All Hidden Away

Tasha’s POV

By the time I got to the park bench, my chest was heaving and my face was wet with tears and rain. I forgot to bring an umbrella… but I didn’t really care. I sniff a couple of times and pull my hoody over my head. I see a bench that’s slightly in shadow even if there is a street light just above it. I move over to it and I sat down to try to get my head around this.

How the fuck could I be friends with Zayn, after the shit that came out after he left? I mean I know the boys aren’t always happy with the band, but saying he never wanted to be a part of it at all? I know that’s just the anger talking. But still… there was so much unnecessary drama and insults thrown around. He aggravated and pushed Lou by insulting Hazza and the band, which resulted in the many twitter arguments that people seemed to loved… he never outright insulted me but I knew he would if he could. He wasn’t exactly friendly when I tried to stay in contact with him. It was actually mum and Gem who advised me to let it go and let the boys deal with it. I hiccup and let out a small sob. I pick up my phone and dial mum.

“Hello?” she answers cheerily after a few rings. I sniff.
“Hi mum…” I croak out quietly.
“Aw, baby… what’s happened?” she asks gently with concern.
“Hazz and I had a fight and I just don’t know what to do…” I say not wanting her to blab everything to Hazz like she so often does. I mean, yeah it’s her job but sometimes I need my secrets.
“Aww… baby. Have you spoken to him?”
“We aren’t really on speaking terms right now.” My voice cracks and I let out a sob.
“Then speak to Lou. Get him to help you out with it okay? You know he will.” I sigh at her concern.
“Yeah… okay.” I say quietly with a guilty heart. I want to talk to Lou but I can’t.
“I’m just cooking dinner, but if you need to talk I can put you on speaker?” she offers. I wipe my eyes with my wet jacket and shiver.
“No, it’s okay thanks mum. I don’t really want to talk about out.” She sighs.
“Okay, well… call me if you need me okay love?” she offers. I sniff.
“Thanks mum. I love you.”
“Love you to my babes…” I hang up and see I have messages from Harry and Lou asking if I’m okay. I ignore them and look at the other messages. Michael, Cal, Liam and Niall have all sent me messages asking where I am. I sigh again and rest my head in my hands. I sit up and as I’m about to put my phone in my pocket – my phone starts to ring with an unfamiliar number. I frown at it and decide to answer it despite my current emotional state.
“Yeah?” I ask not even bothering to hide the fact I had been crying. I pull my legs into my chest and rest my chin on my knees.
“Tasha? It’s Ashton. Luke and I are at the park to make sure you’re okay…” he says sounding concerned. “Whereabouts are you?”
“How did you… I’m sitting on the bench just as you come in…” I say, not really sure why I’m telling him. There is silence on the other end.
“Do you want us to come make sure you’re okay… or?” I think for a few seconds.
“Yes… no… I don’t know.” I say wanting to start crying again and a sob slowly makes it way out of my chest. I sniff.
“Okay, well we’re coming any way- oh! I think I can see you.” He says giggling before I see two tall figures making their way through the rain towards me. I hang up and rest my head back on my knees, hugging my now cold and wet body close to myself. I feel a person sit down next to me. Luke takes off his jacket before he sits down and drapes it over my shoulders.
“Thanks…” I sniff wiping at my eyes as I slightly lift my head off my knee.
“Any time.” He says taking a seat to my right while Ash sits to my left and pulls me in for a hug. I lean into his chest and after a few seconds start silently crying again. We sit like that for a few moments.
“Sorry…” I mumble pulling away and looking out into the half illuminated park over my knees.
“It’s okay.” Says Ash rubbing my back with his large hand, clearly used to being a big brother. We sit here for a while, not saying anything.
“Harry is worried…” says Luke quietly placing a hand on my knee. I sigh and frown.
“Oh so that’s why you’re here.” I state without looking up at them. There is a moment of silence before Ash opens his mouth.
“Well, partly. But we also came because we, like your brothers, care about you and want to make sure you’re okay.” He says quietly.
“Yeah. You don’t need to talk, let’s just sit for a bit.” Offers Luke. We do as he suggests and after a few seconds I feel them looking at me.
“I know what you guys are thinking… but I will not talk to him, his band, or you about this.” I say firmly.
“Yeah… we guessed.” Says Ash quietly.
“What’s wrong Tasha? You know you can talk to us…” says Luke frowning with concern.
“Nothing’s wrong… I’m fine.” I say quietly. Ashton chuckles. “I just mean that, I’m not in trouble, or danger or anything… I’m just, trying to deal with something but I’m fine.” I say trying to explain even though my breathing is irregular from crying.
“Don’t be silly. Its nearly nine at night, and you’re sitting on a park bench, crying in the rain…you’re not fine, Tasha.”
“If I didn’t even know you, I would be able to tell you were in a band.” I say smiling. Ashton and Luke look at each other and frown. “Sounds like something some romantic heartbreak song would say.” I say shrugging. He and Luke laugh making me smile slightly.
“Yeah… well… we need a chorus that explains why the girl is sad.” urges Luke, over extending the metaphor. We sit for a few minutes in silence, them anticipating me to answer and me thinking of how to answer or if I even should. Nervously I start to chew on the inside of my cheek – an old habit of mine I never have been able to stop. After a while of his question hanging in the air, in a split second I decide to talk to them.
“Maybe, it could be because her brothers’ ex best friend and ex band mate who turned into an asshole and stopped talking to her even after she told him she wasn’t angry with him when she could have been… called her saying he needed her... and she wants to help him even though what he did made her and her family very sad, so she feels like she would be betraying her brothers if she were to help him. But she’s a stupid bitch who can’t say no so now she is betraying her brothers…”
I say quietly and quickly. Not sure if they even heard or understood me, I lean my head back into my heads as I feel the sobs building at base of my throat.
“First of all, you’re not a stupid bitch-” starts Ashton.
“Hey, who said this had to do with her?” ask Luke jokingly. I smile slightly.
“Secondly… it just makes you an amazing friend.” He finishes ignoring Luke’s comment. I sigh.
“Yet I still feel like a shit sister… If they knew, who knows what they might think. I feel like it’s just going to cause shit.” I say playing nervously with my fingers.
“You know, that’s what Harry figured it was…” says Luke after a while. I turn to look at him. His face covered in shadow.
“And?” I ask wincing, expecting the worst. I look up to meet his gaze.
“He felt bad, I think.” Says Luke looking at me with worry in his blue eyes. I exhale loudly.
“That you had to choose…” explains Ash.
“And what am I meant to do?” my voice cracks as my eyes fill with tears. Luke winces at my pain before pulling me into a hug.
“I don’t know… talk to him I guess. I don’t think he’d be angry.” Says Luke quietly into my ear. I sniff and feel oddly comforted by being hugged by Luke. I wrap my arms around his waist and sigh shakily.
“I just don’t want to add tension to the riff, you know? I didn’t even get a chance to say good bye to Zayn. Then suddenly he’s gone and just being rude and –” I ramble getting worked up again until Luke gently shushes me, rubbing my back with his hands while Ash sits there rubbing my shoulders.
“Sorry… I know I’m being stupid.” I say sitting up and wiping my eyes.
“No you’re not. It’s okay. Harry was also pretty upset.” Says Ashton quietly. I groan.
“Was he angry with me after I left?” I ask looking at him, begging to say no.
“A little, but more concerned about you. Lou kept him calm.” He says gently. Luke stands up.
“Come on. You’re going to get sick if you stay much longer.” He says extending a hand out to me. I smile and take it in my own for him to pull me up gently. He wraps an arm protectively across the back of my shoulders while Ash walks next to us while we head home.

