Running Into Danger

The bright, practically blinding lights fluttered my eyelids opened. I’m really confused. I press the nurses button on the remote next to the hospital bed. The doctor comes in.

“Um, why am I awake? Did something go wrong in the procedure? Where is Christine, how is she!?”

“Ms. Shawn, please try and stay calm. If you keep yelling and moving like that your stitching will come out. And it’s not my place to say. Here is a letter that will explain everything.”

Stitches? So I did have some sort of surgery. This only hurts my head more. I begin to open the letter and immediately recognize the handwriting. No one has shittier handwriting than him. So I start to read.

“You were silly to think that I would actually let you go through with this. Riley, I was put here on this Earth to love you, care for you, and protect you in anyway possible. When you and your family got in a car accident I did too. On that exact day. My dad was driving, him and I got in a stupid fight about me flirting with his bosses daughter. He wasn’t paying attention and ran into a car. That car happened to be carrying a father, mother, son and daughter. The daughters name was Riley Shawn. I only recently learned about this when you were first emitted in the hospital on my watch. The doctor told me why you had a HeartMate II explaining the whole car crash with me. Then it hit me. The car that hit you was my father’s. You and I had to go through the same heart procedure. You and I both have HeartMate II in our chest. The only way to save you was to give you my heart. We were a perfect match. My heart will always beat for you Riley, please keep it safe.

I know you must be reading this screaming your head of, crying, thrashing around. I understand but please be strong for me. I didn’t do this to hurt you; I did this out of love. I love you. I don’t mean I love you like the way I love my tea with two sugars or the way I love an extra ten minutes of sleep or the way I love soup on a cold day. I love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone before. I love you in a way that consumes me. I don’t love you to the moon and back. I just love you to the moon. Because once you’re at the moon with the person you love why would you go back?

You must be saying ‘But I’ll never love someone every again, you were the one Harry.’ Well let me just tell you something sweetheart that no young girl ever believes, but I swear to you it is the absolute truth. You fall in love more than once. It’ll happen again. And it will be just as amazing as our love and as extraordinary as the first time, maybe just as painful. But it will happen again, I promise. And until then, be your own anchor.

Someday, someone is going to look at you with a light in their eyes you’ve never seen, they’ll look at you like you’re everything they have been looking for their entire life. Just wait for it. I hope you fall in love with someone who never let’s you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted. Because if he does that bugger doesn’t deserve you. Wait for someone that makes you smile so hard that your cheeks hurt and loves you so much that you can feel it through his fingertips when they brush the hair out of your eyes and lean in to kiss you.

I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be. You’re going to have bad days. Everyone has them, and I’m sorry I am the reason behind them. You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life. Thank you so much Riley Elizabeth Shawn for being my first love. You make me strong. Now me strong for yourself and our little baby.”

I was screaming. I knew I could scream but not like this. I was scratching at my chest, trying to get rid of the stitches keeping Harry’s heart in places. I was doing them one by one at a quick pace. Blood started to seep out of my body. I was kicking, thrashing all around not wanting this to be true.

The nurses came rushing in to see the matter. They tried calming me down. But nothing worked.

“It was suppose to be me, it was suppose to be me!” I feel like I can’t breath. I wish I wasn’t breathing. I want to be with Harry. I can’t imagine a life without him. It’s all my fault. Everything is my entire fault.

I couldn’t stop moving, I wasn’t cooperating with the nurses. They strapped me down to the bed and sedated me.

Notes

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

I may or may not have cried writing this chapter? =...( Don't read it while listening to Terrible Things by Mayday Parade, it fucks you up.