#Niall’s P.O.V:

As I drove towards the house, I couldn’t help but to feel empty. Why did I let the anger blind me? Why did I called her a slut? Why did I danced with that other girl? Why do I feel the need to hurt her before she hurts me?
It’s like I have t hurt her before she hurt me, because it’s inevitable. I think it’s inevitable that she hurts me. Someway, she would find out that I’m no good for her and dump me, and I would be left in the edge of a cliff, only to drop a second later when the words made sense to me. When she eventually breaks up with me, because it will happen, I’ll feel empty again.
Why did my stupid and already fragile heart had to fall for this girl. The girl which reflex in the window allows me to see she’s silently crying. All thanks to me and my stupid actions. She’s suffering because of me. Ignoring the pinching feeling in my heart, or trying to, I looked at the road that was now wet thanks to the sudden rain that started falling over London.
I held my head in my hand, my elbow supporting in the car door. How did this get so fucked up? And why? Why does my bad temper get in the way of things? Why can’t I get the stuff I want without trying so hard?
She was hard to get at first! I had to get beat up to get the girl in the end, and now… now I feel her… I feel her slowly slipping through my fingers. I lost my best friend because I didn’t try to resist his girlfriend. I lost my previous life because I didn’t try to fight back the hate I felt towards myself. I didn’t try to fight it, I just believed and put all the guilt in myself. Thanks to this girl I know it’s not my fault. Thanks’ to her, everything is better now.
My life, my heart, my soul, my mind… I haven’t feel lonely all this time she was with me. Now, I feel lonely again, like the connection we have was destroyed. I don’t want it to be destroyed, I want to get back to the way it was before, I want to cuddle her up at night, kiss her forehead and tell her I love her before she dozes off to a sleep where I hope she’s dreaming about me. I want her by my side, always.
There was a time where I thought she was a sorcerer. Through the rehearsals, and the meetings, and the shows, even through the family reunions, she was all I thought about. I couldn’t concentrate right and I messed up innumerable tries to get the songs right, the guys almost beat me up thanks to that one. Through the meeting we had to talk about contracts, and what we wanted our songs to be like, or the appeal of the perfume or the CD… I lost it. I said her name countless times without noticing it, only when one of the guys elbowed me I would widen my eyes and realize what I said, only to repeat it a few minutes later. I was mocked a lot by them. In the shows I would just keep in the corner, carefully quiet s I wouldn’t say her name out loud, especially when singing Diana… that required more of my attention. When giving autographs, I was hit on by plenty of girls who hoped I was still single. Most of them gorgeous to make your chin drop to the ground. But her face was all I could ever see, probably because the girls hitting on me were covered with makeup, and my princess didn’t need that to be gorgeous.
I can’t help but to feel hopeless, like the very first thing that made me happy in these last two years is fading away with the wind that’s blowing outside. When making a curve, I noticed the car coming towards us, and I didn’t have time to move.
I only let go of the wheel and pulled Johanna into my arms, protecting her head between my arms. As a reflex, her legs surrounded my waist and I tightened my grip on her.
“I…” I was so sure I wanted those to be my last words…but the impact occurred first, stopping my words from coming out thanks to the highly strength of the impact.
My head went forth, but I applied all my strength back, making sure she wouldn’t fall. The act almost made my neck break, I could feel it. Glass shattering everywhere, the smell of something burning and smoke everywhere. It all was there, but I’m fine, expect for the impact my head suffered when hitting against the seat. That made me wanna pass out, but I didn’t allow myself to do so. And then I looked down…
‘I love you!’, I wanted to say ‘I love you Johanna!’. That way she would actually believe in me. That’s all I needed before I was gone, I needed her to believe in me because I loved her with all my heart, and as I looked down, I saw her eyes widening as a big piece of shattered glass went through her back, finding the space between one of my hands and the other.
No, No! I can’t lose her like this, no! I took my belt off, feeling agony inside my chest, everything tightened me right now, and the idea of losing the only important thing in my life made me wanna puke and die too. I pulled her out of the car and pulled the glass form her back as she mumbled, too weak to speak. Crying desperately already, I threw the glass towards the other side of where we were, accidentally cutting myself and slowly and carefully, I laid her down on the side of the road where it was safe. She was too weak, and the stain of blood coming from her back soaked my hands in blood, a mix of hers and mine thanks to the cut across my palm.
