Punk Direction (Niall Horan love story)

I don’t know how it happened, but it damn well happened! I was about to get out the car to go shopping for Christmas with Danny because I needed to get my parents and my sisters something. Danny was thrilled that I was going to the mall with her. She always liked that and I loved to see her happy so I offered to go with her. After she gave me Niall’s Christmas present right when I got to the car, I had to do something for her. Niall’s present was a simple ring with ‘Mine?’ engraved on the inside. I knew the meaning of that question. It was almost like he was begging me to wear the ring… as long as I was wearing it, he would know I was his. Knowing how much I loved simple things, he nailed it. It also came with his house keys and a note that said ‘I love you! Merry Christmas princess!”
Danny tried to cheer me up but I was visibly exhausted. I worked all day to the fundraising with Danny and then I had to go say goodbye to my boyfriend. Yeah, I needed to rest as quick as possible. I was tired and needed to sleep, so when Danny asked me to go shopping with her, I didn’t argue, I agreed right away because I didn’t want to argue and I actually had to go shopping for Christmas.
Anyways, all I know, is that when I was about to get into the shopping center, a crowd formed around me. Danny held my hand instantly, almost feeling the panic attacks as strongly as I was starting to feel them. She looked around the people to find a place for me to get out of there. She didn’t found any. Soon the space I was in was so cramped I couldn’t stop from letting some tears down my eyes. The thing with my panic attacks are that I can’t scream, or yell, I just stay there and cry silently till someone comes in my rescue. Thankfully I got Danny for that one.
“Yes, she’s dating Niall Horan, get the fuck out of our way!” She yelled, upset about my crying and my sudden panic attack
Holding me tightly and taking the crowds distraction as an advantage, Danny made a way towards the mall and quickly got us into the nearest bathroom. I sighed in relief and sat in the ground, against the wall, my arms around my legs. I was trying to get rid of the panic feeling inside of me. Breathing irregularly, I looked at Danny.
Her eyes were soft. She hated seeing me like this. I couldn’t blame her, I bet I was an awful thing to look at right now. My cheeks should still e stained with treat marks, my eyes a complete solid grey color and my face completely drained out of blood. She hated to see me this vulnerable and she also knew that I only opened up about my personal space with some people. Like her, or my family, and Niall. No one else is allowed to share the same close environment as me. I always respected my personal space too much, and my body too. If people I don’t like or don’t know start to touch me, I enter a complete brain freeze experience or I start screaming, those are two of the certain. I could do a lot more, kicking people, blacking out, crying without moving… Those wouldn’t take me anywhere, but still, none of the previous two would if I was alone with one else besides me.
I shivered when people entered the bathroom. The previous empty bathroom was now filled with teenagers… punk teenagers. Most of them had visible tattoos or piercings, but I don’t generalize normally. There must have been some girl with none of those things, but I was more concerned about the fact that my panic attack was coming stronger. I saw Danny’s hands becoming wrists before I hid my face between my knees.
“Get the fuck out of here!” She harshly said “Can’t you see she’s suffering!” She had no response from the crowd.
I allowed myself to sob this time. I was feeling awful, and that type of awful only comes with a panic attack as a complement. I felt Danny’s hand in my arm and I quickly looked up, shoving it back against her. I was admired with my own actions but I wasn’t the master of them, I was still shaken by. I was surrounded in a matter of seconds.
“Get the fuck out, I know krav maga!”I know I would laugh if I wasn’t the fact that I was in the middle of a panic attack.
I was thankful Danny didn’t took my actions as hurtful because by no means I wanted to harm her. I was lucky she knew it. My best friend knew everything about me, and I couldn’t thank her enough when she started to tell me I had to take deep breaths.
“Is she having a panic attack?” Someone from the crowd asked.
Danny almost growled. You could see her lips moving as she did it, she was furious and I could tell why. I mean, the girls around us weren’t actually helping me by being so close. She turned around so her head was turned to the girls, still not touching me.
