I rolled onto my side, giving Hannah the space to get out from under me. Without looking at me, she got up and walked out the door. My muscles tensed in protest until I heard the bathroom door close and the shower turn on. Now the tears were mine. She had been so strong. Hannah was letting me take her further than she was ready for, and I took advantage of that.

With my hands locked behind my neck, remembering how she writhed. I thought that it was a game; a challenge. She kept pushing me on the balcony and it never occurred to me that her mind had changed between then and now. The way she winced, I now knew that those were signs, telling me to slow down. Other girls that winced were begging for me; making me feel strong, but none of those women were Hannah. None of those women even began to scrape the surface in comparison to her, and now, what would happen? I was just rebuilding what I wanted with her. I didn’t want to take steps backwards in the healing process that we had started.

We had slept side by side in this bed just the night before, but now, it felt different. Disgusting with the thought of what I’d put her through, with the thought that I was going to sleep with her when she wasn’t ready for that. I bounded from the bed, not wanting the sheets to touch me. Opening my closet, I grabbed a blanket off of one of the shelves and grabbed my down filled travel pillow as well. I pulled my shirt over my head and tugged my jeans down.

The couch wasn’t a much better sleep, as the walls of the flat were thin and, even with the running water, I could hear the sobs that Hannah was letting loose, not knowing that I could hear her. I lied there, staring at the tree that we had had so much fun decorating the night before. Then, the couch became uncomfortable too, remembering our slightly heated activities. My mind was put slightly at ease when I remembered the smile on her face; she had enjoyed that much, but tonight, a little while ago, there was no smile. There was fear. I had struck fear inside of her. I had been so full of lust that I forgot to take a step back and love her. I’ve always loved her. How could I have let myself go now? How could I live with knowing that she feared me?

Once the shower had turned off, the cries were muffled and by the time the door opened, she was just sniffling. With the back of the couch facing her, I wasn’t sure if she hadn’t seen me lying here, or did and just didn’t care. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she didn’t want to talk to me after what I had just done. She kept her towel tight around her body, holding her underwear in her hand. I had just caught the look of her eyes before she disappeared into my room. My head faced my bedroom door and when it opened again, Hannah’s eyes were still a little bit puffy. She leaned against the door frame, arms crossing her body. She was wearing one of my t shirts. It just covered her thighs, stopping after that. She breathed in and I knew that she could smell my cologne. How could she stand to be in my clothes? I turned to look at the tree, or the black T.V. screen, or anything except her. The guilt panged through my system and buried itself deep inside of me, not wanting to find a way out.

I heard her bare feet cross the floor towards me. Focusing in on the tree, I could see her sit down on the coffee table in front of me in my peripheral vision. I looked up at the topper, imagining the fun we had had getting her all the way up to balancing on my shoulder and steadying her to get it up there.

She tilted her head to the side, obstruction my view even more. Giving in, I looked at her, but not at her face. My eyes looked at her feet that were spread apart, and then to her knees that were pulled tightly together. She was probably worried that I’d sneak a peak or something. It was a disgusting thought to think that she was worried about me looking at her. My shirt fell low on her thighs and I liked the way that it looked, but I still felt like an ass.

“Harry,” her voice was soft, as if she were talking to a child. “Will you look at me?” Not being able to deny her, my eyes slowly crept up her body until we were eye to eye. I sat up and placed my legs on either side of hers in the tight space. She took my hands and placed them on either of her thighs. Hannah’s skin was soft and had a delicate feel, while still being strong. Her face was expressionless with the exception of a small smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips and a gleam in her eye. I could tell that she was mustering up everything that she could to put my mind at ease. My face retained a look of disgust, although I was touching her, trying to heal what I had soon before harmed. “Will you come back to…”

“No,” I interrupted her. I retracted my hands and sat back into the couch, putting my elbows on my knees.

“Why?” Hannah’s voice didn’t crack, but it was slightly more hurt than it had been before.

“Well, I obviously can’t control myself so…” I stopped, looking away again. I roughly ran my hand through my hair, leaving my head in my hands after that. If I could keep my eyes closed, then I didn’t have to look at the angel whose wings I felt like I just clipped.

“Don’t say that.” She ran her hand through the back of my curls and my head instantly snapped up, away from her touch. My eyes focused just soon enough to see her flinch. I deserved it. I was a monster.

“Why shouldn’t I. I came onto you strong, and that’s not what you wanted.” I looked her dead in the eye now, and neither of us could deny the other. We both knew that that was how it went down. Hannah grabbed the hand that wasn’t entangled in my hair, testing the waters of how I would react. She reached to move some curls from my face and that was when I flinched at her touch, so gentle and soft. “How can you do that?” I said through clenched teeth. She backed away slightly, her grip on my hand loosening.

“What do you mean?” There was no shake in her voice; she remained completely calm.

“I was rough with you. I hurt you, and not just your burn, Hannah.” She opened her mouth as if to protest, but I kept going before she could respond. “How can you be so calm with me?” Her hand touched my face again; I couldn’t bring myself to flinch away. Instead, I leant into her open hand, warm on my cheek. Suddenly, her lips were on mine, softly caressing them with the shape of hers. I didn’t respond.