The frontal part of her white one shoulder shirt was now stained in red thanks to my efforts to pull it off so I could see the cut and make it stop.
“Ni…” She called, closing her eyes and opening them next with too much effort
“No, please don’t leave me Speedy!” I begged, pulling her shirt till her head and gently lifting it up “You’re everything of good I have in my life, I can’t lose anyone else, especially you!” I cried as I took the shirt from her, gently putting her head back in place again.
She coughed and slightly trembled thanks to the cold. I ran one hand through her bangs, pressing four of my finger in her forehead horizontally. The conclusion that she was indeed cold made me freak out even more.
My tears were freely falling down my cheeks, staining them of an invisible color, the color of despair and agony. My vision was blurred as I looked at her. She was blinking, but too heavily. I needed to be quick for her. Her beautiful breasts were covered in a black set of underwear, wich I guessed it was a match to the panties since that’s my Speedy… That thought only made my chest tighten even more. I slipped one hand around her waist, carefully pulling her up so I could see her back.
What I saw made me wanna scream. How big was that glass? She had a huge cut all the way from the center of her back right on top of the bone, roaming up till her shoulder blade, right till the edge. My hands trembled and so did my legs as that vision stroked me. Her beautiful silky skin was now stained from her shoulder to the lower back where only I had wandered in. the warmth wasn’t there anymore.
“Ni…!” She whispered in my ear, a cold breath hitting my ear as I let more tears ran down my cheeks, falling freely in her back, mixing with the blood stains in her gorgeous body “I…” She groaned, like something hurt her. I felt something wet falling on my neck and then run down my back, making my eyes water even more if that was possible “I love… I love you!” She whispered
“I love you too!” I cried desperately, hearing another groan and then silence “I love you too Speedy! Please don’t go! Please stay with me!” I begged as I pulled back to look at her only to see her with her eyes closed and a peaceful expression.
I panicked, and I panicked a lot. Golding her like that, I quickly too my shirt off, wrapping it under her shoulder and giving a knot on the other side of the torso so it would hold. Then, I laid her back carefully. I placed my hands over her chest like I learn how to do in case I would see myself in other case like James. I had to make her hear beat again.
So I made pressure, I pushed my hands against her chest, counting to ten, my hands still had blood traces on them as I pressured in her chest. I had no idea if CPR helped in her case, wich probably doesn’t, but I kept doing it, I kept doing it while crying till someone pulled my arms back. I yelled and bawled repeated ‘No’s!’ as I was being pulled away from my girlfriend.
A guy with black hairs kneeled in front of me and when he opened his mouth to talk, a weird sound came out. When I frowned, he waved in front of my still watery eyes and talked again, but the same weird sound came out.
“HEY PAL!” He yelled…
My eyes shot open immediately, only to notice I was holding to the seat with all my strength. Relieved that was a dream, I let go of the stuffing and relaxed my tensed muscles as I heard that sound again. I turned my head to the side to see a man knocking on my window and looking worriedly at me. I had to blink twice to make sure he really was there, but soon enough, my window was open and I was facing him.
“Are you alright son?” The man of probably forty years of age asked, his eyes caring concern
“Yes!” I nodded, knowing I probably was screaming
“It’s just that you were screaming in your sleep when I passed by and I wanted to make sure you were okay!” He said and I swallowed, nodding
“I’m sorry for troubling you!” I said.
He smiled and shook his head, like he was saying I didn’t need to be thanking. He took a look at Johanna’s house, where I left her earlier today, and then turned to me again.
“A friend of the Skyes?” He asked
“A friend of Johanna’s!” I said, emphasizing the ‘friend’
“Oh!” He widened his eyes “Lovely girl!” I smiled nicely and truthfully, nodding “Why are you out here then?”
“We had a fight!” He nodded
“I guess that’s why you were yelling her name so loudly!” He said, giving me a meaningful look
“Yeah, again, sorry for trouble you!” I said
“No need to thank boy, now, I’ll go home, it’s late already!” He said and I nodded, watching him as he walked to the house next to Johanna’s and got in.
