This Love

I was always expecting to leave this hospital with two happy, healthy, and smiling babies in my hands. But instead, I was leaving with none, and I wasn't enjoying it.


Luke was right beside me on his crutches, waking over to the car with me. He was discharged from the hospital yesterday, while I was just told I was free to go earlier.


"Here you go." Luke fake smiled lightly, opening the door for me.


"Your leg is basically broken, why are you still trying to be a gentleman?" I chuckled, somehow without even a hint of a smile on my face.


Luke simply shrugged before walking to the other side of the car and into the drivers seat.


We drove away in silence, not turning the radio on, not saying a word. I didn't look out the window to admire the scenery that passed by, I simply just looked down and listened to the sound of Luke's breathing.


Zoe and Leigh volunteered to stay at Luke and I's house with all the kids while we were gone. I don't know how they managed to do this, but as I've heard, all the kids are alive. Well, not all of them...


I finally got to see Desiree a few days ago, she was even tinnier than Dylan, and equally beautiful. After I was explained what happened to her, I completely shut down.


The only thing that could made me smile these past few days was seeing Olivia and Dylan together. She held him a few times, being so excited each time. She would always say how small he was and how cute. My heart would melt every time I saw her kiss him on the cheek, or when she would laugh hysterically whenever he wouldn't let go of her finger.


"Can't wait to get home." Luke sighed, breaking the silence.


"I know." I whispered back.


I was sick of hospitals, sick of gloomy areas where as there was nothing around that was supposed to make anyone happy. I've felt this way before, but that was in a time of ,y life that I would never want to go back to.


Whenever things finally are okay for me, the whole world just has to come crashing down all over again. I don't know whether it's the universes way of saying that I just keep going because I'm strong enough, or the universes way of breaking me.


The thing was that now, I had way too much to be here for. Back when I was just a teenager, nobody liked me, nobody cared about anything that happened to me.


Life was not on my side right now, it had left my side a while ago, ever since my dad just had to show up at my house. I should've known that something was going on the minute I saw his face.


My large house soon came into view and I sighed. Now I would have to face many human beings, and life in general.


Luke and I stepped out of the car and walked slowly to the unlocked door.


Everybody greeted us when we walked in, Olivia ran over to Luke, asking him to pick her up, which he did.


I didn't really feel comfortable in this room, with everybody around us, concerned and sad looks in their eyes. Sympathy was something I always wanted, but now that I have it, I want it to go away. I'd rather not be asked if I was okay, because every body knew the answer. Sure, that showed that they cared, but I would know that they did without constantly not giving me any space.


I walked right past everybody and up the stairs to the empty room that we were planning to give to the twins. Well now, it would be just Dylan's room.


We already had a few boxes and stuff set up in there. I seated my self in the small rocking chair that was in the corner of the room, then let a tear out, immediately wiping it away.


"Mummy?" Olivia's sad voice was heard from the doorway, a sad expression in her face.


"Come here Liv." I sighed, opening my arms.


She took a seat in my lap and cuddled into me.


"Why are you crying?" She asked, pouting. "Why is everybody so sad?" She asked again.


"Because Desiree isn't here." I said blankly.


"Where did she go?" Olivia furrowed her eyebrows.


"She went to heaven." The corner of my mouth slightly curved upwards.


"Is she having fun?" Olivia laughed a little.


"I'm sure she is." I replied.


"When are we gonna see her?" She questioned.


That was the question that sent all the tears flowing right out. How was I supposed to tell my five year old child that her sister was never coming back?


"We can't sweetie." I choked out.


Night rolled around quickly, everybody kind of got the message that I wanted to be alone, and left.


Angelica and my mum were in the hospital still, I wanted to see them so badly but I don't know how I'm gonna get myself to get to that hospital. That place is officially something that I hate with a passion. The only reason that would get me to go there is the fact that Dylan is being held there.


I was currently undressing myself, changing into my pajamas. Luke was watching TV while laying on the bed. A T-shirt and underwear were fine, so I simply just sat down next to Luke.


I looked down at my wrists, seeing the faded lines that still had there place, but took a really good look to make out. They began tingling, and I couldn't stop it.


"Stop looking at them like that." Luke said shakily. "I don't like how you're looking at them." He added.


"I wish I wasn't even thinking about them." I sighed, leaning my head on his shoulder.


"Liana, you're strong. I'm not gonna see you become the person that you used to be. There would need to be someone there that would be strong for you and I won't be able to be that person." Luke said, looking down.


"I love you so much." I whispered, reaching up to peck his lips.


"I love you more." Luke replied.


We got under the covers together, shutting everything off before closing our eyes and attempting to sleep.
Somehow, even with my eyes closed, the tears still managed to come out.

Notes