“What do you think?” She growled, I bet her blue eyes were as dark as they could be when they were turned to the girl, but when they turned to me, they were soft “Are you feeling better love?” She asked and I shook my head negatively and sobbed.
I hid my face in my knees again and kept taking deep breaths. This is one of the reasons I don’t come to shopping centers, especially on Christmas time, but thanks to this me and Niall dating thing, it was far more worse than everything I had experienced before. My breaths were replaced by some sobs again.
“No, no! Breath, no sobs Johanna!” Danny said calmly.
I knew she was trying to transmit sobriety as her tone was kept the same way. I also knew that keeping her voice tone that way was requiring as much effort from her as the effort I’m making to make the panic attack go away. I only felt like crying, like everything around me was too fast or too slow, and I felt violated. Violated because my personal space was being ignores. They were a few inches away from me for God’s sake, my space was more than violated, it was almost ripped away from me.
“I’m sorry love, but I’ll have to touch you!” She said
“N-no cra-cramped places ple-please!” I sobbed
She could be thinking about taking me to one of the compartments was a good idea, but it was only making it get worst. Being cramped between two dirty green walls isn’t something you wish when you’re having a panic attack. I’m glad that idea didn’t cross her mind.
“Okay, but breath, no sobs okay?”I looked up and shook my head positively “Keep your head high and eyes wide open!”
I have no idea how she made it, but she swooped one hand around my knees and one around my back and got up with me. She ran out of the bathroom and found the darkest coffee shop you could find in a mall. She hid us under a table and we were lucky nobody else saw us. When the crow walked right past us, Danny completely focused on me. I was feeling better, but she wanted to make sure nothing else happened.
I didn’t even noticed she left and came back with a totally different shirt than the one I was wearing and a cap in her hand too. She gave them to me and we made our way back to the bathroom. I took out my shirt and put the one Danny gave me it was a Ramones shirt, a dirty red one with a small opening in the shoulder. The cap was the same color as the letters, white. While I changed, Danny grabbed my phone. I immediately knew what she was doing.
“What the fuck Horan!” She yelled “Yes, it’s Danny, and don’t fucking laugh at me this is serious!” She looked at me “Yes, she’s fine, but she’s fine now, she wasn’t a few seconds ago!” She turned her back at me, clearly angry “She had a panic attack thanks to your fans!” She yelled, throwing her hands in the air “Try and put a leash on them! She fucking cried!” She turned to me again
“They’re just dedicated Danny!” I said sweetly. I couldn’t blame them for being in love with their idols, I love one of them too. Danny kept yelling at Niall.
“She changed clothes and is with me! I had to carry her out of the bathroom, in my arms. She couldn’t move, she barely spoke, I couldn’t touch her, she didn’t let me Niall!” She tightened the phone in her hands, clearly angry “I don’t care!” She yelled, turning the phone to her “Take care of it!” She widened her eyes and I could tell, not by hearing it, but by knowing him, that he told her to shut up or to do… do that thing started with and ‘F’ and it’s rude... but she used it too. She rolled her eyes and handed me the phone.
“Hello?” I asked, grabbing the phone
“Oh love, are you alright? Are you better? Did anyone hurt you? Say something please!” He begged
“If you let me!” I laughed and could see Danny relaxing
“Okay, I can see you’re better!”
“I am!” I sighed “Danny took care of it! But I… I was scared Niall!” I admitted, my voice was a whisper
“I wish I could hug you right now!” He said and my heart swelled
“Me too!” I said “But tell me, are you safe? You got home already? I saw your text but I never got the chance to call you!”
“You could do it anytime! I wasn’t asleep!” He said
“Why?” I asked
“I couldn’t!” He normally said
“I didn’t even try!” I confessed
“Why?” This time it was he who asked
“Because I know I found the body that fits in mine, and you were my source of warmth under the sheets and I have nobody to warm me now!” I sighed “I didn’t felt like spending six or seven hours of my day rolling over the sheets, missing you like crazy!”