When he got in, I let my body hit against the seat quickly. I was so relieved that it was just a dream and not reality, because if it was I would be in pieces right now. What made everything worst was it started with memories form early today when I left her here. When I left her, we had a minor fight again. When she tried to leave the car when I parked here, I tried to keep her inside.
“Bye!” She coldly said, opening the door to go inside
“Johanna… wait…” I desperately said as she slammed the door.
She walked towards the door of her house and I quickly got out and ran towards her, holding my jeans so they wouldn’t fall off my bum. I reached her, wrapping my hands around her waist, pulling her back so her back were against my chest. I think that touch was all she needed to burst out crying.
“You don’t get it do you?” She cried
“Princess…” I started but she cut me off
“What if it was Greg in Jessica’s place. What if Megan asked you out in exchange of a blood donation that could save Greg’s life?!” She pushed me back only to turn and look at me “How do you think I would act?!” She asked, her cheeks wet from her tears while pushing me back “I would say it was okay! I would trust you, because relationships’ are about trust too! I needed you to be there for me yesterday night when I was crying under the sheets. And what did you do?!” She pushed me back again, looking fierce “You looked into my eyes as coldly as you could and left!” She said, aiming to push me back again but I grabbed her wrists
“When I screamed form the top of my lungs in my sleep! What did you do?” I asked her
“I stood under the sheets!” She mumbled “I stood under the sheets because you wouldn’t accept my comfort! Because you think I’m a slut!” She said, pulling her wrists so she would get free
“Johanna…” I said, taking a step in hr direction to what she took a step back. That stung “I don’t think you’re a slut!” I said
“Well, you said it, I didn’t!” She yelled, tears falling again
“But I was angry!”
“That isn’t an excuse!” She yelled
“Well, I’m sorry for being understandable, maybe that’s because I love you and I’m afraid you’ll grow tired of me!” I yelled as loud as I could
She widened her eyes to my affirmation and shook her head negatively, as if trying to get a point to what I was saying and then frowned.
“I have to go inside!” She chose to say, turning around.
I grabbed her wrist, pulling her back and clashing my lips into hers. I was afraid she would pull back immediately, but she didn’t. She just lingered. There weren’t any tongues involved, or anything remotely provocative. Our lips simply touched, and it was the best kiss I could ever ask for, because you know that you’re in love when a simple kiss can make what looks like a thunder run your bloodstream, and your heart bump harder in your chest, the immediate caring and love you feel for the person whose lips are attached to your own. I know I’m in love, and the basic rule of the womanizer’s book is ‘Never get hooked!’, well, that was a failure.
When I pulled back, I could tell she was surprised with her own reaction. I was thankful for it, it meant I still was something to her, I still had a shot to make everything right. I touched her forehead with my lips, taking longer than necessary.
“Have a good night sleep princess!” I whispered against her skin, sending her away
After that, she went inside. And I knew she would be crying. I stood her thinking about a way to make everything right till I fell asleep. This is the first night I dream about something that’s not James. That made my chest tighten. How did all this get so fucked up?
Felling the anger building up in me, I turned my hand into a fist and punched the wheel, letting out a frustrated groan. Sucking my teeth and shaking it desperately to make the pain go away, I realized I probably just broke my knuckles. You see, you have to punch correctly to keep them intact. If you hide your thumb under your other four fingers, when you’re about to punch someone you break your knuckles. The key is to keep the thumb out of that captivity. But because I’m an asshole, I just probably have broke them.
This is stupid! Why am I out here when I can be upstairs, comforting her in while she cries. So I got out of the car and walked to Johanna’s tree, climbing it up. I jumped to get to her balcony, praying the window was open. When I saw it was, I was happy, but concerned too because when I opened the window, sobs and loud cried to break a heart were heard. And my heart pulled me towards the bed silently closing the window behind me.
I took my shoes off and put them besides the bed, still hearing the heartbreaking sobs. I pulled the sheets up and slid under them, pulling them up so they covered out heads, wrapping my arms around her, pulling her to me and curling into a fetal position so we were completely glued in each other.
She cried harder. She knew me too well to be scared of me or my body in bed.
“What are we doing wrong?” She cried out loud, desperate
I his my face in her hairs, letting go of the tears as pained as the ones in my dream, knowing it was all my fault we were both like this. I made a mistake, everybody does, but now I have to deal with the consequences of my mistake. Those are the one’s who’s going to cost me the most.
