All Hidden Away

“You okay?” says Mikey looking panicked as I sit down next to him. I nod and smile gently before he grips my shoulder and rubs it gently. I look to the stage to see some girl, who I should probably know, announcing some award. I look over to see Harry and Niall taking their seats looking less shaken. Harry frowns and searches the crowd and visibly relaxes when he finds me. He whispers something in Lou’s ear who nods and looks at me. I smile.
“And the nominees for Favourite Duo or Group are: Maroon 5 - ” the entire house erupts into applause. “One Direction-” more applause and this time I clap loudly too. “Walk the Moon.” I lean over to Luke.
“Why are they up against Walk the Moon, they’re more rock, right?” he smiles and shrugs.
“And the winner is…ONE DIRECTION!” everyone goes crazy and I smile over at the boys to see Hazz embracing Lou, and I think he kissed his cheek, before Liam and Niall quickly join the hug and go upstage. They hug the presenter and Liam takes the mic.
“Wow… This means a lot to us all. It couldn’t have happened without all of our amazing fans. Thank you all for voting. And thanks to Simon and our team for always giving us the best advice and always being so approachable.” Bad timing, Liam. I had just taken a sip of my wine and I nearly spat it across the table. I look at the stage in complete shock and I see Louis looking at Liam like he could kick him in the head and shaking his head gently, clearly agreeing with me.
“Welcome to the land of make believe.” I say shaking my head as Liam continues talking.
“What?” asks Jack looking at me and smiling. “Don’t agree with what Liam is saying?” he asks. I roll my eyes.
“Fucking bull shit and everyone knows it.” I say shaking my head as the boys walk off with huge smiles and a trophy.
“That bad, huh?” asks Jack with a smile. I just nod and ignore the urge to go over and give Liam a piece of my mind. I am calm down when I look over and see Louis and Harry doing just that. I smile wider. The evening proceeds with much laughter and joking around our table. 1D score another award and Zayn performs really well. I’m happy for him, but pissed off they panned the cameras to the boys table during his performance. Luckily, they were all smiling for the camera, looking proud of their friend.

