Rendezvous With the Reviewer
Savage *Spoiler Alert*
Savage by Kay_Baby
Rating: 4.5
The story consists of three updated chapters, based on the main character “Tristan Summers” being a secret agent, who is assigned to assassinate the members of One Direction. The author has not introduced any of the boys in her story yet but has given a vague idea about the rest of the characters in the story, especially Tristan.
The story is in first person, occasionally changing POVs, with a narrative pattern throughout. The writing style of the author is simple, and yet better than the basic and mediocre standards of writing. The writing was relatively formal with proper punctuation, grammar and spelling.
The story will thrive amongst a more juvenile audience and probably be enjoyed by a Spy Kids fan or fans that enjoy similar genres. The story is admittedly very well written in terms of language and grammar and can be understood by a general audience. However, the general audience may not be acquainted to some of the contents that have been explained in a more informal way. For instance, and I quote “There I was, strutting down the strip in Las Vegas in early July like new money.”
The author although managed to put the point through to the readers, I felt as though the story is extremely rushed. The author fell short on building up the story before exposing the plot within three chapters. I personally liked the storyline as it is different from the usual romance stories and had a more action packed and adventurous touch to it. However, the author’s story telling abilities fell short by jumping from one idea to another without properly giving details or reason. I couldn’t relate to any of the characters since the story seemed quite unreal, i.e. it was not something that the readers can imagine themselves facing. Since I have not read a story with the same genre or storyline, I am unable to help the author by comparing it to other fanfics.
General Opinion: You have a nice storyline to write your fanfics around. However, you have failed to draw the interest of a general reader and keep it consistent. The general audience may like the whole special agent who happens to be a fan girl assassinating One Direction concept, but your biggest drawback is your story telling abilities.
Personal Opinion: I liked your writing style, i.e. spelling, grammar, punctuation, summary and intro. However, I was highly disappointed by the rest. The only reason I even gave the story a 4.5 is because of your skills in English language.
For instance, how in the world is a seventeen year old so calm in the middle of a bank robbery? It is given that her father happens to be a cop and he has trained her, but that makes her no James Bond. She was not only overly skilled with her shooting abilities but braver than a lion. I understand these were needed in order to show how qualified she was for the job of a secret agent but it could’ve been portrayed in a more natural or believable way.
Also, I found her reaction absolutely ridiculous when Tristan gets kidnapped and eventually gets told that she has been selected as a candidate to attend T-KON. I mean she just got freaking kidnapped! And not only is she calm and joking about it with her kidnapper but she’s totally cool with joining an assassination organization. She fits right in and can’t wait to join up with her fellow assassins in training. I mean, why? Think about it as though you were in her shoes. Would you really have shown similar reactions?
Plus, she joins the organization and starts training and within the hour she gets a new assignment. And it isn’t just any assignment! She is assigned to kill one of the biggest boy bands, who by the way are continuously under surveillance and under public eye!
My suggestion would be to continue the story more slowly from the next chapter. Try to think of yourself as Tristan and write down her emotions and reactions accordingly. To be honest, the only part I liked about the story was when you mentioned how close Tristan and her sister were. That’s about it. Also, I found her parents’ and sibling’s reaction quite dumb. I mean they hear about it and instead of reacting, they rush out of the house. You could’ve been more descriptive about it.
In all honesty, this story needs major editing in terms of storytelling and I’m not quite sure if I would recommend it to any of my readers.
Rating: 4.5
The story consists of three updated chapters, based on the main character “Tristan Summers” being a secret agent, who is assigned to assassinate the members of One Direction. The author has not introduced any of the boys in her story yet but has given a vague idea about the rest of the characters in the story, especially Tristan.
The story is in first person, occasionally changing POVs, with a narrative pattern throughout. The writing style of the author is simple, and yet better than the basic and mediocre standards of writing. The writing was relatively formal with proper punctuation, grammar and spelling.
The story will thrive amongst a more juvenile audience and probably be enjoyed by a Spy Kids fan or fans that enjoy similar genres. The story is admittedly very well written in terms of language and grammar and can be understood by a general audience. However, the general audience may not be acquainted to some of the contents that have been explained in a more informal way. For instance, and I quote “There I was, strutting down the strip in Las Vegas in early July like new money.”
The author although managed to put the point through to the readers, I felt as though the story is extremely rushed. The author fell short on building up the story before exposing the plot within three chapters. I personally liked the storyline as it is different from the usual romance stories and had a more action packed and adventurous touch to it. However, the author’s story telling abilities fell short by jumping from one idea to another without properly giving details or reason. I couldn’t relate to any of the characters since the story seemed quite unreal, i.e. it was not something that the readers can imagine themselves facing. Since I have not read a story with the same genre or storyline, I am unable to help the author by comparing it to other fanfics.
General Opinion: You have a nice storyline to write your fanfics around. However, you have failed to draw the interest of a general reader and keep it consistent. The general audience may like the whole special agent who happens to be a fan girl assassinating One Direction concept, but your biggest drawback is your story telling abilities.
Personal Opinion: I liked your writing style, i.e. spelling, grammar, punctuation, summary and intro. However, I was highly disappointed by the rest. The only reason I even gave the story a 4.5 is because of your skills in English language.
For instance, how in the world is a seventeen year old so calm in the middle of a bank robbery? It is given that her father happens to be a cop and he has trained her, but that makes her no James Bond. She was not only overly skilled with her shooting abilities but braver than a lion. I understand these were needed in order to show how qualified she was for the job of a secret agent but it could’ve been portrayed in a more natural or believable way.
Also, I found her reaction absolutely ridiculous when Tristan gets kidnapped and eventually gets told that she has been selected as a candidate to attend T-KON. I mean she just got freaking kidnapped! And not only is she calm and joking about it with her kidnapper but she’s totally cool with joining an assassination organization. She fits right in and can’t wait to join up with her fellow assassins in training. I mean, why? Think about it as though you were in her shoes. Would you really have shown similar reactions?
Plus, she joins the organization and starts training and within the hour she gets a new assignment. And it isn’t just any assignment! She is assigned to kill one of the biggest boy bands, who by the way are continuously under surveillance and under public eye!
My suggestion would be to continue the story more slowly from the next chapter. Try to think of yourself as Tristan and write down her emotions and reactions accordingly. To be honest, the only part I liked about the story was when you mentioned how close Tristan and her sister were. That’s about it. Also, I found her parents’ and sibling’s reaction quite dumb. I mean they hear about it and instead of reacting, they rush out of the house. You could’ve been more descriptive about it.
In all honesty, this story needs major editing in terms of storytelling and I’m not quite sure if I would recommend it to any of my readers.
Notes
General Message for Authors:If you found the review rude or disappointing, I can’t say I’m sorry since it is my honest opinion. It may be brutal but it is the truth. If you would like me to remove the review, just ask. There is no need for abuse or violence! If you or your readers do end up cyber-bullying me, all I can say is that you should grow up and learn to embrace criticism if you are to become an author or write in general. You should have thought it through before asking for a review since you had been warned. So, please be mature about it instead of nagging or whining. Thank you.
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9/2/14