Help Me

The next week is a blur of therapy appointments and physio examinations. Megan, my therapist says that I'm doing really well with my walking. I can walk a whole 4 steps without support! Apparently I'm healing incredibly fast, which is very unusual. Turns out all the dance I do has taught my body to heal injuries at an abnormally fast rate. Not that I'm complaining!

I've also been seeing a councillor to help me with my panic attacks and bad dreams. Turns out I may have PTSD, but they have to wait another week before they can properly diagnose me with anything. Jade, my councillor, has been teaching me strategies to help me calm myself down whenever I feel myself getting panicked.

The boys and Caitlin have been so incredibly supportive. Anytime I'm not at therapy, we're playing singstar and truth or dare, watching Netflix, and taking walks with me in my wheelchair to the rooftop garden. They all feel like my big brothers now, and I know there's something going on between Harry and Caitlin. The boys are staying over every night, since Paul managed to convince the hospital to move me to a bigger room with space for all the boys and Caitlin.

I've had 6 panic attacks over the past week. I try so hard to use the strategies Jade teaches me but I'm still really struggling. I've had nightmares every night about Jake, about him finding me, about the boys abandoning me. I know they're just dreams, but the thoughts are still haunting me. I feel a raw terror in my heart every time I wake up from a nightmare, in the few seconds before I realize Caitlin is still here and Jake isn't.

I had my surgeries four days ago to fix my kneecap, toes and ankle. They went very well and I am currently in a knee brace with my two toes in their own little separate casts. The doctors can't put a cast on my ankle till the stitches get taken out, so I have to wait one more week for that. I still have vicious bruising on my ribs, face and arms, but my broken ribs are mostly healed now. It still hurts to move, but I manage sitting on the floor alright, as long as my leg is stretched out. My ribs hurt when I laugh, but as long as I'm gentle they are ok. The panic attacks are incredibly painful on my ribs, and I've passed out two times from the pain while I'm trying to breathe. I'm constantly suffering from headaches and migraines, but I've got medication for them that helps a little bit. The fracture in my left arm is healing nicely, luckily I'm right handed so it doesn't hurt that much. The cut on my stomach made by the knife is luckily uninfected , but although I won't admit it to anyone, is very painful a lot of the time. He didn't cut too deep, but the nurses stitching it up said it was an odd shape that will be painful to heal.

So basically, I'll be in a wheelchair till I leave the hospital, and then on crutches for about two months. Luckily, Architecture is a very easy subject to study while in hospital, so I've been spending lots of my time trying to keep up with the video lectures and filling my drawing pad with projects. Caitlin's been going back to uni every day so she can keep up with her law degree and hand my work in for me, but one of the boys is always here with me.

Right now, we're all sitting in a circle on the floor, playing mafia. "Okay... And mafia wake up!", Louis calls. Me and Liam cautiously raise our heads and grin evilly as we both point at Harry's curly head that's currently buried in Caitlin's shoulder. Louis nods and I shut my eyes and rest my chin on my chest again. Just as Louis calls for the doctor to wake up, the door opens.

"I'm already very awake, Mr Tomlinson!", Dr Bennett says with a grin. He's become like our friend, always joking around with us. "Now, Brooke, I have news on your surgeries and their results. Seems like all went very, very well. So well, that I am prepared to release you half a week early! Four more days with us and then you are free to go home. The casts will have to stay on for three more weeks, but your bones are already making remarkable recoveries and you should be able to walk normally as soon as the casts come off. You will have to be on crutches for one month after you leave, while the casts are still on, but your physiotherapy seems to be going so well I don't know if you'll need them for more than a month! The gash on you stomach will take about three weeks to heal fully, and it will scar, but we are making good progress with it so you'll be able to take the bandages off in two more weeks. You'll finish up your therapy and councilling sessions while you're here, and by the time you leave you won't need them anymore! So you should be out of here in one week!"

I smile happily as all the boys cheer and Caitlin leans over to give me a hug. "One week", she smiles. "And then you're back to normal", Dr Bennett says. "Alright, I'll leave you to your game, enjoy!", he says, giving us all a friendly wave and walking back out of the room. "
I look down. Yeah, totally, back to normal.

Uni finishes in two weeks. I've been keeping up with my work, but I'm so caught up with everything's that happening at the moment that I'm not sure if I want to continue with my course this year. I'm only first year, which means I can just easily pick the course back up next year. I've been thinking about talking to my dean about it. I'll be on crutches for one month after I leave, which'll make it even harder getting around. That's why I think it'd be worth it to take a break for the rest of the year and earn some real money so that we can upgrade from our tiny flat and afford a real lifestyle.

So many decisions, no idea what to do. But while I'm here, safe with the boys and Caitlin, I'm not going to worry about any of it. Well, maybe just a little bit.

My thought train is interrupted by Zayn poking me in the shoulder. "Brooke... earth to Brooke!"

"Whaaa-??" I look up. Everyone's staring at me. "Accusations??", Louis says. "Oh, I think it's Niall", I smirk. "Yeah, definitely Niall", grins Liam. Niall turns to us, a glare on his face. "Nooooooo!"

Notes

Hey xxx
Sorry it's crazy late, I've been on holiday for two and a half weeks without internet!!!! (I know, shock-horror right?!?!?) But I'm back, and ready to rumble again!! I've realized that a lot of the really good writers completely finish writing their stories before they start posting chapters, which I'm kinda regretting not doing now :(

But in other news, my school had a lockdown today!! There was a man with a gun somewhere in the area and police couldn't find him, so we had to hide in our classrooms with the lights off and doors locked! Some classes had to barricade their doors with desks because they couldn't lock them. But we are all safe now, although the man is still on the run :(

Anywayyyyyys, enough of my jabbering,
love you lots,
Half_a_heart x