“Where did you go today?” Asks Rian smiling across the table as someone else started performing. I look at him in confusion. “Skateboarding.” He clarifies. I smile.
“Uh, I don’t know. It was kinda a surprise date.” I say squeezing Luke’s hand gently. He smiles.
“I know how to get there but I can’t tell where it is or what it’s called.” He says rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. Rian Laughs.
“Did you have fun?” He asks looking at us. My smile widens and I nod manically.
“Show him the pic, babe.” Says Luke. The word rolls off his tongue so smoothly it’s like he doesn’t have to put in effort.
“What pic?” asks Alex getting interested. I shake my head and rummage in my bag for my phone.
“Paps got an awesome pic of her mid ollie.” Says Cal nodding.
“Where was it posted?” Asks Jack smiling. I look at Alex.
“Do you have my phone?” I ask. Luke lets go of my hand and digs in his pocket.
“Sorry, I forgot I had it.” He says handing it back to me. I smile and look at Jack with raised eyebrows.
“My family is under Modest! Do you honestly think it was allowed to be posted anywhere?” This makes him laugh.
“True… sorry I forgot you weren’t with these guys’ chilled and laid back management.” He says smiling. I shrug and open my phone wishing we all were, as I look through the pics. I look at it and realise you can see a bit of my stomach and suddenly feel self-conscious about it. Understandable after just having one of the worst panic attacks yet. I sigh and hand it to Mikey to pass to Alex since we swapped seats. Alex smiles hugely and laughs.
“You cannot tell me this was your first time on a board!” He says passing it to Rian and Zack. Jack leans in and also starts laughing.
“Second…” I say blushing slightly. I swallow nervously. They all laugh and nod their heads. I feel a hand on my shoulder and see Zayn standing there. I push out my chair and stand up awkwardly as he hugs me.
“I came to look for you earlier just before I performed… is everything okay?” He asks with genuine concern and I feel bad for feeling uncomfortable. I nod and smile until I look over his shoulder and see Louis watching carefully. Shame. You can’t blame him…
“Just went to the loo.” I say. He raises an eyebrow.
“With three guys?” He asks jokingly. I shake my head.
“Boys also surprisingly need to pee.” I joke back but hope he can’t read me as well as he used to.
“Well, I just wanted to say thanks for being here… I’ve got to go now, but see if we can meet up afterwards.” He says politely.
“Sorry, mate. We kinda had plans for after.” Says Jack who is clearly listening in.
“Yeah, we were going to hit a club with the 1D guys.” Says Luke. Jesus. Is everyone listening to our conversation. I see a flicker of anger flash across his features before he nods in understanding.
“See you soon kid.” He says before hugging me and walking off. I sigh and sit down. Everyone is talking and I zone out slightly as they announce Taylor winning the last award of the evening. Everyone starts clapping and I give a quick applause out of the kindness of my heart of knowing her.
“I also want to thank the person that inspired this song.” I close my eyes.
“Oh shit…” I say as everyone looks at Harry.
“Who knows exactly who he is… because now I got one of these! Thank you so much!” I drop my head into my hands.
“God I wish I didn’t clap…” I say making Luke and Alex laugh. I notice Louis and Niall talking on the big screen as Harry tries his best to not laugh.
“Not bitter at all…” says Mikey laughing.
“Fucking bitch.” I say shaking my head.
“Wow… I haven’t heard a lady use language like that since I last saw my mum.” Jokes Rian. I roll my eyes.
“She deserves it.” A new singer approaches the stage and performs the last performance of the night.
“I forced her to sing along to Style today.” Says Luke smiling proudly. I smile.
“Dude! That’s like making you sing along to that stupid song that bitch wrote.” Says Zack laughing making everyone shake their heads.
“Which one?” I ask frowning. Mikey stretches out proudly.
“The one inspired by this very man sitting in front of you.” He says jokingly. I laugh.
“Well, move over so I can see the man behind you then!” I say pulling out my tongue at him. He feigns hurt as the others make comments about the burn.
“It’s by this Abbigail chick I dated a while back. It basically disses every single part of me.” He says laughing but I can see the hint of hurt behind it.
“I hate your dumb tattoo; I wish you’d fly to the moon.” Says Alex singing badly. Well, as badly as he can sing.
“Yeah, that one.” Says Ash rolling his eyes. I sigh.
“Why do people need to be so bitchy? Just, get over it.” I say laughing.
“You can’t tell me you never wanted one of the guys to write a song about you or your ex.” Says Cal laughing. I shrug and think about how I was in on the writing for Story of My Life and If I Could Fly and what Harry told me about them. And I think of the awful guy I dated for about a month and told the guys about him and his awful dates and the shit that happened… I bite my lip subconsciously and nod.
“Oh my god…” says Ashton looking at me. “They did, didn’t they?!” he says laughing.
“ARE YOU OLIVIA!?” says Jack banging the table a little loudly. I laugh.
“No. That song is heavily misinterpreted.” I smile and shake my head.
“So, which one’s feature you?” asks Ash. I feel a small tug in my chest and shake my head which he understands. Thankfully Alex saw it and changed the subject.
“Is Perfect about her?” asks Alex laughing. I shrug.
“If you saw half the shit-” I’m cut off mid-sentence when I feel someone lean in to my personal space. I want to move still being sensitive after the panic attack but the firm hand on my shoulder only allows my head to swivel.
“Tell your brother and his whore I say thank you.” I hear her say as she leans in to me. It wasn’t loud enough for everyone else at my table to hear… just me. My blood began to boil and seeing the smirk on her face made me want to punch it off of it. She winks at me before sitting down. I turn back to my table my fists balled and ready to punch someone. I rest my head on the table and take a deep breath. Luke’s hand goes to my back protectively almost immediately, not skipping a beat on the act.
“And what did that bundle of joy say?” asks Zack laughing.
“God I swear I could kill a bitch.” I say sitting up and shaking my head as everyone looks at me.
“Remind me to not piss you off?” says Mikey smiling. I shake my head, not really in the mood for jokes. His eyes soften as he gauges how angry I actually am. Ash leans forward slightly.
“What did she say?” he asks looking sad and concerned.
“To tell Harry and his whore, she says thank you.” I say with a deadpan expression. I see the realisation on the Aussie boy’s faces as they understand what she meant. Luke places his hand on top of my clenched on the table.
“She’s not worth it, Tasha.” He says gently. I nod and take a deep breath.
“Wait… so Hazz cheated on her?” asks Zack with a confused expression. They clearly know Harry isn’t actually like that.
“Not quite… She just, he called it off and she jumped to conclusions… I guess.” I say trying to tell the truth as best as possible. There is a moment of silence where Luke gently rubs his thumb on the back of my hand.
“So, the paps were right. You are close to Harry.” Says Alex smiling gently. I smile and laugh quietly.
“I’m close to all of them. They my family, but yes. Harry is like… he’s like my brother.” I say shrugging. The anger still bubbled in my gut but I felt so comfortable right now. Nothing felt as forced as I thought it would be. It was all just so natural.
“Did you grow up much with Niall? Where are you from?” says Jack smiling. I smile until I realise I can’t say Holmes Chapel.
“Uh, I’m busy studying at UCL but I kinda moved around a lot as a kid…” I say squeezing Luke’s hand telling him I needed the subject away from me. Miraculously he understood.
“Well, this has been lovely, but I promised Tasha we would head out before all the crowds. And after our eventful night, I suggest we go asap.” He says smiling. I squeeze his hand again in thanks and stand.
“Good idea.” Says Lex also standing and stretching slightly while we all gather our things and head to the cars.

