I Can't Stop Drinking About You
Prologue
Calum's POV
"Dude do you think you're ready for this?" Luke asked
I buried my head in my pillow and shook my head no. He sighed.
"Look, I know how you feel," he said empathetically, "it's the same with Aleisha. You never really stop loving them, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. I want you to be happy like you were before,"
"I do too," I mumbled, "but the thing is that I had her then. She made me happy Luke. It has been a year and I just can't shake this feeling,"
He frowned, "I'm sorry mate, but you know that you are going to see her. You can't escape it."
"I don't think I can even take seeing her. It hurts Luke," I whined
He laid back in his bunk, "I dunno cal, I just don't know,"
Ashton entered, "Is he still moping?"
I growled in response. He always tells me that I'm overreacting. It has been over a year after all. I can't help it. She was my princess, my whole world. She was the one who encouraged me to go with music, and she always supported me. She was the inspiration for my songs, both sad and happy. She was my travel buddy who kept me sane in a house full of boys when we toured in the summer. I loved her more than anything. Still to this day, I did.
Ashton didn't understand. He never went through a rough breakup with someone. He never had a girlfriend like that, that stuck by him for such a long period of time. Four years was hard to forget, she was my first everything. My only everything. Ashton just doesn't get it.
"Knock it off Ash," Luke defended me, "it's harder to do that you think,"
"I bet," he shrugged, "but you can't keep moping around cal, the fans can tell that you're not the same. It needs to stop,"
"You need to stop getting mad at me for this," I glared, "you don't know anything about how it feels."
"I've been through a breakup too before," he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah sure, but do you ever hear her voice on the radio when your driving, or turn on the news and see how happy she is? How she's starting her own tour this year? Or how she's supposedly dating Nick Jonas?"
Ashton shrunk back, "no,"
"Then shut the fuck up and stop telling me to get over it," I snapped.
Michael entered when he heard the small but heated argument, "what's going on?"
"Nothing," Luke sighed
I really appreciated Luke. He actually knew how it felt. He didn't make me do anything I didn't want to, and if I ever had an especially rough day then I could talk to him.
"Look," Ash muttered, "I say we all turn in early tonight. Tomorrow is a big day,"
"Sounds good," Michael agreed.
Luke looked over and saw my reluctant expression.
"I'm gonna stay up a little longer," I said getting up and grabbing my computer and headphones.
Ash sighed as he watched me walk out. They all climbed into bed and went to sleep.
I sat on the couch with my computer on my lap and my headphones plugged in. I went on twitter and checked my mentions for a bit. Then, I got curious and went to her twitter. I did it sometimes when I couldn't shake her from my mind. Seeing that she was okay with out me was relieving, but it hurt at the same time. I wanted her to need me, and it was selfish...but I couldn't help it.
I scrolled through as I read some of her tweets:
"So excited to be performing at Jingleball tomorrow night!! have lots of surprises in store for you lovelies xx"
"Starbucks sent me a gold card in the mail today. It sparkles and has my name on it #thatswhenyouknow"
"Marc threw a book at me today and said he was 'hitting me with knowledge'"
"If you hold me now, and leave me never...say you'll stay with me forever #surrender #favoritelyrics"
I found myself smiling as I read her latest tweets. I read a couple more until I saw what I didn't want to see.
"Had a nice day with @nickjonas today <3 [picture]"
It was a picture of them together. He had his hands locked around her waist as he kissed her cheek and she grinned at the camera. I growled in frustration and closed the window. I'd seen enough.
I went on my phone and went to my music. I found her name in my artists and pressed her album. I had never been a fan if dance until I met her. She lived for that stuff. She loved Calvin Harris and Avicii. I remember when she dragged me to an Avicii concert when we were 15. That's the night she told me that her dream was to perform that type of music.
I played "I can't stop drinking about you" as I sat there. This was definitely my favorite song on the album. Her voice was just so beautiful and entrancing. I laid down and let the music overtake my senses, thinking about each word.
The more I listened, the more I realized something.
It was about me.
Reagan's POV
*the next day*
I woke up to my phone vibrating.
"Good luck tonight! Kill it for me;) -Mali Koa xx"
I smiled sleepily and sat up. Although me and Calum had broken up, I still talked to Mali. She was one of my closest friends. I still talked to Luke, Michael, and Ash too. Just not Calum,because I knew neither of us would've moved on if I had. As far as I know, Calum has no idea that I talk to all of them still.
I sighed and looked out my window, seeing the Boston skyline in the distance. This was one of the few times I was actually home. It was nice. Marc and I had definitely missed it when we were opening up for Calvin Harris over the spring/summer.
