My Light

Nora's POV

I sit quietly at the edge of my bed, flipping through this book. This book that I've stopped for at every used bookstore to look for. This book that I've asked every used book store to call me about if they receive a copy. Every book store, every book stand. And here it was, in Zayn's house the whole time.

I just feel betrayed.

This book was special. Nonno gave it to Nonna before they were even married, he told me time and time again it was the first present he had given to Nonna when they moved to the States. I've read it over and over and over again but I don't care. When you have something so special you cherish it and you take care of it.

Surprisingly he left without a fight. Maybe we just need time and distance. I'm hurt, it's not something I can just forget about and pretend like it doesn't matter, because it does. When I left him begging in the living room, I came to my room and just sat on my bed. I haven't moved since. I'm so excited my book is back but at the same time it has come with the expense of losing Zayn. And my feelings are mixed.

I can hear my phone ringing but I don't even get up to answer it. It's sitting on my nightstand table. I can only assume it's Zayn so I don't rush to chat with him. When it's over it pings quickly after letting me know he's left me a message. I've always hated checking voicemails. One can only assume that if someone calls them and you don't answer, you'll call them back eventually.

I click the play button and listen to Zayn's voice, you can tell he's upset but I don't think he has any idea of all the emotions I'm feeling. “Nora, I know, I know you don't want to talk to me and I understand but I have to go home. Doniya is giving birth six weeks early, everyone is concerned, I have to go. Please, please call me. I'm so sorry.I love you.” I can hear the sounds of the city around him, at times his voice gets low and the city tries to drown him out but his message is clear as day.

The awful feeling just washes over me. Here I am concerned about a book when his niece and sister are in danger. But I can't wash this wave of anger over me. I try to call him back but his phone is already turned off. I don't know what I would have said to him but I feel like this is a situation that needed attention. I'm mad at him, pissed at him actually but I still care for him. This still upsets me. I've never met his sisters but I know how much they mean to him, I know how much he cares for them and how excited he was to become an uncle.

I just need out of this space. I would love to go see my Nonna but I don't have a car to drive there and it's too late in the day. By the time I would get there it would be close to nine and she would be asleep.

You always hear that the best things in life are free. And it's true, happiness, love, laughter are all free. But what they don't say is that the worst things in life are also free. Betrayal, death, lying, and heart ache are all free. It's the truth. And it's what can rip a person to pieces if you're not careful. When Piero cheated on me it hurt, it's like I was drowning in the ocean, the waves just kept pushing me down, and I couldn't get enough air. But this, this is just something different. The love I have for Zayn is so different then anything I've ever experienced.

But I'm not ready for this. We both have so much happening in our lives that I just don't know how much I want to ruin what we could have. I see something with him but I just don't want to ruin it right now. I need to focus on my family, on my business, on my life. It makes me sound so selfish but I know what I want and what I need.

Sometimes things don't work out like they're suppose to.

But I don't want to make any rash decisions. Right now we just need time and space to sort things out.

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“Are you going to visit Nonna this weekend?” Shelby asks from across the table. We're sitting here again making huge bouquets of flowers for yet another wedding. This couple is spending an insane amount of money on all these flowers. They're decorating the church, the receptions, boutonniere, and the Bride requested an extra large bouquet. I had to order more flowers then usual from the whole-seller just to cover the week. Guess it's nice when you have an unlimited budget.

“I want to. But with this wedding this weekend I'll probably only able to go on Sunday. Our delivery man will need extra help delivering all these flowers this weekend.” Our freezer is literally overflowing.

“I can't wait to get married.” Shelby sighs and picks at the thorns on the roses. She's always into fairy tales, she wants the perfect ending, the perfect life. I've given that up. It's not that I wouldn't mind it, I'm just trying to be realistic with life. I don't want unrealistic goals.

I haven't heard from Zayn in days. I've tried to call him but it's like either he's super busy or he's just sleeping. He keeps sending me to voicemail and I don't want to keep trying. I did nothing wrong. He's the one that kept this secret from me for almost a year from me. He had plenty of opportunity to share with me and he just didn't. I've never seen that book while I've been at his place so he hid it from me and tried as hard as possible to not let me see it.

“Oh Shelby. Any prospects?” I ask, trying to keep the subject off Zayn. She knows things are off because she was waiting for me spill everything about when Zayn came back but I've kept mum on the topic.

“I went on that date a last week but it wasn't anything amazing. I mean, it was fun, we went to that new place on fifth but nothing else was sparking between us.” She pulls some more roses from the bunch and carefully inspects them. “Does this bride want glitter too?” She pinches her lips together and looks at me.

“Unfortunately.” Creating these flower arrangements I think of my wedding quite often. I don't want anything big. The complete opposite. I just want a few friends, Leo, my mama, and Nonna there. I don't need a big church, I don't need a big reception. I just want a quiet venue like a museum, or a boat in the middle of the ocean, or a rooftop. No beach, they're overdone. I don't even know if I'd wear a white dress, I know it would be simple. It might even be short. I'd have roses, peach colored roses. Peach roses are a symbol of deep appreciation and gratitude. I think that whom ever I marry, it should be a symbol of our relationship. We should share a deep appreciation and gratitude towards each other. And no glitter.

“So can I ask about Zayn?” She finally gets the courage to ask me and I can't blame her.

“I'd rather you didn't.” I tighten my lips and look down towards the ground, pretending something is more interesting then the conversation. I take a quick look at Shelby and can instantly read her face, she's confused and I can tell she's a little hurt. “I'm sorry, things just didn't go as planned and I'm just not ready to talk about all of it yet.” I shrug. It's not the best answer but it's an honest one. I know if I talk about everything it will just break my heart over again, and it's still broken.

“Sorry Nora.” She reaches across the table and pats the top of my hand gently. She's always a nice friend, she works for me but she's always been there for me. Even when I've pushed her away. I think being an only child doesn't help, I'm not used to having that sisterly bond between people, it takes me longer to open up to others.

“Everything will be fine.” It's like a mantra I keep telling myself over and over again. That everything will work out and I keep hoping that if I say it over and over again that everything really will be okay. My phone rings and I dig for it under some pink flower petals. It's my mama.

“Hey mama.” I answer as I rest my phone on my shoulder and continue to strip the thorns on the stem.

“Nora.” Her tone of voice makes me freeze. “It's Nonna. Something's happened we have to get to the home as soon as possible. You have to come home so we can leave.” Her voice is sharp, it's amazing how things change in an instant. They always say bad things happen in three and I just can't handle any more of this.

Notes

I just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to everyone that has been reading, commenting, voting, and subscribing. I know this story came at not so great timing but we can't really help that no can we? :) Just thank you for sticking with me and on this crazy journey. This has been in my plans all along, things happen in life that we sometimes just can't control.

Anyway, what did you think? I might skip around a little next, we are nearing towards the end. could have extended it much more but as you all know it's been a struggle to wrtie so I wanted to give it a proper story line but not drag it out too much either.

Have a great weekend!

xoxoxox