My Life: Welcome To Me

You know when I look back on everything thats happened to me. Everything I loved doing was to escape from reality. To escape from real life.

For example when I still went to secondary school, thats like high school for you Americans. Every lunch time I would go up in the Library and read books, every single one of them fantasy where it pulled me into a world that was not my own.

Every lunch time I would sit in the library reading books because I had no one who wanted to hang out with me. I had no one who wanted to be friends with me and most students who knew me would whisper harsh things behind my back about me.

Sometimes I wished I couldn't hear them but I always did.

She would look a lot better without that ache

I don't like her.

She smells

Ugly

Never be friends with her.

Don't let her touch you she's carry a disease!

When ever I was on my own I always head for the Library. Away from everyones disgusted looks. I felt safe there. Away from all their judging looks and stupid comments.

But it was like I didn't even try and make friends when I put my upmost effort into it. There was a new girl who became my friend, her name was Ziggy. Yeah odd name right? But I loved her all the same as my friend.

Though it soon became clear the other friends she'd made didn't approve of me, knowing I was the "loser" of the whole school while Ziggy was unaware.

I remember Ziggy asking me to join her, eating lunch at one point. I was overjoyed. Though when I did I was met with three unimpressed stares of a her friends.

They talked and sometimes I'd chip into the conversation, trying so hard to be apart of their group but when ever I did Ziggy's other friends would give me disgusted looks when Ziggy wasn't looking.

It hurt...It hurt bad. I felt like screaming what ever have I done to you?

I was to much of a coward to tell Ziggy that this arrangement wouldn't work if every time I joined the table with them her friends would try and cut me out of the conversation and give me glares.

And I knew, I knew that I couldn't do this if her friends wouldn't accept me.

A number of other incidents followed. When I first knew that everyone was starting to hate me in year 7, thats the year I first start secondary school at 12, was when the people who I thought were my friends started ignoring me.

Then when I tried to hang out with them they'd move away from me. At first I didn't get why but I was no stranger to bullying, I'd been bullied in my primary school. Where I went when I was 5 and finished at 11 years old.

I had hoped secondary school would be a new start, obviously not.

Everyday I was careful what I did and said. Knowing if I ever slipped up it would give everyone a more reason to make fun of me.

I was tripped up in class's constantly. People throw pencils at me. Pushed me around. I remember a more painful incident when I was shoved into a table end by a girl called Cloey, now that was painful.


This happened every single day but every single day I told myself Hopefully It'll get better next year...It never really did...Intill I moved to college that is.

Now there were a couple ways I coped with this every day, apart from constantly telling myself it'll get better, it'll get better.

First thing was I went to a Drama Club every Saturday where I actually had a couple of real friends, though I could only see them once a week as I was to scared for a while to ask them to a day out within the week, always the thought of rejection plaguing my mind. What if they said no? What if they weren't my real friends after all?

The second thing was my parents and my sister. Yeah I have a twin sister. We go to the same school and everything but we mostly talked and chatted to each other at home. I knew it was because again her friends only put up with me because I was her sister. And my parents are actually really good parents, despite how they irritate me sometimes.

I mean my family is hardly strict and we're not a religious family either so again my family weren't strict at all like that, like some families are...They all comforted me when ever I cried about the surgery that has a slight chance it could kill me or the bullies at School.

And my third thing was one of my teachers. Mrs Williamson. In my first year she was my english teacher and we just clicked. She was always so nice to me. And at one point she was even head of learning support where she helped me out because of my dyslexia. And later years in year 10 and then year 11, she was my drama teacher and my tutor.

She was a teacher with a heart of gold in my opinion. One day you just meet an extremely kind and decent human being and thats who she was. Even if she was my teacher, she was still a ordinary human who I looked up to.

I believe those three things got me through secondary school. And as soon as I got the chance at leaving my school along with my bullies behind I jumped at the chance. College here I come.

Although I forgot to mention one thing when I was 14, something changed my life a little bit. I could suddenly go into day dreams just thinking about them and marvelling the fact why had I suddenly become so interested in boys and how was it possible that they could stop me thinking about all my bullies, my school work and the odd pain in the back of my head that would hurt me now and then.

You know who I'm thinking of? Yeah I think you do.

In 2010 I sat down to watch Xfactor each week when I was 14. There I became a huge fan of five ordinary boys who would help me through some difficult times, thats right....One Direction.

So whenever I was down or could hear people sneering comments behind my back I would just wonder, I wonder what one direction are doing now? And I would think of their video diaries on Xfactor that was on the Xfactor website and they would make me smile.

You wouldn't think it helped but...It did...It helped a lot...

Notes