The room is dark, Niall’s asleep against my chest, my hands desperately caressing his hair. I cannot sleep, not even if I try, which, let’s be honest, I haven’t been doing. I’m still shaken by the fact that I was close to lose my boyfriend earlier today. Yes, my boyfriend… Niall! I hugged him tighter, pressing my eyes shut. My mind rambled to the beginning of our stating in his room…
We entered the room, the door was immediately closed behind me by Niall. He smiled warmly and wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back, holding on to his warm, to his slightly minted smell, feeling his muscles under his shirt. Niall’s hands grabbed my head, letting go of my body. His eyes deeply looking into mine. I felt all the air leaving my lungs with that deeply loving and caring look. It shouldn’t be like that… It should be the other way around. Usually, I have a hard time looking into someone’s eyes, it takes a lot of courage from me. I can’t really explain why, I just don’t feel like I’m pure enough to do so. The eyes are the door to the soul, right? I can’t stare to someone’s soul… It’s not right!
Then, go left! My subconscious told me, making me giggle at the time. I looked at Niall’s eyes, taking a leap of faith my eyes would leave his until I wanted so. I tried to transmit him all the feelings I had inside. Mostly fear and sorry. Fear of losing him, sorry for being the person to blame for his accident. But I transmitted the rest too, caring, understand, pureness … love!
Yeah, that’s right … love! I’m getting used to the word this way! Loving someone that’s not your family that’s… your boyfriend! I blushed and Niall smirked. I let my lips touch his, slowly, caringly, lovingly. Niall breathed all the air around him quickly and loudly, grabbing my thighs and wrapping my legs around his waist. I wrapped my hands around his neck, one of my hands slowly brushing his dark blond hairs, holding to his nape.
I felt my feet touching the bed, automatically telling me, Niall had sat on the bed. I couldn’t tell since, only now I realized, my eyes were closed. Niall’s hands ran from my tights to my head, pulling and squeezing my hair. My legs wrapped around his waist, the plant of my sole burring in his lower back. As he felt my legs closing around him tighter, Niall let out a loud moan come out his mouth. I felt my cheeks blushing. I had no idea I had the power to do this to him. My mouth fell open and Niall’s tong slipped in, exploring it like he already owned it… and he does! I took both my hands to his hair now, holding to the slightly burnt ones.
“Your hair is burnt!” I whispered when I reached for some air, immediately joining our lips again. Niall pulled to talk
“I’ll cut it tomorrow!” He clashed our lips again.
I let myself flow with the moment. Carpe Diem, always remember that Johanna. But I don’t want to… you know… lose it. No, not yet. My eyes quickly widened when Niall’ hand squeezed my bum. I felt myself gasp under his hands. That was kind of… rude and… slightly too much for me. But it became worst when I felt his hardness under me. I jumped from his arms, shaking my head repeatedly, my hands crossed in front of my chest.
“No!” I shook my head negatively again “No! No, no, no!” I said “I don’t want to… I can’t I…” I stopped when I heard Niall laughing “What’s so funny?” I asked
“I have no fault you know? You’re too sexy to resist!” I blushed “But I get of you’re not ready!”
“I just… I want you to respect me!” I whispered. Cliché, but it’s true! I need to be sure if I ever want to lose him with him, and talking about losing it before I get marry it’s a really, really big step for me already.
“I respect you!” He said, his palms pressed, behind him, in the mattress. He was smirking until he heard me talking, he turned serious then.
I smiled towards the ground and walked to him. Niall’s hands fell in his lap and I grabbed them, holding them up high, tying our hands together. I felt energy flowing through us. Combined with the stomach flips, the skin burning, the blank brain and trembling limbs, I can honestly say that this is the nastiest feeling I have ever felt in my life. But the last thing I want is its end. It really weird… Felling! I mean, it’s like you have a box of cookies (because I put everything in food, and I’m not kidding). You want to be sad, you bite a big blue cookie with a rain drop. You want to be happy you bite a big yellow cookie with a huge smile on it. You want to miss someone, you bite a bird shaped cookie with frosting of a white, pale color. You want to be in love, you bit a small and red, heart shaped cookie. I assume it’s small because I haven’t loved that many people, and I guess no one truly loves many people, even if they say they do. Deep in their hearts, they know they don’t, they’re just too stubborn to admit it sometimes. I think this cookie is supposed to be small to be ate in large bites. The first should be small, to guarantee that you do feel strongly tied to this person, the other ones should be larger… until you eat the whole thing! But why am I turning everything into food again?
Niall gasped under my holding.