I got up and went to my dresser, picking out my earrings for the day. I had a lot of piercings. I had them all up the edge of my ear and a nose piercing. I was pretty out there, I mean my hair was fucking grey.
I never used to be this way. When I was younger, I was much more to myself. My hair was it's natural dirty blonde, and my clothes consisted of rather prep-like articles when I wasn't wearing my school uniform-which was a button down, plaid skirt, and sweater with knee socks.
That was back when I only had one piercing in my ears, back when I was seen as the girl who did absolutely no wrong. But....then I met Calum. He was just so free and didn't care what others thought of him. Calum taught me to be free as well. He embraced me for everything I was.
My mom never approved of all that. She hated my unnatural hair, and my "boyish" clothing. But, it was the first time I actually felt confident. People were actually seeing the me that was inside that had been covered up by all the stupid button downs and sweaters. I probably wouldn't have dyed my hair a bunch of different colors, or got all those piercings, or worn all that ripped clothing, if I never met him.
Calum.
I was finally seeing him again today. I had no idea how to prepare myself. I had barely slept last night, because I was playing over all the scenarios that could happen when I saw him. I could cry- very probable. I could just completely shut down and not know what to say-also likely. Or...I could just pretend as if this who let hing between us was not affecting me today. Which would be a total lie, butI'm probably going to have to go with that option.
It's not like anything could happen between us anyway. I had a new boyfriend, Nick. We met at an awards show when I was touring with Calvin. We immediately hit it off and started talking.
I remember being so scared about dating Nick. Was it too soon? What would Calum think when he heard about it?
I had broken up with Calum 9 months prior when me and nick started dating. I knew that 9 months was enough time to be separated from someone to start new, but I still found myself wondering about him and missing him. I was trying my best to get over him though, because I knew he was probably over it by now. There was no reason for me to hang on when he wasn't.
I felt much better recently and I think I was actually pretty recovered from it. I mean, if you tried to talk to me back in September of last year all you would get was a hysterically sobbing mess. So I think ive made pretty good progress.
Let's see how much process I've made when I actually see him today. This should be interesting.
"Dude do you think you're ready for this?" Luke asked
I buried my head in my pillow and shook my head no. He sighed.
"Look, I know how you feel," he said empathetically, "it's the same with Aleisha. You never really stop loving them, but you can't keep doing this to yourself. I want you to be happy like you were before,"
"I do too," I mumbled, "but the thing is that I had her then. She made me happy Luke. It has been a year and I just can't shake this feeling,"
He frowned, "I'm sorry mate, but you know that you are going to see her. You can't escape it."
"I don't think I can even take seeing her. It hurts Luke," I whined
He laid back in his bunk, "I dunno cal, I just don't know,"
Ashton entered, "Is he still moping?"
I growled in response. He always tells me that I'm overreacting. It has been over a year after all. I can't help it. She was my princess, my whole world. She was the one who encouraged me to go with music, and she always supported me. She was the inspiration for my songs, both sad and happy. She was my travel buddy who kept me sane in a house full of boys when we toured in the summer. I loved her more than anything. Still to this day, I did.
Ashton didn't understand. He never went through a rough breakup with someone. He never had a girlfriend like that, that stuck by him for such a long period of time. Four years was hard to forget, she was my first everything. My only everything. Ashton just doesn't get it.
"Knock it off Ash," Luke defended me, "it's harder to do that you think,"
"I bet," he shrugged, "but you can't keep moping around cal, the fans can tell that you're not the same. It needs to stop,"
"You need to stop getting mad at me for this," I glared, "you don't know anything about how it feels."
"I've been through a breakup too before," he rolled his eyes.
"Yeah sure, but do you ever hear her voice on the radio when your driving, or turn on the news and see how happy she is? How she's starting her own tour this year? Or how she's supposedly dating Nick Jonas?"
Ashton shrunk back, "no,"
"Then shut the fuck up and stop telling me to get over it," I snapped.
Michael entered when he heard the small but heated argument, "what's going on?"
"Nothing," Luke sighed
I really appreciated Luke. He actually knew how it felt. He didn't make me do anything I didn't want to, and if I ever had an especially rough day then I could talk to him.
"Look," Ash muttered, "I say we all turn in early tonight. Tomorrow is a big day,"
"Sounds good," Michael agreed.
Luke looked over and saw my reluctant expression.
"I'm gonna stay up a little longer," I said getting up and grabbing my computer and headphones.
Ash sighed as he watched me walk out. They all climbed into bed and went to sleep.
