Simon’s Daughters
Author: Niall’s_Princess
Rate: 1

When you asked me to review your story, you had already had an understanding of your poor grammar skills, so I have decided to allow you alone to decide what you need to fix, because the first step to correcting your faults – grammar – is by admitting what you’re doing wrong. (But seriously: please work on your grammar!)

I do want to note one grammatical terror that caused me to die of laughter. Short Excerpt: "Guys Cora was crying, be nice to her, no pasteurizing" (end excerpt). I’m pretty sure that thesauruses did not give you this word to replace whatever word you were thinking. This is one of those teenage posts or famous tumblr posts (can’t remember): “When people try to use long words to make themselves sound smarter, but they completely misuse the word” and the response is “I totally photosynthesize this.” Honestly, I was dying because of the meaning of pasteurizing, something you can look up on your own time. Seriously though, I was dead and had to share this (#notsorry).

Back on track, there are a lot of holes in your story. I feel as though there were huge pieces of information that I was missing from your story, and the connections just weren’t there for me to understand what was going on most of the time. Drama is good, great really, but filler chapters are just as important. Do not skimp on any details!

You also need to work on transitioning, which is the main reason your story has so many holes. You were jumping from one scene to the next, especially between chapters. Your chapters must flow. You can’t just start a new scene without properly ending the last one in the previous chapter. It creates holes.

I don’t usually say anything about this, but I felt that there were too many links – polyvore outfits, setting pictures, people pictures, you name it! It really distracts me to see a purple link every other paragraph, especially since you used the entire link instead of hyperlinking words.

I don’t generally like stories where three girls – especially if they’re close or related – fall in love with three members of the band, and yours isn’t any exception. The fact that you’re trying to have three different love stories and make them all the same and smushed into one is terrible. Everyone’s story is different, especially when it comes to love.

Overall, I strongly disliked your story. To be honest: it sucked. The beginning was bad, and it wasn’t getting any better. I ended up stopping about 2/3 of the way through and couldn’t read anymore because it just wasn’t working for me.

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If you found this review to be disappointing, I'm can't say I'm sorry. As I said, I am a brutally honest person, or so people tell me. If you would like me to take this down, I will, just ask me. Don't bitch about it either; I don't care what you think, I'm just telling you what I think. Don't get mad, you asked for it. Don't rate this badly just because you don't like what I say. But on the off chance you like what I'm telling you, I'm glad you could learn something from me.

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