Struggle - H.S.

The next day we had to say goodbye to Zayn. We kept it small so that we didn't risk anyone else. It was a beautiful day and we made sure that the casket was how he wanted it. I know that sounds really morbid but he was an artist so we called one of his mates who made sure everything was the way he would've wanted it.

Harry made sure there was enough security as we couldn't do it ourselves it didn't stop me from bringing a gun though. I had one in my purse, Harry and the other guys didn't know this, which was better. They would've killed me if they knew but there was no way I was putting my life into other people hands. What did surprise me was how big Harry's gang actually was. I always thought that it was just him, Niall, Louis, Liam and Zayn but there were at least 50 people on this funeral, some of them were our eyes and ears and some were here to pay their respects.

We walked over to the spot were he would be buried and I noticed that Louis was the one who couldn't quite grasp the fact that his best friend wasn't around anymore. I felt sorry for him but I also still felt so quilty. I felt so guilty that I started to study whatever I could to prevent someone else from dying. "Anna, are you okay?" Harry had put his hand on my shoulder, which startled me a bit. "Yes I'm fine." I said it way too fast and Harry did notice that but he led it slide for some reason. "How are you holding up?" He shrugged and when I looked at him I recognized his expression immediately. He was angry, way too angry and I didn't like it because that meant that someone was going to get hurt and in my experience with him, that person was me most of the time. I had to put some space between us before he could do anything.

It was such a strange feeling because even though I love him, I'm still afraid of him and I really don't want to piss him off. I mean lately he's been all nice and loving, coming to my rescue but that is a side he doesn't show often. 'Anna, will you please keep up?" Again I had wondered off a little so I quickened my step and stood next to Harry when we said our final goodbye. We didn't cry, not one single tear. I wanted to but something in Harry's eyes told me it was better if I kept the sadness inside. Nobody could see our pain because we would show weakness amongst our people.

The service was over, the only thing we had to do was throw a yellow rose on his casket. Harry was first, I went second not knowing what that meant but I saw the respect in the eyes of the others, which was weird. "Harry, why are they looking at me like that?" I whispered, he didn't turn around though as he answered. "You're mine, so they have to show their respects and they know that if they hurt you in any way they are dead." I swallowed as I suddenly felt nauseas. I didn't want that. "Is that really necessary?" I know I was getting on his nerves as he was clenching his fists. "It is." He hissed through clenched teeth and that made me shut my mouth for the remaining day, only making small talk with a few people.

I did keep my eyes on Harry just to see if he was okay. "Anna?" I turned around and was surprised to see my music teacher standing in the living room. "Mr Murs? What are you doing here?" He chuckled sadly at that. "Anna dear, I'm just as much a part of this gang as you are." This surprised me because he didn't look like he would be part of a gang, he was just to nice. "But you are a teacher, how is this even possible?" He nodded to Harry "He persuaded me to join, after Bradley's gang had murdered my wife and I can tell you that I took great pleasure in killing the person who was responsible for that." He smiled sinister and I immediately took a few steps back.

He saw my move and composed himself. "Don't worry, I would never hurt you because I don't have a dead wish." He smiled at me as I let out a sigh. "How come you didn't stop me when you saw me interacting with Bradley?" I was really curious about this because I know he had been watching me. "It wasn't my place, Harry only told me to keep an eye on you but not to interfere with your life." He shrugged. "Of course he did, well even if I had just one class from you, I do miss it. I really wish that I could go back to college." I know I shouldn't complain but I still found it hard to get my head around all this.

"You know what, play me a piece right now and I will give you a grade if that makes you feel better." I shook my head knowing that Harry would be mad at me if I just disappeared from his sight. "Maybe another time." I started to walk away. I needed some air. I walked into the garden and sat down on the grass. I looked around and saw how secured this place was, there was no way someone could break in without some of us noticing it. "Mind if I join you?" Niall asked politely before sitting down. "By all means." I couldn't help but sound a bit sarcastic, this day was really exhausting me. "I noticed that you're avoiding Harry, why's that?" Damn I forgot about Niall and his observant nature. "I think he's angry and I don't like to be near him when he's like that." I shrugged, trying to sound as if it didn't bother me.

"Are you afraid of him?" He hit the hammer right on the nail with that. "I guess, I just don't want to be put in my place or worse you know?" I said and he nodded. He put his hand on my knee and squeezed gently. "I understand but just so you know if he tries anything while we are around, we won't let him get away with it. You're like family to us and we will protect you with our lives even if that means we have to stand up to Harry." That did surprise me because I thought he was the most important person in their lives.

"How come you are so different then them?" That took him by surprise but he still kept himself composed. "I don't like violence I guess. It's also a form of weakness in my eyes to hit a woman so I just observe and only deal with guys if necessary." That made sense and I liked that he wouldn't hit a woman, that showed a lot of character and again I felt sad that I couldn't fall for a guy like Niall, who would worship you instead of making you afraid. "I wish I had met you first sometimes." I blurted out, this did startle him and his expression changed immediately. "You shouldn't say that Anna." He got up and walked away, this did confirm my thoughts. Niall liked me.