“Luke! Tasha! Luke and Tasha!” I am forced straight into a camera and Luke stands protectively by my side as does Mikey. “We saw Taylor saying something to you after she got her award. What did she say?” I try to not roll my eyes. Of course they fucking saw that…
“That she was glad I could make it and that she liked my dress.” I say forcing myself to smile before being turned around and having Luke practically pulling me through the crowd of cameras. When a large group of people come around us, Luke – never letting go of my hand - and the guys convince them to back off because I was feeling ill, which wasn’t a complete lie. Well, Mikey just annoyed them away by asking stupid questions about their cameras and the job making me smile.
“So like, do you have to press it a lot of times or do you just hold it? Because if you can press that fast is really impressive.” I shake my head as it gets some people to move off…

Once we were off the carpet and things quieted down slightly I see Paul walk over and smile.
“How was it?” he asks smiling.
“Eh… it was interesting.” I say shrugging slightly. He nods.
“Boys are in the car. Which one are you traveling in?” He asks. I look up at Luke who smiles supportively.
“Tell Hazz I’ll meet him back at the house… I’m not quite ready to be drilled to death about the whole Taylor comment thing.” I say looking at my shoes. Paul looks at me understandingly. He’s always been the best.
“I’ll leave out that last part.” He says with a wink before walking off and Mike leads us to our car. I slide in between Cal and Luke this time and I can tell the boys are wanting to go out and have some fun from the energy in the car. After a few minutes of driving I close my eyes for a few seconds and lean my head against the seat, enjoying the boys joking nature that leaves me warm inside. Especially when they all laugh.
“Luke… the cameras are gone… you can let go of her hand now.” Says Cal smiling and sounding smug. I shoot my eyes open and try to ignore the blushing boy beside me and the blush creeping onto my face.
“Sorry, it just. I didn’t notice I was still holding it.” He says quietly making the boys laugh. But the funny thing is that I didn’t notice he was still holding my hand either… But I could tell when he wasn’t.
“You two are too cute.” Says Ash turning around and smiling at us before shooting me a wink. I lean my head back against the seat and feel Luke nervously bounce his knee next to me.
“Stop moving.” I whisper as I place my hand on his leg and let it fall next to him as I slowly start falling asleep from the eventful evening. I was tired, but still awake enough to feel him secretly playing with my fingers. I sit and try fight the smile off my face.

Notes