“Here you are, Sir.’’ The driver says as he stops at my stop, no where particular. I open my door after handing him the money, mine and the girl’s.

That girl, damn. She was so innocent looking. I was thinking about fucking her up, but I got a glimpse of her from the corner of my eye.

She was staring me down. She’s probably one of those rich girls who think they’re better than everyone else. But I don’t want to judge her, she might just have been afraid of me. Most people are.

She seemed like the down to earth, sweet and generous, but with a hint of shyness and curiosity, type of girl. She was beautiful to me. Her long blonde hair reached the middle of the small of her back, I only noticed that when she got out.

The way she dressed was even so damn cute. She had on shorts and a tank top, flannel shirt over it. Not buttoned though, I assume that’s the “style” now for girls. Her black converses gave me a slight vibe of a tomboy girl. But yet, I could be wrong about all this stuff.

But her, she probably thought about drugs and killing when she first laid those pretty blue eyes of her’s on me. And she’s right about me, unfortunately. I wouldn’t have blamed her for thinking those things though.

I do drugs. I drink. I smoke. I do things I shouldn’t be.

But damn it, I was raised in a house where women were just for pleasure, and children were nothing but dirt to their parents. My father was the only one that treated me like that. My mother tried her best to protect me and my sister.

But I try my best not to think of the best. Horrible things resulted from the events and conditions I was raised.

Let’s just say the only person in my family that is alive is my sister. I have no clue where she is though, we barely talk. My parents’ deaths aren’t important to discuss.. so it doesn’t matter.

I take out a cigarette and light it up, soon taking the life out of it. Draining it of everything it’s ever known. I can’t believe I just thought that. How could I suck everything the cigarette has ever know out of it? It’s a fucking piece of paper with tobacco inside, not a person.

My logical reasonings suck like a whore at a strip club, if you know what I’m saying.

---

It wasn’t long until I found myself lingering in the direction of the girl’s apartment building. I’m so fucking stupid. I can’t get her off my mind though.

Something inside me has to know who she is. What she does for a living. How she thinks. The way she looks when she’s not wearing all that down to earth, tomboy stuff.

The way her eyes look while I’m starring into them, giving her what she wants. I’m such a fucking pervert. But I don’t care.

That girl was beautiful.

Every piece of her, everything aspect of her personality, everything about her.. just.. distracted me and.. forced me to.. be addicted all of a sudden.

I’m addicted to her more than I am to cocaine. Shit, why did I mention that shit to myself? I’ve been fucking clean for a week now.

But I know what I’m doing when I get back to my apartment… I’m just gonna slowly kill my self.. just to get a little pressure released off my life.

I’m so fucking stupid. I’m love sick and stupid.

No, I don’t get sick unless I’m drunk.

So therefore, I’m love drunk and fucking stupid.

Notes

so, keep or delete? I know its a little fast, but don't worry. things will slow down adn blow away sooooon, I will update asap! xx