In My Head
Dear Harry {2}
Chapter Two: Dear Harry
|| Louis ||
I tried to keep an eye on what was happening at the end of the table without being too obvious, since I still had to attempt to interact with the loud, obnoxious fans that came up after LaurenIt was hard to pay attention to them though... they handed me Cd's and magazines to sign and I gave them high fives as I smiled for pictures. I noticed Harry was now standing and holding her wrist as he examined it. What on earth is going on? One of the girls tried to get my attention and I noticed she had her phone out and was recording me. I waved to the camera but became distracted again as Zayn bumped my shoulder, causing me to look at the end of the table once more.
I watched as Harry kissed her wrist and then whispered something to her as he pulled her in for a hug. She squeezed her eyes shut during the embrace and I felt y heart ache for her as I saw two tears glide down, leaving glistening trails down her wet cheeks. She looked as if she were about to crumble to pieces.
"You reckon he knows her or something?" Zayn whispered, sounding distracted. I merely shrugged my shoulders and turned back to the girls in front of me. The one with the video camera was now turned towards the end of the table as she taped Harry and Lauren.
I wanted her to stop because I felt like we were eavesdropping on a very intimate moment, but I bit my tongue because I didn't want her to think it was a big deal, and I honestly didn't want to cause a scene. All the boys and even the crowd seemed to simmer down as we all watched Lauren hug Harry one last time before handing him a piece of paper. All I felt was confusion and curiosity swirling around my brain, making me dizzy.
We watched as the girl with a green snap back and beautiful brown hair hurried away from the table, while Harry faced everyone and nonchalantly pushed the paper into his pocket. We were all going to ask him about the little ordeal later, that was for sure. He slowly sat back down looking unsure of what to do with himself, like he really had a heavy load weighing on his mind. He suddenly looked up at the girl who still held up her phone, videotaping everything.
"Aye! You there! Were you taping that girl I just spoke with?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
She nodded her head and wandered away from me, slipping by all of the other lads as she went to stand in front of Harry.
"Okay- what's your Twitter? Can you send me a link of the video?" he asked as he got his phone out. He looked up at the girl expectantly as she stood there, dumbstruck for a moment.
"Ye-yeah! Sure I'll send it to you! My Twitter is..." she trailed off and looked up at Niall as her cheeks grew red, "it's um... @niallspussy," she mumbled, sounding mortified. I swear our fans are some of the most perverted I've ever seen... but come on, we're teenage boys so we're perfectly fine with it... just, it's a hard thing to get used to, I guess.
The girl's cheeks grew redder as Niall burst out laughing, smacking his hand on the table.
"tat's brilliant!" he said with a smile on his face, "Haz, 'mind me tah follow her when we git back tah the hotel," Niall commented. Harry nodded his head and the girl looked as if she would faint.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After an exhausting two hours, we were finally released by management and hurried toward the an, before we could get bombarded by anymore fans. Don't get me wrong, we love our fans to death and we would be NOTHING without them.... but sometimes they're so intense that we need a break.
After we jumped in the van, I ended up sitting in front next to Liam, while Zayn, Harry and Niall squeezed in the back seat. Immediately, everyone looked at Harry; we were all expecting an explanation.
"Before you all attach me, I'd just like to inform you that I've never met Lauren before today, " he randomly commented as he looked down at his hands, answering one of our questions in our minds.
"But you looked like old friends, it was odd," Liam spoke up from beside me.
"She was incredibly sweet though. I'm still reeling at how she shy she seemed about not wanting anything signed, and only wanting to meet us." I added.
"Yeah, t'was nice," Niall said with a smile.
Harry still hasn't spoken much, and was just staring down sadly at his hands.
"Haz, whats the matter?" Zayn asked, sounding concerned as he wrapped an arm over Harry's shoulder.
Harry took bot of his hands and rubbed them up and down his face, when he finally pulled them away his face was red and blotchy. He sighed loudly before speaking again, "I don't know, she just seemed so... broken..." Harry trailed off, his voice growing thick with emotion. Zayn, with his arm still around him, squeezed him into side hug.
"Did anyone else notice teh bruise on 'er cheek or 'er limp?" Niall asked hesitantly, specifically watching for Harry's reaction.
There was a collective nod of heads as we all acknowledged that we'd noticed. I saw that Harry grew more upset, so I placed my hand on his knee in a comforting gesture, "Harry, she may have been broken, but she was so strong."
Harry immediately looked up, "Lou, you didn't see her cuts... it was a hard thing to see on such a beautiful girl..." he trailed off looking downcast again, "or any girl for that matter," he added quietly.
Zayn spoke up, "Well you should have seen her face as you hugged her mate, it was pure happiness.