I kept my face towards the floor as she pulled away. “No matter what war we fight in, right?” Hannah’s voice cracked and I looked up at her and she was faced to the floor too. There were pricks of tears in her eyes. Her hands were back in her lap, fiddling with her fingers and I couldn’t bring myself to use my voice. “Please Harry?” Her voice faltered once again and I watched as tears fell to stain the shirt that she was wearing. Now I knew. It was the same as when I had burnt her. All that she wanted from me was a comforting embrace, someone to tell her that they were sorry and that everything was going to be okay. She didn’t care that I had scared her. She didn’t care that I was rough with her. She didn’t care that I could do it again for all she knew. Even after I petrified her, she didn’t run to find the arms of another. She sat here, begging for my response to her touch.

Reaching out for her hand, she let me take it without a second thought. I tugged gently and she began to stand up, but was soon pulled down again. Hannah landed on my chest and gasped slightly, body stiffened, before her muscles relaxed into mine. Her warmth was comforting while at the same time she sent chills throughout me, damp hair dripping onto my skin. I wrapped my arms around her as she used my chest as a pillow. I tried to keep my breathing as even as possible. Unfortunately, the more evenness I attempted, the more rugged my breathing became. It kept hitching in my throat as I felt the tears in my eyes building up. She traced patterns on my chest, laying her hand across my chest, feeling it rise and fall rapidly. I brought myself to speak. “How can you do this,” I paused, trying to keep as much of my cool as possible, “when I just hurt you. Hannah I hurt you so bad that you had to go take a shower.” Her hands stopped drawing for a moment, before they continued their previous movements.

“Harry, you noticed and you stopped.” Again, she was calm, like she was talking to suicidal, convincing them not to jump. “You realized that I was hurting and you stopped. I didn’t tell you that you were hurting me, but you still noticed,” she mumbled against my skin. I was still beyond pissed at myself, but somehow, her words put me at ease. I felt as her chest raised and fell gradually against mine. We were both back to an even pace now, as my heart rate had slowed. I looked at the beautiful woman lying on top of me, and I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be.

“I wanted to,” she mumbled against my skin. My breathing accelerated again. I felt like she was trying to keep it a secret while revealing it at the same time. She pressed her face into my chest, not wanting to show her true emotion, but, as far as I could tell, she was completely at ease in telling me that she wanted to take it all the way, even in her terrified state.

“Did you see your face?” I knew she could feel the muscles of my arms tensing around her. “You were terrified… of me.” She sighed deeply as my voice cracked. I cleared my throat. “I scared you.” Her hand again began drawing patterns and began working down my stomach, nails leaving faint red marks in their path. Her hands were warm, but I refused to let my senses ride out the tingling sensation.

“I still wanted to… Even when I was scared I still wanted to,” my jaw clenched and my teeth grinded, but I relaxed when her hand stopped moving and focused on choosing my words carefully.

“I scared you so terribly that you had to go for a sho…”

“Even when you were rough, I wanted to do it for you.” My nostrils flared and I now focused all of my energy into keeping my breathing even, not letting her be able to sense my anger.

“If it happens,” she tensed at my use of ‘if’, “then it will be because you’re ready. It will not be because you’re doing it for me.”

“But I don’t know when that will be, and I want to make you happy.” This would excite most men, to hear that their bird was willing to put out whenever he so pleased, but not me. Hannah wasn’t just any girl. She was special, and all be damned if I was going to treat her as anything different.

“Don’t say that,” she picked her head up and laid her arms against my chest, her chin resting on her arm. There was question in her eyes. “Don’t doubt yourself.” Her blue green orbs shifted away from me, focusing down on my chest, her hands tracing my collar bone. The gleam of her eyes was the most beautiful when it was aimed at me, but, even in the dim lighting, I could still see it here. “Just being around makes me happy; it always has. Being able to call you mine makes me happy. Knowing that I have someone, to come home to, is what makes me happy. Yeah, sex is a plus,” I pushed a few stray curls behind her ear as I watched a slight blush rise on her cheeks, “but it’s something that I’m willing to wait for.” Her eyes locked in on mind. I’ve been all around the world and seen all of the sights, but there was nothing at beautiful as Hannah’s eyes. “I want it to be perfect, but it won’t be if you’re doing it for me.”

She was going to do it; she was going to put her comfort and safety at risk to please me. I couldn’t imagine being the one to hurt her in order to pleasure myself, but Hannah was willing to reach her most intimate state without being prepared. These were the times that I wished that she remembered our night together. She would have remembered calling my name and telling me to ‘slow the fuck down’. She would remember us laughing about it, her drunken state dulling the pain that I was putting her through. She would have remembered waking up in the middle of the night to shower. It was hard to believe that she had consumed so much alcohol that she didn’t remember getting up to wash away the blood. I couldn’t sleep, thinking about how she couldn’t just remember what happened that night.

I pulled her in tight, securing her to my body and trying to warm her enough to settle the goose bumps covering her from her shoulders to her calves. Covering the two of us with the blanket, it wasn’t long before Hannah’s breathing became steady and her eyes drooped closed. She was an angel and her wings had healed. The best part was that she had every opportunity to fly away, but she chose to stay Earth bound. And with all of the places on the face of the Earth that she could have landed, she landed here, in my arms. I could only pray that, if I ever told her about what we did that night, she wouldn’t fall to the lowly means of us humans. I could only pray for her forgiveness. Entwining our fingers, I forced myself to relax, but I was surprised when Hannah gripped my hand tight in her unconscious state.

Notes

When my rating hits 10.0 I'll do a double update everyone :) I'm excited. Does everyone agree that the stories getting juicy? Comment, rate, and subscribe. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! I love every comment that I get, good or bad, just to let me know how I'm doing.
xoxo Hannah <3