“I’m sorry love, you should have slept!” He said “But I understand, I can’t neither. I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, this all turns out to be a dream, you turn out to be a dream!” I sighed
“It’s not a dream, I’m not a dream and I love you!” I said “And I miss you and I feel like something’s missing in my chest!”
“Me!” he whispered, and it would have slipped unnoticed if wasn’t always paying attention.
“You!” I breathed
“Anyways, have you liked the gift?” He asked
“I liked the keys better!” I said “You shouldn’t have wasted money with me!”
“It’s always a good investment!” I giggled
“Thank you Niall!” I said, swirling the ring in my finger
“You know that counts as a promise ring right?” I froze.
“Are you sure you wanna go there already?” I asked “I’m afraid you’ll get tired of me!” I whispered and I could her him sighing
“I won’t ever, EVER get tired of you!” He affirmed
“How could you be so sure?” I asked
“Because I will never get tired of my life!” I blushed heavily and smiled shyly “Aww, don’t blush!”
“Shut up!” I laughed and tightened the phone next to my ear.
“Theo is sending you kisses, and the rest of the family too!” He said
“Send them kisses from me too!” I said and I could tell he was talking to someone next to him “Where are you at?” I asked
“Home with mom!” I smiled
“She’s lucky to have a son like you!” I smiled
“I know!” He said
“Wow, huge ego!” I tried to remain calm and not laugh, but it was inevitable
“I know!” I laughed a bit more.
We stood in silence for a few seconds. I was trying to spend as much time as I could with him, even if it’s just hearing his breathings. I knew the time to say goodbye was approaching. I mean, he had to spend time with his family too, they deserve him too.
“I love you!” I heard from the other side, suddenly
“Do you want to make me cry again?” I asked
“No, no! Don’t! It’ll be worst because of the panic attack, don’t cry! Breath and just tell me you love me too!” I laughed
“I love you, you crazy Irish boy, I love everything about you, I love the way you are, the way you were, and the way you will be! Make the time with your family worth okay?” I asked and he sighed.
He didn’t spoke for a few seconds. I knew he was trying to digest what I had said to him. He has so much insecurities that it hurts. Why is he so insecure that I’m a dream, or that I’ll leave him, or that I don’t love him before or after what he is now.
“Niall!” I called “I love you!” I said finally
“I know!” He said in a whisper “And I will make the time away from you worth!”
“Now go and do it then!” I smiled
“Bye!” He said
“Bye!” I breathed.
A few more seconds in silence before he hanged up. I could hear his breathings once more, and I was happy about it. It’s a way to confirm he is alive and breathing, and healthy and I can hug him when he gets back.
I put the phone back in my pocket and turned to face Danny, the Danny that was almost in tears just from looking at me. I smiled sweetly and hugged her. Because of her history with guys, I can’t blame her for being like this! The first person she said ‘I love you’ to never said it back, and she’s still kind of broken. I wouldn’t blame her, if I wasted my first ‘I love you’ with some worthless guy who completely ignored her after those words, I would kind of ruined too.
But that’s not my best friend. My best friend is a warrior and she could get over anything that stands in her way, any kind of obstacle, she would jump right over it with no difficulties seeable to people around her, only to me. I wish I could be like her, invincible, strong… But I’m weak and my weakness shows the best in tight or high places.
I looked at my ring, the golden circle around my finger that now means everything to me. It means happiness, love, freedom… It means Niall! And that’s all it took to make me smile dumbly. I am so in love with that Irish guy that it is beyond my comprehension of feelings, people or the world.
He really wanted me to officially be with him and he wanted to tell the world I was with him. I’m glad he isn’t ashamed of me… That would hurt damn much. Then I had an idea. I grabbed Danny’s hand and pulled her outside the bathroom. I had some shopping to do!
**
As my phone started ringing, I smiled, knowing who it was. It was December 23th and I knew my present had arrived earlier. I pulled the green ball to the right and connected the phone with my ear.