"Don't yeh guys 'till find it odd t'at we can help complete strangers, wit'out even realizing it?" Niall voice randomly. It was true though, I was astounded daily by the amount of fans that say we'd saved them, we made them feel important or beautiful. It made me feel really good that we could have that effect on people; sometimes I just feel bad that we could never meet everyone we've helped.
His comment reminded me of something, "Haz, what did she give you before she left?" I asked curiously.
His eyes widened as if he'd forgotten and quickly reached into his pocket, retrieving a worn looking envelope. I could see 'Harry' written on the front in pretty cursive handwriting.
"A letter," He said simply as he held it in his hands.
By the thickness of the envelope, I suppose the letter was a few pages long. "Go on, Harry," Zayn encouraged softly, "Open it up, mate."
Harry hesitated for a moment before looking up and meeting Liam's gaze, "You may as well, we're not going to be leaving anytime soon, Loads of people blocking the road," Liam said, pointing out the windshield.
Harry nodded his head and after taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he ran his fingertips along the back of the envelope, slipping his finger under the seal and gently ripped it open.
|| Harry ||
The boys seemed to be sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for me to begin reading the letter. As I pulled it out I realized tht it was actually a collection of letters, and as I flipped through a few pages, I noticed they were dated as far back as last September. I looked up at the boys before taking a deep breath and reading the pretty handwriting of the first letter;
"June 13th, 2013
Dear Harry,
I suppose I should say 'Dear One Direction' because I truly do love each of you boys, so please don't get offended to the fact that I begin my letters this way. I just originally wrote my first letter to Harry, and it's stuck. Now I won't lie, I feel a special connection in my delusional mind to you, Hazza. Do you mind if I call you that? Well I guess you don't really have a say... if you want you can call me Lauren or Laur, or you know... nothing at all because I don't really know if you'll ever read these... or if I'll ever have the nerve to give them to you.
I hope you don't find me strange, but I honestly sometimes forget that I truly don't know you boys... and that we're really not friends. I feel like I know you so well... I mostly blame your video diaries and the realistic fan-fictions I've been reading from time to time. Okay, I'm fibbing, I'm absolutely addicted to the fanfics. *guilty face* Please don't judge me... and I won't lie, the Harry imagines are my favorite ;)"
As I read the last line about Lauren liking stories about me the most, I could feel my cheeks turning red. Ugh, stupid rosy cheeks. I heard some of the boys snicker, but no one made a comment, so I continued.
"Anyway, I just wanted to talk to someone. That's why I'm writing these... my friend Jess suggested that I write in a diary or something, but I realize that would be pointless because once I write something, I don't like to go back and reread it. Most of my memories aren't good ones... so I really don 't like to be reminded of them. SO I apologize for any mistakes or awkward content these letters hold; after I wrote them, they were stuffed in my bottom desk drawer, and I never read them over again.
I'm writing to you because I want you to know me... like I've convinced myself I know you. I'm writing without filter and not holding anything back, so if you boys are faint at heart, I suggest you stop reading now..."
I trailed off as I looked up at the rest of the boys, they all had the same expression on their faces; a mixture of curiosity and trepidation. They all nodded for me to continue, however, so I read on,
"I don't have an ideal life. It's actually pretty shitty (Sorry- I'm not filtering!) and most days when I fall asleep, I hope I don't wake the next morning... I've tried ending it before. I've experienced some pretty terrible things, but I couldn't bring myself to kick the chair over. I stay strong for you, for a group of boys I've never even met... but mostly for you, Harry. I just think, 'well if I'm gone, I won't get to hear his laugh, or hear his flattering British accent, or see his beautiful personality on stage.' I'd like to think that there is an afterlife, and maybe I could watch you from above like a creepy stalker-like angel. (I'm totally joking... sorta..) but I'm not particularly a religious person, and I can't fathom ending my own life when I don't know what would happen on the other side. Haha, I bet I got you running for the hills, haven't I?...Gosh, the more I think about it, the crazier I feel."
I could feel myself smiling as I read these words written by a complete stranger, and I'd never felt more intrigued by someone's honesty. My heart ached for her pain; for the fact she tried to kill herself. I felt like I couldn't even call this girl a fan, no, she felt more of a friend.
The boys were still chuckling at the 'stalker-like angel' comment, "She's funny, mate." Louis chuckled.
Zayn nodded his head in agreement, "Yeah, it's like even though she's not living an ideal life, she can still joke about it... I like that." he smiled with a thoughtful face.
"It hurts me that she tried to... k-kill herself.." I whispered, staring at my shoes as guilt flooded through my veins like a tidal wave. The boys nodded in agreement, sighs filling the air. By now, we had gotten past the mass of fans blocking the exit and the van was flying down the highway, towards our hotel.
|| Louis ||
I tried to keep an eye on what was happening at the end of the table without being too obvious, since I still had to attempt to interact with the loud, obnoxious fans that came up after LaurenIt was hard to pay attention to them though... they handed me Cd's and magazines to sign and I gave them high fives as I smiled for pictures. I noticed Harry was now standing and holding her wrist as he examined it. What on earth is going on? One of the girls tried to get my attention and I noticed she had her phone out and was recording me. I waved to the camera but became distracted again as Zayn bumped my shoulder, causing me to look at the end of the table once more.
