Help Me

We lounge around for a few more minutes before Caitlin stands up. “Right, I need some clean clothes and a phone charger, and you need a hairbrush! I’ll go back to the flat, pick up a few things including our Disney movies and junk food, and I’ll be right back.” I look up nervously. “Don’t worry, I’ll have my phone right beside me so call if you need anything.” She pats her pocket reassuringly. I nod, and she comes over and gives me a quick hug. “Half and hour, and I’ll be back.” I give her a small wave as she walks out the door.

The room is now completely silent as I snuggle up in my blankets. The clock ticks silently on the wall as I twist my fingers nervously into the sheets. The white walls seem to glare at me, and I look out the window instead. The rest of the city seems so far away. How did I end up here? What am I doing? I literally just spent an afternoon with One Direction, acting like nothing ever happened. What did happen? I really haven’t even thought about this yet.

What am I going to do? I have a uni degree, all of my dance classes, my job at the cafe that I’m trying to get a promotion for… I have to get out of here as soon as possible. I’ve already wasted enough of everyone's time here.

Honestly, that’s all I do. Make everything about me. I always act like there’s nothing wrong so that people don’t have to take pity on me. But at the same time, I over-exaggerate all my problems so I’m always creating drama around myself.
I think I do it so that people will still like me. I try to be happy all of the time, because I’m scared of losing the friends I have. I want people to want to be around me. But at the same time, I try to create the drama over the little things because I need people to realize there’s something wrong. I don’t know how to sit down and tell someone that I need help.
That’s why it took me so long to confess to Caitlin about me and Jake’s relationship.

My breathing is starting to speed up a little as my eyes fill with tears. Words are swirling round my head. So many words. Worthless. Ugly. Needy. Demanding. Words I used to hear from Jake on a daily basis. Words that cut deep into me. My grip around my phone is tightening. All I'm looking for is something to hold onto.

The full terror of what happened yesterday finally hits me. He could be anywhere. Looking for me. Right now. And I've got no way to save myself. My independent mask is crumbling around me and I can't handle it. But I don't need anyone to help me. I don't. I don't.

My stomach is clenching with pain. I am literally trying to hold onto anything. Anything that will give me the strength to get up and walk out. Show everyone that this doesn't affect me. Bury the emotions that are threatening to make an explosive escape.

The red panic button sits tantalizingly out of reach. Someone must have knocked it away in the rush of bear hugs and happiness. I stretch out a shaking hand, desperately trying to grasp my last piece of hope before I break down completely. I can't reach. Suddenly drained of energy, I slump back. My vision is starting to flicker as a result of my jagged breathing.

Pain begins to shoot through my head. Feeling extremely dizzy, my eyes frantically search the room for help. My phone. I've been holding it this entire time. Stupid. Just like everything you do. My finger unlocks the screen as I look through a kaleidoscope of swirling shapes.

In a flicker of vision, I see Niall's last text appear on the screen. Without hesitation, I click on his contact and frantically hit the 'dial' button. With shaking hands, I put the phone on speaker.

"Hey Brooke, missing me too much already?"

He's smirking. I know it.
"Plea-please..." I manage to gasp out. "Ni, please!"
"Brooke? Are you ok?"

"No, no, no... No!"
It's all I can say. My vision is getting worse. The pounding in my head is burning a hole through my brain, I'm sure of it.
"Please, Ni, please...!"
The words are surrounding me, suffocating.
"Hold on, I'm coming right now. Just keep talking to me!"

I hear rustling in the background.
"TURN THE CAR AROUND"
"Ni-"
"TURN IT AROUND!"

Paul's protests with Niall get nowhere, and there's the sound of screeching tires in the background of the call.
"Brooke, are you still there? You have to talk to me!"
"Please..."
It's the only word running through my mind. Jake could be anywhere. The mere thought is terrifying me.
"Please!"
"I'm coming... I'm coming!"

My breathing is jagged, I can feel my heart pounding against my chest way too hard. My ribs are in agony as I double over, barely breathing anymore.
"Brooke? You have to listen to me. Can you hit the panic button?"

"N-no... too... far... away"
"Ok... we are about seven minutes away. You have to hold on. Find something in your room you can concentrate on."

My eyes search and rest on the bracelet around my wrist. Caitlin gave it to me on my 18th birthday. She has a matching one.
"Yes...Cait- bracelet"
"Follow the pattern on it... try to slow your breathing down. We'll be there soon!"
White bead. Blue bead. Flower. White bead. Blue bead. Flower. Worthless. White bead. Blue bead. Give up. Flower. Ugly. White bead. Helpless. Danger. Jake. Anywhere. Run. Needy.

"No... no, no, no, no!" I whimper. Pathetic.

"Brooke, you have to breathe."

Too late. I'm choking back tears, gasping. It's not working.
"Two minutes, you have to hold on!"

"I... can't..."
"Don't close your eyes. Please, just listen to my voice. Please, Brooke, please!"

There is a rushing sound in my ears now, and everything starts to swim. I push myself up on my elbows, and watch in horror as the phone slides off my lap onto the floor.
No, no, no!
I lean over the edge of the bed, scrabbling frantically for the phone. He's the last thing left I can hold onto. I start to slide, and grasp at thin air as I fail to stop myself from hitting the floor. I can feel the needle tugging on my hand uncomfortably as I stretch out my shaking arm and grab the phone.
"Brooke? Are you ok? What was the thud?!"
"Fell... bed... Ok... hurry."
I drag my left leg behind my as I reach for the side of the low bed. Every muscle in my body screams in protest as I pull myself up, balancing on my one good leg.
I flop down, a wave of dizziness clouding my vision.
"Hurry..."
"We are at the front doors now, just hold on!"
And I can hear a slamming car door in the background, running footsteps.

I concentrate on the sheet that is being twisted between my white-knuckled fingers. My other hand is grasping at my throat, like I'm trying to rip the panic out of me. My lungs are on fire, burning the life out of me. Burning the fight out of me.
Suddenly, there are running footsteps outside and the door bangs open.
I look up through my blurred vision, and see the boys bursting into the room. Niall takes one look at me and turns to Louis. "Get a doctor NOW!" He runs back out of the room followed by Zayn.
Niall is beside me in an instant, looking at me with a mixture of sadness and worry etched into his face.

Notes

Hey guys!

Sorry for the extra long wait, the Christmas season is a very busy time!I actually wrote a way longer chapter, but it wouldn't let me post it, it was too long. So you'll be getting another chapter in the next few days ;)

I've got over 1500 views now! Guys this a dream come true :D I would love it if a few more of you subscribed, or even just rated and commented! Obviously people are reading my story, it would take 0.5 seconds to rate it or write a short comment! Come onnnnnnnnn people!!

Thank you so much for continuing to read my story,
lots of love, Half_a_heartx