“Have I told you I love you?” He asked and I giggled
“Yes! Plenty of times, but I never get tired of hearing it!” I smiled
“I love it Princess!” He said, radiant “Thank you so much!”
“You know, it counts as a promise ring!” I smiled
What I sent Niall was a golden ring, thicker than mine with ‘Always’ engraved on the inside with classy and thin letters. I hoped he liked it. When I asked him for his home address in Ireland so I could sent it, he asked me why. I had to come up with a lie for him not to understand I was about to give him his Christmas present.
“I know, and I’m glad you’re as dedicated to show the world your mine, as I am dedicated to do the same with you!” He said
“Of course I want to do it!” I said “Of course I’m committed!”
“Won’t you get tired of me?” He asked, provoking me
“Never!” I breathed
“Why have you even fell for me?” He asked
“Why can’t you stop asking that question?” I asked, a bit frustrated “I only know that, at some point, you smiled and I was like ‘Shoot, I’m in love’!” I said, a bit harsher than I should have
“I think I remember the first time I truthfully smiled at you!” he said softly
“I remember too!” I said, more calmer and looking at the white wall the bedroom, being took back by the memories “Our first date on Nando’s, when I picked up the phone and said I was sorry! You smiled at me after saying that it didn’t matter” I smiled “I think you started to conquer me when that happened, the rest, was and is history!”
“That’s funny, I remember it the exact same way you do!” I smiled, blushing a bit
“I’m glad you do!” I giggled
“No!” He said on the phone, but he wasn’t talking to me “Are you crazy?!” He almost yelled “No, not by the phone!” I heard some noises on the other side of the line “C’mon, don’t…” He was cut off
“Hello!” I heard a male voice on the phone and immediately I cringed
“H-Hi!” I choked
“It’s Greg love!” I took a deep breath, a hearable deep breath “C’mon, don’t be nervous, I’m just his brother!” I giggled.
Even by the phone, I can tell Greg is just like Niall. They have the same type of energy and the accents are really similar. I think I like Irish people more than I have ever liked any other. I smiled at myself, of course l love Irish people if my boyfriend belongs to the group.
“Hi Greg!” I said sweetly
“So, I just saw some pictures of you in Niall’s phone and let me tell you, you are gorgeous!” I blushed
“No I’m not!” I said
“And that blond friend of yours too!” Danny? “That one with blue eyes and a lot of tattoos you know?”I laughed
“Are you referring to your brother?” I laughed even more
“Yes!” He started to laugh with me, uncontrollably and I heard steps, like he was walking “But more seriously now, I heard the ‘L’ word being spoken between the two of you!” I stopped laughing immediately “I never met any girlfriend of his, and I never EVER heard him say ‘I love you’ to someone!” I shivered. Knowing I was the first was a great thing, but kind of scary too. He must feel the same towards me, but ten times worst “I also know you haven’t said it to anyone, ever so I trust you’re saying the truth!” I sighed “But, you know, he isn’t the most…open person I have met so far, I just wanted to ask you to not give up on him!” I sighed again
“I’ll never give up on him Greg… I… I love him!” I said, my voice a whisper “I know he has his secrets, but I believe that, slowly, we can get through that!”
“You’re willing to wait?” He asked
“For him?” I said “Always!” I breathed
“Good!” I smiled because I had his approval “He likes his ring!” Greg said “He keeps playing with it around his finger, looking at it, smiling like the dumbass he is! Most of the time he’s spaced out. He doesn’t even hear what our mom says. He’s just sat at the table, smiling!” Greg laughed “He also told me that he gave you one for Christmas too!”
“Yes!” I answered “And I like it too!” I heard crying behind him
“Oh shit, Theo I crying! Niall…” He was cut off
“I got him!” I heard Niall’s voice.
My heart swell at the thought of him holding Theo. To me, Theo is just a smaller and younger copy of Niall. He’s so cute, just like his uncle.