I watched as Harry kissed her wrist and then whispered something to her as he pulled her in for a hug. She squeezed her eyes shut during the embrace and I felt y heart ache for her as I saw two tears glide down, leaving glistening trails down her wet cheeks. She looked as if she were about to crumble to pieces.
"You reckon he knows her or something?" Zayn whispered, sounding distracted. I merely shrugged my shoulders and turned back to the girls in front of me. The one with the video camera was now turned towards the end of the table as she taped Harry and Lauren.
I wanted her to stop because I felt like we were eavesdropping on a very intimate moment, but I bit my tongue because I didn't want her to think it was a big deal, and I honestly didn't want to cause a scene. All the boys and even the crowd seemed to simmer down as we all watched Lauren hug Harry one last time before handing him a piece of paper. All I felt was confusion and curiosity swirling around my brain, making me dizzy.
We watched as the girl with a green snap back and beautiful brown hair hurried away from the table, while Harry faced everyone and nonchalantly pushed the paper into his pocket. We were all going to ask him about the little ordeal later, that was for sure. He slowly sat back down looking unsure of what to do with himself, like he really had a heavy load weighing on his mind. He suddenly looked up at the girl who still held up her phone, videotaping everything.
"Aye! You there! Were you taping that girl I just spoke with?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
She nodded her head and wandered away from me, slipping by all of the other lads as she went to stand in front of Harry.
"Okay- what's your Twitter? Can you send me a link of the video?" he asked as he got his phone out. He looked up at the girl expectantly as she stood there, dumbstruck for a moment.
"Ye-yeah! Sure I'll send it to you! My Twitter is..." she trailed off and looked up at Niall as her cheeks grew red, "it's um... @niallspussy," she mumbled, sounding mortified. I swear our fans are some of the most perverted I've ever seen... but come on, we're teenage boys so we're perfectly fine with it... just, it's a hard thing to get used to, I guess.
The girl's cheeks grew redder as Niall burst out laughing, smacking his hand on the table.
"tat's brilliant!" he said with a smile on his face, "Haz, 'mind me tah follow her when we git back tah the hotel," Niall commented. Harry nodded his head and the girl looked as if she would faint.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After an exhausting two hours, we were finally released by management and hurried toward the an, before we could get bombarded by anymore fans. Don't get me wrong, we love our fans to death and we would be NOTHING without them.... but sometimes they're so intense that we need a break.
After we jumped in the van, I ended up sitting in front next to Liam, while Zayn, Harry and Niall squeezed in the back seat. Immediately, everyone looked at Harry; we were all expecting an explanation.
"Before you all attach me, I'd just like to inform you that I've never met Lauren before today, " he randomly commented as he looked down at his hands, answering one of our questions in our minds.
"But you looked like old friends, it was odd," Liam spoke up from beside me.
"She was incredibly sweet though. I'm still reeling at how she shy she seemed about not wanting anything signed, and only wanting to meet us." I added.
"Yeah, t'was nice," Niall said with a smile.
Harry still hasn't spoken much, and was just staring down sadly at his hands.
"Haz, whats the matter?" Zayn asked, sounding concerned as he wrapped an arm over Harry's shoulder.
Harry took bot of his hands and rubbed them up and down his face, when he finally pulled them away his face was red and blotchy. He sighed loudly before speaking again, "I don't know, she just seemed so... broken..." Harry trailed off, his voice growing thick with emotion. Zayn, with his arm still around him, squeezed him into side hug.
"Did anyone else notice teh bruise on 'er cheek or 'er limp?" Niall asked hesitantly, specifically watching for Harry's reaction.
There was a collective nod of heads as we all acknowledged that we'd noticed. I saw that Harry grew more upset, so I placed my hand on his knee in a comforting gesture, "Harry, she may have been broken, but she was so strong."
Harry immediately looked up, "Lou, you didn't see her cuts... it was a hard thing to see on such a beautiful girl..." he trailed off looking downcast again, "or any girl for that matter," he added quietly.
Zayn spoke up, "Well you should have seen her face as you hugged her mate, it was pure happiness.
"Don't yeh guys 'till find it odd t'at we can help complete strangers, wit'out even realizing it?" Niall voice randomly. It was true though, I was astounded daily by the amount of fans that say we'd saved them, we made them feel important or beautiful. It made me feel really good that we could have that effect on people; sometimes I just feel bad that we could never meet everyone we've helped.