I sat on the couch with my computer on my lap and my headphones plugged in. I went on twitter and checked my mentions for a bit. Then, I got curious and went to her twitter. I did it sometimes when I couldn't shake her from my mind. Seeing that she was okay with out me was relieving, but it hurt at the same time. I wanted her to need me, and it was selfish...but I couldn't help it.
I scrolled through as I read some of her tweets:
"So excited to be performing at Jingleball tomorrow night!! have lots of surprises in store for you lovelies xx"
"Starbucks sent me a gold card in the mail today. It sparkles and has my name on it #thatswhenyouknow"
"Marc threw a book at me today and said he was 'hitting me with knowledge'"
"If you hold me now, and leave me never...say you'll stay with me forever #surrender #favoritelyrics"
I found myself smiling as I read her latest tweets. I read a couple more until I saw what I didn't want to see.
"Had a nice day with @nickjonas today <3 [picture]"
It was a picture of them together. He had his hands locked around her waist as he kissed her cheek and she grinned at the camera. I growled in frustration and closed the window. I'd seen enough.
I went on my phone and went to my music. I found her name in my artists and pressed her album. I had never been a fan if dance until I met her. She lived for that stuff. She loved Calvin Harris and Avicii. I remember when she dragged me to an Avicii concert when we were 15. That's the night she told me that her dream was to perform that type of music.
I played "I can't stop drinking about you" as I sat there. This was definitely my favorite song on the album. Her voice was just so beautiful and entrancing. I laid down and let the music overtake my senses, thinking about each word.
The more I listened, the more I realized something.
It was about me.
Reagan's POV
*the next day*
I woke up to my phone vibrating.
"Good luck tonight! Kill it for me;) -Mali Koa xx"
I smiled sleepily and sat up. Although me and Calum had broken up, I still talked to Mali. She was one of my closest friends. I still talked to Luke, Michael, and Ash too. Just not Calum,because I knew neither of us would've moved on if I had. As far as I know, Calum has no idea that I talk to all of them still.
I sighed and looked out my window, seeing the Boston skyline in the distance. This was one of the few times I was actually home. It was nice. Marc and I had definitely missed it when we were opening up for Calvin Harris over the spring/summer.
I got up and went to my dresser, picking out my earrings for the day. I had a lot of piercings. I had them all up the edge of my ear and a nose piercing. I was pretty out there, I mean my hair was fucking grey.
I never used to be this way. When I was younger, I was much more to myself. My hair was it's natural dirty blonde, and my clothes consisted of rather prep-like articles when I wasn't wearing my school uniform-which was a button down, plaid skirt, and sweater with knee socks.
That was back when I only had one piercing in my ears, back when I was seen as the girl who did absolutely no wrong. But....then I met Calum. He was just so free and didn't care what others thought of him. Calum taught me to be free as well. He embraced me for everything I was.
My mom never approved of all that. She hated my unnatural hair, and my "boyish" clothing. But, it was the first time I actually felt confident. People were actually seeing the me that was inside that had been covered up by all the stupid button downs and sweaters. I probably wouldn't have dyed my hair a bunch of different colors, or got all those piercings, or worn all that ripped clothing, if I never met him.
Calum.
I was finally seeing him again today. I had no idea how to prepare myself. I had barely slept last night, because I was playing over all the scenarios that could happen when I saw him. I could cry- very probable. I could just completely shut down and not know what to say-also likely. Or...I could just pretend as if this who let hing between us was not affecting me today. Which would be a total lie, butI'm probably going to have to go with that option.
It's not like anything could happen between us anyway. I had a new boyfriend, Nick. We met at an awards show when I was touring with Calvin. We immediately hit it off and started talking.
I remember being so scared about dating Nick. Was it too soon? What would Calum think when he heard about it?
I had broken up with Calum 9 months prior when me and nick started dating. I knew that 9 months was enough time to be separated from someone to start new, but I still found myself wondering about him and missing him. I was trying my best to get over him though, because I knew he was probably over it by now. There was no reason for me to hang on when he wasn't.
I felt much better recently and I think I was actually pretty recovered from it. I mean, if you tried to talk to me back in September of last year all you would get was a hysterically sobbing mess. So I think ive made pretty good progress.
Let's see how much process I've made when I actually see him today. This should be interesting.
Notes
I couldn't help myself! Oops. I have this pretty much pre written though! This is just a prologue.
Tell me if you like it, or I'm just gonna scrap the idea as a whole. This is probably going to have pretty slow updates, like one a week or so until I finish my other stories.
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