“So, just another thing!” Greg said “I don’t want you think that I’m intruding on your couple life or anything…” I cut him off
“Of course not Greg, don’t worry, I’m not like that!” I said
“I’m glad!” He laughed a bit, low pitch “But anyways, I heard about your attack because of his fans!” I took a deep breath “I also know you can’t contain the panic attacks, but try and keep calm! I never saw Niall that way before, he was panicking, almost as much as I bet you were! He’s claustrophobic too you know!” I sighed. I knew that actually “I almost thought he was having a panic attack, like something was tightening around his neck and his body, but then, his entire body relaxed and I relaxed too!” He said, as if he was talking to himself “Anyways, I need you to love him as deeply as he loves you Johanna! I have no idea what he could become without you!” Greg sighed “You have no idea how he was like the previous time he was here! He was a complete wreck. He’s happier. Please, don’t let my baby brother return to what he was before!”
“Don’t worry, Greg, I don’t have any intention of leaving!” I said, trying to calm him down. I heard a voice from the other side of the phone, and I knew to whom it belonged
“I’ll have to go Johanna, see you soon I hope!” I smiled
“Bye Greg, I’m waiting for the next time I see you!”
“Hello again!” Niall spoke
“Hi!” I said sweetly
“So, I hope he didn’t scare you!” Niall said, I could bet he was biting his lip
“He didn’t! Don’t worry! I think I have to hang up Ni! You have to take care of Theo and I need to sleep a bit!”
“This early?” He asked “It’s six o’clock!”
“I didn’t have much sleep these last days!” I bit my lip
“Do you think you’ll be capable of doing it now?” He asked, confused
“Yes!” I smiled
“Why?” He asked “Where are you?”
“Your place!” I bit my lip again
He laughed and I smiled sweetly, blushing. I knew I would be capable of sleeping in his place, even if it was only a few hours. I was exhausted. I didn’t have much sleep in the last few days, since he left to be more precise. I knew that at least his smell would have to do the trick, I had to force myself to sleep. I didn’t have any coffee the entire day because of that, so I could sleep.
“I wish I could be there with you!” He whined
“Stop it!” I snorted “You’re with your amazing family, calm down and enjoy time with them, I have you for, at least, the next three months right?” I asked
“Yeah, sure!” He said, insecure
“Niall?” I asked
“It’s nothing, we’ll talk better when I get home okay?”
“Okay!” I said, sliding myself under the covers of his bed.
I was wearing one of his t-shirts so the smell would be even stronger. I rested my head in his pillow and closed my eyes for a few seconds.
“I’m wearing your t-shirt!” I whispered “And I’m in your bed!” I opened my eyes and sighed
“Do you think you can sleep?” He asked
“I-I don’t think so!” I said, sighing again
“Hey Greg!” Niall called “Hold Theo for a second would you?” He asked “Thanks bro!” I heard steps. He was walking
“Niall, what are you doing?” I asked as I heard a door closing
“Close your eyes!” He asked
I obeyed and the second I closed my eyes, he started to sing Millionaires by The Script, one of my favorite bands ever. I smiled sweetly, pulling the phone closer, smashing it against my ear with the both of my hands while my body adopted the fetal position.
“Singing our hearts out, standing on chairs, spending the time like we are millionaires, laughing our heads off, the two of us there, spending the time like we are millionaires” He sang
I smiled weakly when I heard the chorus of the song and laughed low pitched, my voice a bit dragged, my eyelids already too heavy for me
“That looks like something we would do!” I said, making him laughed
“I think so too!”
“I think I’m gonna… I’m gonna…” I took a deep breath, not being capable of finishing my phrase and fell asleep, surrounded by his scent and hearing his voice echoing in my heart.

Notes

Hey guys, so, how was your Chritmas? I hope it was good, mine was awesome!
Anyways, about the chapter, I hope yoou liked it, and give me your ideas on it, I never get tired of reading your comments :)
Love ya :3