His comment reminded me of something, "Haz, what did she give you before she left?" I asked curiously.
His eyes widened as if he'd forgotten and quickly reached into his pocket, retrieving a worn looking envelope. I could see 'Harry' written on the front in pretty cursive handwriting.
"A letter," He said simply as he held it in his hands.
By the thickness of the envelope, I suppose the letter was a few pages long. "Go on, Harry," Zayn encouraged softly, "Open it up, mate."
Harry hesitated for a moment before looking up and meeting Liam's gaze, "You may as well, we're not going to be leaving anytime soon, Loads of people blocking the road," Liam said, pointing out the windshield.
Harry nodded his head and after taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, he ran his fingertips along the back of the envelope, slipping his finger under the seal and gently ripped it open.
|| Harry ||
The boys seemed to be sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for me to begin reading the letter. As I pulled it out I realized tht it was actually a collection of letters, and as I flipped through a few pages, I noticed they were dated as far back as last September. I looked up at the boys before taking a deep breath and reading the pretty handwriting of the first letter;
"June 13th, 2013
Dear Harry,
I suppose I should say 'Dear One Direction' because I truly do love each of you boys, so please don't get offended to the fact that I begin my letters this way. I just originally wrote my first letter to Harry, and it's stuck. Now I won't lie, I feel a special connection in my delusional mind to you, Hazza. Do you mind if I call you that? Well I guess you don't really have a say... if you want you can call me Lauren or Laur, or you know... nothing at all because I don't really know if you'll ever read these... or if I'll ever have the nerve to give them to you.
I hope you don't find me strange, but I honestly sometimes forget that I truly don't know you boys... and that we're really not friends. I feel like I know you so well... I mostly blame your video diaries and the realistic fan-fictions I've been reading from time to time. Okay, I'm fibbing, I'm absolutely addicted to the fanfics. *guilty face* Please don't judge me... and I won't lie, the Harry imagines are my favorite ;)"
As I read the last line about Lauren liking stories about me the most, I could feel my cheeks turning red. Ugh, stupid rosy cheeks. I heard some of the boys snicker, but no one made a comment, so I continued.
"Anyway, I just wanted to talk to someone. That's why I'm writing these... my friend Jess suggested that I write in a diary or something, but I realize that would be pointless because once I write something, I don't like to go back and reread it. Most of my memories aren't good ones... so I really don 't like to be reminded of them. SO I apologize for any mistakes or awkward content these letters hold; after I wrote them, they were stuffed in my bottom desk drawer, and I never read them over again.
I'm writing to you because I want you to know me... like I've convinced myself I know you. I'm writing without filter and not holding anything back, so if you boys are faint at heart, I suggest you stop reading now..."
I trailed off as I looked up at the rest of the boys, they all had the same expression on their faces; a mixture of curiosity and trepidation. They all nodded for me to continue, however, so I read on,
"I don't have an ideal life. It's actually pretty shitty (Sorry- I'm not filtering!) and most days when I fall asleep, I hope I don't wake the next morning... I've tried ending it before. I've experienced some pretty terrible things, but I couldn't bring myself to kick the chair over. I stay strong for you, for a group of boys I've never even met... but mostly for you, Harry. I just think, 'well if I'm gone, I won't get to hear his laugh, or hear his flattering British accent, or see his beautiful personality on stage.' I'd like to think that there is an afterlife, and maybe I could watch you from above like a creepy stalker-like angel. (I'm totally joking... sorta..) but I'm not particularly a religious person, and I can't fathom ending my own life when I don't know what would happen on the other side. Haha, I bet I got you running for the hills, haven't I?...Gosh, the more I think about it, the crazier I feel."
I could feel myself smiling as I read these words written by a complete stranger, and I'd never felt more intrigued by someone's honesty. My heart ached for her pain; for the fact she tried to kill herself. I felt like I couldn't even call this girl a fan, no, she felt more of a friend.
The boys were still chuckling at the 'stalker-like angel' comment, "She's funny, mate." Louis chuckled.
Zayn nodded his head in agreement, "Yeah, it's like even though she's not living an ideal life, she can still joke about it... I like that." he smiled with a thoughtful face.
"It hurts me that she tried to... k-kill herself.." I whispered, staring at my shoes as guilt flooded through my veins like a tidal wave. The boys nodded in agreement, sighs filling the air. By now, we had gotten past the mass of fans blocking the exit and the van was flying down the highway, towards our hotel.
Notes
Hey hey hey:)
Thank you guys fro five votes ALREADY!!!!!!!
Much Love:*******
And guys- stay strong, for me? And if you need anyone, and I mean ANYONE, to talk to, message me?
XxX,
Aby
Sorry I went all tmblr on you guys. Just spouting sentimental ish for no reason *guilty face*
1/23/16