He desperately said, running his hand through his hair after I didn’t took it
“I am!” I sternly said “Just tell me what you want already so you can leave!”
“I am the one who finds out on the internet that you hug some guy and you’re mad at me?!” I frowned
“What?! You’re accusing me of cheating on you? Have you forgot about the Megan incident or do I need to remind you! Plus, you used me for a blowjob. Hey, you’re a great actor!” I congratulated
“I wasn’t acting! And don’t change the subject! Why were you hugging him?” I closed my face.
I didn’t want to tell Niall that Nick was there for me when I needed someone. I think that would only make him angrier. Having a guy that’s not your boyfriend, supporting you looks suspicious doesn’t it?!
“Did you hear me?!” He asked loudly and I crossed my arms in front of my chest “Why did you hug him?” He asked and his hands rested on my shoulders.
I knew Niall would never hurt me, but I get scared sometimes. Not of what he might do, scared of what he might say. I know that Niall’s first defense mechanism is to mistreat people, and I really don’t need this right now. I can’t sleep thanks to the worries about my sisters state, and Niall and his questions don’t help much
“Johanna!” He called “Answer me! Why were you hugging him?” He growled
“Because he was there!” I said, getting rid of his hands and taking two steps back “Because he didn’t hid things from me, because he helped me when I needed! You weren’t there, and the only thing you did was put more doubts in my mind when I had worries already! Being there for each other, it’s all relationships are about! If you can’t deal with it, then I don’t know if I want a relationship with you!”
I saw the hurt… I saw the hurt in his eyes. Since when did I knew what I wanted from a relationship? Oh yes, since he was all moody and tough on me. I recognize all Niall’s faces. He was sweet, protecting, cute, mean, hurtful, menacing… He was everything with me, and I know wich one’s made me feel good and wich made me feel bad.
I turned around to walked towards the door. My eyes were gray for sure, and I bet he noticed it too. I blinked, and two thick tears ran down my face. I’m sure I’ll get through this, I know I will. I’m strong enough to need no man, if I felt like it!
I turned the handle of the door, wanting to go in, but it didn’t open. It was closed. Oh no, I locked myself out here… with him.
“Let me take you somewhere else!” He whispered from behind me.
I stiffened. I want him gone. Even if I have to sleep on Danny’s old tree house, I just want him gone. Away from me. Away from everything that I care. Hasn’t he made enough damage already?
I started sobbing loudly and hugged myself, wrapping my hands around my own waist. WHY? Why does it have to hurt so much? Heartache? Why does it feel like my strength was drained from me? I just want to go to my ‘before Niall’ state. I want to be the naïve little girl again, who knows nothing about sex, or heartaches, or kisses, or a boys skin, his scent and the warmth of his hug… I just want … I don’t even know.
“You used me!” I cried “You used me!” I yelled, turning around to face him
“I didn’t use you! How could you think that?” He frowned, taking a step in my direction.
As a reflex, I took one back. He cringed, like my actions hurt him. What? I just took a step behind! He waked quickly and when I noticed, I was on his hug. His warm, comforting hug. A arms wrapped around my neck, the other one was holding my hips as his chin rested in my shoulder.
“I didn’t use you!” He whispered in my ear, sending shivers down my spine “I love you!” He said and I pulled back looking at him in the eyes
“ ‘I love you’ doesn’t always fix everything Niall! You keep hiding stuff from me! What have I done to you? You know me from inside out and I feel like I wasn’t even capable of scratching your skin while I’m in pieces already. My heart is yours truly, if yours is mine, you have to prove it!” I said and he pressed his lips in a thin line “Are you gonna tell me what and to whom you were talking on the phone?”
“No!” He answered
“Goodbye Niall!” I said and turned my back at him
I looked around the house, trying to find something to help me climb till I was upstairs, next to Danny again. I didn’t find anything besides a rail and that would clearly fall if I tried anything. I sighed, I had to call Danny to come open the door.
I took my phone from the jackets pocket and was about to dial Danny’s number when someone grabbed my wrist, almost making me let go of the phone!
“What are you doing?!” I asked him
“Let me take you somewhere that’s not here! Let Danny rest, you have school tomorrow!” That statement made me snort.
That was the phrase that made me angry at him. I pulled my arms from his hand and looked at the door, trying to open it again. It didn’t work. Why the hell does this keep happening to me? When I turned around again, I saw Niall grabbing a cigarette, trembling a lot. I frowned
“I thought you didn’t smoke! You lied about that too?” I asked, crossing my arms in front of my chest
“I never told you I didn’t smoke, so it wasn’t lying, plus, I only smoke when I’m stressed wich is rarely am, only when someone I really care about gets hurt… in this case, hurts me!” He said.