“Can you feel that?” He asked, low pitched.
“Can I feel what? Butterflies?” I asked. I intended to continue but e cut me off
“Fuck butterflies, I feel the whole zoo when I’m with you!” He said, his eyebrows pressing against each other.
I smiled widely and pressed my lips against his again. Niall immediately pulled back.
“I won’t be able to repress myself if you continue!” He said, nervously “I’ll just come back in a few minutes okay?” I nodded
Niall left to the bathroom attached to his bedroom after he grabbed a new pair of clothes. I stood there, sitting in his bedroom, looking at absolutely nothing. Only the idea of not having him in the same room as me, pained. The bad thoughts came back. It’s like Niall is my good luck charm. He can take away all the bad thoughts, but when he’s missing, all the bad thoughts came back.
The hour I spent worried sick about him was one of the most horrible things I have ever experienced. I wrapped my hands around my stomach as I felt tears coming back to my eyes. I couldn’t even think back to that and still be fine, the only thing that can make me calm down is his heartbeat, the sweet melody of his huge heart pumping blood. It assures me that he’s alive, breathing, and singing like he loves to do. But mostly, because he’s still here, next to me. I closed my eyes when I heard the door opening, making more tears rolling down my face.
“Hey!” Niall said “What’s wrong?” I kept my eyes closed, my lips pressed while he sat next to me in bed “Look at me!” He asked, I didn’t reply “Look at me or I’ll make you do it!” He didn’t say it in a threatening way, but wariness in his voice too.
Scared I would annoy him in some way, I opened my eyes slowly. I could tell they were grey, Niall didn’t need to say a word about it, but he did. He frowned
“Your eyes are grey!” He emphasized “What’s wrong?” He asked, wariness stamped all over his face “Did I scare you or anything?” His eyes were terrified and his jaw was tensed. I nodded “Oh Shit!” He swore “You’re going to leave me aren’t you? I’m such a dumbass, I shouldn’t have let you witness my weakness!” I felt like laughing. What have I told you? He takes all the bad feelings away “You’re going to leave me now!” He covered his face with his hands.
“Niall…” I called and he looked up to me, his eyes slightly grey “Stop! You scared me, you did, but it wasn’t because of that! That’s just natural for you, you have no fault. You scared me when you disappeared!” I let out.
Niall let out all of the air in his lungs, relaxing in front of my eyes. He looked down for a second, but when his eyes met mine, I got goose bumps all over my body. They were deeply blue, not with a single hint of grey anymore, just … beautiful!
“Don’t scare me like that you dumbass!” He breathed, slightly angry. I giggled “What’s so funny?” His tone told me he wasn’t joking around, he was really angry at me.
His eyes were filled with agony, hurt and pain. My heart frozen and fell to the ground, breaking into pieces when I saw him like that! I sighed, walking in his direction. He changed his clothes. He was wearing grey sweatpants now… and no shirt at all. I sat by his side in the bed, looking deeply into his eyes again. He was scanning all my moves, totally focused on me and only me.
“I won’t ever leave you!” I hugged him tightly, burring my nose in his neck. I felt Niall sighting before he hugged me back, relaxed.
“Let’s sleep!” He said against my ear.
“But Niall… It’s three o’clock in the afternoon!” I informed and he raised an eyebrow.
Oh yes, he was tired from his trip, that almost, accidentally killed him. My heart tightened again and I felt the blood draining from my face. His eyes widened quickly, worried and in despair. His arms wrapped around me as I noticed all the blood was draining from him too.
“Shhh!” He caressed my hair “Let’s just sleep okay? You seem like you need to rest!” I nodded and he pulled us back to the beginning of the bed.
He raised the sheets and covered us both to keep us from the cold. His hands were wrapped around my waist, both of them holding my hips tightly. His beautiful face was turned to me, but I couldn’t be that away from him, he might be holding me close but it’s not close enough!
I pulled his head to my chest, caressing his hair gently and slowly, lovingly. Niall laughed against my chest and closed his eyes. I have no idea how many time was spent until he started to snore low pitched. I giggled low pitched and tried not to move to not wake him up.
And that brings us back to here, Niall sleeping peacefully in my chest, me squeezing him more to me, so much that I’m afraid he isn’t able to breathe. But I can hear him snore so I think it’s fine.
I opened my eyes in a desperate way to calm me down and ran my hands through his hairs. I felt him moving more to me, his nose in my neck. The snoring ceased now and I stopped, closing my eyes, at peace. Feeling his breath in my neck made me relax too. I stood there, so concentrated on feeling the breath that I hadn’t noticed it changed place… To my lips. But when I felt other lips pressing mine, I opened my eyes widely.