"Anna, where are you?" I heard Harry yell, which was my cue to go back inside. I got up and walked back inside. Everyone had disappeared and only Harry and me were standing in the living room. "I was in the garden, I'm sorry." I quickly said as he still look pissed of. "I need to know where you are at all times Anna." I nodded and kept my eyes firmly on his. "Tomorrow, we will discus the plans, so maybe it's better if you spend time in your room for now." He was not sending me to my room like a five year old was he? Because there was no way I would listen to that. I saw his expression change when he saw my reluctant. He walked over to me and grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him by bringing his face way too close. "I don't have time for your stubbornness today Anna, so please go to your room." He said trough-clenched teeth

I ripped my chin out of his hands and bolted up the stairs and slammed my door shut. "Fucking asshole" I muttered before I let myself fall on my bed. I stayed like this for a couple of minutes when my eyes fell on my piano. I shrugged and got up and sat down behind the piano and started to play. I wasn't sure what I was playing but it did satisfy me. It made me feel calm and that was exactly what I needed after this day. When I stopped playing I almost expected Harry to stand in my room listening to me playing but there was no one. It wasn't something I was used to. I sighed and decided to take a quick shower before turning to bed. I didn't mind sleeping alone tonight as Harry was probably to angry. I really hoped he was still taking his medication otherwise he would be a liability to us. With his Bipolar we couldn't take risks, he didn't know that I knew though and that was probably for the best, as that made him weak.

I grabbed my purse and got the gun out of it and put it under my pillow. This made me feel a lot safer. I know it's a bit morbid but then again can you really blame me for putting that thing under my pillow? I was looking forward to learn how to shoot properly and to spend some time with Niall and Louis. Louis was going to kick my ass though. It was necessary to kill those bastards who shot Zayn.

I wasn't sure what time it was when I felt a hand on my waist. I didn't waste any time and pulled my gun and turned around, whilst putting the gun against his head. "WOA ANNA IT'S ME LOVE!" Harry said whilst staggering backwards so he was out of my fire line. I was so startled that I was frozen to the bone. Harry recovered from his scare and grabbed my hand carefully when the door slammed open "WHAT's WRONG?" Liam yelled at us but when he assessed the situation he watched us with big eyes.

"LEAVE LIAM." He yelled at him, I still was shocked so I didn't even register what was happening. "Anna love, it's okay, look at me please?" Harry was gently trying to get my attention. I felt his hand cover my hand so he could grab the gun. When he had pried the gun out of my hand he quickly put it away. He quickly came back and put his hand on my cheek. "Love come back to me, it's all right." I let out staggered puff of breath when I felt the life slip back into me. I had almost shot Harry through the head. I felt the goose bump rising over my skin and my hands were now shaking. "Ah shit, you're having a panic attack." I heard Harry say. He shifted us so I was leaning against his chest. He kept stroking my hair to sooth me.

"Anna, I want you to focus on my breathing okay?" I nodded and I listened to him not long after that I could breath normally again. I fell asleep not long after and I didn't even notice Harry getting out of bed until I woke up the next morning. I had a tremendous headache but I had to get up and train with Louis today but when I came downstairs everyone was already in the living room, waiting for me I guess. "Anna please take a seat." Liam said and I was wondering why Harry wasn't here.

"Where is Harry?" I asked and on cue he came walking in. I couldn't quite read his expression but I know something was wrong. "Anna, we are not sure if you can come with us not after yesterday." God I freaked out once, that's what you get when you sneak up to me. "Guys come on, I just freaked out because I realized that I held a gun to Harry's head" They all shook their heads "so what, you are going to leave me here while you guys go out there and murder some guys?"

"Anna, we can't depend on you and if some of us get shot because you freeze, we will have to kill you, that's how it works." Harry bluntly said without looking at me, pussy. I got up and Liam almost pushed me back into me seat but my expression made him stop. "If you think you can leave me behind then your just plain stupid. I WILL NOT SIT AND WAIT HERE LIKE A FUCKING BITCH TILL YOU RETURN HARRY!" I screamed at him, they guys quickly left us alone and Harry suddenly was in my face.

"YOU WILL SIMPLY DO AS INSTRUCTED ANNA!" He yelled back but this time I stood my ground even if he was clenching his fists again.

"'I'M NOT SOME LITTLE KID YOU CAN BOSS AROUND HARRY, I'M A FUCKING PERSON AND THERE IS NO WAY I'M GONNA SIT HERE WORRY ABOUT YOU GUYS AND DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, ZAYN WAS MY FRIEND AS WELL!" I never had yelled at him like this but something snapped. I had every right to join them.

"WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO FUCKING STUBBORN, I'M JUST TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!" He was now right in my face but I didn't back away, not this time! I did lower my voice "I know you are but I can take care of myself, please just let me come with you?" Harry seemed to cool down a bit when he saw me begging to come but that was just a split second before his wall came up again. He narrowed his eyes and I know I was in trouble, Out of nowhere he hit me, I fell on the floor but he was already walking out of the room, when he suddenly stopped. I know what he was going to say but still I tried to block it.

"YOU WILL STAY HERE AND THAT IS FINAL!"

Notes