His trembling hands were reaching for the lighter in his pocket when I grabbed the cigarette from his lips and threw it on the ground. Niall’s eyes met mine, and I narrowed them. Smoking isn’t good for him, it’d not good for anyone, it’s bad for your lungs and can give you diseases. Why do it?
“It’s bad for your health!” I said and he shrugged
“I don’t want health if I don’t have you!” I pulled all the air I could inside.
He can’t keep saying these stuff to me or this will get tougher of resisting. Just hold on Johanna, just hold on. His eyes were blue and sparkly as they looked in mine. I had so many questions about him, so may doubts… what can I say or ask before he turns around and goes away? What kind of love it that?
“Come with me!” He said and I shook my head negatively “You’re going to stay out here all night?! I can see the goosebumps on your thighs Johanna, come with me!” I sighed.
What were my choices? Freeze to death? Stay here all night till some creep comes and kills me? At least I know Niall will keep me safe, if his death machine doesn’t kill me first. I looked up at his eyes and nodded. I saw a different kind of sparkle pass through his eyes, but it quickly disappeared. He extended his hand to me once again and, once more, I pushed them away.
He sadly sighed and started to walk to his motorcycle. His death machine is going to kill me. It’s gotta be it! Kill the girl so she won’t bother you anymore. I sighed with my own stupidity and walked after him. I stopped in front of the motorcycle. I didn’t even knew he had a motorcycle. Great relationship hu?
“Hop on!” He simply said and I raised an eyebrow “Don’t tell me you’re suddenly too refined to ride a motorcycle!”
“No you idiot!” I spat “I never… I never did this!” I shyly said and he laughed
“It’s safer for your intimate clothes if you sit behind me so, you just have to, like, raise a leg and simply sit…?” He said/asked, handing me the helmet. I nodded.
I kneeled on the ground and grabbed the end of my shirt from the both sides and tied a knot so my underwear wouldn’t show. The leather jacket was long enough to cover the upper part of my thighs. I was hopping no one would recognize me because… well, family stuff.
Niall hopped on the motorcycle, with his helmet on already. I put mine on too, pulling my jacket more down so it covered the middle of my thighs. I knew it would come up when I put my legs around him, but still, try to keep it normal here.
I raised one leg and swopped it to the other side of the seat. I rested my hands between the both of us so we weren’t touching, but he laughed sadly at me.
“You can’t be that far Johanna!” He said
“Why not?” I asked rudely
“Because you’ll fall when I start this thing!” He explained
“What should I do?” I asked
“First, get rid of all that ‘stay away from him’ act okay?” He grumbled “Take your hands off the seat and get closer to me!” I snorted to my bangs and obeyed “Put your legs around mine!” I obeyed again “Now, hands around my waist!” He said and grabbed my hand again.
I felt that good cold feeling in the pit of my stomach when he did, and when my hands touched his defined torso, everything down my waist tightened. The air was charged with electricity between the both of us, a good electricity and I swear I felt all the muscles under his belly button tightening, around the area where my hands were at. He slowly caressed my hand and then put his on the wheel.
“Hold on tight to me!”
I had done that already, and look at where it brought me!
**
Niall only stopped inside of his garage, and we only took the helmets off when the gate was closed behind us. He didn’t say a word after my warmth left his body, and I didn’t even dared to look at him. Why did he brought me here? To bring memories back? Bad memories or good ones? I have no idea, but I know I don’t like the idea.
He walked through a door that I bet lead us to the inside of the house. And it did. I admit, seeing the house like this, it saddened me. It was dark and there was a smashed glass on the corner.
“What happened here?” I asked, looking around
“I got angry!” He shrugged and turned the light of the living room on.
The place was just how I remembered it, except the smashed glass and the fact that it looked darker now, scarier. I hated to know that room like the back of my hand, I hated even more being so used to be there, but what I hated the most was missing being there, laid in the couch, with him by my side.
I walked to the wall where the glass was smashed and started to clean up, unconsciously. It was like a normal thing to do so. SO I did it unconsciously, but two hands grabbed both of my wrists.
“You’ll hurt yourself!” He said and pulled me up
As his gaze met mine, I felt like hiding. Why did his eyes carried so much emotion? Why were mine like that too? I wish I could hide them, completely hide them so no one would see them, only the ones I wanted to, and let me tell you, between the people I don’t want to worry and the people I don’t trust, there aren’t many… Only Danny. And now I rimed.
“You need to rest!” He said and I rolled my eyes
“Yeah, I know, I have school tomorrow!” I said and untied the knot, throwing myself in the couch
“I think you should sleep in the bed Johanna!”
