Save Your Heart
I saw her rushing across the street and I knew I had about 10 seconds to reconsider all of this. Now I had 5 seconds to duck into the building behind me, completely forgetting about the stupid plan I had come up with on the drive over here.
But then she saw me, and I knew I had made the right decision.
The beautiful blonde girl down the road was walking like she didn’t have a care in the world. But I knew this girl, she wasn’t just a face in the crowd. I knew what she could do, how she could change people for the better. She was looking straight ahead, but it took her another second to notice me.
“Oh my god! Liam!” She said, a bright smile breaking out onto her face. She sped up, running over to me, dropping her bags on the sidewalk and throwing her arms around me.
“I can’t believe this, what are you doing here?! I mean, I know why you’re in the city, but-” She stopped, laughing at herself. “Sorry. But seriously, it’s so great to see you!”
“You too, love. It’s been ages.” I hugged her tight, trying not to notice her smaller frame, she’s lost weight, definitely not in a good way.
“I know, I know. But whatever, you’re here now, I’m so happy!” She did look happy. Tired, but happy to see me nonetheless. Which was a good thing. Because I knew she hated Harry, so I wasn’t sure how she would react to me.
“Here, we can go inside. It’s so hot, I can’t believe you’ve been standing out here for more than about 30 seconds. I sweat my ass off if I even go out for a coffee.” She said, fumbling to pick up her bags. I quickly scooped them up, following her into the swanky-looking building. The doorman let us in, eyeing my strangely. We stepped into a large elevator and Anna pressed the button that read ‘PH’ ; which could only stand for one thing.
“Shit, didn’t know I would be getting the royal treatment.” She just scoffed.
“Don’t speak so soon. The only things I’ve got is what you’ll find in that bag. Sorry.” I looked inside the plastic bags, finding an assortment of random items.
“I think we’ll make do.” I said, eventually following her out of the elevator and into a huge foyer. The fact that this was just a flat, rather than an entire house, was insane. It was nicer than any apartment i’ve been in in London, including any of the boys, or mine.
“Um, you can just put the bags on the island. She said, leading me into the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? We have, um… water… or orange juice… Or beer?”
“You have beer? I always saw you as more of a Cosmopolitan girl.” I joked. She threw a beer at me, which I thankfully caught.
“1. I’m a Vodka-Cranberry. Always. and 2. It’s for my mom’s boyfriend, or whatever. Usually she’ll have wine or something. but ever since he’s been hanging around, we’ve suddenly turned into ‘Beer People’.” I just chucked, taking a swig. It was cold and cleared my mind slightly, exactly what I needed right now. Because we could beat around the bush all we wanted, but Anna and I knew why I was really here.
“So, I suppose you’re here to talk to me about Harry, am I right?” Anna said suddenly. She seemed to be deciding whether or not to take another beer from the fridge. She looked from the orange juice, back down the to bottle, then back up again. Eventually she just grabbed the glass bottle, slamming the refrigerator door shut, popping the top off, and took a long sip.
“Well, yeah. Sort of. I also wanted to apologize. Whatever happened last night-” This got her attention. “- I don’t know what did happen, but i’m assuming it had something to do with a less-than-sober Harry, showing up here at some ungodly hour. I tried to stop him, but it was also sort of my fault that he came here in the first place.”
“How was it your fault if you tried to stop him?”
“Because, I tried to have this talk with him about the two of you, and how I think he was better with you, and just… I don’t even know. I told him to let things happen the way they’re meant to. But clearly he didn’t listen. So yeah, i’m sorry if he fucked up your night.”
“Liam, i’m living alone in this apartment. I sit by myself and watch old episodes of reality shows and eat nutella out of the jar. Trust me, he didn’t ruin my night. Made it a little more dramatic, yes.” She tried to laugh off what she had said. But I saw the look in her eyes. She was alone. So completely lonely that she didn’t know what to do with herself.
“You should really just know how terribly he’s been doing. A mess, really. A complete wreck. He doesn’t sleep much, is getting drunk to try and forget, or numb it, or whatever… And you might not want to hear all of this, but I just thought…”
“No, I do! I want to know.” I nodded.
“Well, he misses you. It’s as simple as that. He made a shit choice, Harry tends to do that sometimes. But don’t think that he doesn’t regret it. Because he would never tell me, but I can tell that he does. Every day.” With her eyes cast downwards, I wondered if she was going to cry. But she looked up at me with clear eyes. There was clearly something different about her. She was still the pretty face I knew, but something had changed. She didn’t smile as much as she used to. And even when she did, they weren’t the real ones.
“I’ve been seeing a therapist. For a while I thought it was completely stupid. But lately, especially leading up to this week, it seems to be working out pretty well. So, um, yeah… I don’t know why i’m telling you that. I just- I wasn’t myself when you guys left for tour. I wasn’t doing well, at all. And I came back here to try and get better. But I haven’t, at least not yet. And now my mom’s scaring the shit out of me, telling me to stay here for the school year… and I just can’t do that. Whether or not i’m with Harry or whatever, I can’t stay here. I mean, as you can tell i’m not exactly having the best summer ever.”
I sighed, hating to see someone I really did care about so upset.
Anna took another long swig of the beer, setting it down on the counter and taking a deep breath.
“But just, talk to me. How have you been, Liam?”
