My Life: Welcome To Me

My heart thudded hard in my chest as I walked in with my mother for my talk with the doctor. I felt a little sick. I desperately tried to tell myself to toughen up, its probably nothing! Okay! But even now I don't believe that.

My Mother even looked worried and that in turn worried me even more. She looked at me and said trying to comfort me "It'll be fine, you'll see"

It wasn't fine.

But luckily it wasn't awful either....

I went into the Doctors room after our names were called out. Mr...Yeah, okay I can't exactly remember his name but lets just settle on Dr Smith. Yes I know its crap but I'm rubbish at choosing names okay? Leave me alone, jeez.

Dr Smith looked quite solemn, very quickly my heart rate speed up and an urge to cry though nothing horrible had happened yet gripped me.

Dr Smith smiled, his smile hesitant as he said "Well there is good news and bad news"

In my mind I screamed just bloody get on with it idiot! While on the outside I smiled tightly at him.

Dr Smith told me warily "Well we have found something..."

Very quickly I felt sweat enter my body and I could practically hear my heart pumping fear and adrenaline through my veins.

Dr Smith quickly added, probably seeing my Mothers and my stricken faces "Though don't worry we didn't find any tumours"

Everything seemed to still in that moment, my Mothers eyes watered perhaps she was still fearful for my safety as he hadn't exactly said what was wrong with me yet or maybe it was relief but I'll never know.

I felt like screaming YES! out loud but at the same time thinking why, oh why did you start with We have found something? That sentence alone could of given me a dam heart attack! Couldn't he of just said straight of it wasn't a tumour? Like seriously?

My mother said carefully "You said it wasn't a tumour but...?"

Dr Smith suddenly looked more grim as he turned his laptop around to show us my Scan of my Brain. He pointed to a a certain area in my brain "You see this? Well its a little to large for my liking"

He explained to us a part of my brain was an abnormal size and it was giving me to much pressure inside my head and if something was not done it could cut of some vital fluids that flowed through the brain.

Once again I could feel my fear escalating once more, my mother looking even more worried.

Dr Smith said slowly "Now this is very rare, many people who have this sometimes never even notice it and live not knowing anything about it, others not so much and they usually have to have surgery"

My mother cut in protectively "Wait, so my daughter will need brain surgery!?"

Dr Smith said carefully, fidgeting slightly with his hands "Maybe, maybe not. At the moment she seems to be dealing with it fine but we have no way of knowing of how it'll affect her in the future and if it does, how...dangerous those affects will be"

Now he was saying he didn't know what would happen to me in the future if I didn't take this sugary? Oh great, yeah this is comfortingly me loads.

Brain surgery was a big thing, I knew people could die from this type of surgery. Thats why my mother looked so close to tears right now and Doctor Smith looked so grim...

I just felt...numb? Like I couldn't really believe something like this was happening to me.

My mother asked what did the surgery entail? And two be honest I wish he'd never answered. Half of me hoped I wouldn't tell you this readers but I'm trying to be as truthful as possible at the moment, here is what he said.

To get rid of the pressure they would take a bit of my skull away. Thats right, they would cut a small amount of my skull that protects my brain away from my body. And from them on depending on how far they'd have to go to remove the pressure depended on two more stages. Each bit he honestly told me a little bit more risker on my life.

Dr Smith said they hoped just to do the taking away a bit of my skull bit but they would only know how far they'd have to go once he was doing the surgery.

And that was that. My mother thanked him and we walked out of the door, silence following us in till we got into the car. My mum just then said softly "Looks like you have a big decision to make honey"

That I did...

And you know what?...Its been two more years at this present day I am 18 and guess what? I still haven't made that decision.

Well I made it once but it didn't go to plan, literally but thats a story for another time....

Notes