X Ɖeтecтιveƨ X
Author: UniqueMOFO
Rate: 8

I really love mysteries, so you had me interested from the summary. I do think it would sound a lot cooler and mysterious if you listed it like this: Three detectives. Two suspects. One murder. One witness. You don’t have to change it; I just think it sounds better, but what do I know? It’s your story.

Your grammar was adequate, but there were a good handful of punctuation errors, wrong use of a word (in terms of homophones and homonyms, they are not big words that you’ve used completely out of context), and minor punctuation errors. I also noted a few run-on sentences that could be cut short into a couple of separate sentences, and there were a few places where dialogue was written wrongly. I suggest that you use some sort of filter, such as Microsoft word (I’m not sure is Google docs is the same), to spell check and help with your grammar. Another way to fix this is to either read through your content several times and fixing grammar before posting, or consider getting a trusty editor.

There is quite a lot of dialogue in your story so far. Though you do have good description in places, I think you should try adding more to really draw out the sign and paint a nice picture in readers’ minds.

I think you have a really great start considering you’ve only posted a prologue, and I’m really interested to be reading more of this story. It’s very original, very intriguing, and I hope you will start to upload some chapters and really get this story going.

There is one thing I want to tell you that you might consider. I find that stories written in the present tense (doesn’t matter the point of view) are a lot stronger and better written than stories written in the past tense. It’s honestly as simple as changing wrote to writing and tried to try. This, however, is completely up to you, so if you aren’t comfortable with writing in a different tense than past, don’t do it. It is considerably easier to write in the past tense, but it is also considerably better written in the present tense. As I’ve said, the choice is yours; this is merely a suggestion.

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If you found this review to be disappointing, I'm can't say I'm sorry. As I said, I am a brutally honest person, or so people tell me. If you would like me to take this down, I will, just ask me. Don't bitch about it either; I don't care what you think, I'm just telling you what I think. Don't get mad, you asked for it. Don't rate this badly just because you don't like what I say. But on the off chance you like what I'm telling you, I'm glad you could learn something from me.

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