“Hello gorgeous!” He whispered before he kissed me again, more intense this time.
“Hi!” I whispered, pulling back but quickly joining our lips again, pulling him to me.
“I was so scared I wasn’t going to see you again!” He whispered
“Niall…” I begged him “Don’t…”
“Shhh!” He pressed his lips on mine quickly “I need to tell you this stuff! I felt heartbroken when I realized I probably wasn’t going to see your smile again!” He put some hairs behind my ear, bringing his fingers to caress my cheek after “I thought I wouldn’t be able to see these!” His hand roamed to my eyes that were now closed, feeling all the warm his touch brought to my body. His fingers touched my eyes softly and I opened them. “Hello green things!” I giggled “And these!” His hand touched my lower lip, slightly opening my mouth “I thought I would never be able to kiss these again!” His tone was needy, harmful to me. I did not wanted to see him like this. I pressed my lips on his, wrapping my hands around his body. Niall’s tong roamed free, exploring what he knew it was his and only his.
“I thought I wasn’t going to be able to feel you again!” I whispered against his lips. Though I was looking down, I could tell he was looking at me with sparkling eyes “Your warmth!” I whispered calmly “Your arms!” I grabbed one of his arms, wrapping it around me, wich he squeezed around me “Your heart!” My voice broke and I reached out to put my palm in his chest. Niall gasped and I let myself continue “These two sparkly things!” I said, putting the thumb of my right hand next to his eyes, keeping my left one in his chest. “I like these too!” I said, letting my hands run down his face to his lips! “But what I like the most is in here!” I put both of my hands in his temples “You’re so pure! You’re the most kind and loving person I know. You’re funny, you’re carefree! I just can’t understand why you hide behind your tattoos!” I felt him tightening more his hands around my waist “But I won’t push you to tell me! You’re smart too! Smarter than you seem, so… beautiful!” I said, feeling my eyes sparkle while I caressed his hairs again.
“You’re gorgeous!” He whispered, looking at me, making me blush
“You’re handsome!” I said back
“You’re handsomer!” I giggled and shook my head negatively, looking down again
“No one can beat you!” I whispered, peeking to see his reaction.
I think he understood what I meant since his lips are parted and he seems in shock! I didn’t just mean that he is more beautiful than everybody else, I meant everything, no one can beat him about anything in what comes to my heart and my mind. Niall shook hi head, trying to get back to reality, what made me giggle. He leaned his head to his right side, still living in the moon and he frowned, his eyes a bit darker. But he immediately changed, his eyes went the blue I love so much again as he noticed my worried expression.
His arms were wrapped around me tighter, almost squashing me against him. His nose buried in my neck. He whispered.
“Thank you!” I frowned
“For what?” I whisper asked
“For making me a better person!”
“I didn’t made anything Niall!” I pulled back to look at him properly “You were these things already, you just never showed them! You liked to show the world the dark side of you, that’s not who you are!” I said
“I can’t understand why you chose me to begin with!” I sighed
“I don’t actually know how to explain to you, but I can show you what I know!” I whispered “Do you want me to?” He nodded “Here!” I pulled him closer and put my palm in his chest, pressing down enough to feel his heartbeat. Niall’s eyes were closely looking at my hand. My left one, the free one, made him look up. I pressed my lips on his.
Noticing what I wanted to do, Niall put one of his hands on top of mine, pressing more so I could feel his heart. I could feel … feel him… feel his heartbeat, accelerated, fast, completely out of track. I moved our hands to my chest, putting Niall’s under mine. I broke the kiss and joined my forehead with his.
“One of the reasons!” I whispered “It’s because you can make me feel stuff no one has ever done before!”
Niall seemed angry somehow. He pulled away, disconnectingour foreheads and totally leaving my body in the cold when he got up.
“That’s because I’m your first!” He almost yelled “How do I know you’re not going to change and get another boyfriend? How can I be sure you’re not going to leave me tomorrow or the day after?”
“Because I’m yours you dumbass!” I yelled back, annoyed that he was being so rudimental.
When we fight, it’s like his smartness disappears and takes mine along with it. Niall sighed and sat on a chair he had I his bedroom, I never noticed it before until now. His eyes found mine.
“You’re mine?” He asked. He wasn’t showing a smile, but his eyes were sparkling intensely.
