Fanfiction 101
My Boss
My Boss
Author: Blue-Panda
Rate: 1
Quick link! Normally, I would just cut your story from the list, but it’s only post Christmas day (or at least it was when I wrote this review) and I’m feeling nice, so just click the link and hopefully you understand why not cutting your story from my list is considered being nice right now – not that it would be the end of the world to you if I didn’t review your story. It shouldn’t be anyway.
Onto grammar… Always remember to capitalize “i” when it stands by itself. Your punctuation (periods, commas, question/exclamation marks, etc.) shouldn’t be afraid of your words. All these marks follow a word immediately after without space between them as you often do like this . It never hurts to reread and edit a chapter before posting. Be sure to go back and read for the many other mistakes you make that I can’t be bothered to address and fix them.
One minute she works for Cosmopolitan, and the next minute she works for a newspaper called The Sun. One second her name Anna, the next her name is Anna. All right then…
Honestly, it was hard to read through the entire thing with how bad the grammar was, but once I got passed it and read through it all – well, it wasn’t very good. The storyline actually doesn’t sound bad (he’s her boss), but the way you portray the story is just terrible. I think what really kills the story is how rushed it is. I, for one, am really confused as to what actually happened throughout what you have so far. I read through all 11 current chapters trying to figure out what was going on. So he’s her new boss and she doesn’t like him yet she does but there’s this other chick that is obsessed with him because they fuck a lot but he doesn’t like the second chick any more than that and he likes the main girl a lot even though he’s a dick to her.
Maybe that is what you’re trying to get across in this story, but it’s so rushed that I can’t get a feel for any of the characters’ emotions. Everything is just kind of jumbled, and Harry’s a bit too bipolar for my liking. You’ve basically fucked up the emotions of a story by not having any. That is why I, in my opinion, think it’s terrible. If it were me, I would go back, slow it down, and really try to portray to the readers what each character feels. I don’t mean like the crappy thoughts, like ‘I like him. No, I don’t. Fuck, I can’t, but I do.’ Just take your time to explain what each character is really feeling and thinking in response to what is happening.
Overall, I don’t like the story. I was trying to make sense of it all, but the rushing definitely killed everything.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
Author: Blue-Panda
Rate: 1
Quick link! Normally, I would just cut your story from the list, but it’s only post Christmas day (or at least it was when I wrote this review) and I’m feeling nice, so just click the link and hopefully you understand why not cutting your story from my list is considered being nice right now – not that it would be the end of the world to you if I didn’t review your story. It shouldn’t be anyway.
Onto grammar… Always remember to capitalize “i” when it stands by itself. Your punctuation (periods, commas, question/exclamation marks, etc.) shouldn’t be afraid of your words. All these marks follow a word immediately after without space between them as you often do like this . It never hurts to reread and edit a chapter before posting. Be sure to go back and read for the many other mistakes you make that I can’t be bothered to address and fix them.
One minute she works for Cosmopolitan, and the next minute she works for a newspaper called The Sun. One second her name Anna, the next her name is Anna. All right then…
Honestly, it was hard to read through the entire thing with how bad the grammar was, but once I got passed it and read through it all – well, it wasn’t very good. The storyline actually doesn’t sound bad (he’s her boss), but the way you portray the story is just terrible. I think what really kills the story is how rushed it is. I, for one, am really confused as to what actually happened throughout what you have so far. I read through all 11 current chapters trying to figure out what was going on. So he’s her new boss and she doesn’t like him yet she does but there’s this other chick that is obsessed with him because they fuck a lot but he doesn’t like the second chick any more than that and he likes the main girl a lot even though he’s a dick to her.
Maybe that is what you’re trying to get across in this story, but it’s so rushed that I can’t get a feel for any of the characters’ emotions. Everything is just kind of jumbled, and Harry’s a bit too bipolar for my liking. You’ve basically fucked up the emotions of a story by not having any. That is why I, in my opinion, think it’s terrible. If it were me, I would go back, slow it down, and really try to portray to the readers what each character feels. I don’t mean like the crappy thoughts, like ‘I like him. No, I don’t. Fuck, I can’t, but I do.’ Just take your time to explain what each character is really feeling and thinking in response to what is happening.
Overall, I don’t like the story. I was trying to make sense of it all, but the rushing definitely killed everything.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16