At least an hour later, Liam and I were sitting on the couch, on our second or third beer, still talking. He told me how hard it has been to be away from Danielle, how they got into a fight last week (I wished she had called me to talk about it…), And I told him about my mom, how she was never here, about Dr. Newton…. That was sort of the only thing I had to contribute to the conversation since I didn’t do anything else other than fight with my mom and go to Dr. Newton. But the conversation inevitably turned to me and Harry;
“- I’m not even sure I could be with him again, even if I want to. I feel so stupid…”
“Because this is pathetic! I mean, it is, right?! Don’t lie to me, Liam. I know you’re a nice guy, but you can be honest to me about this one.” He chuckled, I think that sometimes he wished that everyone didn’t always see him as the nice, wholesome, perfect one, the one who would never screw up or make mistakes. But that’s what I liked most about Liam, I knew I could count on him.
“I am being completely honest when I say that it isn’t pathetic. I’m serious. You’ve been through a ton, it’s no wonder you need some time, anyone would. But, when it comes to you and Harry, that one’s up to you.”
I was feeling the beer swirling in my brain. I wasn’t drunk, not even that tipsy. I was just buzzed, feeling light and airy. My head was resting on the back of the couch, legs crossed indian style.
“You do know what I mean though, right? Like, Harry was… everything to me. And maybe that’s a bad thing; I shouldn’t depend on someone so much. So maybe I need to try something new, someone new.” I wasn’t really thinking about what I was saying. And when I said that, I had surprised even myself. “I can’t believe I said that out loud.” I admitted.
“It’s okay. I’m not gonna report back.”
I hung my head, hitting my palm against my forehead in frustration. “What the fuck is wrong with me?!” I could feel my throat close, but I didn’t want to cry.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Anna. It’s alright. It seems bad now but everything will work itself out.” I felt Liam gently take my hands from my face, holding them between us. He tilted my chin up so we were eye to eye. I didn’t know what to say or do. We were pretty close, I don’t think i’ve ever been this close to Liam (physically, of course). It felt strange, but for some reason I wasn’t moving. I felt him lean forward. And I should move away… wow, yeah, I should really be moving away….
And suddenly, we were kissing.
And then, just as suddenly, it was over.
“Oh my god, Liam!” I said quietly, pulling away forcefully, completely astonished that that is how this had ended up. I didn’t know what to say, or do… Was I supposed to slap him or something? I didn’t want to slap Liam, that was like slapping a puppy!
“So, did you feel anything. Like, anything at all?” He suddenly asked.
“Did you feel anything?” He said again, a look of complete wide-eyed seriousness on his face. “Like, not even for me. But just in general. if you don’t, then maybe you know that you’re meant to be with Harry. And if you did, then… well, I don’t really know what that means.” He watched me intently as I tried to figure out what the hell to tell him.
“LIAM! Oh my god! I cannot believe you just did that!” I said, trying to stay serious, but eventually cracking a smile, breaking out into a fit of giggles.
“I can’t really believe I did it either…” He mumbled, laughing at himself. “I guess I thought it would help.”
“Well, thanks. But, I’m not sure it really did anything. Other than possibly caused a whole other mess of drama; involving your girlfriend and my best friend; curly hair, dancer… any of this sound familiar?”
“Shit, you think she’ll be pissed? I’ll just, explain.”
“Let’s just, not think about that now. You’ve gotta get sobered up. Don’t you have a show tonight?” I asked, standing up and stumbling a bit into the kitchen.
“Oh, yeah…” Honestly, I had kind of forgotten. “ He said, following me.
“I’ll get you some water.” I struggled to reach two glasses on a high shelf, eventually grabbing them and filling them with tap water.
I handed him one with a smile.
“I’m sorry about that. I feel so guilty, and stupid. I really was just trying to help.” I smiled, knowing he really meant that.
“I know you were. And I do appreciate it. But let’s just forget it happened, okay?” He laughed.
“Sounds good to me. Besides, if Harry found out, he’d most definitely kill me without hesitation.” My smile dropped. “Oh, shit! Ugh, god damn it, i’m sorry! See, I was doing so well and then I forget to think before I speak and just- spew out stupidity-” He was rambling, the alcohol still in his system slightly.
“Liam, Liam! Calm down. It’s okay.”
He sighed; “ I feel like a right moron. This visit definitely had not gone as planned.”
“What had the plan been exactly? I mean, if it wasn’t to get tipsy off of my mom’s stupid beer and then attack me with your mouth?” He laughed, shaking his head.
“Honestly? I don’t even know now… It seemed like the right thing to do. I need to stop butting into other people’s business and worry about my own issues.”
“No way, don’t you dare. I like you butting into my issues.” He laughed.
“Well, hopefully I made some sort of progres. But I really should get going. I wanna see you again before we leave though, we all do. So, we’re doing this private VIP show at the Beacon Theatre tomorrow, will you come?”
“I, um, I don’t know…”
“I’ll get you a ticket. And if you don’t use it, that’s okay too. But then at least you have the choice.”
“And I really do know that it’s hard, especially when it comes to Harry. He can be a stubborn asshole. But you made him much less of a stubborn asshole.” I giggled again. “- I can let myself out, no need to make you come all the way down. but i’ll text you the details about tomorrow, yeah?”
I walked around the kitchen island, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug.
“Thank you Liam. So, so much. You have no idea. I’ve missed you guys more than anything.”
Okay, I hate disclaimers, but this kinda requires one. This chapter did not end up the way I planned on it ending. I wanted soooo much more to happen but I really just wanted ot get a chapter up tonight. I want to try and get another chapter up in the next 2-3 days, but i’m not actually sure how well that will end up working. But i’m gonna try :)
But I o still hope that you like this chapter. Thank you so much to everyone messaging me about the story who’s reading it and liking it, it means so so much to me, I can’t evne explain it.
So yeah, with that said, let me know what you think !!!
Thanks again !!