Basic Space

The next few days are monotone. I wake up, go to school, I talk to Michael and Luke, have all my classes, and then go home and sit on the internet or read a book. Aggie’s is more exciting. She goes to school, has her classes, then goes to someone’s house, then to the beach maybe, or she brings someone here. I stay in my room, not wanting to confront anyone. Having the kitchen be just behind my door is a great plus, because I can get food without them noticing I exist. I play nice in front of our mom, I pretend that me and Aggie are speaking, but as soon as we go outside, we stop speaking. She tries to speak to me, but I refuse to speak to her.
Then we either walk to school, or Marissa and Calum pick her up and take her to school. Not me though. I am not allowed to be in close proximity of Calum. Well, Calum isn’t allowed to be.
It’s friday today, and it’s lunch time. I just had my enjoyable Art class with my cool teacher, and then I have to face lunch either in the library, pretending I am doing homework or studying, or at a bench inside the school building on the second or third floor, because there are less people there and pretend that I am doing something important on my phone.
I grab a bagel from the cafeteria, and chocolate milk, and I decide to go to the library. It’s quiet, no one talks to you while you’re there and you look busy. The library is on the second floor, and I make my way there, practically not paying any attention to some of the mental reminders I have on where to turn or how much I have until I reach the library. Usually I remember classroom numbers, or bathrooms nearby, but the way to the library is already familiar. I get in, greet the lady at the desk. I carry my books and put them down on the table in the very corner, that’s right next to the window. I see the side of the school from here, and there aren’t many students on it. I open my AP Biology book, since it’s giant, and my notebook, and I doodle while I eat my bagel and drink my chocolate milk.
“Hey” I hear someone siting on the chair next to me. I slowly close my notebook and look up. It’s Michael.
“Hi” I say. We usually exchange His and Hellos in the hallway, and he asks me how I am or what’s up, and i answer nothing and smile and then I move on because I don’t want it to get awkward.
“What are you doing later?” He asks. Okay, way to make me feel unimportant and invisible.
“Well I was thinking of looking for a job somewhere around here” I say, which is not a complete lie. I have been thinking about getting a job so I can keep myself busy.
“Well, we’re going downtown. You wanna come?” He asks.
“You and I both know that’s not a good idea.” I say, opening my notebook, and continuing to doodle.
“What are you doing?” He asks, looking at my notebook.
“Pretending to study because I am pathetic and have no friends” I say without looking at him.
“Calum’s not coming. He’s ditching us to hang with Marissa.” Michael continues.
“Michael, you really don’t need to feel sorry for me. Trust me, this whole friendless gig? I’ve had it for three years. It’s not all that new to me” I say and politely smile, wanting him to go away. I feel bad enough.
“Come on Addie. You can’t be mad at me because Calum is an asshole. Ash even asked why you’re not hanging out with us anymore and have him so much shit for it” He says, like he’s stating some historical fact.
I continue to doodle with my pencil.
“It’ll be fun. Ash is coming after school to pick us up.” He says, lowering his head to reach my eyes, which are glued to my doodle. I notice him and his pouty face, so i start to laugh. “Come on. You up for it?”
“Fine. You don’t have to beg” I say jokingly and hit him on the arm. He grins, showing all his teeth.
“Okay, so after school in front of school. Ash’s car is the loudest, so you won’t miss it.” He says, and then does the weirdest thing. He kisses me on the cheek. “See you later” he says, while walking out of the library.
I continue to doodle, trying not to think about my cheek burning the place he kissed, or that they are probably incredibly red right now.
************
The next classes go by so slow, but I manage to get through them. After the bell rings i go outside and see Michael and Luke sitting on the stairs.
“What’s up, losers” I say and sit down next to Luke.
“Look who decided to show up” Luke says, and my mood sort of disappears. “Kidding” He says, putting his arm around me. Wow, ok, Australian guys know nothing of personal space.
Then we hear a motor of a car, then that exact same car stops in front of us, and Ash honks. We all get up from the stairs, Luke removes his hand from my shoulder. He gets in the passenger’s seat and me and Michael go in the back.
“Finally, gracing us with your presence” Ash greets me, and by now I get that it’s sort of a joke they do.
“Hi Ash” I say, sliding on the seat, so Michael can sit next to me. “Where are we going, by the way?” I ask.
“Eat!” Michael says.
“Apparently to eat first. But then we’re going to am music shop, which might not be very amusing for you. After that we’re probably…i don’t know, where are we going after that?” Ash answers and then looks for help from the boys.
“We can buy booze?” Luke says.
“Yes, I am in the mood for drinking.” Michael agrees.
“My parents came home yesterday, so we can’t drink in the garage cause you know my mom” Ash says.
“Can we drink on the beach?” I ask.
“Did you hear that?!” Michael says a bit too loudly “She said we. Are you drinking, Addie? Did you became an alcoholic in the short week we barely spoke?