“I’m yours!” I nodded
Niall flew to the bed and locked me under him, tickling me. I laughed, being followed by his perfect laugh along the way. I moved underneath him, trying to make him stop, but I couldn’t. I was completely helpless when it comes to strength and Niall Horan! Mostly Niall Horan, but that’s fine! My toes were completely twisting, my arms were trying to push him away, my legs were completely still thanks to his weight above them. Playful relationships, I can honestly say they don’t just exist in the movies like I thought they did, but how could I know back then?
“Niall…” I begged, tears in my eyes already “Stop!” I giggled again and he stopped, kissing me for my surprise. His hands grabbed mine, intertwining our fingers.
“You’re mine!” He whispered in confirmation to himself
“I’m yours!” I said, confirming it at once. Confirming what I knew it was true… I was his!
“Wait!” He frowned, smiling “Weren’t you the one who was complaining about the fact that you were being treated as an object?”
He laughed and I rolled my eyes, kissing him again. I let my head rest in the mattress, resting while Niall was picking up his phone … what interrupted us! He picked up the phone, and quickly sat on the bed, next to my feet. He grabbed them and started tickling me again, answering the phone at the same time!
“Niall…” He laughed “Yes, I’m fine!” He said, laughing as I did so “Yeah! She is!” He laughed again “Yeah, she is!” He repeated. I was, hopelessly, trying to make Niall stop tickling me by moving my feet, but he was holding them with both of the hands, his phone between his shoulder and his ear “Okay, okay! I’ll stop!” He snorted “Celebrate?” He let go of my feet, letting me relax “I have to ask my beautiful girlfriend if she wants to go!” He looked at me and I blushed “I’ll call you in a minute!” He hanged up and let go of his phone in the bedside table.
“Who was it?” I asked, curious
“It was Lou! He wants me to go out later today! I’ll go if you go!” He smiled widely
“But Niall…” He stopped me
“No buts’ just tell me if you want to go or not!”
“Yes!” I answered
“Then, we’ll go!” He announced and smiled
“Hey, come here!” I asked, rubbing the mattress next to me “I want to feel you!”
Niall smiled and sat next to me. He reached out for me, pulling myself to his chest.
“I’m here, alive, good, I’m next to you!” He announced and I smiled, kissing his chest softly, making him shiver “That’s good!” He whispered, making me shiver as well. I let my body fall on his and his hand roamed free till my shoulder, moving my clothes aside to kiss the skin. My body lit on fire immediately. How can someone do this to another person? It should be a crime.
“Niall…” I whispered and Niall smiled against the skin he was now softly kissing.
“Shh!” He whispered.
I closed my eyes shut, enjoying the moment until Niall started biting my neck… hard! I moaned loudly, but that didn’t stop him from doing what he was doing, he just kept on going. I felt blood being drained from my neck. The feeling was weird but strangely pleasure full. I pulled Niall’s hair up, so his lips would meet mine.
“I hate when you do that!” I whispered, falsely angry and Niall laughed
“You liar!” He breathed and I laughed, kissing him again and again.
I pulled back when his phone rang.
“Sorry!” He whispered, his forehead joined with mine, his eyes closed
“It’s fine!” I smiled warmly, regardless the fact that he couldn’t see me.
Niall got up from the bed, picking his phone again. I covered my body with the sheets, feeling strangely cold now he left. He smiled before he answered his phone.
“Niall!” He announced “Oh, hey Lou!” He smiled towards me again “I know! I forgot, I’m sorry!” Niall laughed for two seconds and then blushed “No! Nothing like that we were just… kissing!” I felt my cheeks burning so I hid myself under his sheets “Yeah, we’ll go! See you later dude!” I could tell he hanged up.
I felt the sheets being pulled away from me and, a second later, two arms were hugging me tightly, arming m body.
“We’ll leave at nine! You want me to go pick you up in your house?” I nodded and looked at the clock by his bedside table. It was seven already. I needed to get home, eat something and get changed.
Niall smiled, noticing me doing my list of tasks in my head. I smiled back. He got up and grabbed a random t-shirt. My uggs were grabbed from the end of the wardrobe. I had no idea he had put them there. I got up and got inside my shoes.
“You look gorgeous!” He said and I giggled, looking at the glass of my phone to see me. No1 Not true, my hair is a messy mess like it always is! I sighed and grabbed my jacket, hanged on the doorknob. I put the beanie on and dressed the jacket. Niall smiled and took a step in my direction, pulling the hood up. He smiled widely and kissed my nose.
“You are, without a single doubt in my heart, mind and body, the most adorable and cute thing ever Johanna!” I smiled, shyly

Notes

Hey, hope you guys like it! Kiss! <3