“Why? I was only usable for a blowjob right?!” I saw how his jaw hardened “Usable right?” His knuckles were becoming white and he was tightening them so hard I could actually hear them crack “Another toy!”
“Stop talking shit!” He growled
“What if I don’t want to?!” I yelled
“You’ll do it alone then!” He yelled back and I cringed
“Why don’t you just end this? Tell me you were using me and that’s it, you’ll walk away because you know I can’t hate anyone!” I cringed in the couch
“I love you!” He said “I won’t end this because I love you!”

And with that he left. There was a blanket folded on top of the couch and I grabbed it, pulling it over my body to warm me up. Here’s the thing with trying to sleep when you’re angry at your boyfriend AND you have family issues… You just can’t.
And you don’t! For the next two hours I stood there, turning my belly down on the couch, or then up, memorizing the two small black dots on Niall’s ceiling, betting on what type of story that could have. I was feeling empty and sad and it hurt me to know we’re fighting now. I also had enough time to memorize the smell of the blackest, hot they smiled at him, and the place the furniture occupied in the room, until I heard.
“NO!” I sat in the couch immediately. What the hell was that?! “NO!” I heard again and pushed my legs out of the couch.
I didn’t want anything bad happening to him, I still loved him after all. I ran upstairs, in time to hear him yelling again.
“NO! JAMES NO!” I stormed inside the dark room.
I turned the light on and saw Niall twitching in bed. The back of right hand was pressing on the mattress and his body was slightly cringed in bed. I didn’t think the nightmares would go this far. I took a step in his direction and, with the light now I could see he was sweating.
I took the rest of the steps missing and sat in bed by his side.
“Niall!” I shook him, but he didn’t wake up
“NO! NO! NOT HER TOO PLEASE!” He bawled.
I was growing scared. What was happening in that dream that was that intense? That scary and exasperating?!
“Niall!” I yelled and started to feel my eyes wet
I wanted him to wake up from that dream! I was scared and I know he was scared too. I shook him once more and his eyes shot open. He blinked twice and I saw two tear running down his cheeks. Why is he crying?
“Shhh!” I said, cleaning the tears from his cheeks. I couldn’t help it, not when he was like this “It was just a dream!” I explained
He closed his eyes when he felt my hand in his cheek again. I caressed it softly with my thumb, and he grabbed my wrist to keep me from stopping. I sighed and he opened his eyes to look at me. I swallowed when a pair of blue eyes looked in mine. I don’t even have a clue with color they might have right now. He looked at his hand and I unconsciously took my hand to let him do so. He grabbed my wrist again and pulled me to bed with him.
I started to move, try to find a way to get free you know? But he didn’t let me. He was stronger than me, for him it’s easy to keep me the same way for how long he wants to. But I didn’t stop, I kept struggling and trying to free myself from him. He sighed
“Pleas just… stay with me!” He said and I looked at him.
He was terrified, I knew he was. I also came across another affirmation when he looked into my eyes, and that explained why he didn’t want to sleep away from me.
“Does this happen every night I’m not here?” I asked and he sighed, nodding “I’m sorry!” I said and he nodded again.
I sighed too and rested my head in his chest, an reflexive move that made my skin burn immediately. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer.
“What James is… what James means… it won’t make you like me more than you do right now Johanna! It’ll make you hate me and then you’ll leave… you’ll leave me!” He said and I supported my chin in is lap to look at him
“It’s like you don’t know me at all!” I snorted “I’m thick headed enough to be here when you used me!” I accused
“Damn it, I didn’t use you!” He yelled “What I want to tell you should prove that, but if I tell you, I’ll lose you… It almost made me lose my best-friends! Why shouldn’t you run hu? Why wouldn’t you!”
“Because I love you!” I whispered more to myself than to him
“How can you be so sure you love me?” He asked
“Because I know I want to make love to you!” I answered and then widened my eyes with my own answer. I noticed Niall pulled all the air inside “I always knew, when I gave my virginity away, it would be to someone I loved, not someone that I randomly found on the street!”
“I love you too!” He said and I swallowed
“How can I be sure of that?” I asked
“I’m going to tell you why I’m like this, and not the boy you saw in those pictures on the net!” He said and I swallowed
“You sure?” I asked, but inside, I was jumping.
He was going to tell me, that was his way of proving me he wasn’t using me… I think I’ll believe when he tells me. I was idiot, I know I was, but I love him and I still can’t find a way of not forgiving him for making me feel like I wasn’t welcomed in his house.