Once we get to the gate I freeze, not wanting to confront Hazza. Ash opens the gate and we walk inside. Luke opens the door and I walk through to a very quiet house. I walk towards the kitchen where I can hear quiet whispers. I stick my head through and I am suddenly pulled into a hug. I stiffen but realise its Lou and not Hazz. I wrap my arms around his torso and cradle my head in his neck.
“You okay?” he asks quietly. I pull away from him nodding and look to see he has also been crying, which breaks my heart a little bit more.
“Is… is Hazz still around?” I ask. Now seeing that it was Li and Lou talking. Liam shoots me a sympathetic look and I force a smile for him.
“Yeah, he’s outside with Mikey …” I frown at Lou’s tone.
“No… you guys didn’t fight over this… please?” I say starting to feel worse and worse.
“We’re okay, just a bit of a heated argument over forgiving certain people and their dickhead moves.” He says crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. I wince and head outside. I open the patio door and slowly step out to see Mikey and Hazza in deep discussion. Harry looks up when I walk out and I can see he has been crying. He visibly relaxes and stands before pulling me into a hug. I feel Mikey place a comforting hand on my back before walking inside.
“Are you okay?” asks Hazz.
“I’m sorry… I just didn’t know what to say.” I say quietly.
“It’s okay… hey, we’re okay.” He says pulling back and kissing the top of my head. He smiles. We sit on the edge of the patio for a bit in comfortable silence. He runs a nervous hand through his hair before starting to bounce his leg.
“Oh go and apologise to Lou already!” I say. He smiles in thanks and runs inside. I look out to the garden and feel someone come sit down next to me. I turn to see my favourite blond Irishman. I lean into his shoulder and he wraps an arm protectively around me.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk to you about it, Ni.” I say quietly. He nods.
“You know you can talk to me about anything.” He says just as quietly. I nod.
“Yeah… I know.” I say smiling. After a while I sit up and realise how tired I am. “well, I think I’m going to go to bed…” I say rubbing my eyes with my hands and looking at him. He nods and smiles. He leans in and kisses my forehead before I stand up.
“Sleep well, Bug.” He says. “Oh…” I stop moving inside and turn to look at him. “And nice jacket by the way.” He winks as I realise I’m still wearing Luke’s jacket. I flip him off as he starts to laugh at my blushed state and walk inside and go say goodnight to everyone. Lou and Hazz are still talking so I leave them to it, but give everyone else I can find a hug.

Notes