“Shut up” I say hitting him.
We then drive and the music is blasted. Some song I don’t know from a band that I’ve never listen to. We go to a drive through at McDonald’s where Michael buys food, and then he eats it while Ash drives to the music shop. It’s vast when we enter and there are so many instruments, I am overwhelmed.
“Do you play anything?” Michael asks me, as we make our way slowly in the aisles of guitars.
“I can sort of play guitar. Only know three songs though…” I say. Whenever my dad was in a good mood, he taught me and Aggie to play guitar. As you can see, I know only 3 songs.
“Why are we here again? Are you buying new guitars?” I ask Michael as he gently strokes the strings to an acoustic one.
“No, Luke needs new picks” He says, not looking at me, but admiring the guitar.
I too admire the guitars because, even though I don’t play an instrument professionally, or at least try to, I still see the beauty in all those devices around me that can produce music and melodies never before made. And that’s just beautiful. It’s like looking at art for me. Or books.
We exit the shop, and get in Ash’s car.
“Wine or beer?” Ash turns to us, as we stop at a liquor store.
“Wine” I say, as Michael says “Beer”
I open my wallet and take out money. “White” I say and give them to Ashton. He smiles and takes them. “You, assholes?” He refers to Luke and Michael.
“Buy a six pack” Luke says, giving him the money.
“I owe you, Lukey” Michael says, his voice high pitched.
“You are welcomed Mickey-boo” Luke says, turning towards Michael. He then sends him a kiss.
“Okay, you guys are a little gay for each other” I say. They both look at me.
“We just have a lot of love for each other.” Michael says.
“In a very non-homosexual way” Luke adds.
“Hey, where did Calum go after school?” Michael asks Luke. Luke is turned towards the back facing us.
“Where do you think?” Luke answers and they both laugh. And I feel inappropriate to laugh at their intern jokes.
“Well it’s about time, honestly. They’ve been together for almost a year” Michael says.
“A long, painful….painful, year” Luke says.
There is silence and them Michael leans into me and whispers “They’re having sex”
“I got that” I say, and smile and nod. “And don’t talk about it like that.”
“Like what?” Luke asks, smiling.
“Like it’s been long enough. Maybe she wasn’t ready, she is only, what? 16? Barely 17?” I say. Even though I don’t like her, I don’t like this kind of talk.
“Mate, she was ready like after the first two months” Luke says. I frown.
“No, like honestly, she wanted to have sex. He was the problem” Michael adds. I arch an eyebrow.
“I mean, they’ve done stuff, but not like actual sex.” Luke continues.
The driver’s door opens and Ash comes in with two bottles of wine and a six pack of beer.
“I am not gonna be able to drink the two bottles” I say.
“Don’t worry. One is for you, and the other one is like for all of us.” Ash says putting the plastic bag holding the alcohol in Luke’s lap. He then starts the engine and we drive off.
“So wait, did Calum tell you, or?” Michael brings the topic back.
“Tell him what?” Ash asks, not taking his eyes off the road.
“That Calum’ll probably have sex with Marissa tonight” Luke says.
“Well it’ll be either him or Stephen.” Ashton says, and Luke and Michael burst out laughing.
“Is that a joke thing you do about Stephen? Or do you actually think there’s something between them?” I ask them, genuinely curious because they’ve mention it a few times now.
“Michael is convinced that they do stuff behind Calum’s back” Ash answers me.
“It’s not like those are wild assumptions. Like honestly, they do stuff!” Michael says.
“Mickey just because they are like close, doesn’t mean they do stuff. You and Luke are close, do you guys need to tell me something or?” I laugh at this comment Ash makes.
“No, but Mickey has a point. I mean, like, she sleeps over at his place when he’s home alone, or she sits in his lap when they study” Luke says, making air bunnies while saying the word ‘study’ “and it’s just weird” he finishes
“I guess” Ashton says, and the topic dies off. We still drive for a while when he speaks again “Anywayyy, you know who’s back in town?”
Michael and Luke share a look. Then they both look at Ashton. I sit confused.
“Yep” Ashton says and smiles.
“When?” Michael asks, grinning.
“Last night” Ashton answers. “She called me”
“Is she coming tonight?” Luke asks.
“Who is this ‘she’?” I say.
“Elena Hoff” Michael turns toward me “Imported from The Netherlands”
“She’s this beautiful curly-haired goddess” Luke adds.
“Oh god” I hear Ashton from the front, as he parallel parks.
“She used to live here, cause her mom is half Australian” Michael continues “And is she coming tonight?” he direct the question to Ashton.
He answers a simple “no” and then they are nagging him to call her and tell her to come to the beach. And then he does, very nervously I might add, and she agrees and we get out of the car and walk to the beach. I text my mom, telling her that I’m going out and follow the guys on the sand. It’s soft and my feet sing into it, getting sand inside.