Niall bit his lip and closed his eyes. Then he opened them and I swear I never saw him more fragile that he was at the moment. His eyes were sad, like he knew that would make me go away. But I wasn’t going anywhere! What could be that bad that he wants to keep it from me?!
“Two years ago, the band was together already. Our careers were expanding, our fame getting bigger and our bank accounts too… Not that I care much, but that’s not the point!” He sighed “I remember it was around my birthday that we found a gap in the schedule so I would be able of going to Mullingar in my birthday! I missed my mom and dad so much… and my stepdad too, and Greg. So I got on the first flight I found! I was so excited, I was going to see my friends again, and my family too! Once I got out of the plane, I saw everyone there. My family, my friends… and my best friend James!” I widened my eyes “Yes, James was my best friend! And he had a girlfriend… Mia!” he sighed “After we said out hellos and I spent quality time with my family, my birthday came! I celebrated with my family at home, but James wanted to take me out. And so we did, me, him, his girlfriend, all the people you saw in the restaurant…” He looked at me and kind of guessed what I was thinking “Yes, Megan too! She was Mia’s best friend at the time. I remember I drank too much, really much and when I noticed, I had someone kissing my neck. I looked up and saw Mia. I remembered I was in shock but she only smiled at me and whispered in my ear ‘Happy birthday, big boy!’. I was drunk, I still had no excuse, but I was drunk! She pulled me to the bathroom and we had … sex!” I cringed and he closed his eyes and swallowed. Okay, now I could see he really was scared and hurt “When the night was over, my head brain was hitting against my skull and I knew I had to get out of there. Everyone decided to go home too, Mia offered to go with me in the car! I was drunk! I keep telling myself that I was drunk and I had no control of what happened…” He opened his eyes, I could see they were watery now “She was just sat in the car seat and when I noticed, I had lost control of the car. We were in a car accident and Mia… she died!” two thick tears fell down his cheeks “That put everything in motion! James wanted to know what had happen and a still drunk me told him everything… Every, single, detail! We fought, our friendship was over! All thanks to a few glasses of whiskey and a horny girl! I was alone. I was lone after killing her. Only me and James knew what had happened. He never wanted to tell anyone, but he was down… He was horrible actually. The management did something to keep the information about the crash to leak, I still don’t know how they do it, but still, I didn’t want people to know my best friend got cheated on by his girlfriend with me! James and I … We didn’t even talk!” He said, moving his hands and letting more tears fall “I knew I needed to end this, so one day, I went to his apartment. He gave me the key and forgot to take it back, so I could go in without having the trouble of him not opening my door. When I reached his living room I saw James there, with a knife in his hand, lying on the ground half-dead! He looked me in the eyes, he looked me in the eyes and said it was all my fault!” Niall suddenly grew angrier and moved from bed, being careful enough not to hurt me, he took his hands to his hairs and pulled “All! My! Fucking! Fault!” He yelled “I told him it wasn’t my fault! I told him it was all Mia’s fault! After all she was sober, I was the one who was drunk, she knew what she was doing! He died, he died in my arms. I cried for help!” He grabbed a glass that was on top of a bedside table. I always take one to my bedroom, I did the same here. He threw it against the wall. I squealed and sat in bed, crossing my legs. I was worried he might had got hurt but I didn’t dear to get close to him, not until he finished the story “Nobody listened! They were too absorbed in their petty lives that they didn’t care about helping another person!” He grabbed the lamp and threw it against the wall as well. I saw it breaking into pieces and fall on the ground “He died in my arms! I killed two people Johanna! I’m murderer!” He yelled and grabbed ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ from the bedside table the glass was before (more commonly known as mine) and was about to throw it against the wall when I grabbed his wrist “I lost one of the most important people for me that day. He boy who stood by me when I tried to flee school and got caught, the boy who always sang while I played the guitar, the boy who always helped me get girls… He was gone! He died, all because I killed his girlfriend!”
I could see how his face was red and his eyes were swollen. He really thought this was his fault? That girl probably slept with him to get some of his money to not tell the press! She probably chose to go in the car with him so she could blackmail him… She knew what she was doing… Niall didn’t! It’s not an excuse to forgive what he had done to his best friend, but he was almost rapped for Gad sakes! Without thinking twice, I jumped and hugged him, my hands surrounding his neck, my legs doing the same in his waist. I let myself cry silently, for him.
His hands wrapped around my back and I knew… I knew what I had to tell him so he would get better… So I did, and it was the truth!
“I love you!”

Notes

Give me you thoguths about Niall and James story, I'd like to hear it!
I hope you like the chapter. Comment, I always love to hear from you
Lots fo love :3