Winter

I woke up as I felt sunshine on my face. I wasn’t sure where I was but when I opened my eyes, I recognized my own room. I was in my own bed, which meant I made it back safely but something wasn’t quite right but I didn’t know what that was, that is until my stomach played up and made me run to the toilet and as I threw up I first thought it was the flu. “Mom!” I yelled and sure enough there she came running.

“Are you okay sweetheart?” I shook my head and sat down next to the toilet and quickly flushed. “Do you want me to call the doctor?”

“Yes please.” She helped me get up and put me back to bed. She stroked some loose hairs back from my forehead and for a second I thought back to my adventure in the past or did I dream it? Because that was how it felt, like a bad dream.

Not long after the family doctor walked in and as he pressed his hand to my forehead, he looked confused and I could see why, I mean I didn’t really look sick, I just felt sick. “Can you describe me how you are feeling Winter?”

“I feel fine most of the times but I just get nauseous out of nothing.”

“Are you sexually active?” I had to think about and I think I was but I wasn’t sure about it, how weird right but I just knew in my guts that I wasn’t a virgin any longer but to whom I lost it was really vague. “I think so, I mean I don’t really remember.”

“You don’t remember, were you drunk when you had sex?” I could feel my cheeks burn under his scrutiny and I actually felt ashamed. “I guess so.” I mumbled and that’s when he looked at my stomach. “I would like to do a pregnancy test, if that’s okay?” I nodded and as he rummaged in his bag, I couldn’t help but think about how I gotten in this situation in the first place and bothered me the most, was that I really didn’t remember who I had sex with in the first place, I mean how could you forget about something like that?

The doctor gave me a cup to pee in and afterwards I handed it to him and he immediately tested it to see if the sample turned blue and to my utmost surprise it did. To say I was shocked to see the results, was an understatement. How in the world could this have happened? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I mean maybe something happened during my time in the past. Did I have an relationship with one of the man I met through my journey and if so why couldn’t I remember.

“You’re pregnant dear.” The doctor sounded sympathetic and he glanced at my mother who nodded slightly. I wondered what that was about and something told me it wasn’t good. “You still don’t remember having sex? I shook my head and the expression in his eyes turned sad and he nodded to himself. “There are options for you if you decide that you don’t want this baby, you know this right?”

“I know but I do want this baby, why would I consider anything else?”

“Well as you can’t remember how you got pregnant it’s most likely that you have been drugged and raped.” I wasn’t really following him because that didn’t make any sense at all because if that was the case I would’ve known. I mean if someone raped me I must’ve felt it the morning after right?

“I want this child.”

“Sweetheart, do you really think that’s for the best, I mean you don’t have a real job right now and a baby costs a lot of money.” I had never thought that my mother would act like this and it actually hurt. I thought she would support me no matter what.

“Are you saying that you wouldn’t help me?”

“No of course not. I will help where I can but it’s your child so you have to take care of it.”

“And I will, you really don’t have to worry about that.”

“Are you absolutely sure Winter?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Then I really want you to go to the hospital to see how far along you are and maybe you should pick out a midwife.” I nodded and got up from my bed. The doctor said his goodbyes and wished me luck. My mother lingered and I know she still wanted to say something.

“Just spill it out mom.”

“Maybe it’s for the best if you went back to Edinburgh, at least until the baby is born.” My mouth dropped to the floor because out of everything this was the thing I did not expect.

“Wait you want me to leave?”

“No of course not but what will the neighbours think, really darling this is just scandalise, I really don’t want to deal with that, you understand right?” I nodded slowly not sure what else I could’ve said to her, never had I thought that her reputation was more important than her own daughter.

“Mom?” she turned back around and looked at me and I had to take a deep breath before I opened my mouth.

“If you do this, you will never see me again. If you choose yourself over me and your grandchild then this is the last you will see of us, do you understand.” This took her back but I saw that she already made her decision.

“So be it, I will miss you but if this is for the best then so be it.” She turned and as I heard the front door slam, I knew she expected me to be gone before she got back home and as I threw my clothes into my suitcase, I called one of my friends because I had to stay somewhere didn’t I?

“Winter, what’s up?” Elena asked and I smiled “Elena, I need a favour.”

“Shoot.”

“I need a place to stay until I find some permanent place.”

“Okay, well you can stay with me as long as you like but why, is everything okay?”

“Not really but I will tell you everything when I get there I promise.”

“All right, let me know when you arrive.” I promised her and I quickly went online to buy a ticket and I was happy to see that there was a flight leaving in less than four hours. I sat down at my desk to write a little note for my mom, telling her how disappointed I was, that it had to be this way and that I wished her the best. After that I called a cab and waited until it arrived and I was lucky that it arrived really fast.

I turned one last time to look at the house that once was my home but now it was just a reminder that I wasn’t wanted and that stung but I had to pull through even if it was for the baby inside me.

The cab was fast and I had enough time to walk to my gate and board the plane. I had told the lady at the check in desk that I was pregnant and I must say that they were doing everything to make me comfortable and it made the flight a lot better.

I texted Elena my arrival time and when the plane finally landed I was happy to be back in Scotland. I always enjoyed myself here, amongst my friends and maybe they could tell me what happened during the time we were on Christmas break. The only thing I remember was staying at a cottage and next door there were a few guys but that was about it.

“Winter!” I heard her yell my name and I hurried to her. She stopped my before I could hug her and that’s when I registered the shock on her face because the bump was pretty visible.

“How?”

“Well if a man and woman have sex without protection.” She stopped me by putting her hand on my mouth and I couldn’t help but giggle. “I don’t need that explanation but how long?”

“I’m not sure. I have to make an appointment at the hospital.” She looked sceptic. “Alright we will stop at the hospital first because you need to know.”

“Okay, lead the way.”

Notes