I decide to take them off, putting my socks inside them, and freely walk on the soft sand. It’s sunset, and the sky is red and blue and pink and orange and it’s a beautiful mix of colours. It’s mostly deserted, apart from some other teenagers further away from us. We sit in a circle, or a square, really. Luke takes out the six pack of beers and the two wines. I immediately take one of the bottles of wine and try to open it.
“I don’t have a wine opener” I say, after a minute of struggling. Then Ashton takes out his keys and on his keychains, he has a mini wine opener “Oh, excuse me” I say laughing holding my hands up as he opens it.
We sit there, drinking our alcohol and laugh for about half an hour, when we hear someone approach us.
“Hello” It’s a female voice, I register. When I turn around I see a girl, not much older than me. She has very curly hair, and green eyes, and a defined jaw line.
“Heeeeyy” I hear Luke, trying to imitate some girly voice that’s incredibly bad. She introduces herself to me and then sits next to Ashton right across from me. I feel light headed, dizzy and a little nauseous. Okay, a lot nauseous.
Michael’s POV
Elena tells some airport story, how she got lost and almost missed her flight. Ashton is so into her, it’s insane. I look over to Addie. She was smiling a minute ago. But now, she has her eyes fixated on the sand, and she is swaying a little.
“You okay?” I ask her, keeping my voice down, not to disrupt Elena’s story. Addie nods. “You don’t look okay” I say to her.
“I need air” She says standing up.
“We’re outside” Luke points out. I stand up to help her, because she almost loses her balance.
“Come on” I say, and take her arm. She smells of vanilla and soap. We walk towards the ocean. We aren’t that close to it, but as we get closer, the wind grows stronger. She sits down very close to the water. It manages to reach only her toes. I sit down next to her.
“Better?” I ask. She just nods.
“This is so sad” She says after a minute, lying down. I prop myself on my elbow, facing her.
“What’s so sad?” I ask.
“That I got drunk in the first ten minutes” She says, closing her eyes.
“You were in the mood for alcohol, no one can blame you.” I say, removing a strain of hear from her forehead.
“Not just that” She says, with her eyes still closed “I hate that you have to take pity on me. And I hate that I need a lot of time to adjust. And I hate that my sister got all the good genes. And I hate that we moved, even though I didn’t like where we lived before. And I hate my dad” She finishes with barely a whisper. I lie there next to her, not really sure what to say. I know that she’s drunk and saying the first thing that comes to her mind, and I don’t know how to comfort her.
“We’re not hanging out because we take pity on you” I finally say “You’re pretty cool to hang out with”
She scoffs sarcastically.
“Honestly, like, after monday, I’ve told Calum countless times that what he did was wrong on so many levers” I say “But he doesn’t listen, cause he’s Calum, and he’s stubborn, and sometimes an asshole”
“I’m the asshole. I mean, I couldn’t really expect him to drop his girlfriend just to hang with me” She says, so low, I almost don’t even hear it.
“Forget about him” I say, mimicking her low tone.
“Yeah” she whispers. “He just seemed that he actually wants to be my friend, and not because of my sister, or because of a dare. Just…actually be around me for me.”
The sky is dark now, and there are no lights on this beach. I can just make out the outline of her body next to me, and I can hear her breathing.
“I want that” I say. “Who wouldn’t want that” I make an attempt of a joke. It doesn’t work.
“My dad” she says. And then silence drops.
“What happened with your dad?” I ask her, unsure if I should pry or not.
“He comes in and out of our lives. Usually when he needs money.” She says and takes a pause. Then “And when he’s in…well, he is not the kindest, or most caring person on the planet.” She finishes. I wait for her to maybe say something else, but she doesn’t.
“What does that mean?” I ask. I can’t stop myself. I need to know her story.
“He’s misogynistic and…aggressive.” She says, siting up. I sit up as well.
“Is he here now?” I ask. I can’t imagine someone wanting to put his hands on her.
“No. My mom finally decided that we need to go before he comes back.” She say “No one knows where exactly in Australia we are.”
“I’m sorry” I say, putting my hand over her shoulders. Her head falls on my shoulder and we sit like that. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol, or the feelings I deny that are manifesting in me, but I don’t want to be anywhere else right now, except here, with her.
“I just hope he doesn’t find us, cause if he does…” She trails off, and I don’t want to hear the end of that sentence. I don’t want to know what would happen. Because it’s not.
“He won’t” I quickly say, and feel her tensed muscles relax
“Okay” She says.
And we stay there, under the countless stars and the new moon in the sky, listening to the waves and barely feeling the cold ocean water reach our bare feet. At one point she sniffs with her nose, and I know that she is crying, so I pull her in closer, and tighter, but I don’t say anything, because there’s really nothing I can say.

Notes

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