Seeing her like this is enough pain, and knowing it’s my entire fault makes it even more insupportable.
“We’re a walking disaster waiting to happen Speedy!” I said “But I’ll cherish every moment we have together because I love you!” I said, sniffing her now wet hairs thanks to my tears “I’m so sorry for all of this!” I whispered “I never meant to hurt you in any way possible! I was just being a thick head because I don’t want to lose you!” I admitted, letting a sob escape “But you can’t judge me for wandering what he would do to you when you are together. What if he hurts you?” I kissed the top of her head taking longer than necessary
“He promised he wouldn’t!” She whispered “I threatened him!” I weakly smiled through my tears
We were hopeless, two kids who know nothing about love, crying together because they’re too much of chickens to let each other go. I want her with me, I know she brings the good part of me, but I bring out the bad in her. Is that good?!
“You believe him!” Carefully, she nodded “Please don’t send me away!” I begged, the tears coming back with all the strength they had. I pulled back to look at her “I just had the most awful dream ever. It was worst than any dream I ever had about James!” She swallowed her tears, looking at me “I dreamed about you dying! And I swear I never felt more hopeless or disturbed in my life. I felt empty, and I don’t want to feel empty again in my life, I felt it once, but now I found you, and if I have you, I have everything I need. I have oxygen, I have water, I have love, I have life… Everything. You’re my life Johanna!” I cried, running my hands in her back just to make sure there wasn’t any deep cut.
“I just feel so sad, and so… dead!” She cried, burring her head in my shoulder
“I’m sorry for calling you a slut. You’re not a slut, you’re the most pure person I have ever saw and met in my life!” I said “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I swear, I swear on my own life, that I was blacked out from rage when I called you that! I don’t control myself when that happens, wich is rarely, but still, I can only hope you forgive me, and understand that I have a problem!” She pulled back to look at me “I understand if you never want to see me again but…” She cut me off
And she cut me off by placing her lips in mine.
And I don’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy.
I wrapped my left arm around her waist and the right hand carefully holding her nape.
I turned us over as she spread her legs, taking me in. I missed this. I pulled back to look at her, seeing how perfect she looked regardless the traces of tears, with her brown hairs spread around the pillow, and her cheeks twice as bigger, how I fitted perfectly in her. One of her hands raised to touch my cheek caringly, her thumb brushing the tears away from my face.
“I put up with a lot of stuff Niall!” I nodded, resting my forehead on hers “Another problem of yours isn’t something I can’t handle!” I smiled sincerely, out of happiness, joy and love.
“You’re the strongest woman I have ever met!” I said, kissing her nose right after
“I was so afraid I was going to lose you to this!” She admitted
“Oh baby, you can’t ever lose me to something as shallow as this!” I said “Only death can put us apart!” I finished, leaning to place my lips on hers once more.
With that, she curled up against me, her chin finding a comfortable place in my shoulder as her breaths hit my neck, making me shiver. With a happy mumble, she kissed his neck.
“Finally!” She whispered
“I’m so sorry!” I said again and she only shook her head negatively
“Sorry for making this decision without consulting you! I’m just used to do my own decisions only considering myself when it’s only about me!” She said “Now it’s not about just me!” She said, holding my hand, the one that had the ring and pulled it up, kissing the round shaped material “Can I count on you when the day comes?” She asked me and I swallowed before I give her my answer
“I can’t say I approve, I get why you’re doing this, and I’ll be there, but I don’t support it!”
“Thank you!” She said, kissing my lips
“You welcome love!” I said, kissing her forehead! Did yo know it’s a sign of respect? “Now sleep, you have classes tomorrow and I would hate to make you feel tired while you have to listen to those nags all day!” I said and she giggled
“Thanks Nialler!” She sleepily said, holding her chin in my chest “Te amo cariño!” She whispered before she fell asleep.
I smiled so widely, I think some of my face muscles tore apart.
“Te amo cariño!” I said back, kissing the top of her head before I fell asleep too

#Niall P.O.V. OFF

Notes

I decided to post this earlier than expected thanks to a small breach I had in my schedule :))
Hope you enjoy it